Becoming God

by Trilok Nath Pandey

  The couple remained lost in songs and dance for a couple of days. Their primal energy was heating up gradually, expanding their consciousness collectively. Eventually, they entwined with each other, making love at various levels of existence - physical as well as subliminal. The congress was in an incessant progression, their collective energy racing up. After a prolonged pleasure they ultimately crossed the threshold and attained Cosmic Consciousness. There they got established as if for eternity.

  Soon a time came when subtle calls from their friends and lackeys started reaching them, stirring up their compassion to come down. They returned to the phenomenal world for the good of the people. Their faces were glowing with an aura of accomplishment.

  Shiv’s hypothesis that kama could be used as a prop to elevation survived experimental testing, through both the paths – abstention and indulgence. He felt that it was now the time that the accomplishment be carried over to other sadhaks, the seekers, for the maximum good of the people. The two contradictory paths compelled him to contemplate on the nature of prospective seekers. He concluded the contemplation by categorizing them into two broader groups, namely, veer, the valorous, and pashu, the animalistic. As he had some apprehensions about the path of abstention due to its dreariness and difficulties, he reserved it for the sadhaks of veer category. The other path – the path of indulgence, which he considered fit for the passionate, was recommended for the sadhaks of pashu pravrittis, the animalistic tendencies. He fancifully accorded an adjective ghor, the terrible, to the first path, while the second path was adorned with an opposite adjective aghor, the non-terrible, due to its comparatively comfortable pursuance. He discerned the first path as the right wing of spiritual pursuance, and the second path as the left wing. He gave the second path a specific name of vama-marga, the left path, in honour of the female partner of the path as she was conventionally believed to be the left half of her male consort.

  Shiv was looking for two suitable persons who could be quick on the uptake of the two disparate paths. He selected his classmate and bosom friend Narad as the first initiate on the path of abstention, and the choice for the path of indulgence fell readily on his acolyte, Bhero. Unable to trace location of ever-wandering Narad as he appeared only capriciously, Shiv focused on Bhero.

  Bhero was immediately called and briefed about Shiv’s plan. He not only happily expressed his willingness to pursue the path, but was also overwhelmed with gratitude that Shiv had considered him capable of being the first initiate of a spiritual path.

  Bhero was not an easy choice. He was an unmarried, mature man who might have been repressing his sex drive. Once he would move on the path of indulgence the lid forced on his consciousness would be blown off, and it might cause huge upheavals, even some dangerous ones, Shiv apprehended. Another problem was selection of a suitable female partner who could align well with Bhero.

  Shiv contemplated for days looking for a woman who could be spiritually inclined and bold enough to mate with a stranger, without a formal alliance. Amidst anxious moments of search for such a unique woman for the purpose, Matangi’s face suddenly flashed in Shiv’s mind. He exulted with satisfaction that she was exactly the same woman he was looking for.

  Without wasting any more time in contemplation, Shiv left for the cremation ghat to see Matangi. There he happened to first meet the old man, her father, as she was not around at that time. Considering that it would be proper to broach the subject first to the old man and seek his approval, Shiv explained his plan to the old man, emphasizing the significance of the experiment and suitability of his daughter for the purpose. The old man was overjoyed that Shiv had chosen the ill-fated daughter of such a lowly man, but he expressed reservation that Matangi’s would be the final decision.

  Matangi was found at the nearby waterfront, enjoying her bath in the Ganga. Shiv accosted her there with an offer to partake in the plan. She expressed her willingness, pouting her lips coquettishly. She propositioned Shiv, demanding that only he be her partner. Feeling nailed to a quandary, Shiv explained his inability sagely, and without giving a further chance to Matangi for insistence, assured her that her partner would be none but his alter ego, who would be a perfect match to her. Matangi’s eyes gleamed with curiosity to know who he was. “He is Bhero, my friend,” Shiv revealed the name. Matangi stared at Shiv, mouth agape with surprise, expressing that she had not seen him. However, she hurriedly accorded her assent, reposing faith in Shiv.

  The old man readily consented when Shiv apprised him of Matangi’s willingness, and also agreed to leave the place for about a fortnight, as desired by Shiv, to ensure privacy for experimentation of Shiv’s hypothesis.

