Lost

by Sarah Ann Walker

  Touching his chest, I trailed my fingers to his zipper and slowly pulled it down. “Take off your jeans,” I begged.

  Lifting to remove his jeans, Peter sat back down on the bed in front of me in just his boxers. Smiling, he sat in the middle of my bed and reached for a cup of tea to hand me.

  “It tastes potent, but I added a little Stevia, a natural sweetener, so it should be drinkable,” he smirked as I tried it.

  “Um... Ew...” I managed after a swallow while Peter picked up his own mug.

  “You look so edible in that lingerie, Soph. I want to rip it off and have my way with you,” he grinned.

  Smiling back, I dared, “Go for it,” to his laughter.

  “Just drink your tea first, ya tease.”

  Sitting closer to me as I drank the gross tea, Peter lit a Jasmine scented candle, and opened a bottle to pour some oil on his hands.

  “This oil might stain your clothing.”

  “I don't care,” I replied calmly.

  Nodding, Peter started massaging my neck and shoulders as he faced me. He moved down each arm in turn until he did the soothing hand massage I loved. Moving back up my arms, he focused on my neck again and slowly moved to my upper chest. Under the bodice he massaged the top of my breasts like he actually was focusing on my muscles underneath and not on my breasts or nipples which was a little frustrating for me.

  I found myself very aroused minutes later, especially when he told me to close my eyes as he gently raised my nightie overhead one arm at a time so I could continue holding my tea. Almost painfully teasing, Peter continued massaging my breasts, down my ribs to my waist and back up again.

  When he stopped for a moment I opened my eyes to him drinking the last of his tea while staring at me with bright eyes.

  “I love the scent of Jasmine now. I don't think I'll ever be able to not think of you and Jasmine together. I want it all over my home, Peter, because it's you to me,” I whispered.

  “Sophie...” He moaned as he leaned to put his mug down while taking my own nearly finished mug from my hands. Placing them on the table, he sat back in front of me and kissed me.

  Slowly, and with a passion I had only ever known with him, Peter held my face to him and kissed me forever.

  When Peter finally pulled away, I knew I was different. I could feel a difference in the atmosphere and within my body. I felt almost high, but still mentally aware of my surroundings. My body was buzzing, but I was very much aware of it.

  Looking at Peter, I realized he and I were sitting in exactly the same cross-legged position, in just our underwear. We looked so lovely by candlelight I was almost heady with the need to be with him.

  “Can you please touch me?” I asked desperately.

  “What do you feel?”

  “Aroused. Alert, but fuzzy in my body. Like I'm humming, I think.”

  “What else, baby?”

  “I want to be touched, Peter. My body wants you, and I know I'm aroused. I can feel it,” I blushed.

  “Show me...” he whispered.

  Lifting my knees together I pulled my panties down my legs and after placing them behind me on the bed, I actually sat back in a cross legged position, tilting my hips slightly, so he could look at my aroused body.

  And amazingly, I didn't care about how dirty I seemed, or how intense my arousal was; I just wanted Peter to see how much I wanted him.

  “I need to taste you,” he groaned moving on the bed to lay at my body.

  Pulling my hips up over his forearms, he essentially raised my body right to his mouth. Leaning backward on my hands, I nearly cried out when I felt his tongue enter me. Everything was just so intense and beautiful, and kind of fuzzy around the edges, but completely clear and focused between us at the same time. I was so in the moment, I felt every breath he took against my body and every movement he made deep inside me.

  I swear I felt Peter in my soul.

  Quickly, I reached the heights of my arousal. Moaning and rocking against his face and fingers, I was frantic with the need clawing at me.

  “I'm going to... Ah...” I cried as he lapped at me quicker and pushed into me harder with his fingers.

  When Peter suddenly moved and dropped me flat on the bed, and he moved to penetrate me abruptly, I didn't have time to acknowledge the change between us. He continued touching my body in a frantic rhythm with his fingers, but he moved with a slow, steady enter retreat motion with his body.

