Times of Our Lives

by Jane Waterton

  Excusing herself, Daphne walked over to join Bella and Pat. They too had seen Sparrow walk in and were both keenly watching Daphne’s reaction. As Daphne sat in the chair next to Pat, she gave a deep sigh.

  Fixing her with a long look, Pat motioned towards Sparrow. “So, what are you going to do about her?”

  Daphne’s focus remained directed at the women standing with Sparrow. Before she had a chance to respond, peals of laughter arose from the group and Daphne winced, her gut clenching at the way Helen possessively placed an arm around Sparrow to whisper into her ear.

  Leaning in to better make her point, Pat said, “It’s simple, Daphne. You either want to be with her, or you don’t. Just stop messing about and make up your mind.”

  Nodding resolutely at her friends, Daphne stood. “Well, I’m damned if I’m going to stand by and watch Helen push me out of the way.” Handing her drink to Pat, she took a deep breath.

  Smiling, Pat took the proffered glass “Remember what I said. Just tell her what’s in your heart.”

  Sparrow turned and Daphne’s eyes locked on to her as she drew closer. Neither appeared conscious of anyone else in the room. Standing this close to Sparrow again made Daphne feel like a tongue-tied fourteen-year-old. Everything she meant to say flew right out of her head.

  Helen moved into Daphne’s sight, blocking her path to Sparrow and bringing her resolutely back to earth.

  “Daphne, I didn’t think you would be here tonight,” Helen drawled with a condescending smile.

  Taking a deep breath, Daphne eyeballed Helen. As much as she wanted to wipe the superior look off her face, Daphne forced a smile, glancing over Helen’s shoulder at Sparrow.

  “If you don’t mind, I have something I need to discuss with Sparrow…alone,” she said quietly.

  Helen moved into Daphne’s space. “Frankly, I don’t think Sparrow has anything she wants to say to you, so it might be less embarrassing for you if you just walk away.”

  Sparrow placed her hand on Helen’s arm, drawing her away from Daphne. “I’m sorry, Helen, but I think it’s important that Daphne and I talk.”

  Helen spoke softly. “You don’t have to talk to her, you know. If you are uncomfortable here, we can just go back to my place.”

  Sparrow smiled briefly at Daphne, indicating that she would be with her in a moment, then turned back to Helen apologetically.

  “I’m sorry, Helen,” she said softly. “I am fond of you as a friend, but as lovers it would never work. Daphne and I need to sort out our relationship. Please try and understand.”

  Letting out a sigh, Helen nodded sadly, leant into Sparrow and kissed her on the cheek. “You’re a very special woman, and for what it’s worth, I hope the two of you work it out. If you ever change your mind, though,” she whispered, “you know where I am.”

  Sparrow turned and stepped towards Daphne and together they walked into the garden. The warm evening carried the scent of roses and night jasmine, and music from the party spilled softly into the garden. Sparrow regarded Daphne carefully for a moment, a hint of defiance in her eyes.

  “Well, what is it you want to discuss?” she finally asked.

  Recognising the hurt etched on Sparrow’s face, Daphne felt her heart constrict. “I have been such a damned fool, Sparrow. I’ve spent so much time alone over the past ten years, telling myself that I never wanted to be hurt again, that I forgot what living was all about. Then you came into my life and I wanted you so much it scared me to death. You seemed so sure about everything; it all seemed so easy for you. I ran because I was scared, because my old familiar life, as dreary as it was, was safe.” Close to tears, Daphne looked across at Sparrow. “But I’ve missed you so much and been so damned miserable these last weeks…” Straightening her shoulders and taking a deep breath, she continued, “Well, if this is what happens when I play it safe, then to hell with it. I love you and I swear, if you can forgive me, I will never run out on you again.”

  Sparrow shook her head in frustration, pulling her shawl around her shoulders. “Easy? You think it was easy for me? Do you seriously believe I wasn’t scared? Just because I seemed sure didn’t mean I was. I spent whole days wondering if being in a relationship with you, or anyone for that matter, was the right thing to do. But despite all my doubts and fears, what kept me going, was that I believed in us.” Sparrow’s voice broke. “You have no idea how incredibly hurt I was when you pushed me away, because it meant that you didn’t share that belief. I felt so rejected, so humiliated, and so alone.”

