When It Drops

by Alex Dyson

  ‘HA HA, aww, you’re terrible, Penguin!’

  ‘That song is called “Ella”,’ Timmy continued, ‘and it’s by an artist named BVTTON – that’s Button with a “V” instead of a “U”, people! And up until now, their identity has been a mystery. A bigger mystery than the Bermuda Triangle, a bigger mystery than Big Foot, a bigger mystery than how Penguin managed to get a wife in the first place!’

  Cue simultaneous laughter. Caleb smiled meekly.

  ‘Okay, enough of that,’ Penguin took over again. ‘We here at PHRESH, the home of new music, have managed to track down the artist behind that great track, and get this – he is only sixteen years old! Can you believe it? Please welcome him to the PHRESH breakfast show, Caleb Clifford, aka BVTTON!’

  Canned applause suddenly filled Caleb’s headphones. The two men looked at him expectantly. Caleb leaned into the microphone and said the wittiest, most appropriate thing he could think of.

  ‘Hello?’

  At least he didn’t slur it.

  ‘Hello, Caleb!’ Timmy jumped in. ‘Thanks for joining us in this little madhouse of a breakfast show. How are you?’

  ‘Good, thanks.’

  ‘Now, am I to understand,’ Penguin started, ‘that this is your first time on radio?’

  ‘Yeah, it is actually.’

  ‘Wow, and you’re sixteen? What year are you in at school?’

  ‘Year ten.’

  ‘Cool, so are all your friends listening in this morning before Maths class or something?’

  ‘Um …’ Caleb wondered how many people from school had seen the posters. How many were tuning in as a result. How many of them actually classified themselves as Caleb’s friends. If one of them was Ella Westlake. The hosts looked back at him eagerly.

  ‘Maybe?’

  Timmy forced a smile, then quickly continued. ‘Awesome, mate, awesome. Well, tell us about this song we’re about to play – “Ella” – because everyone loves it, seriously.’

  Okay, he’d said two and a half words so far. Time to keep the hot streak going.

  ‘Well I, uh … just sort of made it at home …’ The two men waited for him to continue, apparently unaware that Caleb had finished his answer. Caleb felt the silence in his headphones closing in. Keep going! he told himself. ‘… um, yeah, ’cos I have a computer, and it’s got a music program on there, so I just um, spend most nights fiddling around in the bedroom by myself, which is, um …’

  The boys waited. Caleb guessed they were trying to be polite, but the silence was agony. The red light was on. The analogue clock on the wall was ticking. He thought of a joke, but it sounded lame. But then, all the jokes he’d heard so far were lame. Just talk! Say it! he told himself. Blurt. It. OUT!

  ‘… which is, um, kinda like what the Penguin does most nights by the sound of it?’

  For a moment, it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Had he gone too far? He only had a nanosecond to think about it, because suddenly the silence was interrupted – ‘BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!’

  Everyone laughed. Even Jai number two behind the computers. Caleb turned and saw everyone in the room outside the studio chuckling as well. Rachel’s mouth hung open, though Caleb couldn’t tell if she was shocked or amused.

  ‘Ha ha, spot on, mate!’ Timmy said. ‘More classic stuff here on PHRESH FM! We’re with Caleb Clifford, who you may know better as BVTTON, and gee whiz, he’s come out all guns blazing.’ Timmy pointed at Jai, who hit a button that fired off a few rifle sound effects. ‘Now, let’s hear the new song everyone is loving at the moment – this is “Ella”, by BVTTON, and you’re listening to PH-PH-PHPHRESHHHHHH …’

  The track began.

  Westlake, you make my chest ache …

  Timmy slapped Caleb on the back. ‘Classic, mate, well done.’ Even the Penguin was still having a chuckle. ‘That is gold, son. Are you sure this is your first time?’

  Caleb smiled. He had been dreading this moment. But if Ella was ever going to hear his song, this was probably the coolest way – being played on the radio while Caleb made people laugh. Sure, he didn’t really know why one of them was called the Penguin, or even if what he’d said was technically very funny, but the sense of validation from their words and laughter was immense.

