Bitter Sweet Kisses

by S M Mala

  ‘Sure,’ she said, with no intention of doing so.

  All she could think about was getting her belongings and going as far away as possible from Harry.

  And Jonah.

  ‘Why all the hugs?’

  Jonah and Onya were waiting at his home for the cab to turn up, as he constantly looked at his mobile.

  There had been no word from Sophie.

  He desperately wanted to call her but Harry’s warning had made him think twice.

  The words about Sophie also cast doubts on her well-being, even what she had said the day before.

  Now Onya was overly affectionate and he couldn’t fathom out why.

  It would be harder when he told her the relationship was over.

  ‘I want this to be a fresh start for us,’ she said, looking into his eyes. ‘I love you, Jonah. I need you to know that. Occasionally, I’ve not been thinking straight or treated you well. It will never happen again.’

  Something had happened since he saw her last.

  This version was more loving and even looked happy about going away, but her eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. And there was a sense she was worried and scared about something. He didn’t know what.

  His phone rang and it was Harry.

  ‘I better get this,’ he said.

  ‘Who is it?’ she asked anxiously.

  ‘Harry.’

  The look she gave him he couldn’t quite fathom.

  It was a cross between fear and concern.

  ‘Don’t answer it,’ she whispered.

  ‘He’s my agent,’ Jonah replied. ‘Hello. Where were you this morning?’ Onya flicked him a worried glance. ‘You weren’t on the sofa.’

  ‘I left soon after you went to bed. Thought it was best to go to a hotel for the time being and get my head down. Where are you?’

  ‘Waiting for a cab,’ he said half-heartedly. ‘Did you make up with Sophie?’ Then he noticed Onya glare before walking off into the kitchen. ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine.’ There was a heavy silence. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘I’ll see you in a few weeks.’

  ‘Okay. Merry Christmas!’ Jonah said, sensing something was wrong.

  Looking over his shoulder, he dialled Sophie’s number.

  There was no answer.

  He wondered where she was and now had doubts about leaving her alone.

  Then he received a text and did a double take.

  ‘Jonah.’

  Sophie needed to see him face to face.

  It was all she could think about.

  His betrayal.

  And it hurt, very much like how her head did. But she had a large hooded top under her coat, and her eyes were covered in dark glasses to hide the bruising.

  Sophie had hidden to the side of the building, knowing what time he said he was leaving for the airport. A taxi pulled up and she knew it was for him.

  ‘Soph?’ he said, looking at her then pushing her back around the corner, probably so Onya couldn’t see. ‘What are you doing here? I tried to call and-.’

  ‘You knew all along, didn’t you? The fact he was screwing around but never said,’ she whispered, her voice beginning to crack as the tears fell. Sophie looked up at his stunned face. ‘All this time you lied to me.’

  ‘What has Harry said?’ he asked, trying to touch her arm but she pulled away.

  There would only be more lies and deception from the photographer.

  ‘This was all pretend,’ Sophie said, starting to cry, hoping the make-up on her face wouldn’t reveal the true extent of her pain. ‘You’d do anything for him so he’d give you a good break; even letting me make a fool of myself. Jonah, how could you?’

  ‘That’s not how it was,’ he said, looking over his shoulder. ‘I’ll call you later and we can talk about it. I have to go.’

  ‘You think it’s acceptable what he does? Why didn’t you tell me?’ Then she sobbed. ‘I’ve made a terrible mistake with you.’

  ‘No, you haven’t,’ he said breathlessly. ‘When he came round last night he said you’d quarrelled.’

  ‘You let him stay the night after what he did?’ She couldn’t hold in the sob and went closer. ‘Didn’t he tell you? Do you care?’

  ‘Sophie,’ Jonah gently said. ‘What happened?’

  ‘I don’t want to see you again. Keep away from me. You’re not what I thought and it’s breaking my heart.’ And it was as she spoke, seeing his eyes start to fill with tears, she realised it was true. ‘How could you?’

  ‘I want you to be with you.’ He was starting to choke. ‘And you want to be with me.’

  ‘How can I when you lied? How can I trust you? Harry said you were friends because you needed his help, not because of me. Never because of me. You used me so that he could help your career. You never meant a word and I was stupid because I believed you, I really did.’

  ‘Jonah!’ she heard Onya call out and her blood ran cold. ‘Where are you? We need to go.’

  ‘Just coming!’ he shouted back, then turned to Sophie. ‘We’ve got to talk about it. It’s not what you think.’ It was when he touched her face, she flinched and stepped back. Even that gave her a shooting pain to the head. ‘What’s wrong? What happened to your face?’ Jonah now looked worried. ‘Sophie?’

  ‘I walked into a door frame,’ she said, looking down and feeling the pure humiliation of the situation. The tears were now falling thick and fast but she couldn’t look at him. ‘I have to go.’ Taking a deep breath, she had to utter the words which were becoming a realisation of her life. ‘Our relationship, if there was one, ended before it began. And that’s a good thing.’

  ‘Soph, don’t say that.’

