HeartLess

by Love, Kristy

  They shook hands, and Viv stood to leave. “Ready, Nash?” Viv held her hand out to me.

  “I need a minute.” The words were out before I knew what I was saying. Viv looked at me quizzically. “A surprise.” Viv’s lips spread into a wide smile and she nodded, rushing from the room. She was a sucker for a surprise. I’d have to come up with something, but I really wanted a moment alone with Bianca, even though it felt like torture.

  “Something you need, Mr. James?” Bianca’s voice was devoid of all the warmth and charm she’d had with Viv. Instead, she focused on the papers in front of her, not even bothering to look at me.

  Silence hung in the air around us and it felt like it was expanding. I needed to say something, but I didn’t know what. I wanted her to look at me, I wanted her inviting smile and her warm laughter instead of this coldness she directed at me. Even though I’d tried talking to her before, I felt like I needed to try again. “Bee.” The word came out quiet, almost like a prayer.

  Finally, her eyes cut to me, but they were full of emotions I’d never seen directed at me before. A mixture of disgust, hate, and annoyance. “Bianca. Or Ms. Fair.”

  “I just—”

  “I have things to do, your wedding to get back to planning. I don’t have time to sit here and listen to whatever…bullshit you’re about to spew.”

  “For real? That’s how you want things to go?”

  “What did you expect? You’d come waltzing back into my life, and I’d be thrilled?” She didn’t give me a chance to reply. “If doing this event wasn’t imperative to keeping my job, I would have handed it off to another planner by now. Unfortunately, my boss said I have to do this. So, I’m here.” She folded her hands over her desk. “Unless this is in relation to your wedding, I really do have things to get to.” The coldness in her voice and the look in her eye chilled me thoroughly.

  “There’s nothing I can say to get you to listen to me? To talk to you?”

  “It’s a little late for talking, don’t you think?” Her eyes drifted over my face before she turned in her chair, giving me her back. “Don’t you have your someone else to get back to?”

  Her words hit their intended target, and I flinched. I left her office, not knowing what else to say to her. Because she was right. I had someone else to get back to. She hadn’t been mine in a long time, and it was over now. For good.

  “Ready, babe?” Viv asked, tucking her arm in mine. I nodded, letting her lead me from the office building, a knot firmly lodged in my stomach.

  Chapter 15

  Bianca

  I organized the documents I’d secured for the event into a folder, contracts for them to sign. I couldn’t even think of it as the wedding because it made me want to scream until my voice was hoarse. There was no way I was going to put my job in jeopardy. I’d put too much work into this job and this company to let him derail me. I’d be damned if I went down, again, at his hands. Yet again today I was meeting the oh, so happy couple. We were going over some details and appointments I’d booked. I was ready for this to be over, but I still had plenty of months to get through.

  Pam, my assistant, knocked on my door and ushered Nash and Vivienne into my office. “Hello. Thanks for meeting with me again.” I smiled, keeping my eyes plastered on Vivienne’s face. Nash sulked in, plopping into a chair, his arms over his chest. He was clearly not happy about being here.

  “It’s no problem. We wanted to get stuff figured out before we both have to take off for a little bit.” She smiled. “Get things off to a running start, so to speak.”

  “Of course.” I pulled the papers from my folder. “I know you’re interested in the Scarlet Inn. I thought you’d want to see the venue and have a taste testing there before we put a deposit down. It’s too early to iron out a menu, but I thought you’d want to at least see what the food was like.”

  “It’s good though, right?” Vivienne asked, her eyes scanning over the paper for the Scarlet Inn.

  “Absolutely, but everyone’s taste is different. You can sample some different things, that way you’ll have a better idea of what you want later on.”

  “When will we do that?”

  “They have openings on Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday.”

  Vivienne looked at Nash. “You play in town on Friday, so I don’t think that’d be a good day.”

