Toppleton's Client; Or, A Spirit in Exile

by John Kendrick Bangs

  CHAPTER VII.

  A CHAPTER OF PROFIT AND LOSS.

  SO overcome was the occupant of the Aunt Sallie at this point of hisstory, that he requested Hopkins' permission to leave his quarters thathe might sit on the floor near the slivers of the shattered whiskeybottle. He needed stimulant. Hopkins readily granted the request, for hefelt as if he would not mind having a little stimulant for himself, butas the last drop available for his purposes had been put to the use forwhich it was intended, he had to deny himself the comfort he would havederived from it. The fact that this horrid event, the harrowing detailsof which he had just listened to, had occurred right there in his ownapartments served to make him doubly depressed, for it certainlyindicated that the room, despite its cheerful situation, had been thedwelling-place of a supernatural being, and the present lessee wasfearful lest that being should appear on the scene once more topractise some of his infernal tricks upon him.

  "You mean to say that when you recovered your senses, you had beendeprived of your body?" said Hopkins at last, breaking the silence morefor the sake of calming his agitated mind than because he had anythingto say.

  "Yes," replied the spirit. "I lay there on the sofa an intellectualabstract whose concrete had been amputated and invested by a being whohad already lived four-score of years in one body, and who, having wornthat out, was now on the look-out for a second. The sensation wasdreadful, and when I attempted to do what theretofore I had always donein moments of extreme agitation--to pull fiercely at my moustache--I wassimply appalled to realize that the power to raise my hand to do thishad passed, along with the moustache itself, into the control of thatother being. Then an access of rage surged over me, and I attempted tostamp my foot and shriek. The shriek was a success, but my foot like myarm was beyond my control.

  "As the shriek died away I observed my head slowly turning from thepaper before it on the table, my right hand relaxed its grasp on thepen, and my own eyes were turned upon me, and I was simply maddened tosee the left eye wink mischievously at me, while my mouth broadened intoa smile at my own misfortunes.

  "'Hello,' I said to myself--that is you know the other being in myselfsaid this to me outside of myself. 'You've come to, at last, eh? Ithought you were going to remain in a comatose state for ever.'

  "'See here, my friend,' I said, trying to be calm. 'This is a veryclever trick you've put upon me, but from my point of view it is mostuncomfortable, and I'd just as lief have you evacuate the premises, andpermit me once more to assume my normal condition.'

  "'Not until I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish,' was theanswer that fell from my own lips, which again indulged in animpertinent smile at my expense. 'You don't suppose that I have put inthree weeks of time and energy to make you famous with the intention ofwithdrawing on the eve of success, do you?'

  "'I don't know what you mean,' I replied, 'I don't understand theallusion, nor can I see why you permit me to be insulted by my ownlips.'

  "Here," said the spirit, "my face became clouded and my smile vanished.

  "'Ungrateful wretch that you are!' said he who had rifled me of myself.'Are you not aware that three weeks have elapsed since you and yourbody parted company? Are you not aware that in that time I have forcedthe fight between the brothers Baskins to a point that has made thatcase the talk of London, and you, the hero of the hour in legal circles?Do you not understand that to-morrow you are to appear in court to sumup for your side, and that the London _Times_ itself is to have fivestenographers in court to take down every word that is uttered by himthey call a second Burke, because of his eloquence, by him they call asecond Sheridan, because of his wit, by him they call the newlydiscovered leader of the English bar, because of the aggressive andpowerful manner in which this now celebrated will case has beenconducted? And finally, are you not aware that it is you who gain thecredit due to me, since it is I who have merged my personality intoyours, while you have only to remain quiescent and accord to me theundisturbed occupation of your physical self for a few days more?'

  "'I know none of these things,' I answered. 'I know that possibly anhour ago you robbed me of my senses by your infernal machinations, andthat when they are restored to me I find myself disembodied, nameless,invisible.'

  "'Do you know the date upon which I visited you first?' asked mytormentor.

  "'Yes, it was November eighth. You returned on the night of Novemberninth--that is you returned early this evening.'

