HeartLess

by Love, Kristy

  Ice ran through my veins, and my hand tightened around my glass. Yes, today could get worse. I stood from the couch to refill my wineglass. I found the bottle empty and realized I’d finished an entire bottle on my own. “Oh, really?”

  “We both went to the same Starbucks. I almost didn’t recognize him until I saw all these girls asking him for autographs. Crazy, right?”

  “Totally.” I kept my back to her. Maybe her own chance encounter would keep her off my back.

  “I didn’t say anything to him, though. He was busy, and I had to get back before my break was over. I knew they were going to be in town since there have been posters literally everywhere, but I couldn’t believe I saw him.” She continued talking as she went back to her room, raising her voice so I’d still hear her. “He looked so different. He had tattoos and gauges in his ears. And God, his hair was so much longer than it was in high school. Remember how he always kept it buzzed so close to his head? Now it’s long enough to do this swoopy thing.” Now changed out of her scrubs, she came into the kitchen and grabbed her own wineglass. Sometimes we didn’t have a ton of food, but we always had plenty of wine. “If I didn’t know him as a teenager, I’d totally think he was hot.”

  “Mmmm,” I hummed in response. I kept my eyes trained on the wine bottle in her hand as she opened it.

  “You’d think he’d be rich enough to pay someone to get him a coffee, right? Why in the world would he ever go out and do his own errands?” She filled her own glass as I took a long drink of mine. “Anyway, I just thought it was crazy. It was nice to see him before going back to my patients.” Peyton was a nurse in the children’s hospital in town. I had no idea how she was able to work with sick kids every day and continue to stay chipper, but she did. “Wait,” she said, causing me to look at her. Her eyes traveled down my body. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  Shit, I knew I’d never be able to go under the radar. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re wearing your flannel pants. You never wear those unless you’re really upset. Plus, you’ve already finished off a bottle of wine by yourself.”

  “It’s not a big deal. Just a tough day at the office.” I went over and plopped down on the couch, pulling my feet up underneath me.

  “Nuh-uh. You aren’t getting off that easily. I know you better than that.” She sat down next to me, turning to face me. “Something’s wrong. Spill it, sister.”

  I loved living with Peyton. We’d lived together since our junior year of college and never looked back. Sometimes, though, I wished I could have a bad day without her pulling the details out of me. “I found out who my big celebrity client was.” I rested my head on the back of the couch and looked at her, feeling the wine and tiredness swirl through me, making me want to lie down and sleep.

  “Who is it?” Her eyes were wide with excitement. I wondered what her reaction would be.

  “Vivienne Petit…and Nash James.” The words clawed up my throat.

  Her face paled, and her mouth dropped open. The glass in her hand wobbled before she set it down on the coffee table. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  “I really wish I was, but nope. I’m planning their wedding.”

  “That fucking asshole,” she hissed. “For real? He goes no contact for eight years and pops back in for you to plan his wedding?”

  “He says he had no idea it’d be me. The company as a whole was recommended to Vivienne and Nadine assigned them to me.”

  “Did you talk to him? Just the two of you?” She leaned closer to me like the words would get to her quicker if she was closer.

  “A little, though I kept it strictly professional.”

  “What’d he say?”

  “Nothing. He said he’d go somewhere else for a planner, but I told him not to. I’ll lose my job if they go somewhere else.”

  Peyton nodded. “What was his reaction to seeing you?” She tucked her own legs up underneath her.

  “He seemed surprised then refused to look at me for a long time. He barely talked and when he did…” I shrugged.

  “You don’t think Vivienne has a clue?”

  “Nope. She was too into her planning mode to realize the awkwardness between Nash and me.” I finished off another glass of wine and wished I could have more, but it was a work night. I didn’t need to be hung over. Not when I had two of the biggest celebrities counting on me to plan their perfect nuptials.

  “Unbelievable,” Peyton muttered. She looked lost in her own world. “It makes sense that I saw Felix, I guess. They’re in town. He was probably killing time while Nash was busy with she-devil.”

