Love Me or Miss Me

by Dream Jordan

  “I didn’t say all that,” I countered. “I’m just saying, why tempt ourselves? I’m not ready to have sex yet, and you can’t seem to accept that. So it’s better that we see each other outdoors.”

  Percy paused, and then spoke. “Okay … so if I promise not to try again, are you willing to come over? We can watch TV, or play cards, whatever you want to do … and I promise not to lay a hand on you.”

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “Okay,” Percy said in a low voice. “I can respect that.”

  “Thanks for understanding.”

  “Anyway, I better let you get back to your little friend. Bye.”

  When I hung up the phone, my heart sank. I wasn’t happy with the way things were going between us. I wasn’t about to call Percy back, though. Maybe we needed some time apart. But to my surprise, two hours later, Percy texted me, asking me to call him.

  I had just gotten back from my walk, and was feeling free and easy, but as I stood in the bathroom, staring at Percy’s text, I felt like the walls were closing in on me.

  I took a deep breath, and made the call.

  “Hey, baby,” Percy exclaimed. His voice sounded mad happy, like nothing had happened, like la-di-da!

  “Hey,” I said, in a lackluster voice.

  “I just found out there’s going to be a free concert at Boys and Girls tomorrow.”

  “Oh,” I replied, still taken aback that he was calling me so soon.

  “And guess who’s performing.”

  “Who?”

  “Fabolous!”

  Now my ears perked up. I was feeling Fabolous. And his concert was free? Oh yeah, best believe I would be there. But really? A part of me wished I was going with my girls instead.

  Chapter 27

  The concert was set to begin at three o’clock, but I was out of the house before twelve. I was not trying to be late. No mistakes allowed. I wanted no reason for Percy to pop off on me, because, hey, you never know, I might just pop back.

  I arrived in Bed-Stuy at 1:30 PM. Cobalt-blue sky. Sun beaming down on Brooklyn. It was a very beautiful day.

  I was supposed to meet Percy in front of the Boys and Girls entrance at two thirty. So I had mad time to kill. First things first; I needed something to eat.

  I headed to the pattie place located near the Utica Avenue train station. Once inside, I stared hungrily at the yellow cakes and bread pudding sitting behind thick glass. The line of people was dumb long. My stomach rumbled every two seconds; Jamaican music was blasting so no one could hear how hungry I was. As the line inched forward, I shifted from foot to foot, impatient as ever.

  I was next in line to order, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I swiveled around to face Charles, who was grinning from ear to ear. “Yo, shawty, you owe me a pattie,” he said.

  “Hey, Charles,” I replied, smiling. “What brings you here?” I was so happy to see him, but playing it off, as usual.

  “I spotted you as I was passing by. I swear, I could be anywhere in the world and I can always spot my girl, Kate.”

  “Okay, that’s sweet. But fall back for a minute, please? I’m starving!” I turned to the lady behind the counter. “Miss, may I have one chicken pattie, please?”

  “Aww, so well-mannered,” joked Charles. “Too bad you’re uncivilized when it comes to your homeboy. Tell me why you left a brother hanging on the Fourth?”

  After paying for the pattie, I addressed Charles’s remark, feeling guilty as ever. “My bad,” I began, “things got really hectic that day.”

  “And my feelings got really hurt,” Charles replied. “You had me stuck in the crib for no good reason.”

  “I’m really sorry. My bad.” I looked down at the floor.

  Charles patted my shoulder. “I’m only messing with you. I accept your apology. Nobody told me to wait inside the house, anyway. I had choices.” Charles smiled and extended his fist for a pound. We pounded. We cool. Simple as that.

  “Can you keep me company while I eat?” I asked, brightening up, as we walked out the store. It felt so good being next to Charles. I felt so relaxed, so myself with him.

  “Where are we headed?” asked Charles.

  “Fulton Park.”

  “So I’m guessing you’re around the way for the Fabolous concert?”

  “No doubt!”

  “Meeting up with Felicia?”

  “Nah,” I said, not bothering to mention Percy. I was enjoying Charles too much right now. For some reason, I didn’t even want to think about Percy.