  Minutes later, during the most amazing sexual experience of my life, I came. Loudly, painfully, and intensely, as the breath left my body on a groan, I came with Peter deep inside me. Feeling his slow movements inside as I came down, I realized how tight and full I felt.

  “Please... You're too big now. You feel too much, or-” I struggled.

  “Stop, Sophie. You're adjusting. Do you feel yourself loosening up?” And I did but I was a little too sensitive and emotional to acknowledge the difference as he moved slowly inside me.

  Watching each other, Peter slowly pushed himself into my body only a few more strokes, then pulled out to come on my stomach again.

  Stopping all movement, Peter leaned up on his arms as he looked down at me with a beautiful smile.

  “I feel like I'm still inside you. But you're the one deep inside me, Sophie,” he whispered while leaning down to kiss my lips gently, which made me lose it again.

  Crying, I pulled Peter down to me and held him against my chest. Running my fingers through his hair, I wept quietly as the events of the last hour played out over and over in my mind.

  “Is it always going to be like this with you?” I begged.

  “I hope so...”

  “I've cried three times with you already, but like three times total in the last 2 years. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.”

  “Maybe you just feel emotional by the connection between us, or maybe you're just finally allowing yourself to be emotional. I don't know why Sophie, but I'm okay with you open to me. It makes me feel close to you because I'm sure you're not like this with others.”

  Still threading my fingers in his hair as my tears slowly stopped, I answered the truth. “I’m never like this with others.”

  “Well, then, that makes me privileged to know you like this.”

  “Not scared?”

  “Never scared,” Peter said while lifting his head off my chest to look at me. “Let me care for you, baby,” he said while slowly rising from my bed.

  Pulling me toward him, he walked me to the washroom to start the shower. “Do you need your hair washed?”

  “No,” I said as he turned for my hair paraphernalia in the little wicker basket on my counter. Turning me from him in almost total darkness, Peter lifted my hair and wrapped it into a tight bun on my head with an elastic to secure it. Once satisfied my hair was good, he took my hand and led me into the steaming shower to care for me.

  Washing my body from my neck down, Peter was gentle and loving. He would wash an area, then kiss it afterward. He raised my right leg onto the tub wall and proceeded to clean my arousal away with gentle sweeps of a cloth.

  When he was finished with me, I offered to wash him, but he said he wanted to hurry and get into bed with me, which was exactly what I wanted as well.

  After our shower, when I crawled back into my bed I was absolutely exhausted. The tea for all its sensual, mental clarity, also produced a calm, almost relaxed physical effect that was slowly wiping me out.

  “I need to sleep, Peter,” I whispered in my room as he joined me and blew out the candle beside us.

  “Sleep, Sophie. I'm right here with you...” he whispered back. When he crawled into bed and spooned me warm again I felt that ridiculous emotion creeping back up to my eyes straight from my heart.

  Peter held me tightly to him as I kissed the hand that rested against my chest before I quickly fell asleep in his arms.

  But sleep didn't come peacefully that night. I had nightmare after nightmare, and endless bouts of terror destroyi
ng me.

  Apparently, sometimes a reaction from the tea is night terrors because the brain is still way too active during sleep, which I wished he had mentioned beforehand. Though honestly, I wouldn't have changed our sexual, nearly prolific connection from earlier even if I had known what negative experience I might suffer while trying to sleep.

  So all throughout my night of hell Peter held me tightly trying to calm me down when I woke from each nightmare. And after each attempt to fall back asleep, I felt like I was again gasping awake within minutes panicked and semi-delirious from the dreams. I was exhausted and unsettled, and truly afraid even though the dreams were unknown and indescribable once I was awake.

  It was an awful night, but Peter never left my side, nor did he ever sleep through my nightmares.

  And if I had been more philosophical, or even truly coherent at the time I may have looked at the dreams as an analogy for me and Peter. I would have understood then that we couldn't possibly have all the happiness we felt and experienced with each other without a nightmare creepy up to knock us back to reality.