  "'Perhaps this will convince you of the lapse of time, then,' retortedthe occupant of my chair, tossing me a copy of the _Times_, 'and thesewill prove the rest,' he added, throwing several other newspapers at theplace where my feet would have been had he not deprived me of them.

  "I looked the papers over. The _Times_ was dated November twenty-ninthand contained, as did also the others, a long account of the trial ofthe case of Baskins _v._ Baskins, in which I seemed to have figuredprominently, concluding with a biographical sketch of myself coupledwith the announcement that my former neighbours at Buxton were thinkingof calling upon me to stand for Parliament. The tenour of everything inthe papers was complimentary in the highest degree. It seemed that I hadfairly routed my client's adversaries by nothing else than theaggressive manner of my fighting; that the case was practically won,though it still remained for me to sum up on the morrow, and that allLondon was expected to swarm into the court room to listen to mymarvellous eloquence. I read and was stunned. My position was moreunhappy than ever, for here was a greatness builded up for me, that wasutterly beyond my ability once returned to my corse of clay to sustain,and before me was placed the horrible alternative of perpetual exile orstultification."

  "Lovely prospect," murmured Hopkins.

  "As I read on," continued the spirit, "I felt the burning gaze of myvisitor upon me, though he could not see me. In my body or out of it, hestill possessed that fearful power of mental concentration which whenexerted upon another through the medium of the eye was withering to thesoul. So nervous did I become, that noiseless as a sun-mote I movedacross to the other side of the room, and yet his gaze followed me as ifinstinctively aware of my slightest move. For a time not a word wasspoken by either of us. I was so overcome at the sudden revelation of myfame, that I knew not what to say. The words of blame that entered intomy consciousness--for that was all that was left of me--to say, I couldnot utter, because however badly I had been treated by this fearfulcreature in the beginning, it could not be denied that he had exertedhis powers entirely for my benefit. On the other hand, I found itimpossible to thank him for what he had done, since I was unable todismiss the sense of indignation I felt at the summary and tricky mannerin which he had robbed me of my individuality. As for the other, heseemed to be thinking deeply, which contributed to my alarm, for I knewnot what it was he was revolving in his mind, and I feared someadditional exercise of his supernatural power to my furtherdiscomfiture. Finally he spoke.

  "'I am very deeply disappointed in you,' he said. 'I at least supposedyou to be a person of gratitude. I deemed your nature to be sufficientlyrefined and sensible to favours to evince some little appreciation ofwhat has been done for you, but I must say that the veriest clod of apeasant would be hardly less stolid in the face of generous effort inhis behalf than you have been toward me. A more unresponsive soul thanyours can hardly have lived.'

  "'Can you blame me for not being effusively grateful to you for havingcut me out of three weeks of existence?' I asked.

  "'I can and I do,' he replied. 'You have not been incommoded. Upon yourown confession you have not even been conscious during the period thatyou lacked anatomy. On the other hand, consider what I have gonethrough! I have suffered more in the past fortnight than I did in mywhole previous life. In making the substitution of my inner self foryours in your body, I failed to remember how much greater than themortal mind is the mind which has put on omniscience, and I have foundthe head in which your intellect lived at ease, so contracted, so narrowfor the accommodation of mine, that the work I have und
ertaken in yourinterest has been one prolonged bit of unremitting agony. If you haveever tried to wear a shoe fifteen sizes too small for you, you will havea faint glimmering of the pain I have suffered in trying to encase anumber thirty mind in a seven and a quarter head. It has been almostimpossible for me to get some of my great thoughts into this thickcranium of yours in their entirety,--indeed if thoughts were visible,your client might have seen them sticking out of these ears, or hoveringabove this lovely halo of auburn hair you wear, waiting for admission toan already overcrowded skull.'

  "As he spoke these words," said the spirit, with a chuckle, "I wouldhave given ten pounds to have had something to smile with. I neverthought one could miss his lips so much as when I tried to grin andfound I had not the wherewithal. Despite the insulting comment of myvisitor upon the quality of my own mind, it really filled what therewas left of me with pleasure to hear that, even though I had departedfrom it, my body through its limitations had been able to resent theintrusion of this alien spirit so effectually.

