Times of Our Lives

by Jane Waterton

  Allie shook her head at the memory. That was so typical of Meg. She had an ability to just walk away from lovers when relationships ended, seemingly without a backwards glance. Allie, on the other hand, usually weighed up the pros and cons, discussed, agonised and changed her mind at least twenty times. Finally, in frustration, Meg would ask her the same question: “Do you love her?”

  Thinking back on the relationships she’d had over the years, Allie could honestly say that while there were several women she had been seriously in lust with, there weren’t any that she had truly loved. There was only one person in her life she had loved, one person she knew better than she knew herself and trusted with her life.

  “Meg!” she whispered into the cool quiet of the deserted beer garden.

  As she finally acknowledged the reality, Allie felt the last of her defences crumble. Now it was out in the open, Allie knew she had to take the biggest risk of her life.

  Leaving her half-drunk wine, she walked back to her rented room, collected her bags, checked out and headed home.

  CHAPTER 28

  Allie hesitantly knocked on Meg’s front door, still unsure exactly what she was going to say. How do you tell someone you have known for decades that you love her without sounding like an idiot? What if Bella was wrong and Meg didn’t love her the same way? She could be about to make a total fool of herself. What if...?

  “Allie. You’re back.” Meg’s shock at seeing Allie made her words sharper than she’d intended.

  Allie stepped back, her dismay at Meg’s tone clear on her face.

  Meg shook her head in frustration, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. Please, come in.”

  The two women stared at each other, neither seemingly able to move. Eventually, Meg broke the spell and stepped back to usher Allie inside. In the living room, Allie stood whilst Meg poured her a glass of wine.

  “Should you be drinking?” Allie asked, frowning, indicating the half-empty glass by Meg’s chair.

  Meg shrugged. “I’m allowed to have one glass every couple of days, at least for the next couple of months.”

  “So, how are you?” asked Allie curtly, accepting the glass Meg handed her.

  Meg studied her friend with concern. Allie had lost weight and looked gaunt and tired.

  “Well I certainly feel better than you look,” she responded with her usual honesty, taking a seat in her armchair.

  Allie’s pent up anger exploded. “Well that’s bloody marvellous! That has probably got a lot to do with the fact that you’ve been in hospital for the last five weeks, having everyone running around after you, while the rest of us were worrying ourselves sick.”

  Meg started to speak and then stopped, at a loss. Finally she said, “I’m so sorry, Allie. I know I should have told you what was happening to me.”

  “Yes, you damn well should have!” Allie put the glass down on the table and glared at Meg. “You had no right to push me away. For heaven’s sake, what did you think I was going to do? After all the enquiries I made and the conversations we had, how did you not understand that I was concerned about you? I knew there was something wrong, Meg. Why the hell wouldn’t you talk to me?”

  Meg sat with her head bowed, cradling her wine, speechless.

  “I thought you were going to die, Meg. When I saw you on that gurney before they took you to hospital, I thought I’d lost you and I was bloody terrified. Have you any idea what that feels like?” Allie turned away, walking towards the window as tears threatened to choke her. “And then...” She gave a mocking laugh. “Oh, then I found out that the whole thing could have been prevented, if you’d told someone what you were experiencing. Imagine, if you can, how that made me feel?” Lowering her voice, she spoke through gritted teeth, “Right there and then, I was so furious with you, I almost wished you had died.”

  Meg blanched. Allie’s words hung in the air. She had seen Allie angry in the past, but never this angry and never, ever had the anger been directed towards her.

  “For weeks, wherever I went, people were asking me for details about your heart attack, as if I might actually know something.” Allie leant her head against the cool window and clenched her fists. “I desperately wanted to hate you. You have no idea how bloody hard I tried,” Allie choked.

  She heard a small sob and turned to look at Meg, shocked to see tears running down her face. Instantly, her anger evaporated. Slumping onto the sofa, she dropped her head into her hands, then looked across at Meg’s tear-stained face and gave a small smile.

