Loving Munroe

by Danelle Nelson

  “Threw herself on you, huh? That’s a mighty nice lipstick mark for a ‘thrown’ situation. Not to mention you’re wearing THE SAME CLOTHES AS YESTERDAY! I go home for one fucking night and you invite her over to take my place. Is that how this works!?”

  “How dare you,” his eyebrows furrowed. If looks could kill, I’d be dead.

  “How dare I? How dare I!”

  “Vanessa Fox stop this nonsense right this instant.”

  The statement caused me to laugh hysterically, catching him off guard. “Fuck off, Tim. This is too much; all of this is too fucking much! You smother me, every fucking day. I’m SMOTHERED by you, never getting a moment alone. If you’re not there, Terry is up my ass. I can’t do this anymore, I can’t. I’m done. I’m so fucking done!” I stood and walked towards the door, “And I fucking quit.” I ran towards the breakroom, grabbing my things and leaving the lock behind. Tears streamed down my cheeks, hot and wet. Tim’s office was still frosted over as I pressed the down button. I turned and found Vicki staring at me, eyes wide with horror. “I quit.”

  “Don’t go, Vanessa,” Tim’s voice came from his office, the door flinging open. “Please,” it cracked, tears fell down his cheeks.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” I shook my head.

  “Please, Vanessa, I can’t live without you.”

  “Yet you let her into your apartment. You not only let her into your apartment, but you let her kiss you at some point.”

  He stopped five feet in front of me as the elevator dinged open. I stepped inside and turned around, facing him, “Yes, I let her in. I don’t know why but I did. I didn’t kiss her, though, I promise you that. Nothing happened Vanessa.”

  “The fact that you allowed her into your house is enough. Have a wonderful life, Tim.”

  The doors closed, closed on us, on our love, and on the life we could have lived. I took my cellphone out of my purse and quickly texted Nate, Please put the apartment up for rent. I’ll have my things removed by the end of the month. I opened the text conversation for my father, I’m coming home. I’ll be there by tomorrow.

  The elevator opened onto the lobby and I left. I left without looking back. I ignored Terry, who was standing on the curb in front of the sleek black SUV, and I instead hopped into a cab. “LaGuardia, please.”

  “Sure thing, Miss.”

  Chapter seven

  I watched the city lights come into view below, the airplane gently coming down from full altitude. I was home, I was in Minnesota. I was ready to see my dad, ready to forget about New York and everyone in it. Tears escaped my burning eyes, they hadn’t stopped. I hadn’t been able to stop them. I was broken. He’d brought the one person who could ever come between us into our sanctuary. Into a place we shared together, however informal it was.

  If he couldn’t see that the issue lied there, then there was no use in trying to fix things. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was tired. I was tired of being saved. Of my decisions being made for me. Nate was abandoning me, Tim had betrayed me. I had to get away from it all.

  I unloaded the plane and found my father standing at the gate. His grey hair had grown abundantly since I’d last seen him. His lock’s flowing over his head handsomely, his brown eyes frantically searching the crowd for me. Our eyes locked, and I ran, jumping into his big, burly arms and hugging him tightly. “Daddy.”

  “Shhh, sweetheart. I’ve got you. Let’s go home, huh?”

  I nodded, getting onto my feet and walking beside him, “I’m sorry I’ve come on such short notice, I didn’t mean to pop back into your life like this.”

  “You popping into my life will never be a problem, sweetheart. I’ll drop everything should you ever need me.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. I’ve missed you terribly.”

  “I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. Should we stop by Sally’s on the way home?”

  Sally’s was a small dinner a mile from our home. We’d traditionally gone to eat there any time someone was leaving or returning from a long hiatus. The last time we’d went was before I left for New York, it was only right that we ate there this morning. “Of course,” I smiled.

  “I thought you might agree,” he grinned, “I’ve asked Mary-Lou to hold our booth.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  We arrived at Sally’s a short hour after my plane landed, the familiar old booth in the corner of the restaurant waiting for us.