  “No. Let’s do Tuesday. You’ll be out of town this weekend, and the concert is Friday. It’d just be easier.” Nash stared out the window over my shoulder. He didn’t even turn to look at Vivienne. So much for keeping things at least civil in front of Vivienne.

  “Perfect.” I jotted down a note. “I’ll contact them and schedule that immediately. There are some other details you may want to think about—cakes, dresses, those types of things. We technically have time, but with both of your packed schedules, you don’t want to let things get too out of hand.”

  Our talk revolved around details and plans. I stayed detached, not wanting to let myself get wrapped up in all of this. If I thought about it too much, it felt like I was being repeatedly stabbed by flaming knives. Instead, these were normal clients planning their happy day.

  “I emailed the statement I drafted to your people this morning,” I said. “I heard back from them, and they made a few changes. It should be going to press shortly.”

  “We’re planning on announcing it while I’m on set and filming has already started.” Vivienne smiled. “Publicity.”

  Nash’s jaw ticked. I wondered if he didn’t like something as personal as his wedding being used for publicity, but he didn’t say anything. “Sounds great.”

  Once we finished, Vivienne reached across the desk and put her hand on top of mine, stopping me from organizing the paperwork we’d just gone over. “As a thank you, Nash and I would like to give you this.” She reached into her huge purse and handed over two tickets and two lanyards. “HeartLess is playing on Friday, as we said. We wanted to give you two front row tickets and backstage passes.” She smiled, and it was so sweet I almost wanted to throw up on her. As much as I wanted to dislike her, it was hard. She’d been nothing but lovely to me. “Bring whoever you want. Hang out with us backstage.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t possibly impose.” Please, please don’t make me have to take these tickets. I’d avoided all things HeartLess for so damn long. I didn’t want to go anywhere near that concert.

  “You wouldn’t impose.” She wove her fingers through Nash’s and snuggled into his side. A traitorous sliver of jealousy squirmed through me. They looked like the perfect couple. Him, rock star gorgeous. Her, movie star beautiful. They were the faces that would sell millions of copies of magazines and keep tongues wagging about all their movements. For some reason, it hit me at this moment for the first time that Nash had become A Big Deal. Obviously, I’d known it. I’d seen the news about his record sales and sold out venues, even though I’d tried not to. But something about him having this stunning woman on his arm made it all really sink in. I swallowed past the tight feeling in my throat. “We insist. You’ve been so amazing to us so far, and we wanted to do something nice for you.” Shining white teeth, perfectly aligned, appeared in her smile. I felt frumpy next to her. Goddamnit all to hell.

  “If you’re sure.”

  “We wouldn’t have offered if we weren’t.” She stood, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Nash stood next to her, his hands balled up at his sides. “Bring a date. You might earn some brownie points over the seats and passes.” She winked. “See you Friday, Bianca!” And she swept from the room, long hair trailing behind her. Nash stalked after her, not bothering with parting words or a last glance.

  I looked at the tickets and backstage lanyards they’d left on my desk, sinking back into my chair and blowing out a long breath. I had no idea what I was going to do, but it seemed I was breaking my streak of avoiding all things HeartLess. Damn Nash and him walking into my office.

  * * *

  Walking into my apartment, I threw my keys into the di
sh and went to the kitchen. Alli was sitting in the window and meowed when she saw me, bumping me with her head until I gave her the obligatory pets. Peyton had been here recently because there were dishes all over the kitchen. For a woman who claimed self-reliance and independence, she sure as hell made a mess everywhere she went.

  Rolling my sleeves up, I picked up the garbage can and went through and gathered up all the trash before diving into the dishes. The entire time I scrubbed, I pictured the way Nash looked with Vivienne on his arm. My stomach was sour, leading to a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted so badly not to care about Nash or his stupid wedding. It needed to be just any other event I planned, but it felt like a gut punch every time I thought about it. I had no idea how I was going to make it through all these months of planning and meetings.