  I don’t want to be cold to you

  I just want to grow old with you …

  The song played out, and before he knew it the red light was back on. Timmy took full advantage of the microphones being on again. ‘You’re listening to PHRESH FM, the country’s freshest music mix, and I tell you what, there is nothing fresher at the moment than this track by BVTTON, because he is our PHRESH FIND of the week and he is LIVE in the studio with us right now. Good morning again, Caleb!’

  ‘Morning.’

  ‘So, Phresh Find of the week – some really great artists have been awarded that – Owl, Malaria Beach, Retta Grey. How does it feel being this week’s freshest discovery?’

  There had to be some mistake. These were really big acts.

  ‘Woah, those guys are huge, I’m only tiny in comparison,’ Caleb said. It turned out the only mistake was the phrasing of his reply.

  ‘That’s what Penguin says when he takes off his towel at the sauna!’

  Big laughs again from everyone in the studio, including Caleb, who chuckled along dutifully until his mirth was ended by Timmy’s next question.

  ‘But what about the song, mate. Tell us more – is Ella a real person or what?’

  This was it. What he’d been fearing. The interrogation. Caleb’s neck hairs reached for the sky. ‘Oh, well … um … maybe …’

  ‘Whoahoo, come on now, mate, what are we talking here, is she a girlfriend or what?’ chimed the Penguin.

  ‘Nah, just … it’s nothing.’

  ‘Nothing, aye? So, you like to go home at night and do nothing?’

  Caleb didn’t join in with the roars of laughter this time. He just sat and waited for them to move on; for them to forget this line of questioning.

  But they didn’t.

  ‘Come on, man, give us the goss, what are we talking here? Crush? Missus? School teacher?’

  Caleb’s temperature was rising. He shook his head. He pictured Ella listening. She may as well have been in the room with them. He needed to bring this thing to an end as delicately as possible.

  He forced a smile. ‘Hey, I’m just playing my cards close to my chest, okay guys? So can we drop it?’

  ‘I bet you wouldn’t mind playing around with Ella’s chest, amirite?!’

  Caleb went white hot. The room evaporated, with everything now down to its most basic level. And at his most basic, Caleb Clifford was honest.

  ‘Don’t talk about Ella like that, you shitbag.’

  The laughter cut out, and the silence that followed was monumental.

  Caleb decided to fill it. ‘Or anyone, for that matter. It’s inappropriate.’

  Timmy scrambled to lessen the tension in the room. ‘Ha ha, well okay, some uh, spicy banter here today, folks. Ha ha, we’ve got Caleb Clifford joining us, he’s obviously very passionate, albeit taking it a tad too far. Didn’t your father ever teach you not to swear?’

  ‘My dad is dead.’

  ‘Woah, okay! Good times, great classic hits,’ said a panicked Timmy. ‘Well, thanks to BVTTON for joining us! Coming up, another chance for you to win some cash in our Pin the Belly on the Penguin comp, so don’t go anywhere, you’re on PHRESH FM!’

  By the time the red light had gone off – by the time Frank Walker had begun telling people about his great value tiles again; by the time Rachel had managed to take her hand from her mouth and look at a worried Jai; by the time a random woman named Georgina Maple who was listening on her commute had realised that she’d missed her exit because she was distracted by the fireworks on the radio – Caleb was already back at the elevators.

  4. In fact, the long-running SWITCH FM breakfast show, Gazza, Marlene and Walrus-Face, was the reason the Penguin was forced to set
tle for a different arctic creature when creating his on-air persona.

  5. It was quite irritating to have another Jai pop up at this point, but it was his name, so what can ya do?

  CHAPTER 13

  ‘How’s your hot chocolate?’

  Caleb and Rachel were sitting at another cafe, debriefing after quite the eventful morning.

  Caleb shrugged. ‘Tastes like Ventolin,’ he said, taking another puff from his inhaler.

  ‘You did really well, given the circumstances. Honestly,’ said Rachel. ‘Meredith said a lot of the texts they got were on your side!’

  Caleb was silent. He didn’t believe her. Not that it mattered. He looked over at Jai pacing in the corner, phone to his ear.

  Rachel continued her pep talk. ‘And as far as I’m concerned, I’m really proud of you. Those dudes were gross. It takes a lot of guts, what you did.’