  Bhero, who was chosen and briefed earlier by Shiv about the plan, was re-briefed and asked to get ready immediately as his partner was already waiting for him. Though Bhero was very curious to know who his partner was, he was too coy to ask Shiv about her. Shiv deliberately did not divulge the name to him, and instead he took him to the cremation ghat.

  Tall and swarthy Bhero and svelte and pale Matangi saw each other, initially peeking coyly, then staring suspiciously, and eventually virile bull from within Bhero and antsy coquette from within Matangi looked into each other’s eyes and smiled sensually, oblivious of Shiv’s presence. Shiv was happy that a charismatic chemistry was developing between the two players of the plan.

  Anxiety was, however, grating Shiv’s mind that the abstinent Bhero and spinster Matangi might go berserk once their repressed passions were unshackled. He apprehended that innumerable bones would tumble out of the cupboard of their minds when they would be at the zenith of the act. He knew that this purging of passions was ineluctable to elevate to enlightenment. He, however, did not mention these fears in his short briefing delivered to them on the significance of the experiment.

  Shiv mounted surveillance discreetly on their activities from far behind, hiding him behind some rocks at the riverfront. He could take note of their activities even during night, in the milky moonlight.

  The first day, Shiv noted, Bhero and Matangi were busy talking incessantly, roaming hand in hand, in the morning and evening, and during the moonlit night along the waterfront. The next few days Shiv saw them occupied in blithe activities, rollicking around like children, playing boisterously, frolicking in chasing each other, and sometimes kissing and cuddling silently but passionately.

  One day in the evening, Shiv saw that the couple was huddled together at a far place along the waterfront, perhaps busy in fishing. On more attentive look Shiv realized that they were drinking something from a clay cup. Shiv guessed that it must be some raw Madira (wine), as they seemed sozzled. Meanwhile, some citizens from Kashi carrying a corpse arrived at the cremation ghat, and looking around for the old man called out for him in a clamorous and despicable manner.

  Matangi staggered hurriedly to the callers, leaving Bhero behind. Though annoyed at the tenor of the callers, Bhero spread on the earth, perhaps in stupor.

  Matangi hastily prepared the pyre with the woods brought by the citizens. They however returned leaving the pyre half-burnt. Meanwhile, another group of citizens carrying a corpse and faggots of woods reached the ghat. The spooky ambience of the cremation ghat was growing murkier due to evening fast yielding to night. Anxious to return home early, some men from this group asked Matangi to perform the cremation herself and hurried to be back in the snug of their homes.

  Once they left, Matangi appeared relaxed. She was at liberty to take her own time in performing the cremation or not to do that at all, not bothering for those unconcerned wimps or the incapacitated corpse. She waddled back to the place where Bhero was lying on the earth, and shouted at him for his sluggishness. They gulped some more swigs of Somras hurriedly from a pitcher lying there, and moved to cremation ghat where one corpse was half-burnt and another was waiting for its final treat.

  They again started drinking Madira taking to turns directly from the pitcher. Shiv was horrified to note that they were eating raw fish whic
h they had caught from the river some time earlier. More horrible was to see that Matangi pulled out a leg of the corpse from the pyre and started eating into it. She offered it to Bhero also, who also appeared to be greatly relishing it.

  Once their stomach was full of the feed and the drink, they started singing together, stridently and boisterously. Soon they switched to dancing, and danced as if two dreadful ghosts were performing some fiendish ritual. Matangi seemed so charged that she torn off Bhero’s clothes making him completely naked. In turn, Bhero ripped off whatever scanty clothes Matangi had had on her body.

  Bhero was suddenly so aroused that he raised Matangi’s naked body glistening in the moonlight in his arms and laid it supine on the bare ground. As he mounted and shoved into her, she cried with pain, and slapped very hard on Bhero’s cheek. Shouting that the grit on the earth was piercing in her bare back, she hurled Bhero back with her feet. She rushed to the corpse lying beside and laid on it calling Bhero to now resume the play. They continued the orgy till around the midnight. Thereafter there was complete quiet, and they returned slowly to the shanty.

  As they entered the shanty Shiv could not notice what they did thereafter. Recollecting their weird activities, Shiv wondered how demonic they were. He had already anticipated some abnormal activities, but not of this kind and level. He deferred to keep watch on them till the daybreak.