  “No matter how hard I tried, though, I just couldn’t hate you. Do you know how hard it is to hate someone you are in love with?” she asked quietly.

  Meg wiped her cheeks, dabbed at her eyes and returned Allie’s gaze. Emotion vibrated around them, like an electrical current bridging the gap between them. Meg rose from her chair, holding Allie’s gaze as she walked the few feet to the sofa, then sat next to her. Taking Allie’s hands, she held them close to her chest.

  “I am so sorry, my darling. You’re right. I was being stupid and selfish and not thinking about you at all. I was thinking about me, and the fact that I wanted to be strong and not give in to weakness. I am so, so sorry that I caused you so much pain.”

  Allie sighed and squeezed Meg’s hand. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, when are you going to learn that you aren’t bloody superwoman?” Exhaustion crept into her voice as she continued, “I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you. I don’t know how I would have ever kept going.” Letting go of Meg’s hand, Allie gave a small shrug. “Knowing that, I actually don’t know if I can just continue the way we were. I really don’t.”

  Taking a deep breath, Allie chose her next words carefully, praying she was making the right decision. “I have spent a lot of time thinking about our history and I realise that, whilst what you did was incredibly stupid, you are not the only one at fault here.” Lifting Meg’s chin with her hand, she looked directly into her eyes. “I’m in love with you, Meg. I have always been in love with you, but I have never been confident enough to acknowledge it to myself, let alone to you. What I need to know now is, do you love me?”

  Meg’s eyes widened, a flash of fierceness lighting up her expression. She leant over and took Allie’s face in her hands, drawing her lips to her as she whispered, “More than anyone in the world.”

  How did I not know that Meg’s lips would be so soft? Allie wondered as she surrendered to the demanding mouth moving against hers. She felt like Alice in Wonderland, falling, falling, falling through the rabbit hole. All she was aware of was Meg’s voice softly saying her name over and over again, like a prayer, as she spilled kisses over her cheeks and down her neck. This was what she had been missing all those years; holding Meg like this felt like coming home. She lifted her head, stroking Meg’s face, and the desire radiating from her left Allie breathless.

  Together they moved to the bedroom, slowly, taking their time, pausing to seek one another’s lips time and again. They were soon standing beside Meg’s bed, whispering endearments, encouraging, wanting, hands and lips moving in synchronicity. Allie felt Meg’s hesitation as she began to remove her shirt.

  “The operation, I have to be careful…” she began.

  Seeing the fear in Meg’s eyes, Allie paused, laying a finger against Meg’s lips. “Trust me, my darling.”

  Meg smiled slowly, gently stroking Allie’s cheek. “I do. I trust you more than anyone in the world. I always have.”

  As the shadows of the encroaching evening crept over the comforter covering the two women, Allie stirred in Meg’s arms.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?” she asked quietly.

  Tracing her fingers over the back of Allie’s hand, Meg shook her head. “Oh, you have no idea how many times I tried, but I never quite knew how. We had settled into such a comfortable space with one another. I nearly summoned up
the courage several times, but then failed at the last minute. I was terrified you’d reject me and then I would lose it all; you and our friendship. As the years went on, it just seemed easier to ignore my feelings. Then one day, I talked myself into taking the risk. It was the week of your thirty-fifth birthday. I had spent days practising what I was going to say to you and even had a romantic surprise dinner booked. I told myself that if you said no, it would be all right, we would still be friends. I rang to invite you to dinner…”

  Allie closed her eyes, groaning as she remembered. “And I told you that I couldn’t because I was going to dinner with this wonderful new woman I’d met. Oh, Meg…”

  Meg shrugged. “I told myself it was a small setback. You hadn’t been in a real relationship for several years. I figured it would last a few weeks, as usual, and then I could try again. Imagine my complete shock when you announced several months later that the two of you were moving in together.”

  Allie’s eyes widened and she sat up, staring at Meg intently. “That’s why you suddenly took off to France.”