  “Well, I notice that Helen seems to be more than happy to keep you company,” Daphne sulked.

  Sparrow put her hands on her hips, anger lacing her voice. “Yes, you’re right. Helen is wonderfully entertaining and she seems to have no problem with committing herself to a relationship, especially with me. However, it seems to have escaped your notice that Helen, as attentive as she is, is not the person I love.”

  Daphne felt her heart race as their eyes met. “You still love me, even after the way I behaved?” she asked hesitantly, her breath catching at the enormity of her question.

  Sparrow’s anger crumbled at the love in Daphne’s eyes. She reached for Daphne’s hand, clasping it in both of hers as she clutched it to her chest.

  “Honey, loving someone is like a deal with the devil; there’s good and bad, but whatever happens, you can’t change what you feel. I still can’t believe that I’ve been given another chance at love. Yes, of course I love you, or I wouldn’t be out here having this conversation with you.” Reaching for Daphne’s other hand, she smiled. “Let’s take it with both hands and never let go.”

  Daphne bent and kissed her, and as their lips touched, a warm glow ran through her body. Breaking from their kiss with a contented sigh, Sparrow looked back towards the games room.

  “Listen,” she said softly as the strains of Chely Wright’s “What If We Fly” floated into the garden, “I think they may be playing our song.”

  Daphne put her arms around Sparrow, drawing her close, relishing the feel of Sparrow’s body against hers. Their bodies moved in time to the music, pausing only to exchange soft kisses and murmur their love for each other.

  “Do you think anyone would mind if we quietly left this party and headed home?” Daphne finally asked.

  “I’m sure they would all much prefer that to finding us naked in the garden, which is what will happen very soon if I don’t get you somewhere private,” Sparrow breathed, running her hands along Daphne’s back.

  Daphne tilted Sparrow’s face up and placed a tender kiss on her lips. “Then take me home and let me show you how much I’ve missed you.”

  CHAPTER 24

  Allie sampled a piece of one of the macadamia prawn cakes she had set to cool on the kitchen bench and nodded her approval. To her delight, it was even better than the recipe had suggested. Placing the golden cakes on a plate, she covered them with Glad Wrap to take to Bella and Pat’s later. As she searched for room in the fridge, she glanced over the multitude of dishes ready to be stacked in the freezer, evidence of her marathon cooking spree over the last few days.

  Allie was still trying to process the ‘almost kiss’. Now with the aftermath of Meg’s heart attack, she was feeling so completely distracted that her only protection was to immerse herself in her kitchen. While she diced, blended, measured and created, she found herself able to think more clearly and allowed the routine of her craft to soothe her enough to regain a sense of control. Now, more than ever, she clung to that sense of balance, because everything felt as if it was in total free fall.

  Since Meg’s heart attack, she had hidden herself away at home, not wanting to talk to anyone, refusing all invitations and visitors. Finally, this week, a very determined Bella had refused to be turned away.

  “Allie, Pat and I are worried about you and we insist that you come to dinner,” Bella had said, sitting at Alli
e’s kitchen table sharing a pot of tea. Looking at her friend, she’d gently wiped away a smudge of flour from Allie’s cheek. “You can’t keep hiding in your kitchen.”

  “It’s the only thing that helps, Bella. I keep telling myself that if I keep doing what I love, a sense of order will take over and I will be back in control and able to think rationally about it all.” Looking around her kitchen at the myriad of pots and pans bubbling on the stove, Allie had let out a big sigh.

  Bella had shaken her head. “There is an Italian expression, cibo nutre il vostro stomaco, amici nutrono la tua anima, that roughly translates as ‘food feeds your stomach, but friends feed your soul’.’” Taking Allie’s hand in both of hers, Bella had leant in. “Come for dinner, bring some of the wonderful product of all this confusion and let Pat and I help you through this. It’s only us, Allie.”