  I ran a hand over my face, loving Peyton’s loyalty but knowing that wasn’t an accurate description of Vivienne. “She was nice though. She clearly loves him.”

  Peyton glared at me so intensely she made me uncomfortable. “Tell me you didn’t just say that.”

  “It’s the truth. She looked at him with hearts in her eyes, and she kept holding his hand like she couldn’t go five seconds without touching him.” My shoulders slumped. I used to be like that with Nash. Gazing at him lovingly, stealing any contact I could. Now there was an entire solar system between us with no hope of ever closing the distance.

  “Damn.” She shook her head. “It’d be much easier to hate her if she was a colossal bitch.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  “So, what are you going to do? Plan their wedding?”

  “What choice do I have? If I tell Nadine I can’t take these clients, I’m afraid she’ll fire me. She was adamant I do everything in my power to make them happy. It’s a big deal for the company. I can’t let her down.”

  “But at the same time, it feels like it’s slowly killing you,” Peyton deadpanned.

  I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek when tears stung my eyes. “It’d be so much easier if I was able to get over him.” I sniffled. “Why can’t I close my heart to him? He was so awful. Why do I still care about him so much?”

  She put her hand on top of mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I know, sweetie. Trust me, I’ve wanted to help you get over him for eight years.”

  It was true. Peyton had tried everything she could think of to get me over Nash. We’d burned almost every reminder I had of him—except the ones I’d hidden from her, we’d had a Nash bashing session, she set me up on blind dates and with guys at parties. I dated some of them for months at a time, but my heart was never in it the way it’d been with Nash. I wished more than anything that I could find someone who made me feel alive the way he had, but so far, it hadn’t happened. “Maybe this will be what finally does it.” My chin wobbled. I didn’t want to cry, but I could feel the pressure building.

  “Oh, honey.” She wrapped me in her arms and stroked my hair, and I finally broke down, letting loose the tears that had been lurking just beneath the surface all day. It felt good, almost cleansing. If only I could cry away the heartbreak that felt like it would plague me forever.

  Chapter 14

  Nash

  I pushed through the gym doors and threw my towel and water bottle against the wall. Thankfully this hotel had a gym in it because I had some serious aggression to work through. Leave it to fucking Bianca Fair to get under my skin.

  I went over to the small speed bag in the corner and hit it hard and fast, losing myself to the rhythm and the noise of it. There were very few things in this world I hated more than going to the gym and working out, but it was a necessity. I needed to work on my stamina to be able to perform on stage so frequently.

  This morning, it also had the added benefit of helping to distract me from Bianca. Seeing her yesterday had knocked the wind out of me. My eyes wanted to drink her in, to catalogue all the ways she’d changed since I’d last seen her.

  She was a little taller, though that could have been the heels, and her curves were more prominent. Bianca was a woman who was confident in her own skin. I’d always found her beautiful, but there was something undeniably sexy about her
. My hands ached to feel her skin, the slopes of her body.

  Then I had remembered why I was there. My damned fiancée was sitting next to me, holding my hand. I’d been lusting after another woman while she was in the room, but as soon as Bianca entered, everything else ceased to exist.

  I loved Vivienne. We shared a lot of history, two years’ worth, and our lives. She’d been there for me as I continued working to make a name for the band. The last eight years had been nonstop working, and Viv was fine with my devotion to the band because she was the same way with her own career. We balanced each other out.

  Seeing Bianca, though, reminded me of how strong my feelings were for her. They crashed over me violently, filling me up until I thought my skin would split open and engulf the whole room. I loved Viv like a spring rain. Gentle and easy. Bianca was a summer storm, lightning and thunder streaking through the sky and breaking the quiet. Rain pelting the ground in violent drops.

  I had to remind myself that I’d let Bianca go years ago. I’d ended things, and she’d moved on. She was better off without me. I’d proven over and over again that I wasn’t good enough for her. My life was a constant flurry of activity, traveling, meetings, recording, promotion. I couldn’t give her what she deserved. This time, I’d be selfless and make sure she had a better life, one that I wasn’t capable of giving her.