  Then she heard the footsteps coming towards them, and the last person she wanted to see was Onya. Jonah quickly turned around and stepped forward.

  ‘I’m coming,’ he said. ‘I was talking to-.’

  Sophie ran away from him, as fast as possible.

  It was obvious he never cared.

  A game, a silly little game that Harry asked him to play.

  And the broken toy was Sophie because she didn’t really matter.

  ‘Who were you talking to?

  He and Onya were in the cab, going to the airport. ‘Was it a neighbour?’

  ‘Yes,’ he lied, trying to get his head around Sophie being there and what she said.

  Harry had told her everything from the sound of it.

  And she was hurt.

  He didn’t know what to do seeing the tears and how upset she looked. Even under the glasses, he could tell she was devastated.

  It hurt him to know she didn’t believe anything he had told her.

  Grabbing his phone, he was going to call then realised Onya was sat next to him.

  But something told him that all wasn’t well with Sophie, and he wanted to turn the cab around and find out.

  Seeing her sprint away from him was painful enough. She obviously didn’t want Onya to see her.

  It was odd because it felt like she was running away from him.

  Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes and remembered the kissing from the night before; feeling her body and knowing she was the one he wanted.

  His head span and he didn’t know what to do.

  Deep down he shouldn’t be going away and leaving her, knowing her and Harry were going through a rough patch. He should stay close by but in the cold light of day, it was all very messy.

  But it hurt him on remembering what she said to him about them.

  It had ended before it began.

  The thing is, he didn’t want it to stop.

  ‘Not here. Any place but here.’

  Kay was sitting in the small van Sophie had hired to remove her things.

  They were outside the refuge home in Uxbridge and waiting.

  Sophie didn’t know why, but she needed to get her head around what was happening.

  ‘They know me and I know them. Harry won’t be able to find me. I changed my phone numb
er so he can keep away. My solicitor won’t be back until after Christmas.’ She looked at Kay shaking her head. ‘I would rather be here. If I stay at yours, then he’ll turn up shouting the odds. Mind you, he said he hated me so he might not.’

  ‘Pete wants to kill him.’

  ‘Your husband’s a violinist. What’s he going to do? Attack him with his bow?’ Sophie smiled. The pain in her head and face was beginning to subside, with the help of painkillers. Though the bruising clearly showed she had been hit. ‘He’s looking after Milly, which I’m grateful for so we can sort things out.’

  ‘What right had Harry to cancel the notice you gave to the tenants of your home?’ Kay started to look furious.

  ‘I’ll get it back by the end of January.’ She glanced at the house. ‘They’re expecting me. Do you want to come in?’ She noticed Kay frown. ‘They don’t bite. Remember, they’ve been bitten.’

  ‘I don’t want you going here. It’s Amelia’s first Christmas and it should be special. Did you get everything?’

  Pete and Sophie had gone to Harry’s house to remove all her things the night she got hit.

  She didn’t want to take anything that Harry and Onya had sullied in the nursery, so she left the changing table. It wasn’t as hard as she thought, considering a majority of her possessions were in the loft.

  When she got to the photographs, that’s when Sophie was unsure whether to take them or not. There was no way he was going to display them if he hated her so much. So she removed the photos leaving the frames. They were expensive, so he had said.

  An hour it took them to remove her belongings and put into storage. There seemed so little to show for her life with Harry. That’s what stunned her the most.

  What she thought they had together gave the illusion of so much – but it was nothing.

  The last thing she left was her engagement and wedding rings on the table.

  He could give them to the next poor woman he reeled in, and slap her in the face as thanks.

  Knowing she needed to make an appearance, Sophie hopped out of the van and walked into the house.

  Madison was standing in the corridor before saying,

  ‘You’d do anything just to be one of us, wouldn’t you?’

  That’s when Sophie broke down in tears.

  ‘What’s up?’

  Onya was on a sun lounger as Jonah kept jumping up, running into the sea then walking around.

  It was Christmas Day and all he could think about was Sophie.

  Every time he closed his eyes, he remembered the kissing and caressing; her smell and feel.

  Then the image of her crying and what she said to him.

  Never wanting to see him again.

  If he regretted ever boarding the plane, it was now.

  He could have killed Harry knowing whatever happened the night he went round to his, he had opened his mouth and said too much to Sophie.

  ‘Jonah?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he replied, forcing a smile. ‘I’m fine.’

  Onya had wanted to make love since they landed, and he didn’t feel like it. His excuses seemed lame but he thought she seemed relieved at the rejections. That wasn’t like her.

  But he knew something was up. He could tell when she was unaware he was looking, there was an expression of deep concern.

  They had agreed to turn their phones off and not make any contact while they were away.

  It was proving harder than he had anticipated.

  Soon as they touched down, he called Sophie and this time the line went dead. He knew she wasn’t good at social media and he didn’t have her email address.

  When he was alone, he felt sick to the stomach that things had been said and he couldn’t defend himself.

  And the sound of her sobbing wounded him deeply.

  She was really upset and mainly at him.

  Lying back on the lounger, he looked at the tropical sky and smelt the sweet aroma of fish curry floating in the air.