  “I was going to clean that,” Peyton said from behind me. I was so deep in thought that her voice caused me to splash water all over the front of my outfit, which didn’t help the foul mood I was in.

  “What in the hell have you been doing all day? How can one person mess up a kitchen this badly? I’ve only been gone ten hours.” I grabbed a towel and dabbed at my soaked skirt, though it was utterly pointless.

  Peyton leaned a hip against the counter and studied me. “What happened today? Something with Nash, clearly, but what specifically?”

  I tossed the towel away and stormed to my room, needing to get out of these damned wet clothes. “Why do you assume it has something to do with Nash?”

  “Because you’ve been testy and annoying since he became your client.” She came into my room and plopped on the bed, hugging one of the decorative pillows on my bed to her chest. Her eyes followed me as I stripped out of my clothes and found dry, comfy clothes. Tonight, was a wine night. It didn’t even matter that it was Wednesday. This week had already been unbelievably long, and the distraction would be nice.

  “Have not.”

  “Have to.” She laid on her side, her head propped up on her hand.

  Since we’d lived together, the boundaries between us were basically nonexistent, especially when it came to Peyton. If I didn’t lock doors, she would barge in. It didn’t matter if I was changing or on the toilet. She was always there. “Shut up.”

  “See? Testy and annoying. What did he do now?”

  “I have two tickets for front row seats and backstage passes for the concert on Friday.” The words slipped out before I even wanted them to.

  Peyton sat up, mouth and eyes wide. “No shit.” She knew how far out of my way I’d gone to keep away from all things HeartLess.

  “How could I decline? They’re my clients and huge clients at that. And, God, Vivienne is just so nice.” I tugged a loose T-shirt over my head before unhooking my bra and throwing it on the chair in the corner of my room. “I want to hate her, I really do. But I’d have to work at it. How messed up is that? I’d have to work to hate her.”

  “Who are you going to take?”

  I fell down on my bed next to her. “Would you be willing to go with me?”

  She went silent, and I knew she was thinking about it. I wasn’t the only one left brokenhearted by Nash and Felix leaving. Peyton was left behind by two people she thought were her best friends and it hurt her terribly. Both of us had worked to forget the guys. “I guess if you’re going to have to suffer through it, it might as well be with us together.”

  I held up my hand, pinky extended. “Together.”

  She hooked her pinky around mine. “Together.”

  * * *

  The buzz in the arena was what I remembered from those early HeartLess days, except so much more. The crowd chattered, cheered, screamed, and seemed to pulse with energy and anticipation, and the show wasn’t even starting for another half hour. Girls held up signs, had shirts for the band on, and even had symbols and words painted on their faces. Everywhere you looked, Felix and Nash were there. It was stifling. I had no idea how I was going to get through the rest of the night, let alone a backstage visit.

  “This is insanity,” Peyton muttered next to me as we were escorted to our seats. Sure enough, we were front row, almost smack dab in the middle.

  “Enjoy the show.” The usher left us with a nod.

  “It’s not a small venue, right?”

  “Definitely not a small venue. I wonder if it’s different for them, you know?” Peyton’s eyes went over the filled seats. “Do they even realize how crazy this is? To have this many people in one area pay to see you perform.”

  “Who knows?” I sipped my beer, not wanting to think about Felix or Nash. I wished I had a fast-forward button so this evening could be over, and I could wake up tomorrow.

  A group of women behind us chatted excitedly about the band and how amazing it was to be so close to the stage. One woman wanted Nash to notice her and take her back to his hotel. Another hoped Felix would pick her and not be able to make it out of the arena, just ravish her behind his drum set. How was this real life? I still thought of Nash and Felix as my dorky best friends, the ones who were so wrapped up in music they missed most of the real world. They were always attractive, but they were total music nerds. And now they had women everywhere salivating over them.