  But I wasn't that astute, and I didn't believe in fate or karma. Instead, I just tried to sleep again and again after each nightmare surfaced to knock me back on my ass that night, figuratively speaking.

  CHAPTER 15

  When I woke up Monday morning I felt like I had the worst hangover ever, which was saying something considering the hangover I had suffered just 2 days earlier on Christmas morning.

  Groaning, I tried to move in my bed, but I felt weighed down and exhausted. My head was throbbing, and my mouth felt glued shut. I was a hot mess, and I knew it.

  Eventually, I rolled to my side to look for Peter but he was gone. Looking at his pillow though, I saw a note that I quickly read.

  Roses are red,

  Violets are blue.

  I love when I sleep,

  With my hand on your boob.

  I went to get you coffee.

  We'll talk when you wake up… finally.

  Peter

  xo

  Laughing at his funny poem, I questioned his ‘finally’ until I looked around at my clock and read 11:45. It was 11:45 and I was still exhausted from the worst nights sleep ever.

  When I eventually made it out of bed, I quickly used the washroom, and hopped in the shower. I felt too gross to stand, but I needed my shower. Leaning against the tiles, I was surprised I was so exhausted from the little excursion required to shave. I had never been weak or sickly, but I suddenly felt like I was starting to get a bad cold with all the physical weakness and exhaustion in my bones.

  Afterward, when I left the shower without washing my hair, I barely made it back to my bed before needing to rest again, feeling completely wiped out. Making it to bed without even stripping off my towel I closed my eyes for a minute while I waited for Peter and my coffee to come get me.

  When I woke up again it was to Peter's arms and chest holding me. I could smell him and feel his warmth, so I snuggled in deeply as I inhaled his scent and relaxed.

  “Sophie... You have to wake up baby. I'm getting a little worried,” Peter said rubbing my back.

  “I'm awake. I'm just tired.”

  “I know, but its 2:30.”

  “Really? Wow... I've never slept so long in my life,” I said trying to shake the slumber from my head. I could feel I was sick, and I was still exhausted from it. “I think I'm getting sick,” I mumbled.

  “You are. You're fevered and you've been really out of it. Can you get out of bed, Sophie? I'd like to get you to the couch for some food?”

  “Okay,” I said trying to move but my arms were dead weight at my sides. “What day is it again?”

  “Monday. You've only been asleep today.”

  As soon as he spoke I knew there was something about Monday. Oh, god, it was going to drive me crazy. Monday. There was something, and I was so agitated thinking about Monday suddenly, I almost lost my mind.

  “Did I tell you anything about Monday? Did we say we were doing something?” I asked a little sleepily still, but shaky with my irritation.

  “Not that I remember. We left the week open to each other with both our shut downs. We said-”

  Jerking coherent the moment Peter mentioned work, I freaked out. “Oh my GOD! I have to get to work. Oh shit! I have to input payroll. It's mandatory. I knew I had to. I knew I had to go in. But I forgot!”

  Gasping, I fought like hell to get out of my bed even as Peter reached for me. Pulling away from his hands, I overshot my wobbly legs and I hit the opposite wall with my shoulder as I landed on the floor. And crying out not from pain but pure frustration, I slapped Peter's hands off me when he tried to help again.

  “I'm fine! I just need to get my shit together. If I don't get into work, 14 people plus all the department heads, my bosses, and myself included don't get paid on Friday. No one will get paid!” I yelled scrambling for my closet on my knees.

  Trying to stand up, Peter aided me by lifting me by my hips off the floor, as I fought to grab clothes. Fighting, I felt my strength fading even as I tried to stay strong.

  “Sophie, you need to slow down. You need-”

  “I need to get out of here. I only have until 4:59 to have all the numbers inputted. And it took Carole over an hour, and she knew what she was doing!” I screamed. “I’m sorry, but I can't screw this up. I just can't. What the hell did you make me drink last night?” I nearly cried.