  In the next day morning, Shiv went to the shanty and saw them sitting in deep meditation, naked facing each other. He was blissfully happy that his hypothesis was proven correct. After purgation of evils latent in their sub-conscious, they had ascended to Supreme Consciousness and presently enjoying staying there. He decided to guard them so that nobody could disturb their bliss of accomplishment. He remained at the door of the shanty for three days.

  On the fourth day, early morning, Shiv started beating his damru rhythmically, wafting waves of melodious music. The ripple effect was discerned as bodies of Bhero and Matangi started swaying slowly, and soon they returned to their senses. Their eyes were gleaming with the light of enlightenment and their faces were adorned with aura of infinite peace. Seeing Shiv there, they immediately bowed to his feet and profusely expressed gratitude for initiating to a wonderful path. Shiv blessed them plenteously and prophesied that they would be the leaders of the people seeking enlightenment through the path of pleasure.

  10.6

  Shiv evolved various paths to enlightenment suitable to the people as per their nature and temperament. His search for a perfect path, which could be pleasant and useful for most of the people, completed with successful conclusion of the experiment on Bhero and Matangi.

  Before opening the path for general public Shiv undertook strenuous studies and preparations to make it simple. He carefully structured a foolproof system, tantra, with definitive instructions at every step. He ordained that the night of experimentation, which he called kaalratri, should be availed only after rigorous austerities and disciplining, and the use of meat; fish; wine dance, and lovemaking, which were utilised by Bhero and Matangi that night as tools of cleansing of their sub-consciousness must be restricted for only kaalratri, the night of the sadhna. The system was so well defined and structured and that it was popularly called tantra, though Shiv had initially named it aghor, non-terrible.

  By the grace of Shiv, Bhero, the leader of the path, was respected as Shiv’s alter ego and virtual Shiv. His name corrupted from Bhero to Bhairav with passage of time. All the subsequent seekers fancied them calling after his name, though distinguishing him differentially as Kalbhairav, the original Bhairav. Similarly, Matangi was celebrated as Bhairavi, the consort of Bhairav, and was worshipped as Shakti, the power of Bhairav. Essential presence and dominance of Bhairavi in the system was acknowledged from the very beginning. The female partners in the system liked to be known as Bhairavi.

  Chapter eleven

  Kali

  11.1

  A boat carrying consignments from Tamralipti, a port in the far east downstream the Ganga, arrived at the Teerth port of Kashi. The boatmen jumped off the boat hurriedly and left for the city. Consignments were still aboard. The head boatman would shortly return from the city, bringing some labourers to offload the merchandise.

  Everyone was gone; the boat did not require guarding in daytime. A woman skulking behind the consignments in the boat peeked out to size up the situation outside, and finding the port desolate came out swiftly. The woman – stocky, swarthy, with long dark hair straggling on her bare black back, and a blood red sari wrapped around her waist and breasts - dashed towards the city. A small scimitar hidden beneath the pleats of her sari was visible. The woman seemed spooky, though a nervous. Nevertheless, her gaits were steady and she swaggered swiftly towards the city.

  The first person she happened to meet on the path to Kashi city was an old man, whom she asked the way to Shiv’s Dham. Scared of the spookiness of the weirdness of the woman, the old man ran away, telling her to move ahead. Other people, who came across her way, were equally frightened and fled in fear, pointing the way to Shiv’s Dham.

  The woman eventually managed to reach the Dham. At the entrance she encountered Nandi who was sitting astride the gate blocking the entry. He was chewing cud placidly as if musing on some coquettish cow. He was not ruffled on arrival of the woman and continued rumination calmly. When the woman tried to barge in, he waved his head to denote denial. The woman, however, jumped across his legs with astonishing alacrity and landed in the hallway, where Gannu and Bhero, were huddled together discussing some issue. They were flummoxed to see a woman landing as if from the sky.

  It was Bhero, now popularly known as Kal Bhairav, who jumped on his feet to encounter the encroacher. Undaunted by macabre appearance of the unannounced visitor, he asked to know about her. Nonchalantly brushing aside the query, the woman demanded to see Shiv. Annoyed over the audacity of the woman, Kal Bhairav accosted her, “How are you related to him, and why do you want to meet him?”

