Becoming God

by Trilok Nath Pandey

Which God like that should we pray to with sacrifices?

  Born with fire in its womb

  There was ocean here and there and up and below

  Woken as the only life

  Which God like that should we pray to with sacrifices?

  Creator of the Universe and heavens, ancestor watch over us

  Immense ocean, savior of truth and religion watch over us

  The vastness of directions are stretched like Its arms in all and over all

  We should keep praying to God like that by offering ghritam

  We should keep praying to God like that by offering ghritam

  The rendition with an extraordinary aplomb cast spell on the audience. He repeated the last few lines of the hymn a few times, and then stopped eventually to note the response of the audience. The audience, which had by now come out of the spell, responded in an affirmative appreciation, in a chorus.

  “Yes, that is that,” squealed Shiv like a child. He continued, “That is what Atri said I was doing. That’s Omkar, Om making, making sound of Om to happen. By that I say yes to the Absolute that I am in harmony with That. I keep myself tuned to the Supreme Consciousness.”

  The audience appeared stupefied. Suspecting whether they comprehended well what he was trying to tell, Shiv tried to further elucidate, “Om is the primordial sound, vocalizing the universe in its entirety, and not as a conglomerate of individual parts. In our ordinary consciousness we perceive the world in individual parts, but through the sound Om we see the universe in totality and completeness.” He stopped for a while to assess whether the audience was willing for the uptake, and resumed speaking: “Om is a mantra. Mantra may be a new term for you. By mantra I mean that which protects, tra, from the vagaries of mind, man.”

  Meanwhile, Maitreyi from the audience stood with folded hands, and entreated Shiv to elucidate his claims by producing the Om sound. Shiv hurried to correct her, “No, my dear lady, Om cannot be produced. It’s already there; it’s ever been there. It occurs to you once you‘re in tune with the Supreme Entity. You’ve to just devotedly pronounce it. I’ll demonstrate.”

  Shiv sat on the ground in his usual lotus posture and focused his mind to his navel. Soon, waves of consciousness with deep sound started rising up in circles – O O O O O O ….. These waves were rising, at the micro level, in Shiv’s body, and at macro level engulfing the entire world. What was happening at micro level was simultaneously resonating at the macro level also. The waves continued rising one after one gurgling towards his neck which was turning red from its usual blue hue. Soon, waves struck the cranium of his head and reflected below hitting his Third Eye, which started bulging out. The waves exited through his nose with a deep nasal sound. These waves again resumed onward ring-like circulation from Shiv’s navel and in the process sweet sound of Om was happening. This went for quite some time till Shiv suddenly stopped the process before he would plunge deep in Super Consciousness. The whole audience, who were simultaneously being taken to the Supreme Consciousness, awoke with a jolt.

  The audience still remained spell-bound and Shiv waited for their reaction. Kanad, the physicist, arose from the audience and asserted that he understood the phenomenon. When exhorted by Shiv to speak up, he said, “The universe is made of atoms. Every atom has got its own specific vibration. It’s true to even non-material world. Every thought we think, every word we speak, even every emotion we feel has got its own vibratory frequency.”

  Having said so, Kanad paused to think what to say further. Finding him engrossed in thoughts, Shiv took over to speak, “We create our own world based on what Kanad calls vibrations, which bind us to this world. To attain liberation from this world, we need to create more powerful vibrations. That is possible through shabd, the sound. Shabd is the non-material manifestation of the material world, and is even capable of being a bridge between the material world and spiritual world. We can transcend the material world and reach spiritual world, if we mindfully and correctly recite a mantra for adequate times.”

  Vishwamitra arose hesitatingly to speak, “We feel almost similar impact on our mind, when we recite our hymns. The impact is more, when we chant some specific sentences or phrases of Vedic verses. The verse which I envisioned while in prayerfulness to god Savitar and verbalised that in Gayatri meter, is wonderful. He chanted the verse in its characteristic Vedic sonority:

  We meditate on the glory of that Being

  who has produced this Universe.

  May He enlighten our minds.

  It echoed and re-echoed when Vishwamitra went on singing the verse repeatedly with a remarkable sonority. The audience appeared entranced by the strong impact caused by the echoes of the song. Vishwamitra suddenly stopped, and looking to Shiv, asked “Can we not call such verses mantra?”