  Charles and I sat on a park bench under the shade and I dogged my pattie like a savage while Charles watched me. I didn’t feel self-conscious at all. When I was done, Charles laughed at me and said, “You wolfed it, son!”

  “Yeah, a sister was starving.” I laughed.

  Charles grabbed my paper bag, fished out a napkin, and caringly wiped the crumbs away from my mouth. “Thanks,” I said, as my stomach took a quick dip into butterfly land. Oh man. Charles was starting to get to me again. My homeboy seemed to have a permanent spot in my heart.

  “So you lookin’ nice,” said Charles, looking me up and down, at my plain old outfit.

  “Thanks, you, too,” I said, admiring his fresh white tee and crisscross cornrows, wondering what broad fixed it for him, and growing resentful at the mere thought. I stared at his head for a minute before saying, “So you found one of your many girls to braid your hair, huh?” I didn’t mean to sound jealous, but hey, I was.

  “Not a girl,” Charles corrected. “A grown woman from the African hair-braiding shop on Throop. How many times do I have to tell you there are no other girls right now? I’m still trying to get with you.”

  “Yeah, right.” I smirked.

  “Kate, I already told you I’ve slowed down a whole lot.”

  Slowed down. These words reminded me about our last conversation in front of the Garden. He had mentioned “slowing down” and “Naleejah” in the same sentence. I reminded him about needing to spill the gossip. “Still not a good time,” he explained.

  “Oh hell naw!” I protested, grabbing his arm. “You promised to tell me.”

  Charles suddenly grew very serious. He paused, and then spoke. “Well … how can I put this … Naleejah has a House In Virginia.”

  “She has a house?” I repeated in disbelief. “Wow, she must be tricking big-time! Who bought it for her?”

  “Oh … I guess you never heard that term before.”

  “What term?” I asked, exasperated. “Quit with the riddles and tell me what’s up.”

  Charles paused again, and then blurted, “Naleejah has HIV.”

  My bottom lip hit the floor. My hand flew to my mouth. As much as I couldn’t stand the girl, my heart suddenly went out to her. “Oh my gosh. How’d you find out?” I asked in horror.

  “Divine told me … he got a call from the clinic telling him he needs to get tested.”

  “Wow,” was all I could say.

  “I feel so messed up for my boy because he hit Naleejah raw.”

  “Oh my gosh.” Tears started welling in my eyes.

  “Yeah, and he didn’t take the test yet.… He doesn’t want to know.”

  “So, what if he unknowingly gives it to the next chick?”

  “I know, right? See, that’s why I always use condoms with girls like that,” said Charles, shaking his head.

  “Not just with girls like that … with everybody,” I muttered. Charles needed to get his facts straight. “Nobody is immune to AIDS, no matter how innocent or fine. Everybody’s status is suspect. Trust.”

  “I feel you,” Charles replied. “But I’m careful. I got tested. I’m good.”

  “Well, I’m glad,” I said.

  “I still see Naleejah around the way,” continued Charles. “She still looks the same. Same weight. Hair done. Wardrobe always on point. You can’t even tell she has the virus … and that’s the scary part.”

  I stared at the ground, still blinking back
tears. Poor Naleejah with her low self-esteem, and neglectful parents … sleeping around to find love. The girl already had so many problems. And now she had a deadly one.

  Charles lifted my chin and stared at me with concern. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, but I was lying.

  “See, I told you this wasn’t a good time to tell you.”

  “Yeah … I should’ve believed you.”

  A part of me wanted to reach out and call Naleejah. But her number was in last year’s trash. And I didn’t feel comfortable making a pop-up visit to her house. Face to face, what could I say to make things okay? All I could do was wish the best for her.

  Charles, seeing I was really shaken, reached over and pulled me close to him. I put my head on his chest and rested for a while. I don’t know how much time passed before he pulled me away and said, “Okay, now I need you to cheer up. Let’s head to Boys and Girls. My homeboys will be there, but I’ll tell them I’m chilling with you.”

  Oh, no. Percy.

  I checked my watch. Twenty minutes to spare. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

  Charles was up on his feet, but I stayed put. “Why you sitting there like a statue? You rolling with me, or what?”

