Looking for Love

by Kathy Bosman

  ***

  “I have some ideas on how to help you.”

  Ella cringed as she sat at her desk the following weekend opposite Frankenstein. Her mouth had spurted things to her ‘problem’ client which she may regret later. But she had to be honest.

  He nodded, a frown creasing his forehead and making his bushy eyebrows form a unibrow. “You’re the only dating service that’s ever said anything like this before. I’m impressed.”

  Dating service? Impressed?

  She opened her mouth and remained frozen for a moment, not sure what to say.

  “I’m open to your suggestions. I think you may have a point. I need to change else I’m just going to go down the same dead-end street as before.”

  She gripped the desk as he repeated her words almost verbatim.

  “Yes.” She cleared her throat. “It’s what I’ve concluded by studying your files and your relationship history.” And your relationship future.

  “Fire away.” He gave the ‘come here’ gesture with long fingers. “What do I need to change?”

  “Well, I’m happy to sponsor a relationship course for you. There’s this colleague of mine who’s been attending it before she gets married, but it doesn’t have to be only for those who’re about to get married.”

  “Okay.”

  “So, you’ll attend? They can get quite intense—the sessions, I mean. They ask all sorts of personal questions and they also give you homework.”

  “Homework? Like what?”

  She envisioned the smoke coming out his ears and suppressed a smile. She could imagine how stressful something like this could be for a man.

  “Worksheets, studying up on stuff. Assignments. You won’t regret it. I’ve looked up testimonials of other single men who’ve done it and had tremendous results.”

  He stood up and stretched to shake her hand. “Well, sign me up please. Thank you so much. We’ll be in touch once I’ve finished the course.”

  “Sure.” She shook his hand back, reeling with how easy it had been. Maybe it would backfire in her face. Just didn’t seem possible that the most difficult of her clients could be so flexible and open-minded. Had The Album been wrong in showing his dismal futures? Was he really a decent guy? Would she ever know?

  He said goodbye and left her office. She set to work booking his course and did the transfer to pay for it. It would cost more than he’d paid for his consultations with her, but it was a once-off thing. She probably wouldn’t have many clients as hard to match as he—notching it down to investment in the business—an expense well worth it to maintain her reputation.

  Talking of reputation, she hadn’t as yet read the article in the country-wide people’s interest magazine about someone who’d come to her and found a partner. Andrea had sent her an urgent message to buy the magazine and read the article. She’d bought it first thing at seven in the morning when the grocery store had opened and not had a chance to read it until now at almost lunch time.

  Opening up the magazine, she quickly located the article and gasped at the headline.

  “Dating service messes up my life.”

  What? This could not be Exact Match. The Album wouldn’t fail. Something was amiss. Maybe false journalism. Why hadn’t she heard anything yet?

  With her heart hammering wildly and her mouth dry, she read the words of the article. After reaching near the end, she let out a big breath of relief. They hadn’t been referring to Exact Match at all but rather previous experience with bothersome companies. In fact, they’d called her company something beyond a dating service. That’s why she’d been shocked when Frank had called it one. Of course, she went beyond just pairing people up based on a guess or some quizzes—she looked into their future. But no one knew that.

  One passage in the article bothered her, though.

  “It’s uncanny how perfectly matched Paul and I are. We are suited to one another in every sense. I wish I could learn what methods Ella Haviland uses to choose partners for her clients. She doesn’t hold any degrees or formal education and runs her matchmaking business part-time, yet she seems to instinctively know who belongs with whom. Is there magic in the mix here? Or is there some other mysterious individual advising her and using her as a pretty store-front for the business?”

  The article ended there. They’d even found a photo of her—one from her website. Pretty storefront? Like I’m just beauty and no brains. What an insult!

  Ella stood up and paced the room. What if they started investigating her? What if journalists began knocking at her door? How could she keep The Album secret? As palpable the relief was that the article didn’t disparage her in any way, it brought a new concern, and she couldn’t sit still. She needed to go for a walk to clear her mind.

  While on her walk, a text message from Dirk arrived on her phone.

  “Up for a movie and dinner tonight?” he asked.