  Shiv quipped, “Yes, you can. It’s such a powerful prarthana, prayer, that it instantly fills the chanter and listener both with piousness. Any word whether laden with or devoid of meanings can do wonders if chanted with full faith.”

  The audience was unanimous that all such powerful prayers would be known as mantra. Some other seers also came up to recite their verses, filling the whole ambience with powerful vibes. Atri came up with a proposition that the impact of the hymns would increase many-fold if the sacred syllable Om was added to them. Shiv immediately affirmed, stating, “Om is eternal sound and akshara, imperishable, syllable. It is the key to unlock the sacred pathway to a world beyond the seen. It would enhance the efficacy of a mantra to innumerable times with its mere proximity.”

  Kanad hastily intervened by putting forth his theory, “If Om is added in the beginning and the end of a mantra the vibratory circles would be completed, generating powerful frequencies. This would bring amazing results, enabling the chanter to perform many feats by maneuvering the frequencies of the mantras.”

  Kanad’s suggestion was unanimously accepted by the audience. Meanwhile, Atri again came up seeking approval to his suggestion whether he could utilize the sacred syllable Om to enhance the efficacy of yantras, the subject which he had been assigned for research. Shiv was very happy at his proposal and appreciated Atri’s intelligence and innovativeness.

  10.5

  It was an evening of summer. Shiv was ambling from Dashashwamedh Ghat towards south along the Ganga river. Though the sun had set, the sky in the west was still scarlet. Shiv could figure out, in the fast-declining visibility, that someone was taking bath in the Ganga at the cremation ghat. By the time Shiv reached the spot, the person had already concluded bath and was moving away. Shiv hurried to track the person. As he neared, he was surprised to see that the person was a young woman - scantily clad with wet hair straggling on her back. She was walking languidly towards a straw shanty at the end of the riverfront.

  Shiv reached the woman just when she was about to enter the shanty. To his utter surprise and confusion, the woman had an awful resemblance with his dead wife, Sati – the same beautiful oval face, large black eyes, full lips and the same shapely nose. Before he could overcome his confusion, the woman asked what he wanted from her. Shiv could mumble a few words, and retreated in haste.

  Back to the waterline of the river, Shiv happened to see an old man, who was busy in collecting half-burnt woods from a cold pyre. Reverentially, Shiv asked, “Who are you, Sire?” Realising that Shiv himself was present before him, the old man immediately prostrated, throwing away the half-burnt woods in his hands. In a voice wet with gratitude and happiness the old man spoke, “My lord, I’ve heard you’re the friend and protector of the destitute! You are great indeed, greater than gods, as none else has the strength to show respect to a Chandal that I am, the person who performs cremation at this place. Tell me what makes you grace this place and show so much mercy to this lowly man.”

  “Don’t call yourself a lowly man, father. Everybody has to come to this place one day and you are privileged to be the last person to say goodbye to a departing soul. You are a great person indeed,” said Shiv exuding great politenes
s. Shortly, indicating towards the shanty, Shiv asked nervously, “Who was that young woman who was bathing here?”

  “She is my daughter, Matangi. Has she done anything untoward? If so, I beseech you forgive her. She is an unfortunate child.”

  “Unfortunate? How?” Shiv asked impatiently.

  “Her mother died while giving birth to her. I brought her up with great difficulty. But now when she has come of age and not apparently lacking in virtues, no groom is willing to marry her. There is a tale spread all around. That maybe apocryphal as even being his father I don’t know the reality.”

  “What is that tale?” Shiv’s curiosity was at the climax.

  “Matangi did not cry at her birth like an ordinary child. She rather laughed raucously, glowering at the body of her mother. It was an egregious, terrible scene. But soon, it all ceased and Matangi started crying like a normal child. Since then she is quite normal or maybe it appears so to me being a father. We are a gregarious community, but all my tribesmen left me fearing that the child is calamitous and that she is a hob who devoured her mother.”

  “It’s all nonsense. Had you yourself seen or heard her laughing at her birth?” asked Shiv, a bit annoyed.