  "'In addition to the bad fit mentally,' continued the usurper of myanatomy, 'I have had to cope with your dyspepsia, which I did not knowyou had, and various other physical troubles such as rheumatism andtoothache. It appears to me that even if I had not made you famous, themere fact that I have relieved you of your toothache and rheumatism forthree weeks should entitle me to your gratitude. However, I am willingto withdraw in your favour immediately if you insist. Of course you willhave to sum up that case to-morrow, and I sincerely hope that you willdo it in a manner creditable to your new self, that is to yourself as Ihave made you.'

  "Of course you see, Hopkins," said the spirit, pausing in his story fora moment, "what a dreadful position that left me in. I was absolutely inthe dark as to what had been done in the case. I did not know what lineof argument had been pursued--I was even unacquainted with the name ofthe presiding justice at the trial, and as for the testimony elicitedduring the three weeks of my own personal desuetude, I had not read oneword of it. To attempt to sum up the case under the circumstances meantruin--it meant the final sacrifice of all my hopes; disgrace wasimminent.

  "'I cannot sum up the case,' I answered in a moment. 'I have notmastered the details, nor is there time for me to do so before the courtopens.'

  "'I am aware of that fact,' retorted the other. 'But that is nothing tome. I am not at all interested in upholding the undeserved fame of aningrate. It's nothing to me if disgrace stares you in the face. My nameis safe; graven upon a white marble stone in a country cemetery, it isbeyond the reach of dishonour, and is endorsed in deep-cut letters withan epitaph extolling the virtues of him who bore it. This is your affairentirely; I wash my hands of it. Come, prepare for your return.'

  "Now I submit to you, Hopkins, that, considering the situation, I wasjustified in changing my tone toward him. Put yourself in my place for amoment," said the spirit.

  "I'd rather not," returned Hopkins with a shudder.

  "Oh, I don't mean for you to exchange places with me. I just want you totry to imagine what you would have done under the circumstances. Youwould have besought him even as I did to crown his work with finalsuccess, and not leave matters in so unsatisfactory a condition; tospare you the dishonour of a public failure, wouldn't you?"

  "Yes, either that or suicide would have been my course," returnedHopkins. "I think I'd have fled to some apothecary's and concealedmyself in a chloroform bottle until my consciousness evaporated if I'dbeen you. You must have known that this thing could not keep up forever, unless you would consent to remain disembodied all your days."

  "That was just the most horrible thing about it," said the spirit. "WhenI realized what it all meant, I was nearly distracted; but believingsuicide to be a crime, and knowing, as I have already told you, that themind is indestructible, I could not do as you suggested. I might havelulled myself into a state of perpetual unconsciousness, but I did notcare to do that, for the reason that, despite the harrowing features ofmy situation, I was morbidly interested to see how it would all comeout. At any rate, I succumbed to my fears, and begged him not to thinkof departing from my mortal habitation and leaving me in the lurch.

  "'Now,' he replied, his face, or rather my face, wreathing with smiles,'now you are talking sense. I thought you would come to it. It would bethe height of folly for you to ruin yourself simply to gratify your loveof retaining your form. I promise you that to-morrow night, after thegreat speech has been made in court--a speech which will ring outthrough the whole country, that will echo from the hills of Scotlandacross the Atlantic Ocean to the Rocky Mountains, to re-echo thence tothe Himalayas, and so on until your fame has encircled the earth--Ipromise you that then I will depart hence and trouble you no more,except it be your desire that I return.'"

  "That was a fair proposition--he wasn't such a mean fiend after all,"said Hopkins.

  "At that moment I thought he was rather a square fiend," returned thespirit sadly; "but he developed as time went on."

  "And the speech next day? How was that? Did he keep his word?" Hopkinsasked.

  "Indeed he did," said the spirit with enthusiasm, "and it was simplymarvellous. That night, after we had had the conversation I have justtold you of, that fellow worked like a slave getting up his points,consulting the records, classifying the testimony and making notes forhis great oratorical effort. Hardly a poet in the history of literaturewas there who did not contribute some little line or two to make thespeech more interesting, or to emphasize some point in a manner certainto appeal to a polished mind or overawe an uncultivated one. Greek andLatin authors were levied upon for tribute. Parallels in ancient andmodern history utterly unknown to me were instituted for the elucidationof the arguments advanced--in short, a more polished bit of oratory thanthat prepared for my tongue to utter never fell from mortal lips before,and as for the peroration--well, it would require the consummate art ofthe fiend himself adequately to describe it. It was simply dazzling.