  Felix sauntered into the room, a towel slung around his neck and looked at me. “What’s up?” I grunted, not wanting to break my concentration on the bag I was pulverizing. Usually, I told Felix everything, but I hadn’t brought myself to tell him who my wedding planner was. “Ah, so it’s angry, angsty Nash today. Good to know.” He went over to the weights and started his own exercise routine. He had to work on stamina as well, though he worked on his arms as well to keep them in shape for pounding the drums.

  I didn’t want to hear his opinion about Bianca planning our wedding. We’d barely spoken about her since I’d broken up with her all those years ago, though I knew he didn’t agree with me then. No doubt he’d be pissed at me now.

  “Fuck!” I bellowed and cradled my hand. I’d hit the bag too hard and split my knuckle open, blood oozing over my fingers. I went over to the cabinet where there was a first aid kit and cleaned myself up and bandaged the wound. I’d been so pumped up from Bianca, I hadn’t noticed how hard I was hitting the bag.

  “Uh-oh,” Felix quipped from the weight bench. “Someone is upset. Something happen with Viv?”

  “No, nothing like that.” I wrapped a little bit of gauze around my hand to give it a little more protection, though I was moving onto the treadmill. At least there I couldn’t injure myself as easily, though with how distracted I was, maybe I’d lose my footing and slam into the wall. I wondered if being in a full body cast was enough to cancel the remaining tour dates.

  “Then what? Something’s eating at you, man.”

  I sighed, knowing I couldn’t tiptoe around Felix. He already knew something was wrong and he wouldn’t let it go. If I was upset, he knew it’d show up on stage, and neither of us wanted a shitty show because I was in a bad mood. I went over to the weight bench next to Felix and sat down, resting my elbows on my knees, staring down at my shoes. “Viv and I met with our wedding planner yesterday.”

  “Ah. Getting cold feet already? I told you not to propose to her, dude.” Leave it to Felix to turn everything into a joke. And an I-told-you-so moment.

  “It’s not that.” I raked a hand through my hair and over my jaw. “Our wedding planner? Bianca.”

  The weights clanked into place, and he sat up, studying my face. “Bianca? Bianca Bianca?”

  “The one and only.”

  He let out a long, low whistle. “Talk about walking right into a bear trap with that one.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Does V know?”

  “No.” No one knew about my history with Bianca besides Felix and my family. Part of me wanted to tell Viv so she’d demand we find a new planner, but Bianca’s words held me back. I didn’t want her to lose her job. It seemed like the perfect job for her.

  “Don’t you think now is the time to tell her?”

  I clenched my fists. “If Bianca loses us as a client, her boss is going to fire her.” I clenched my jaw, anger simmering in my blood. “I don’t want to cause her to lose her job on top of everything else I’ve taken from her.”

  “Well, if that isn’t a rock and a hard place you’ve found yourself in.” He regarded me in that way only Felix could as if he was peeling back my layers and getting to my core, finding out what made me tick. “Maybe she’s moved on too. Does she have an engagement ring? A wedding ring on?”

  “No, neither.”

  He grinned like he’d just caught me doing something illegal. “But you checked.”

  “Of course, I checked. She’s my ex. We were best friends for a long time. I want to know what her life is like now.”

  He shook his head, still grinning like an idiot. “You want to know if there’s competition for Bianca.” He cocked an eyebrow as he continued studying me. “Maybe she’s in a serious relationship. Her guy might be on his way to propose.”

  I pushed myself off the weight bench and went over to the treadmill. I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I’d pound the frustration out with my feet instead of my fists. And ignore Felix in the process, which was hard because he cackled as he went back to his own workout.