  “Jolly be, Vanessa you’re home!” Ms. Mary-Lou exclaimed as we walked through the old, creaky door.

  “Hey Mary-Lou,” my father tipped his hat.

  “Hey Ms. Mary-Lou,” I echoed, smiling. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. Has all been well?”

  “Oh yes, dear, you know things here don’t change much. But you, living in that big city, you have to tell me all about it!” She gently placed two old, worn plastic menus in front of us. It was more out of habit than need, though, as my father and I ordered the same meals each time we came.

  “It’s horrible,” I stuck my tongue out in disgust, “They place their trash in the street on garbage days. They don’t even have garbage cans, Mary.”

  “You don’t say, dear? Should have known I guess! This man you’re seeing though, he’s a big time, no?”

  I cringed, “Tim? I guess. We’re no longer together, though. Hence why I’m home.” I shrugged.

  “Oh dear. Here I go opening my mouth like usual. I’m sorry, kiddo. You’re a beautiful girl with a good head between your shoulders. That man doesn’t know what he’s losing out on.”

  Her words were meant as comfort, though they brought none, “Thank you.”

  “You know we’d like our usual, Mary-Lou. Please, we won’t be needing the menus,” my father chimed in.

  “Of course, Willy. Silly me. Let me grab those right up for you. Milkshakes as well today?”

  “You know we can’t say no to those fabulous chocolate milkshakes you make,” Daddy grinned.

  I had watched the two interact for as long as I could remember, yet I’d never seen the genuine smiles and laughs that were being thrown around today. My dad seemed happy. As Mary-Lou walked away I leaned inwards, “Are you two?”

  “Vanessa!” his face reddened, “That is none of your business.”

  “Oh my god, Daddy! Why didn’t you tell me!”

  “I haven’t talked to you much lately,” he shrugged. “I told you that man was taking it too far, you should have trusted me.”

  “That’s not why I left, Daddy.”

  “What did he do?”

  “The tabloids got pictures of his ex leaving his house yesterday morning. A house he’d never brought anyone but me into. He broke our trust, he betrayed me. All because I stayed at my own apartment the night prior. I needed a break, Daddy. I needed space and some time to think.”

  “Hmm, did you ask for an explanation?”

  “I did. When I went into work he pulled me into the office for lunch. Only when we sat down he had a lipstick stain on his shirt. He hadn’t changed from the day prior. He said she threw herself onto him. You know what though,” I paused as Mary-Lou dropped our chocolate shakes off at the table, “I’m not angry about that. I’m angry that he made a big deal about bringing me home. About sharing his house with me, only to bring her there the moment I need space.”

  “You feel betrayed,” my father nodded, while taking a sip of the shake.

  “I do.”

  “Do you know for certain that he invited her there?”

  “No,” I paused, blood rushing to my cheeks, “But who’s side are you on here?”

  “Stop it, Vanessa. I’m only asking questions. You know I’ll always be on your side, even if you’re wrong. That doesn’t mean I cannot give you good counsel, huh?”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so snappy.”

  “How’s Nate feel about you moving back? The guy must be crushed to lose you again.”

  “Nates getting married, actually,” I let out a small, hysterical laugh.


  “Married to whom?”

  “Anastasia. A woman he met at the network when he first got hired. She’s a story for another time, but I am not happy. On top of it he wants me to officiate. He knows I don’t like her, he knows it.”

  “I think you’ve forgotten that the world doesn’t revolve around you, sweetheart. Nate’s a grown up, he can make his own decisions on whom he dates, whom he loves. I’m sure he wants your approval, but your approval won’t change his mind. You love that boy for some god-forsaken reason, continue to do so. A wife doesn’t change the man.”

  I was starting to feel like coming back wasn’t such a good idea, “Who’s side are you on, Daddy?”

  “Yours, sweetheart. But Nates like a son to me as well, you know that.”

  The tears started flowing once more--my emotions being too much to control, “I didn’t tell him I was coming back. I told him I’d be moving out and that he could place the apartment up for sale, which he’d wanted to do, but I didn’t tell him why. How could I?”