  “Um, I have to wait for somebody,” I said.

  “Here?”

  “Yeah,” I lied. Even in his absence, Percy had me shook.

  “Well, I’m not going to let you sit here by yourself.”

  “It’s broad daylight,” I said testily. “I’m good.”

  Shoo, Fly Boy, Shoo!

  Charles paused and stared at me for a minute. Then he said, “All right yo, I’m out.”

  Finally.

  I watched Charles walk toward Malcolm X Boulevard. Then I made my move. I looked both ways and ran across the street to stand at the entrance of Boys and Girls High. I was fifteen minutes early—just in case. Just to be safe.

  But ten minutes later, my safety net was torn up from the floor up. Charles and a troupe of his boys came walking up the block, headed straight toward me. I wanted to sink inside the sidewalk.

  I hoped with all my heart that Charles would just wave at me and keep it moving. But nope, he stopped dead in front of me, and kept his boys moving. “I’ll get back up with y’all on the inside,” he called after them.

  Charles turned to me and said, “So we meet again.” But before he could say anything else, a pretty cinnamon-brown girl rocking wavy real hair and a killer pink minidress rolled up on Charles from behind, showing all her teeth. “Hey, Charles,” she said in a flirty voice.

  “Hey, what’s up, Rosa,” said Charles, barely looking her way.

  “Did you see Melanie go inside yet?”

  “Naw, I just got here,” he said, distractedly.

  “So are y’all gonna be in the back, or the front?”

  “Not sure yet,” Charles replied with a shrug.

  Rosa was acting thirsty, but Charles didn’t seem interested in quenching. A spark of jealousy ran through me, but at the same time, I wanted Rosa to win her flirty game. Then maybe she could lure Charles away from my vicinity before Percy showed up.

  The next thing I knew, Charles said, “Yo, Rosa, I’ll catch you on the inside, okay? I’m talking to my shorty right now.”

  Rosa and I wore the same shocked face at Charles’s words: “My shorty.”

  Really?

  As flattered as I was, I wasn’t grinning. My mind was totally fixed on Percy’s reaction if he caught me standing with Charles. So the minute Rosa sashayed away, I got busy trying to think of a way to get rid of Charles. I was as nervous as ever and he sensed it. “What’s wrong, Kate?”

  “Still thinking about Naleejah,” I quickly said. This was half true. I was really sad about my ex-homegirl, but more panicky about Percy.

  “Try not to think about it,” said Charles. Taking me off guard, he reached out and wrapped me up into a big bear hug.

  Then boom.

  As if some force of nature was playing a bad joke on me, tell me why Charles chose to embrace me the split second Percy rolled up in his car?

  There was a parking spot two cars away from where we stood. In a snap, Percy whipped the Avenger into the spot, hopped out of the car, and slowly approached us. He didn’t look happy at all.

  Chapter 28

  Percy’s lips were set into a thin firm line. He didn’t say a word.

  “Hey, Percy,” I stuttered.

  He ignored my greeting, looked over at Charles, then looked at me and said, “Can I talk to you for a second?” Without waiting for a reply, Percy grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the front gate that I had been trembling up against.

  “Kate, are you okay?” Charles asked, following after us.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I said, not wanting Charles to get involved. This was my battle. I got myself into it. Now I had to get myself out.

  Charles lightly touched my arm. “Are you sure? Everything cool?”

  “Yeah, yeah, it’s cool,” I insisted.

  Percy put on a friendly mask and said, “My man, I just need to talk to my girl in private, a’ight?”

  Charles ignored Percy and fixed me with a serious stare. “If you need me, holler at me, okay?”

  “Oh stop, I’m good,” I said, faking a laugh.

  Charles finally walked away. I didn’t dare look after him, fearing what Percy would say. The evil jealousy in his eyes was frightening.

  We crossed Fulton Street, away from the concert. I was bewildered beyond words. Percy’s hand squeezed my arm so hard, it felt like he was taking my blood pressure. He walked me down Stuyvesant Avenue, stopped short at the corner, and then hemmed me up against a mailbox.