  She smiled. At least he hadn’t given up on her. That’s just what she needed to get her mind off everything. Four days ago, she’d travelled back with Ross and spent hours with him in the car, her feelings for him morphing into something alien to her heart. Dirk held her only means of escape. If he gave her a good enough reason to say goodbye to Ross forever, she could come to a decision once and for all. The agony could end.

  “I’m game. What time?”

  “Fifteen minutes too soon? The next show starts at 16h45.”

  She looked at her watch. A quarter past four. She picked up her pace to get home within ten minutes. She had five minutes to freshen up for Dirk. Talk about stress. But it’s a good stress.

  By the time he arrived, she was giggling as she tried to apply make-up and strap her shoes at the same time.

  “Come in,” she called from the mirror in her guest toilet by the front door. She’d left the door unlocked for him. She stepped out the little room. “Hi Dirk.”

  He stood before her in all his male-infused glory. Dirk had an amazing smile that would cause any woman’s heart to flip. It somehow only made hers ache and reminded her of painful decisions. Could only get better, she told herself when he came up to her and gave her a peck on the mouth.

  “It’s been a while since I saw you. Missed you,” he said.

  He smelt fresh and sexy, too.

  “You, too.”

  “Ready?”

  “Yip.” She switched on her outside lights, then pushed him out the door so she could set her alarm and lock. Once out on the road, she relaxed. “What movie is it?”

  “A crime drama.”

  “Good stuff. Big carton of popcorn?”

  “Of course.” He grinned at her. “Now tell me about your trip away.”

  She briefly explained how she’d helped her gran, not going into any detail about Ross at all.

  Dirk listened and nodded. “You certainly stepped up to the plate. Want to become a farmer?”

  “Nah.” She shook her head. “Fun for a break from the usual routine, but I don’t think…”

  He looked at her. “I’m trying to imagine you in jeans, boots, and outdoor gear. It would suit you.”

  Her face heated as his gaze rested upon her in a suggestive way. “I could look rather messy on the farm as I didn’t have time to make myself up.”

  He gave her leg a quick squeeze. “Messy or not, you’d look great.”

  “Thanks, Dirk.”

  They parked outside the Boardwalk Mall and ran inside to the cinema. They were only five minutes late and the movie hadn’t started yet. Dirk got them seats and went back out to stand in the queue for popcorn and sodas.

  Once the movie started, they tucked into the salty snacks and drinks. Dirk took her hand after they’d demolished the popcorn and she snuggled up against him. In a quiet part in the movie, he whispered something to her and as she turned to ask for him to repeat the words, he stole a kiss from her—long and deep and intimate. Then he pulled away and continued to watch. At least they were in the dark because he shouldn’t know how confused that kiss ma
de her.

  How come Dirk epitomised just what she wanted and yet his kiss didn’t rock her nearly as much as Ross’s in the barn? When had Ross, the guy who stood for that platonic friendship part of her life, now become the one to cause all the ups and downs that came with infatuation? She’d always clung to Ross because he meant stability. Romance had often implied the antithesis of that for her.

  Maybe the night would get better. She still had to warm up to Dirk more. It had been a while since they’d spent time together.

  Several hours later, despite a fun date and another long kiss after seeing her off, she couldn’t shake the memory of Ross’s kiss and their trip back from Bethal. Could Ross be the one for her, after all?

  “No.” She shouted at her bathroom mirror while she brushed her teeth. “No, he can’t.”

  Give Dirk time, she told herself.

  For what? Time to make a fool of himself? Time to keep on pursuing her when she couldn’t give her whole heart? That’s it. She had to end it with Ross tonight. Forever. There was no moving forward until she ripped out a huge part of her soul. She went downstairs to send him an email.

  No, that sucked. She couldn’t end a friendship via an email.

  Go over to his place. Even though it’s eleven-thirty.

  That would be tough. If she didn’t do it now, she’d go chicken and then she’d be in limbo the rest of her life.

  After slipping on a pair of jeans and a tee, she took the short drive two roads up to his house. She rang the bell and bit her lip. Maybe she’d been too impulsive. She should have waited until the morning.