  “I never liked that bloody woman anyway, but it was so hard to be around you and see you so happy. I know, it sounds strange, but I loved you so much it hurt. I tried for a while, but when it became obvious that she was using you and you refused to listen to me, I got incredibly angry and decided to get as far away as possible. I had this crazy notion that you would come to your senses and come after me.” Meg rolled her eyes. “When you didn’t, well…I guess I decided that it was just all a pipe dream.”

  Allie linked her fingers through Meg’s. “You came back, though, in the end,” she said softly, nestling once more in Meg’s arms.

  Meg smiled sadly. “Yes, my darling, but I came back with a protective shield around my heart. I couldn’t bear being away from you any longer, so I decided I just had to hide my feelings. I thought I was doing fairly well, but apparently there are others around who aren’t so easily fooled.”

  “I can’t believe we have both been such fools for so long! You know, for two smart women, we have been pretty damned stupid.”

  Meg drew Allie closer. “Maybe, but I tend to think that things work out the way they’re meant to. Whatever the past is, we can’t change it. We can only go forward.”

  “Well,” said Allie, running her hands over Meg’s body, “at least we will be doing that together.”

  CHAPTER 29

  Upon returning from their early morning walk, Sparrow and Daphne decided to call in on Meg to see if she wanted to join them for dinner that evening. They hadn’t had a chance to catch up with her since she had been released from hospital and they wanted to make sure she was settling back in comfortably. Just as they reached Meg’s cottage, Sparrow stopped.

  “Allie’s back,” she noted, indicating the small, blue hatchback parked in the opposite driveway.

  “Well, she had to come back sooner or later,” Daphne replied. “I mean, it’s not as if she could stay away forever. I still say there is a lot more going on with those two than they’ll admit, though what they’re waiting for is beyond me.”

  “Well, honey, they just have to work it out themselves. All we can do is be here and support them. If they decide to just be friends, there’s not much we can do about it.”

  “Well, I hope now that Meg is back, they sort out their problems. I would hate to see the potential for such a strong relationship not work out.”

  Daphne knocked on Meg’s door. When there was no response, Sparrow checked her watch.

  “Maybe it’s too early. I mean, it is only eight-fifteen on a Sunday morning. Maybe we should go and come back a bit later?”

  Daphne chewed her lip. “Well, as long as she’s not in trouble. But what if something has happened to her and she has had another attack? I’m knocking again.”

  Daphne knocked more forcibly, calling out Meg’s name as she did so. Finally, the door opened to reveal a somewhat dishevelled Meg glaring at them.

  “You two do know it is eight-fifteen on Sunday morning, don’t you? I hope whatever it is that has you knocking on my door at this ungodly hour is urgent.” Meg sounded cross as she tightened the belt on her robe.

  Sparrow, who had never seen Meg anything but beautifully dressed, smiled at the apparition in the doorway.

  “Sorry, Meg.” Daphne shuffled her feet and looked across at Sparrow. “We just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  Meg raised an eyebrow, then chuckled at her visitors. “So, you came by at eight-fifteen to wake me up and check on me?”

  Putting her hand on Daphne’s arm, Sparrow laughed. “Well, we also came to invite you to dinner tonight, but if you can’t make it that’s…”

  “Darling, where are you? Coffee’s ready; do you want it in bed?”

  Daphne and Sparrow stood rooted to the spot as Allie appeared, dressed only in a large blue button down shirt and looking every bit as dishevelled as Meg.

  “Oh, hello you two,” Allie said in surprise, drawing up next to Meg.

  Daphne’s face was crimson with embarrassment as she stammered, “Hi, Allie. Sorry to interrupt. We, uh…um…”

  Sparrow recovered faster. “Yes,” she said, taking Daphne’s arm and firmly leading her away. “We will let you get on with… I mean, we’ll talk to you both later.”

  Meg and Allie watched the two hurriedly make their escape. Closing the front door, they both leant against it, laughing helplessly.