  “No, sir, but my brother’s wife who was present there said so,” the old man replied.

  “It’s all bunkum, a story made up by your sister-in-law, perhaps out of malice.”

  “But, how can I make the people believe and see the truth. Moreover, my daughter, nettled by the people’s behaviour, abhors the idea of getting married. But I want to see her married. After all, I am her father.”

  Shiv left, roiling over the indignation the beautiful Matangi was undergoing. He was fretting that the grooms were a big fool to reject such a gracious beauty as wife. He wondered whether the Creator had deliberately blinded the people to the divine signs she possessed.

  Some more meetings with Matangi and her resemblance with Sati aroused amorous desires in Shiv. His mind was flooded with sensual thoughts. He felt ashamed, brooding over people’s belief that he had burnt Kamdev, the god of desire, to ashes with his Third Eye. If he had eliminated Kamdev how could he was able to stir his mind with lustful thoughts, he wondered. He thought he might have burnt the corpus of Kamdev, but his spirit might be still alive. Shiv decided to take on Kamdev afresh.

  Shiv set up his meditation, contemplating on Kamdev’s might. He started peeling off the layers of kam, the desire. In the process he encountered two elements - charged with positive and negative energies. He named them Purush and Prakriti. Further, he came to know that the two elements are incomplete in themselves and desire for union to make it a whole. He saw that this desire for union is Kam, which is as basic and natural as the two elements. He could conclude that Kam could not be condemned as something sinful, as it is the basis of all creation and forms the core of the existence.

  Shiv admitted the primacy and forcefulness of Kam, and acknowledged that the suppression of the natural flow of Kam’s energy might cause perversion and even prove self-destructive. Eventually, he arrived at the conclusion that the free flow of Kam energy might run down a creature to the lowliest position. He conceived a hypothesis that if the flow of this energy was inverted it could be utilized for elevation to Cosmic Consciousness.

  Shiv was now restless to experiment with his hypothesis. He decided to conduct his experiment through two possible methods – one by abstention and the other by indulgence. Through abstention he planned to withdraw to the seclusion of his own elemental self, force-blocking the downward flow of the kam energy and instead force it to run upward for sublimation. The other method required a congress between the male and female elements, which he postponed for some other time, giving chance to the first method first.

  Shiv wanted to keep his hypothesis and experiments secret till it was fully realized. He, however, took his consort Parvati into confidence and divulged his plans to her. For experimenting with the first method he sought approval from her, which she accorded, but with heavy heart, apprehending the looming separation from her dear husband.

  Shiv retired to an unknown place to embark on extreme austerities, practising celibacy. He strived to achieve perfection in celibacy, attempting to repress every trace of sensuality. He resolved to wipe out kam completely this time, from every level of existence - physical, psychological and spiritual. He faced only little difficulty at the physical level, but countering kam at the psychological level was an uphill task. He would keep slipping down whenever coquettishly smiling face of Matangi would appear in his mind. Sometimes she would assume the form of Sati wooing him for coitus; other times she, as Matangi, would titillate him with seductive smirking. Parvati’s serene face would, however, appear sporadically, solacing him. Sometimes, all the three faces would appear in such a speedy succession that he got confused and his vision started blurring, giving vent to varied apparitions and hallucinations. They triggered various sensations arousing horror, terror, sensuousness, and so on.

  There was such a deafening din of emotions that it usurped Shiv’s equanimity. He grew restless; defeat stared at him. He heard the blusterous laughter of kam, appearing coming from a distant place, reining over the commotion of desires. Immediately, he realized that it all was the doing of kam. This realization incensed him afresh against kama.

  “But, oh, what is this! He is losing to kam; kam continually laughs over victory,” Shiv thought disconcertedly. He found that his fight against kama was weakened by the intensity of his emotional upheaval. Instantly, he collected himself, cooling down to the freezing calm and stared at kam with the cold fire of his Third Eye. And, lo! Kama was frozen this time, more deadly than the previously having been burnt to ashes.

  In the fight against kam, Shiv’s elemental energy froze and instead of rising up to Super Consciousness, it withdrew to its nucleus. Shiv’s fight was now over; he was victorious now. He accomplished what he had resolved. He was established now in Cosmic Consciousness.