  “Ella.”

  A sleepy Ross opened the door in boxers and no shirt. She gasped. Since when had his chest filled out so much and when had he grown so many dark hairs there? She swallowed.

  “Um, can I come in?”

  “You okay?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He didn’t speak but put on a light in the dark lounge.

  She sank down in a chair and looked around. “You’ve done it up.”

  “Look nice?”

  She nodded. How could she act all sweet when…

  Seeing him now, she couldn’t say anything. His sleepy face, his gorgeous bod, his concerned frown all worked to draw out the need for him, the new longing to have all of him, the horrific confusion and fear. How could she hurt the only man she’d ever cared for? Think of something else to say!

  “Um, I can’t sleep. Been worried about an article in the Credence magazine.”

  “What article?”

  He sat down next to her, ridiculously close for her wellbeing and seemingly oblivious to the effect his nearness now had on her.

  “I didn’t bring it. I should have.” Lying was the only way to save his heart. “One of my clients shared how my match had helped her but that she thought it may be some kind of magic because I wasn’t qualified and how did I match people up so well? She even did some research and found other clients that had been well-matched by Exact Match.”

  He shrugged and yawned. “I wouldn’t stress too much.”

  “But what if journalists come and start asking questions? How do I hide The Album?”

  “In your wardrobe in your bedroom.”

  She laughed. “You’re so concrete and logical. I mean, how do I hide that I use another means to match the people?”

  “Just refuse to answer their questions.”

  “That would make it seem more suspect. It will only stir their curiosity more.”

  He yawned again and stretched back. She drank in his form and her core tightened with need. Oh, a kiss would be just the right thing to distract her right now. “Gosh, I’m so sorry to have woken you, Ross.”

  He patted her hand, shooting firebrands up her arm.

  “You know I don’t mind.”

  “Thanks so much. I’d better go.” She stood up before she landed in his lap.

  “How’s your gran? Heard anything from her?”

  He rose and his face came far too close for comfort.

  “She’s good. Getting better every day. The farm manager came back, too. One of the containers got spoilt, though.”

  “It did?”

  His voice sounded so husky and sexy when he was tired. His lips begged to be kissed. Intense need rose up within her to feel another kiss like the one in the barn, to experience that euphoria, that sense of his manliness and closeness surrounding her. She wanted the fiery touch of his arms around her mixed with his loving warmth that used to wipe away her confusion.

  But his arms around me will only make me more confused later.

  Yet, her gaze remained fixed on his mouth. Tingles and heat flooded her. She didn’t think she could resist any longer. Her brain took the back seat. Her body won. She came up closer and moved to kiss him.

  His eyes opened wide and then he responded instantly, taking her in his arms.

  Oh, idiot! Why did you do that? You’re supposed to be breaking it off, not schmoozing. You’re digging yourself a deeper grave. A pit you’ll never get out of.

  His kiss sent sweet light through her whole being. How good his lips felt, so pure, so needy, so real. She felt his love. She picked up his intensity and it filled a hole inside her. Her tongue sought out his and they crushed against each other, breathless and frantic. This need for him had been brewing longer than a few weeks. No, she’d wanted him for years. Just one kiss and it had lit a flame in her that refused to be quenched until she gave her all.

  He pulled her toward the couch and dropped her gently down on its surface. She reached out hungry hands to feel his chest. Her hands brushed his nipples and he gasped. What was she doing?

  “No, Ross. I can’t.” He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. “I’m sorry I came to you.”

  “You want this as much as I do.”

  His eyes held fire, anger, and need stronger than she’d ever seen in him. Her heart broke because she knew his love for her made him fully man in her eyes, truly beautiful, and she could never reciprocate. It was too sweet, too precious, and too much of a risk to her heart.

  “I have to go.” She rose and walked to the door.

  Go away forever. Yes, that’s the answer. She’d leave town. Find a good reason to get out of there so he couldn’t come after her. Make a fresh start. Try to forget about him. It was the only way.

  She left and her heart remained behind in Ross’s troubled eyes as she said goodbye.