  Wiping tears from her eyes, Meg shook her head. “You should have seen the expression on Daphne’s face when she heard your voice. I thought she was going to swallow her tongue,” she gasped.

  Allie chuckled. “Well I really don’t think they expected this scenario when they came knocking on your door. Thank heavens Sparrow was with Daphne, or she would probably still be standing outside with that deer in the headlights expression on her face.”

  Still chuckling, they moved to the kitchen.

  “Before we were so rudely interrupted, we were going to have breakfast. Are you still hungry?” Meg asked with a silly grin and a raised eyebrow.

  Allie untied the belt on Meg’s robe. “Totally ravenous, and I know just what will settle my hunger.”

  Allie stood in Meg’s warm sunlit kitchen, busily preparing breakfast. Humming softly as she mixed the ingredients for a Spanish omelette in a bowl, she glanced over at Meg reading the paper.

  “I guess we have been well and truly sprung,” she commented, heating up the pan and adding the contents of the bowl. “Word is going to get around the community pretty quickly.”

  Meg peered at her over the top of her reading glasses. “Do you mind?”

  Allie hesitated, then, seeing Meg’s open expression turn to hurt, she rushed to explain. “No darling, of course I don’t. I guess if I’d had a choice, I would have just liked to have kept it to ourselves a little longer. You know, be in control of who, what and when we told. There’s no way this story is going to be kept quiet. I have the feeling that a number of people will be having a joke at our expense.”

  Giving an appreciative sniff, Meg shrugged. “That’s people, honey. We’ll be a story for a few weeks and then they’ll settle down. The people that know and love us will be delighted; the rest, well, they’ll just busy themselves with gossip.”

  Allie lowered the heat and poured in the egg. She couldn’t remember the number of times she had stood just like this, making breakfast for them both while Meg shared snippets of news from the paper. Allie wondered again how she could not have realised that what they shared was so much more than just a deep friendship. She was still in a daze over the power of the sexual rush they were sharing. Who knew she could still feel like a teenager in lust? As she glanced across at Meg, she felt happiness suffuse every fibre of her body.

  “If you keep looking at me with that goofy look on your face, you’ll burn that omelette,” Meg warned without loo
king up from the paper.

  Allie walked over and wrapped her arms around her. “Never burnt one yet, don’t intend to start now.”

  She nibbled Meg’s ear and Meg put the paper down and turned to face her. Taking Allie’s hands in hers, Meg sighed and gently pulled her onto her lap. Leaning her forehead against Allie’s, she asked quietly, “Are you happy? Is this what you really want? Because if it’s not, you have to tell me now.”

  Hearing the whisper of anxiety in Meg’s voice, Allie held her close. “Yes, it is what I want and I couldn’t be happier.” Taking her lover’s face in her hands, she ran her thumbs tenderly along her cheekbones. “I love you, Meg. It might have taken me over forty years to acknowledge it, but now I’ve seen the light, you’re well and truly stuck with me. I have no idea what our future holds but as long we are sharing it, I don’t care.”

  Meg smiled, giving her a gentle kiss. “Well then, woman, you’d better feed me, because I see a certain amount of activity that is going to take a fair bit of energy in the very near future.”

  CHAPTER 30

  SUMMER

  Caro lounged back on the sofa watching Louise iron her shirts. Clad in nothing but cut off shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt, Louise’s lean, tan body was far more interesting to watch than the television show playing out in front of her. She was finding the smell of freshly ironed cotton and the whisper of the iron against the shirt surprisingly erotic. A prickle of desire spread through her as Louise bent to examine a wrinkle and her shirt rode up slightly, exposing an expanse of tanned, bare skin that Caro longed to run her tongue along.

  Watching the muscles in Louise’s arm flex as she pushed the iron across the garment, Caro remembered how strong those arms felt around her. As Louise placed the freshly ironed shirt on a hanger, Caro noticed the now damp T-shirt clinging to her breasts and a tendril of loose hair laying carelessly across her cheek.