  I was scared to death. Bad as I am, I can’t beat a man.

  “So you messing with that punk clown, aren’t you?” demanded Percy. The vein in his forehead suddenly popped out.

  “No, I’m not,” I stuttered. “Charles is just a friend.”

  “You think I’m stupid, huh? I bet he’s the one smashing it … that’s why you won’t give me any.”

  “No, he’s not,” I said, now close to crying. “Why are you yelling at me? I’m telling you the truth!”

  Percy grabbed me by my top and said, “You’re lying, Kate. I know you’re lying. That’s the same punk you were hugging up on like a slut at the Garden.”

  Whoa.

  Two blows hit me at once. First, Percy had just fixed his mouth to call me a slut. Second, that he had been watching me the whole time I was with Charles at the Garden on the Fourth of July. Who does that? How creepy.

  I stared at the vein in Percy’s forehead, at the red splotches on his cheeks, and the crazy look in his eyes. Any love I had for Percy vanished at that moment. This was not the same man I had fallen in love with. This was a crazy man who I had to get away from. Fast.

  I made a move to leave. Percy yanked me back like a rag doll. “Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.”

  “Get off me, please,” I said, calmly.

  “Where you think you’re going?” he demanded. “I’m not finished talking to you!”

  “But you’re yelling at me … and you don’t believe anything I say. What do you want from me?” I blubbered.

  I swear, this whirlwind love affair was turning into a freaking nightmare.

  Tears welled up in my eyes. Why? Why did I trust this man with my heart when he couldn’t even trust me? I never flirted with anybody in front of him. In fact, he was the one flirting with the waitress, and who knows who else? I decided to hit him with this fact. I was so hurt, I had to fight back. “Percy, did I say anything to you when you disrespected me?”

  “When did I disrespect you?” he demanded.

  “Flirting with that waitress.”

  “Say what?” Percy boomed. “You lucky I didn’t drop your little black behind to be with her!” he shouted. “She looks way better than you. I can be with anybody I want. But here I am wasting my time with a loser like you.”

 
Wow. Really? What a low blow.

  Something inside me flipped, like a courage switch. Percy’s words were so hurtful, so dead wrong; I had no choice but to find my own voice. “So, if I’m such a loser, why are you stressing me then? Calling me off the hook, and begging me to be with you? If you can have anybody you want, then go be with them. Stop stressing me!”

  “Please, B—, nobody is stressing you,” said Percy with a dismissive wave. “Who are you to stress? Nobody wants you anyway.”

  “Then leave me alone!” I shouted.

  Better yet, let me leave him alone, I thought. Why was I standing here taking all of this crap from Percy when I had two feet and my own mind to walk away? Percy had no right to detain me. Bump that. I had come all the way to Bed-Stuy to see a Fabolous concert, and a Fabolous concert I would see.

  Reviving the courage that had almost died inside of me, I took one last look at Percy and mentally broke free. “I’m out,” I said, tasting freedom on the tip of my tongue.

  I spun on my heels and headed back to Boys and Girls. Held my head high with every step down the block. It felt so good to leave the crazy man right where he stood. But when I made it to the corner of Fulton Street, I looked to my right.

  There was Percy.

  In the flesh.

  Leaning against the STOP sign across the street, his sinister stare aimed dead at me.

  Chapter 29

  I had to make a sudden change of plans. If I allowed Percy to follow me inside Boys and Girls High, I’d be feeding him to a vicious pack of lions. Man, listen: If Charles witnessed Percy disrespecting me, he would fly Percy’s head, not to mention his boys carried weapons. Since jail time over me was out of the question, I had to steer clear of the school.

  I hurried down Fulton Street, every few seconds glancing over my shoulder. Percy kept ten feet behind me, probably playing innocent in case I screamed for help. But I wasn’t about to scream. I didn’t want to bring any attention to myself. This was my battle that I had to fight. I got myself into this mess; I had to get myself out.

  Finally. Utica Avenue train station.

  I raced down the steps. Out of nowhere, Percy rushed up from behind, grabbed my upper arm, and spun me around. We stood on the middle of the staircase, mean-grilling each other.