  Caleb appreciated her saying that, but he was just reacting on instinct. There was nothing really to be proud of. Especially since he’d probably ruined his relationship with the only radio station that was playing his song. He looked up into his sister’s eyes. She looked back at him with kindness. It made him feel a bit better.

  ‘Thanks, Rach.’

  Jai finally hung up and joined them at the table.

  ‘Well, it’s not a complete disaster,’ he decreed. ‘Phresh want you to play their Phresh Finds gig in a few weeks, if you’re up for that?’

  Caleb gripped his inhaler tightly. He’d barely made it through an interview with a handful of people. He didn’t know how he’d get through a live gig, but he didn’t know how he could say no to one either, so he just shrugged and tried to keep breathing.

  ‘I think it would be a good career move.’

  ‘Only if you’re comfortable with it, Caleb,’ Rachel said, putting her hand on his knee.

  ‘Well of course …’ Jai said.

  Caleb sighed. It was 9am, and he was already exhausted. ‘Whatever you guys think is best.’

  Jai nodded. ‘Great. That’s great, mate. I chatted to Meredith and smoothed everything over, so we should be fine. Told her you were super new to this, and young, so you lashed out a bit. Maybe next time don’t worry about what they say so much? Yeah, they’re a bit rough and whatever, but that’s just their style. Try not to let it get to you.’

  Caleb had another sip of hot chocolate as Rachel patted his knee. His thoughts were far away. About eighteen kilometres away, at Riverview High. Pretty soon he wouldhave to re-enter it with the whole school knowing what had just taken place.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Jai, changing the subject, ‘I know all this is a lot of pressure, mate, so I’ve organised something to take your mind off things – I’ve got us all tickets to an industry party tomorrow night. You know, have a bit of fun? Show you the fun side of being a muso.’

  ‘What’s the party for?’ asked Rachel.

  ‘It’s for Shade Shack – you know, the sunglasses retailer? Luke Dubz was telling me about it. Caleb, you can bring whoever you like!’

  Caleb’s adrenaline was still slowly receding from his muscles, making him too lethargic to answer.

  Rachel answered for him. ‘Look, we can think about that. Right now maybe we should just get Caleb to school.’

  Caleb finally spoke. ‘Do I have to?’

  ‘Here, have two.’

  Rachel dished out some Nurofen to Caleb as they parked in the school driveway. His headache had started on the drive over; he wasn’t sure who had listened to his disastrous radio appearance, but he wasn’t expecting any pats on the back.

  ‘Do you have any water?’ he asked his sister.

  ‘Ah, no, sorry.’

  ‘Maybe we should just carry some from now on? Would save us having to ask.’

  Rachel smirked as Caleb downed the tablets dry, gagging a little.

  ‘Thanks, Rach.’

  ‘Have a good day!’

  Caleb nodded, despite the fact that this was technically impossible now.

  Caleb arrived ten minutes late to Music class – just late enough for everyone to be in the middle of something and all turn to look at him as he opened the door.

  ‘Nice of you to join us, Mr Clifford,’ said Mr Hommelhoff as Caleb slunk through the aisles and sat down next to Miralee.

  ‘Oh my god! You were so gooood!’ she squeaked under her breath. Caleb smiled meekly as Mr Hommelhoff droned on.

  ‘Okay class, as I was saying, I want these projects to look into not only the musicality of your chosen piece, but its originality. What are the musicians’ influences? How did the genre originate? Now, get to work.’

  ‘Tell me all about it!’ Miralee said as soon as the teacher turned his back.

  Caleb didn’t feel like talking. ‘You heard it. It was bad.’

  ‘I wouldn’t say it was bad. I mean, it got a bit awkward at the end when they brought up your dad. But it was mostly good!’

  Caleb appreciated that Miralee was trying, at least. ‘Did anyone else hear it?’ he asked.

  Miralee looked sideways. ‘Well, there were a few people talking about it at the lockers this morning. But other than that, I don’t know.’

  Caleb nodded. ‘Maybe I should get on with my project.’