  “You can tell that man you’ve killed his own mother and he’d probably help you hide the body, Ness. You’re being overtly irrational right now. What’s wrong with you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You need to figure your shit out. I’m happy to help,” Mary-Lou arrived at the table with our food—two large plates of eggs, bacon, and sourdough toast. I loved sourdough toast, almost as much as I loved my father.

  “I know,” I spread the assorted fruit jam over a slice, “It’s why I’m here.”

  My phone dinged with an incoming text message, I picked it up to see Nates name, Where in the hell are you? Tim’s scouring the city trying to find you.

  I came home. I wrote back simply. He’d know where home was.

  My dad’s phone dinged a few seconds later, “Nate?”

  “Yeah, how’d you know?” My dad asked, eyebrow raised.

  “I just texted him that I came home,” I sighed. “Tell him I’m okay, but I need some time to myself.”

  Are you going to tell Tim that you left? He messaged me soon after.

  Yes. When I’m ready. Let him know that he’s more than welcome to message me, instead of bugging you. I’ve been gone twenty-four hours and I haven’t received one text or phone call from him.

  I looked up to find my dad watching me intently. “Just pointing out to Nate that Tim hasn’t even tried contacting me. He’s apparently blowing up Nates phone though.”

  “He’s smart,” Dad pointed out, “You’re like your mother, Vanessa. If Tim flooded your phone with worry, you’d ignore him. He knows better, as did I.”

  Daddy didn’t talk about Mom much anymore, but when he did it was to compare our similarities. “Do you miss her?”

  “More than you’ll ever know, sweetheart.”

  Chapter eight

  Daddy had kept my room the same as when I’d left. Half packed and insanely messy. I’d always meant to take a weekend and fly back once I’d gotten a job and been settled, but being with Tim I had never found the time.

  Now I supposed I should unpack it all, before the bulk of the boxes arrived from New York. I’d been calling moving companies all day, only to find them insanely expensive. I guessed I’d need to fly back and move them myself, maybe giving Daddy a tour of the city before leaving for good. I’d spent the remainder of the day locked away, sitting on my bed and denying the world around me. I didn’t want to deal with any of it, if I was being honest. I almost wouldn’t mind losing all of my belongings, if it meant not going back. I knew that was unrealistic, though. I’d saved almost all of my money from the job—being with Tim had left me not paying for anything. I had enough savings that I didn’t even have to start working right away. Hell, I wouldn’t have to work for at least a year! Though Daddy wouldn’t be ok with that.

  I was blaring r&b music through my decade old stereo, crying and singing my lungs out. Music was in my opinion the best therapy and mostly free. The sun had just started to set, the stars beginning to light the night sky. When I was a child we’d sit out in the middle of the lawn around a fire, telling stories and watching the stars. Sometimes I’d be lucky enough to spot a falling one, making a wish that usually never came true. It was the joy of being a child that made it magical, but I wanted to feel it one more time. I stood, walking to the living room where Daddy was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, “Daddy,” I started, causing him to turn and face me. “Can we sit around the fire tonight?”

  “Of course, sweetheart. I cut a few trees up before you came. Your timing couldn’t have been better. Let’s get out there. You know where the chairs are.”

  I nodded and turned, making my way outside to the small shed that sat at the rear of the house. I grabbed our two chairs and walked to the middle of the yard, the old homemade fire pit sitting dustily on the floor. He hadn’t used it in a while. I set the chairs down and walked to the rear of the house, grabbing some logs and bringing them back. I placed them in the pit just as Daddy arrived, lighter, fire sticks, and marshmallows in hand. “No chocolate?” I laughed.

  “No, but Mary-Lou could bring some if you really want it.” When he spoke of her, his whole being lit up. It was nice seeing him so happy.

  “Sure. Tell her not to forget the graham crackers.”