  “This isn't about the herbal tea. It's about-”

  “My new job!” I was so screwed I couldn't even think straight.

  “How can I help you?”

  “Um, find me my black satchel with all my notes. I think it's beside the kitchen table. Find me- I don't know,” I said sitting on my bed.

  Struggling, I pulled a pair of slacks up my legs without even underwear in my confusion, then I grabbed a semi-professional looking burgundy sweater to wear. I was obviously braless but I wouldn't take off my coat in the office in case there were cameras, which I thought there probably were.

  Stumbling to the bathroom, I slicked back my hair into another makeshift bun, and applied mascara and lipstick as fast as I could with shaking hands. Leaning against the counter for support, I saw just how pale and disheveled I looked.

  Standing in the doorway, Peter asked to my growing frustration, “Do you really have to go in? Isn't there someone else you can call? You can barely stand up.”

  “No. There's no one else. I'm the new boss, remember?” I snapped.

  “I'm driving you in then. Period,” he snapped back to my relief. With Peter driving the 15 minutes to work I could read over my notes on inputting payroll as I struggled to wake up.

  Running for my purse, and nearly falling off balance again, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I couldn't screw this up, or I would be fired- plain and simple. When Carole and I discussed the Monday of shutdown she couldn't express enough that rain or shine, vacation or not, the office manager was responsible for coming in to input payroll. So naturally at the time I had agreed, said of course, and acted like it went without saying that I was up to the task.

  Minutes later when I was ready to leave with Peter taking my arm in my bedroom gently, I knew I was acting crazy. I knew it, but I was so scared to make a mistake I couldn’t really control the panic. I knew I could stop being such a bitch to Peter though. So stopping until he looked down at me l whispered I was sorry for snapping at him, and he nodded with a little smile as he continued to walk me to the door.

  I realized outside we had to take my car because I had the security pass in the windshield that bypassed the security gates, so after settling in the passenger side, Peter began driving me to work with my clear directions.

  When I woke up 10 minutes later, Peter was shaking my arm as we pulled into the parking lot.

  “Jesus. I slept again? No! Those doors,” I yelled pointing. “That's where security is so they'll let me in,” I practically cried while searching for my name badge. “You
can't come in because of security, but you can leave if you want. I'll call you when I'm done. I have to go!” I cried trying to open the door of my still moving car.

  “Sophie! Stop it! Holy shit, you're scaring me. You need to calm down. You've got lots of time. It's only 3:10 so you'll be fine, but you have to calm down so you don't make a mistake.”

  Jumping in my seat and looking at Peter as he yelled at me, remarkably, I did calm down a little. He was yelling to help me not because he was an asshole, and I felt the difference clearly.

  “I'm so sorry... but I just can't fail at this. I can't,” I moaned desperately as I leaned in to kiss him quickly. “I’ll call as soon as I'm done. Thank you for driving me, Peter. I’d be lost without you. I…”

  But Peter stopped my babbling with a smile. “I'll see you soon. Please take it easy. You're really not well, Sophie,” he said as he kissed me goodbye.

  *****

  Unbelievably, by 4:48 I had all the numbers inputted and sent. I had actually managed to do it with only one minor freak out and one quick set of tears when I couldn't balance one woman in accounting.

  After everything was completed I wanted to lay my head on my desk so badly, but I was worried I'd fall asleep again, so I called Peter instead, then slowly, painfully, made my way down to the main floor through the conference room to the main reception area where a security guard sat. Looking out the window, I slumped in a chair to wait for Peter. When I called he told me he was around the corner, so I let myself finally relax in a chair as I watched for him.

  Minutes later, a security guard touched my shoulder with an 'excuse me' as I jolted awake. Looking around I saw Peter in the window knocking on the glass motioning for me to come to him. Much calmer than before, I wanted Peter to care for me so badly in that moment I almost wept.