  ‘Okay, no worries, Caleb,’ Miralee said, getting his not-so-subtle hint. ‘Just let me know if you want to talk.’

  She got up and left for the computers at the back. Caleb felt even worse, if that were possible. He knew he shouldn’t be fobbing off his only friend, but he really didn’t feel like talking right now. He felt like hanging out with his other buds. So he took them out of his pocket and popped them in his ears, pressing play on ‘Turbulence’ for the 112th time this week.

  Listen, he told himself.

  Listen.

  Jake’s smoky vocals, or ‘smokals’, were delivered tenderly over the lush bass. Caleb made it through to the first chorus, then there was a tap on his shoulder.

  ‘Hey, mate!’

  Caleb took out an earbud. Luke Boerdom was trying to get his attention.

  ‘Heard you this morning! How was it?’

  ‘Um, fine, thanks,’ Caleb said, holding his earbud away from his ear. He stared at Luke. Luke stared at him.

  ‘Cool, well, keep it up …’ Luke wandered off.

  That was strange. Luke had never spoken to Caleb before. Caleb put his earbud back in.

  Introspection, in the clouds

  What once was whole is broken now

  It’s hard to fly, when you’re stuck in the sky

  It’s hard to fly, when you’re –

  Caleb was startled by another tap on his shoulder. He removed the earbud again and turned to see Meg McInerney standing next to him.

  ‘So, what’s the Penguin like in real life? He’s so funny.’

  Caleb stared back for a moment. ‘Um,’ he said. ‘He’s … big.’

  ‘Woah. Did you get a picture with him?’

  If the guys at Phresh wanted to get a picture with Caleb, they would have just got a blur as he stormed out the door.

  ‘No,’ he said.

  ‘Oh. Well, can I get a photo with you? I’ve never met anyone who’s met the Penguin before.’

  Before he had a chance to answer, Meg had taken her phone out, turned around and snapped a selfie, all while Caleb sat at his desk looking confused. Meg went back to her spot on the other side of the room, showing the picture to her friend.

  Someone from the other side of the room yelled, ‘I wanna grow old with you!’ There were a few sniggers.

  Caleb put his earbud back in, turned the volume to maximum, and decided he needed some sort of disguise. A moustache, maybe. It would have to be a fake one because he couldn’t grow his own. Some hair had started growing on his upper lip, but it was very faint. But would a fake moustache use fake hair? Or would it be real? And if it was real, would they use human hair? Or, like, hair from dogs? Or orangutans! Would he get a thin twirling moustache like a French painter? Or a massive broom brush like a
judge from the 1800s?

  His rollercoaster of moustache thoughts was still going when the bell signalled the end of the lesson. Caleb picked up his books and slipped out of class so as not to have to talk to anyone else. He made his way quickly towards the locker room, but just as he was deliberating over whether he would wax his fake moustache or let it flutter freely in the breeze, a tug on his headphones cord dislodged a bud from his ear hole.

  ‘Hey!’

  Caleb turned around.

  Then dropped his books.

  Then awkwardly picked up his books while Ella Westlake apologised for making him drop his books.

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

  ‘No, it’s um, no, it’s no, um …’ was basically what Caleb said if written verbatim.

  Ella giggled. She had a nice giggle. A very nice giggle.

  ‘So, um, what are you up to?’ she said.

  Caleb stood in silence. Awkward, horrible silence. Just say something! he told himself. Or at least drop your books again – it would give you something to do!

  ‘Nothing. I was just thinking about … fake moustaches.’

  Ella laughed again. It was heaven. Caleb could see kids walking past looking at them. Did they know about the song?

  ‘Right. Well, I just wanted to say hey, and that I heard you on the radio this morning.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, that was …’

  She stared at him. Her eyes drilled into his own.

  ‘Thanks for sticking up for me,’ she finally said.

  ‘Oh, yeah, well … thanks for … inspiring me to write a good song.’

  Ella laughed loudly. Caleb had never been more in love than at that moment.

  ‘So it was about me?’

  ‘Kinda.’

  ‘Interesting … anyway, I just thought I’d say hey since it’s been a while. Do you have my new number?’

  ‘I, um, don’t think so …’

  ‘Give me your phone.’