  “Alright, let me just get this started,” he bent down, placing the fire-starting log in the middle of the bundle of wood and lighting it carefully. It sparked, catching flame quickly. The small blue flame licked the surrounding logs, catching the dry wood and turning the pile into a large, blazing warmth. I sat down, rubbing my hands and placing them towards the fire. The heat was amazing, tingling and satisfying. I missed this. I missed being able to come outside to silence, to coming outside and being alone.

  “If I ever give you the impression that I’m thinking of moving back to New York, please remind me of what I’m giving up,” I laughed, as my father began heading back inside.

  “I’ll hold you to that, sweetheart.” I watched him through the large kitchen window as he grabbed the telephone, calling Mary-Lou and asking her to bring the needed supplies. It made me smile, the grin that erupted on his face while he spoke with her.

  It also made me want to cry. Was Daddy right? Was I being over-sensitive to the entire situation? He brought her to our sanctuary. He brought her, however innocent, to our home. I may not have officially moved in, and we may not be married, but we’d shared that house since the day Matt broke into my apartment. It wasn’t mentioned, but it didn’t need to be. How could I just disregard that? They’d fucked for ten years; not once did he bring her home. Why start now?

  I felt a hot tear roll down my cold cheek, and I wiped it away with my sleeve. I bit my lip, using my will power to stop crying. I didn’t want to upset Daddy, and I’d be able to cry by myself tonight when I went to bed.

  “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

  I jumped, “Fine,” I sniffled.

  “It’s okay to be emotional, Ness. It’s okay if you can’t hold it together. I’m your dad, you can cry to your hearts desire in front of me. Then we’ll make these smores.”

  “Is Mary-Lou on her way?”

  “Sure is. She’s going to stop by the supermarket and come straight here. I can’t tell you how happy she makes me,” his voice trailed off, we were charting new territory tonight.

  “I saw the smile. I’m so happy for you, Daddy. I’ve always wanted you to find someone who could make you happy. Someone who could complete you,” I wiped the end of my nose, “I know you loved Mom, but it’s okay to move on.”

  “The guilt I feel is something I’ve never thought I could deal with. Its still hard, but Mary-Lou understands. Thank you for understanding, Vanessa, it means the world to your old man.”

  I got up and walked to him, embracing him in a hug, “I love you, Daddy.” The tears began falling once more, as I was unable to stop them. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Who really knows what to do in this world,
though? You’ll never make everyone happy, and the most you can expect is happiness within yourself. You’ll go crazy otherwise.”

  “How do I know if I’m over reacting?”

  “Well you quit a job that paid you over one-hundred thousand a year because of a man. That might be your first clue.”

  “I know…but he broke my trust. Plus, he smothers me. I’m under his eye at work, I’m under his eye twenty-four seven. I can’t deal with that anymore.”

  “Did you talk to him about it, Vanessa?”

  “No—I was going to, but then the pictures showed up on the tabloids and I lost my cool.”

  “Well your first step should be talking to the man. He doesn’t deserve your blow up just like you don’t deserve him not trusting you.”

  “Do you think its because he doesn’t trust me?” I’d never thought of that. I always thought it was more for protection.

  “In my professional experience, very rarely does a man go to such great lengths to keep their eye on someone unless broken trust is involved. The question should be why he doesn’t trust you.”

  “Hmph.” I snorted, “He doesn’t have a valid reason not to trust me.”

  “Well then there’s a problem there, Vanessa. You’ll never figure it out though if you’re not willing to talk.”

  “I’ll talk with him, Daddy. I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  “Just don’t get any crazy ideas, though. I don’t need you leaving just yet.”

  “Deal.”

  Mary-Lou appeared a mere thirty minutes later, a bag of marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers in hand. We sat around the fire until midnight, laughing and eating. It was soul-warming. It was exactly what I’d been missing. I had left my cellphone inside my room, and when we disbursed at the end of the night it’s the first thing I checked on.

  Baby-cakes, you there? Nate had left me multiple texts, along with telephone calls and voicemails. I opened the first, ‘Ness, its Nate. Please call me back. I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all night. It’s important. Very important.’ The emphasis on very sent a chill through my spine. Instead of listening to the remaining I dialed his number.