  Before long, the show started. Nash and Felix ran onto the stage, Felix going behind his drum set and Nash going to the microphone stand in the middle of the stage. He had a guitar hanging from his neck and a huge smile on his face. His eyes moved over the crowd, as though he could see each and every face out there looking back at him expectantly. His eyes dropped down and found me and his smile froze and slipped slightly from his face. Everyone around us was jumping and screaming while I sat in my seat pretending to be unaffected. There was no way to be in this room with this level of excitement and not have at least a little adrenaline coursing through your veins, though I’d be damned if Nash saw me be affected.

  There had never been another man in existence that was as sexy as Nash James, especially when he was on stage, in his element.

  “Hey, Pittsburgh. It’s great to be home.” Nash ran a hand over his hair and smiled at the waiting fans. “Are you ready to rock out with us tonight?”

  The screams were deafening. Seriously, I was tempted to put my fingers in my ears to protect myself from permanent hearing loss. Nash and Felix launched into a song, the beat furious and the guitar driving. Without missing anything, Nash’s voice rang out over the sea of people, and my heart stuttered in my chest. His energy was the same, his presence was more intense, and the huge crowd sang along with him. My foot tapped to the rhythm, and I couldn’t stop it. Every time I’d stop the movement, it would start up again. I couldn’t deny that the guys were good, though they’d always been.

  I stayed seated through song after song, only my traitorous foot disobeying me. It was fun, and I liked the songs, but I didn’t want to get wrapped up. It would be too easy to let loose and enjoy all of this. So far, I hadn’t known any of the songs, so they must have been new. They were still good, and under other circumstances, I would have totally loved them and added them to playlists.

  Then a familiar harmony floated from the stage. It was one of their early songs, one of the ones I’d been around and watched them slave over writing. Part of it was written at my dining room table. I remembered them pouring over the papers over lunch, perfecting it in Nash’s garage. A pit formed in my stomach and a lump lodged in my throat as nostalgia assaulted me from every angle. Nash said something to the crowd, though I couldn’t make out the words. My ears felt full of cotton, and my mind was in a daze. The lyrics washed over me as they continued.

  I was a teenager again, looking at Nash from the side of the stage as he sang his heart out. I remembered the way he used to sneak me covert glances that sent tingles through my body as if every word of every song was meant for me and only me. Except that was impossible now because he was engaged to someone else. And, God, did it hurt. I felt each thud of Felix’s drum like a punch to the gut. Every note Nash sang was a slice across my heart. I wa
s here at this moment, but also back in so many moments that were my most cherished teen memories.

  As Nash played a guitar solo that they must have added for the live performance, his eyes went over the crowd again, taking it in, and I remembered his words from long ago. “I’m going to do that every show. I’m going to make a conscious effort to take a few seconds and just soak it in. I want to remember these moments when the songs end.” Still, after how many shows they’d performed and the success they’d achieved, Nash continued to take a moment to absorb everything. Something waffled inside me—something unpleasant—and I rubbed at my chest as though I could chase it away.

  Every single molecule in my body wanted me to stand up and flee, to get away, to preserve myself from any more of these memories, these pains, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone to know that Nash was slowly gutting me. Instead, I plastered a smile on my face and sat there. Every emotion in my body felt too big like it was clawing to escape and run rampant. I couldn’t even pin down how I was feeling. My skin felt too hot, too tight. I shifted in my seat as the music washed over the room and the fans cheered. I wondered if Peyton was struggling as hard as I was.

  Chapter 16

  The concert was over, thankfully, and Peyton and I were being swept backstage. My throat was dry and scratchy. I’d give anything for a glass of wine. Or a bottle. Peyton had her arm wound around mine. I walked with my head held high and my shoulders squared. A mixture of emotions swirled through me. I was so proud of him, so in awe of everything he’d accomplished. All those good feelings I used to have back when we were teens were bubbling over. There was also the anger, the hurt, the betrayal I felt at how he’d left me. That he’d left me at all.