  * * *

  “It’s lovely to see you again, Vivienne, Mr. James.” Bianca smiled, looking radiant. The sun hung behind her head and made her look like she was glowing. I scowled. Viv shook her hand and sat in a chair in front of Bianca’s desk. I sat next to her, avoiding shaking Bianca’s hand again. “Let’s get down to business.” She clicked around on her computer a few times before looking back at us. “I’ve found some really promising venues in various cities. I wasn’t sure if you had a huge guest list or a small one, so I have different options.”

  Viv grabbed my hand, winding her fingers around mine and smiling at Bianca. For the first time, Viv’s hand felt all wrong in mine, and I wanted to yank it away, but I didn’t. “We actually talked about it a lot. We kind of like the idea of having it in Pittsburgh.” Viv beamed up at me and leaned closer, resting her head on my shoulder. “I like the idea of having it in Nash’s hometown.”

  The side of Bianca’s smile ticked. “Of course.” She went back to her screen and clicked a few times, then the printer behind her whirred to life. After several minutes, it stopped, and Bianca wheeled over on her chair, grabbed the papers, then rolled back to her desk. “Were you going to have a small event? Or larger?”

  “What do you think, Nash?” Viv asked.

  “I don’t care. As long as Felix, my parents, and my sister are there, it’s not a big deal to me.” Again, Bianca’s mouth twitched, though there was no other reaction to my words.

  “Well, my mom should be there. My agent, some of the studio execs.” She tapped her chin with a red nail. “It might be a good idea to have a big wedding. I don’t want to unintentionally leave someone out.”

  My stomach sank. I really didn’t want a big wedding, but I knew Viv would want one. She liked attention on her and the glitz and glamor of Hollywood. There was no way she’d miss out on living it up on her wedding day.

  A twisted part of me was looking forward to planning the wedding now. If it meant I could spend a little time with Bianca, I was willing. Over the years, missing her had become a dull ache that I’d been able to forget about for periods of time, but now it was a constant pain, sharp and impossible to ignore.

  “Here are some options.” Bianca laid out a half dozen pieces of paper with venue names, pictures, and some details about them. “These are my favorites.” Her finger trailed over three of them. “They have gorgeous settings for pictures and are able to accommodate several hundred, though this one,” she pointed to the Scarlet Inn, “is able to go up to 800 or so. They have a beautiful display of Christmas trees.”
>
  “I love the sound of that one.” Viv leaned closer to the paper and read it. I stayed put, not wanting to get any closer to Bianca. Being in the same room was close enough.

  “I called them this morning, and they only have a few dates left in November, so if you want to go with them, you’ll want to book them soon.”

  Bianca and Viv continued talking as I tuned them out. Viv said I had to be involved since she was going to be on set and I had to take the reins. And now I was stuck in my own personal hell. I was planning a wedding with my fiancée with the girl I’d loved more than anything almost a decade ago. Only my life could end up this fucked.

  Felix’s words stormed through my brain. Had Bianca moved on too? Was she with someone and close to marriage herself? My stomach twisted, and I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with the thought. Again, it shouldn’t even be a blip on my radar, but it made me want to punch this fictional guy in the face.

  How in the hell was I going to get through all these months feeling so conflicted?

  “Let’s talk about announcing it now that we have a date and venue booked.” Bianca opened a planner in front of her. I noticed it wasn’t Erin Condren, wondering if she still preferred those.

  “I’m not sure what’s the best way to go about it,” Viv said.

  “Why don’t we just release a short statement and leave it vague?” I added.

  “That’s probably best. The less the media and public know, the better.” Bianca made a note on the paper in front of her.

  “Okay. What should we say?”

  “Let me craft it, and I’ll email you both a copy, and we can go from there. Sound good?” Bianca never looked up, and I wished she would. I craved her eyes, wanting to feel the pressure of them on my skin.

  I was seriously losing my mind.

  Viv agreed with Bianca and began gathering her stuff. “Thank you so much for everything. I can already tell working with you is going to be great.” Viv’s voice was always so bubbly. Sometimes I wished she’d turn off her public persona and just…be. But she seemed incapable. I was attracted to her happy-go-lucky personality before, but right now, it grated on me.