  “Because I am his Shakti. We are eternal partners”, quipped the woman.

  Laughing aloud Kaal Bhairav wise-cracked, “But he is already with his partner.’’ Winking at Gannu who was still sitting, he insinuated “But my friend Gannu has no partner. He has not ever rubbed his paunch against the soft belly of a beauty.”

  Sensing the lecherous proposition, the woman pulled out her scimitar and brandishing it in the air thundered, “Move out of my way to union with Shiv, fool! Only Shiv is the Male and you all are just shadows.”

  Before Kaal Bhairav could respond, Shiv rushed from his inner quarter to see what the commotion was about. Seeing the dreadful woman with scimitar in hand, he urged her civilly, “Quiet, lady, quiet. You are welcome.”

  Shiv’s appearance calmed the woman who immediately fell down at his feet squeaking with delight, “My Lord.”

  Shiv was surprised at the sudden change in the woman. He asked her, spluttering, “Who are you and....and....what do you want?” “You don’t know me!” exclaimed the woman, widening her eyes abashedly. Finding Shiv in confusion, she took him aside by hand out of Gannu and Kaal Bhairav’s earshot and whispered in his ear, “Do you not know what people have been talking about me coming to their dreams?” “It’s all nonsense. I don’t believe in such arcane things. However, you, whoever you are, are welcome at my place,” said Shiv coming out of the confusion.

  The woman was a bit depressed over Shiv’s drab response, and left in desperation saying, “We’ll meet later.” Kaal Bhairav jeered at her derisively, though shut up suddenly when Shiv stared at him in disapproval.

  11.2

  Next day, the woman arrived at Dham when Parvati was serving daily feed of breads with her own hands to Nandi at the manger located beside the entrance of the home. Circumventing the likely detection, the woman tried to sneak into the house. Nandi, who had seen the woman entering home, waved his head to draw Parvati’s attention towards the intruder. Alarmed, Parvati raised a cry, “Halt, who are you entering stealthily there?”
The woman swivelled around to look at Parvati and asked gruffly, “Who are you squealing like a pig?” Parvati was extremely provoked over the expletive, and shouted back to the woman, “Lo and behold! This bitch dares demand the mistress of the home who she is. See her audacity!”

  The woman chilled immediately and said, “Sorry, I could not recognise you that you are Shiv’s spouse. I’m extremely sorry to have inadvertently offended you.”

  “Ok, ok, but who are you and why are you trying to see Shiv?” asked Parvati impatiently.

  “Shiv knows me. You may ask from him,” the woman parried the question.

  Meanwhile, Kaal Bhairav along with Gannu reached there. Seeing the woman there Kaal Bhairav scoffed at her, “So, you’ve come again. My friend Gannu is here for you.” By the time Gannu could take umbrage at Kaal Bhairav’s lewd remarks involving him, the woman flared in rage. In a huff, she left, clumping her feet.

  Parvati was taken aback at the turn of the event. She looked at Kaal Bhairav, demanding to know about the woman. Kaal Bhairav informed mockingly, “That kali, the black one, had arrived yesterday also and had a tiff with me. The fight was then averted by timely arrival of Shiv. She claimed to know Shiv and had whispered something in his ear.”

  Kaal Bhairav’s disclosure was enough to upset Parvati, who grew suspicious about Shiv’s relation with that woman. In that night, she demanded an explanation from Shiv. Shiv chuckled, trying to laugh the matter off, “So, her arrival has plagued you also.” Shiv’s comment seemed a slight to Parvati and she shouted, “Don’t fudge my question. Answer me straight.” Realising that he had hurt her, Shiv came out with a straight denial: “I don’t know her nor had I seen her earlier. She weirdly claims to being my eternal partner and cites some dreams. Some rishis had also been telling me about their dreams and pushing me to godhood. I had been dismissing their claim. I think those rishis might be suffering from some illusion due to their overindulgence in studies of their poem books. But, this strange-looking woman really puts me in a quandary. I swear you I don’t believe in such things.” Parvati was satisfied with Shiv’s reply and decided to deal herself with that woman.