  Allie knew that Bella was right. She did need to be around the people who cared for her, who might be able to help her make sense of this mess. She also knew she needed to do something before Meg’s return to the village in the next few days.

  While cleaning up her kitchen, she once again tried to sort through the tangle of emotions taunting her. She wanted to be happy that the surgery had been successful and that Meg had recovered so well, but a greater part of her emotions were stuck on the fact that the heart attack should never have happened in the first place. That because of Meg’s stubborn pride and inability to trust her…

  There it was again, the one thing she kept coming back to: despite everything they’d been through together over the last forty years, Meg had endangered her own life rather than trust Allie to help her. Well, damn her, she thought, throwing the dishcloth in the sink with force. She was done with fretting about Meg.

  Allie looked around her kitchen. Bella was right; she had hidden herself away for far too long. It was time she got out, relaxed and enjoyed an evening with her two good friends.

  CHAPTER 25

  Bella finished preparing the salads and placed them carefully in the fridge. Looking out the kitchen window, she watched Pat fire up the barbeque. Complete with her “Kiss the Cook” apron, Pat was a picture of efficient organisation as she laid out her barbeque utensils. It had been such a hot day that they’d decided an al fresco sunset meal under the pergola would be ideal. Pat had set up several citronella candles around the table to keep the mosquitos at bay and their flickering flames cast an inviting light over the tablecloth and place settings.

  Pat came back inside and walked over to the fridge to grab a cold beer.

  “You need help with anything, sweetie?” she asked.

  Bella finished wiping down the benches. “No, cara, the salads are made, the potatoes have been precooked and are ready for the barbeque and the steaks are marinating in the fridge.”

  Pat took a long drink of her beer. “I am just waiting for the barbeque to heat up a little more, and then I’ll drop in the potatoes.”

  Hearing the doorbell chime, Bella walked down the hallway and opened the door for Allie.

  “Welcome, Allie,” she greeted, motioning her into the cool hallway. Taking Allie’s proffered plate and placing it on the hall table, Bella enveloped her in a long hug and then kissed both her cheeks. “We are so glad you came.”

  Allie returned the hug and kisses. “So am I,” she replied, smiling fondly.

  Pat joined them, also wrapping Allie in a welcoming hug. “I suspect, knowing the love of my life as I do, that you weren’t given much of a choice.” She grinned.

  Laughing, Allie picked up the plate and followed her friends into the living room.

  “No, you were right. I’ve been hiding myself away and ignoring my friends. It’s high time I rejoined the world. If anything, I am grateful that you both care so much about me,” she confessed.

  Taking the plate from Allie, Bella peeked under the cover. “Does this need heating up? What is it that smells so delicious?”

  “Macadamia prawn cakes and yes, you can heat them, but I thought it might be better to eat them cold.” Digging into her bag, Allie brought out a small bottle. “I’ve also brought some dressing we can have with them.”

  While Bella transferred the cakes to a serving platter, Allie accepted a glass of wine from Pat and followed her out to the pergola, where she sat at the small patio table as Pat dropped potatoes into the barbeque.

  “This is such a beautiful area now. The two of you have done a wonderful job.”

  Pat smiled. “Well, Bella had this idea in her head of what she wanted this area to look like. I’m just so glad I was able to create the reality for her. It’s been a real haven for her since she’s been sick.”

  With her glass of wine in hand, Allie relaxed back in her chair and watched Pat at the barbeque. Obviously happy with the progress of the potatoes, she carefully placed the three marinated steaks on the grill. The sizzle and aroma made Allie aware of just how hungry she was. Her stomach growled as Pat turned the steaks and prepared the potatoes for serving.

  “So, andiamo,” Bella exclaimed as she carried platters of food out from the kitchen and placed them on the table. “Let’s eat.”

  As Bella and Pat sang the praises of the prawn cakes and the wine began to take effect, Allie felt herself truly relaxing. The succulent meal and laughter at Pat’s endless stories made her realise how much she had missed the company of true friends.

  “Oh, I don’t think I could eat another mouthful,” Allie declared several hours later as she finished her dessert. “That was a truly wonderful meal.”