  "'There is only one drawback, one thing I fear for to-morrow,' said thefiend, as he finished his preparations, 'and that is that thesemiserable mortal lungs of yours will not be able to do justice to thatspeech, and some of these quotations rasp on your unpractised tongue, sothat I fear their effect may be weakened. However, I'll do the best Ican with poor tools; but one thing is certain, you must make a sacrificeto me who have sacrificed time and comfort to you.'

  "'What is that?' I asked.

  "'I cannot properly accent my words with your teeth in their presentcondition. For instance these words here: _And, gentlemen of the jury,what have we to say of the plaintiff in this action, the brother of thedefendant and the firstborn son of the decedent whose desires he nowseeks to have over-ridden by the laws of this land, what have we to sayof him? What palliation can he offer for his unfraternal conduct in thusdragging his own brother into the courts of this land in a mad effort torecover the paltry sum of thirty thousand pounds? History affords noparallel, gentlemen of the jury, to this cause of son living arrayedagainst his parent gone before, of brother fighting brother for amiserable pittance_, and so on. Don't you see that to be spokenimpressively these words demand a certain venomous hiss? I want toelectrify the jury by that hiss, but I can't do it unless I have out twoof your back teeth and this front one.'

  "Here he tapped the left of my two front teeth--pearls they were,Hopkins, pearls beyond price. Of course I objected.

  "'I can't let you do that,' I said, 'it'll ruin my personal appearance.'

  "'Bah, man!' he said. 'What is personal appearance to pre-eminentsuccess? What are looks compared to immortality? I must again takeadvantage of your helplessness and rescue you from the effects of yourown indecision. I have arranged to have a dentist here to-morrow morningat eight. In five minutes he will have the teeth out, and by noon yourseething voice will have turned twelve good men and true into a mass ofgoose flesh that will be utterly unable to resist you.'"

  Hopkins was heartless enough to laugh at this unexpected development.

 
"I wish I could appreciate the joke, Hopkins," said the spiritindignantly. "What is fun for you was tragedy for me. I had alwaysprided myself on the vigour of my voice. There was nothing weak oraffected about it, nor would I, had I been in control of my being, havepermitted such vandalism as was perpetrated by that dentist the nextmorning, just for the sake of making a _coup_ with the jury. I can'tdeny, however, that when the speech was delivered the general effect washeightened by the sibilant tone in which the words were spoken. To methe dreadful spirit within my body was apparent from introduction toperoration. The deadly greenness of the fiend shone out through everyvein in my body. My eyes, once a beautiful blue, became like the eyes ofan adder, and my cheeks took on a pallor that was horrible to look upon,and yet which so fascinated all beholders that they could not take theireyes away from it. The jurors sat petrified, terror depicted on everyline of their faces; the judge himself, a florid, phlegmatic personordinarily, was pale as a sheet and uneasy as an exposed nerve, and whenmy poor innocent finger, once so prettily pink of hue, was pointed,absolutely livid with the scorn that that creature alone could throwinto it, at the terror-stricken plaintiff, he actually fell backwardinto convulsions, and was carried shrieking profanely from thecourt-room.

  "As for me, I sat cowering directly behind the jury-box fearful for thefuture, fearful for the effect upon my poor body of the terrible strainthat was put upon it, and wondering what I could possibly do uponresuming my normal condition to maintain the reputation which thatmorning's achievement had brought to me. So absorbed was I in thesereflections that the judge's faltering charge at the conclusion of theproceedings fell upon my consciousness unheard, save as the monotonousroar of the vehicles in the street outside was heard; but the verdict ofthe jury, rendered without leaving the box, in favour of my client didreach my ears, and almost simultaneously came the announcement thatthere would be no appeal, since the plaintiff in the cause had beenfrightened into imbecility by the fearful indictment of his character inthe summing-up of the counsel for the defendant."