  Shiv’s Samadhi lasted for quite long. He was reluctant to renounce the bliss of enlightenment. His long absence caused concerns among the people. Anxious teachers and students of the Vidyapeeth would enquire from Gannu and Bhero about Shiv. When they expressed ignorance, the vice-chancellor Kanad approached Parvati, but she kept mum.

  Similarly, citizens of Kashi would throng to Shiv’s Dham, where they would find Nandi sitting distressed, tears welling up in his eyes. When asked about Shiv, it would nod his head in negation. Eventually, they sought access to Parvati who continued to maintain a stony silence. In desperation they assembled at the Mandir to organize a ritual worship of Shivling. Parvati was sore and sad that she could not reveal the secret of Shiv’s sadhna, and at the same time she was ignorant about his whereabouts. Outside, the clamour for Shiv was growing shriller day by day - at the Mandir, at the Vidyapeeth, in front of the Dham, and at almost everywhere.

  Distressed Parvati one day asked Nandi to take her to Shiv. When Nandi nodded his head in negation indicating that he was not aware of Shiv’s location, Parvati burst in anger mistaking it his refusal to oblige. However, when she realized her mistake she sought excuse, expressing that the distress due to separation from Shiv had plagued her mind. She advised Nandi to move led by intuition and the rest she would guide it as per her own intuition. Later, while riding Nandi, Parvati was anguished that it was for the first time that she was riding Nandi sans Shiv.

  Parvati traced Shiv sitting in samadhi in the darkness of a cavern in the far north from Kashi. She ran up to him, clasping his deadpan body. She was peeved to see his famished body covered with dirt and grass. She removed them with a piece of her clothes. She caressed him lovingly and sang ditties dear to him in her honeyed voice, trying to bring him back to his senses. Nag, the snake, which had slipped away to a nearby whole, sidled to Shiv and twined around his neck trying to arouse him with its slithering massage. Nandi, who envied Nag entwined around Shiv’s neck, bellowed loudly to make his presence felt by Shiv.

  Ripples
of faint sensations arose in the consciousness of Shiv, making him feel delightful touch and melodic voice of his darling Parvati and compelling calls from his constant companions. Suddenly, he opened eyes and was overjoyed to see Parvati and his lackeys – Nag and Nandi.

  Back home, Parvati desired to know about Shiv’s sadhna. He delineated the difficulties of the path and described how he could overcome them. He, however, opined that the path was dreary and dreadful, and could be recommended for people of strong character and tough temperament. Shiv continued to speak, “It’s not everybody’s dish. Pursuing this method is like moving on razor’s edge. Those who are pleasure-seekers should refrain from it, and if they are pretentiously allured to this path, they are bound to fail in their endeavour.”

  “Then, what’s the use of this path for common people who are householders?” butted Parvati.

  Resuming his talk Shiv spoke, “Kama is the primal energy, which causes our phenomenal existence in the world. This energy cannot be eliminated, nor can it be repressed whimsically. The attempt for elimination is suicidal, while indiscreet repression would cause upheavals in consciousness. Kam can, however, be used as a tool to catapult to Cosmic Consciousness. Having trodden the path of repression, I’ll now embark on the path of indulgence.” Shiv smiled sensually to Parvati, with a resolute stress on the last sentence. Sensing what Shiv meant, Parvati responded by winking her left eye seductively.

  The stage was set for the two players – Shiv and Parvati – to secretly experiment the path of utilizing kam as a tool to liberation. They ensured complete privacy at the innermost quarter of the Dham by asking discreetly all their lackeys not to approach them. Nandi was instructed to remain vigilant as a guard at the gate, while Nag was asked to slither away so that Parvati might indulge fearlessly in the act and also that the snake could not be crushed during the likely vigorous union of the aroused couple.

  The union commenced with song and dance. Parvati initiated by singing about a lovelorn lady who bemoaned her unrequited love. The emotionally surcharged song soon spurred Shiv to start up a duet, by singing about the man who grieved over the naivety of the lovesick to his hints for progression. Parvati was so wallowed in the rhythm of the song that she started dancing lasya. Shiv switched to playing damru dulcetly, but soon duetted by shifting to anand tandav.