  Had it been Sophie at his side, then it would be perfect. He noticed a couple with a small baby, seeing how they set it up so the child was in the shade.

  That’s how it would have been with them.

  He closed his eyes and listened to the sea lapping against the beach, and the wind was whistling around his ears.

  He had fallen in love with Sophie.

  Not once had he declared what he felt for her that early evening; he just got high from listening to her words, knowing they were full of love.

  Jonah wanted to cry.

  It was his first initial feeling and he gulped it back.

  To Sophie, there was a sense of betrayal and he knew she was devastated.

  He felt something drip from the corner of his eye, realising it was a tear. Turning his head, he wiped it away and looked at the sand.

  Jonah felt so desperately lonely when he was surrounded by beauty.

  All he wanted was Sophie because without her, it was hurting his heart.

  ‘Thanks for not asking.’

  Sophie was rocking Amelia to sleep and it was early evening on Christmas Day. She smiled at her child then noticed Madison was topping herself up with Malibu and coke.

  The day hadn’t been depressing.

  It was uplifting.

  She knew the women would make an exceptional effort to give their children a wonderful time. And the kids seemed happy, knowing they couldn’t get the big toys they desired, but grateful they got something.

  All the pressure they probably felt from previous angry Christmases had gone.

  Or they could have been happy ones with their dad; Sophie didn’t want to ask.

  ‘It’s your business but he hit you. That much is obvious. And you’re not as stupid to say you walked into a door, or slipped in the bath. That would only make me believe you were thick.’ Madison smiled, flicking back her hair. ‘Did you ever think he would do that to you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Welcome to our world!’

  Shaking her head from side to side, the image of Harry naked and screwing Onya made her feel sick. And his words of what he had got up to since she got pregnant stuck hard in her head.

  ‘Are you going to take him back?’ continued Madison, watching the kids play on the console while the other women were laughing at something they were looking at on a tablet. ‘People do.’

  Then her eyes focussed on Fadwa, who looked lost staring out the window. Madison followed her eye line before turning back to Sophie.

  ‘She’ll end up going back to him, you know.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ whispered Sophie, frowning at her friend. ‘She might not.’

  ‘Some people, they can’t function without a man even a nasty, bastard one. The kids want to go back home and she’s torn.’

  ‘He’ll seriously hurt her.’

  ‘He said he won’t,’ Madison sarcastically replied. ‘And he’ll be all over her, saying and doing the right thing then it will happen again. This time, her shame will not only be that she went back, but it'll also stop her from seeking help. Vicious circle you see.’

  Closing her eyes, and feeling her baby’s breath against her skin, she looked down at the child Harry hated and it made her angry.

  ‘I’m not going back to him,’ she said, glancing up at Madison. ‘And he doesn’t love our child. What sort of man is that? The lies and-.’ She thought of Jonah, her heart sinking. ‘I’ve been played and now I feel stupid. I couldn’t see it.’

  ‘I disagree!’ replied Madison, topping up her drink. ‘We all see it; the problems. We’re just too scared to admit there’s something wrong. Failed relationships aren’t something to brag about. Get out now when you can. Don’t make the mistake of hoping you can sort it out. I think once they’ve laid a hand on you, they get a taste for it. Knowing you’ll be scared it happens again, and they use it to their advantage.’

  ‘What are you going to do? I know they’re looking for a permanent place for you and the kids to live.’ Sophie noticed M
adison was grinning at her. ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve spent my life doing shit jobs because I left school early. Trying to make ends meet and meeting men who just wrung me dry. That’s why I want to be a social worker or something where I can help. I want to do something to help women like us.’

  Sophie couldn’t help but frown at the ‘us’.

  But Madison was right. She was now one of them.

  The battered and bruised, physically and mentally. Wife or partner, who had nowhere to go and couldn’t understand why the love had turned to hate and anger.

  To her advantage, she had experience of how the self-doubt would creep in, and the abused would wonder if they had it coming from the abuser.

  Was it their fault?

  She thought long and hard about it.

  The only thing she had done wrong was to believe Harry, and not wanting to admit her marriage was a sham.

  That was her first mistake.

  And to fall in love with Jonah, who had been there to distract her.

  It was her fatal mistake.

  He was too painful to think about.

  Another man had let her down again.

  ‘How was it?’

  Ross was hugging Jonah after he got back home. ‘You look well!’

  ‘Between you and me, I’m glad to be back.’ Then he bit his lip, unable to hold it all in. ‘Ross, something happened.’

  He blurted out the meeting with Sophie and slumped down onto the sofa, his head in his hands.

  ‘She’s all I thought about and I can’t get through to her. The number has gone dead and it’s like she has locked me out. I need to explain to her what happened so she can see.’

  ‘Can see what? That you knew about Harry screwing around and didn’t say anything?’ Ross let out a loud sigh. ‘I don’t like that man. When he turned up before you went, you could tell something had happened. He seemed I don’t know. Guilty.’

  ‘Guilty?’

  ‘Yeah, like he did something bad.’ Ross stepped closer. ‘And in all this, what about Onya?’