  “It’s hard to beat a good old Aussie barbeque,” Pat agreed.

  “Or a wonderful Italian tiramasu,” Bella reminded her.

  “Tonight’s meal was indeed the perfect blending of cultures,” Pat announced with mock formality. She rose to clear the table, brushing off Allie’s offer of assistance. “No, you stay and keep Bella company. I have this under control.”

  “So, cara, tell me, how you are doing?” Bella asked quietly, as Pat busied herself with clean up in the kitchen.

  Allie took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts.

  “I have no idea,” she admitted with a half laugh. “I’ve cooked enough food to feed the village for a month in the hope that it will somehow help me get my emotions in order, but although it has worked in the past, all it’s done this time is fill up my freezer and given me indigestion. I’m still no closer to resolving how I feel. I am so tired of being angry with Meg. One minute I want to march right up to her and tell her what I think, and the next…I’m terrified of seeing her and want to run away. None of it seems to make any sense.”

  “Are you still angry with her for not trusting you?”

  Allie nodded, sipping her wine. “I was at first; now I’m just sad. If she had told me what she was going through I could have helped her, but she refused. I can only assume that she cares so little for me that she preferred to risk dying,” she said bitterly.

  Bella looked up to see Pat standing quietly in the doorway, listening. At Pat’s subtle nod, Bella leant in closer to her friend.

  “You know, trust is a strange thing, Allie. It takes time to develop and it is incredibly fragile. If you trust someone, you have to admit your vulnerability and in some situations that is not easy to do.”

  “Obviously it is far too hard for Meg to admit,” Allie snapped.

  Looking across to Pat for support, Bella tried again. “Remember when I was going through the chemotherapy treatment and Pat and I were having problems with her trying to protect me?”

  Allie nodded cautiously, not sure where this conversation was going. “Yes, we talked at length about it the day I came for lunch.”

  “She was so terrified of anything happening to me that rather than risk me not coping, she just removed everything and everyone from around me, in the hope of keeping me safe.”

  “Which, I remember, infuriated yo
u,” Allie said seriously.

  “Exactly, because I felt as if Pat didn’t trust me enough to tell her if I wasn’t coping.”

  Allie frowned, thinking about Bella’s words. “So what you’re saying is that Meg thought she was keeping me safe by keeping her illness from me?”

  Pat took her seat next to Allie. “Sometimes it’s impossible to know what to do when you are in a situation like that. The last thing she would have wanted to do was hurt you.”

  “But that’s ridiculous,” Allie retorted. “It’s not the same thing at all… I mean, you and Bella are in love with each other.”

  “Yes, we are, and sometimes, that’s what people do when they’re in love,” Bella quietly confirmed, her eyes never leaving Allie’s face.

  Allie’s eyes widened and she felt her heart stutter as she took in the meaning of her friend’s words.

  Drawing her chair closer to Allie, Bella put an arm around her. “Has it really never occurred to you before?”

  Allie sat stunned. Suddenly so many things fell into place, the realisation leaving her breathless.

  Shaking her head, she whispered, “She loves me? I mean, as in…real love?”

  “Si.” Bella smiled. “Very much as in real love.”

  Allie looked at her friends in confusion. “Wait, how did you two know?’

  “Sweetie, I think the only person who didn’t know, or at least didn’t acknowledge it, was you,” said Pat with a smile

  Bella watched Allie carefully. “The six million dollar question is, do you love Meg?”

  Allie sat back in her chair. Her head was spinning; she couldn’t seem to grasp any solid thoughts. Looking back, Allie found it inconceivable that she had not realised Meg’s feelings for her.

  “I…I’m not sure. I don’t know,” she stuttered. “It never occurred to me that she loved me…not like that. I mean, she could have any woman she wanted.” Allie stared out at the garden, remembering. “I was crazy about her when we first met,” she began softly. “We talked about it once, but somehow we both decided that we would make better friends than lovers. I just pushed my feelings for her away after that. I guess I buried them so deep that I was able to ignore them.”