Bitter Sweet Kisses

by S M Mala

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘How was she on holiday?’

  ‘All over me like a bad rash,’ he replied, sitting back and looking around the living room. ‘She said she wants to come with me when I go off working next year.’

  ‘You must be over the moon!’ he said sarcastically, throwing himself down next to Jonah. ‘And given you weren’t concentrating on her, how did that go?’

  ‘Something wasn’t right. She was very affectionate and loving but equally distracted. I’d catch her frowning then when she caught my eye, there’d be this big smile. And she kept on talking about marriage. I don’t want to go New York. I want to stay here and speak to Sophie.’

  ‘Listen, you have to get your head around a few things. No matter what happened the afternoon of the christening, it’s obvious he had a falling out with his wife. Go find her and see what happened.’

  ‘She said she doesn’t want to see me again.’

  That’s when he felt the raw devastation of her words.

  ‘Look, I’m saying this out of my poor understanding of women,’ Ross whispered then smiled. ‘She was upset and Harry told her a few things that he shouldn’t about you. Logically, you’re snogging her face off one minute, then going off for an exotic holiday with your girlfriend the next. It’s pretty understandable she might be pissed off with you. And she is married to your agent, who is a prick by the way. That’s more than complicated.’

  ‘Harry is his own person.’

  Ross got up and let out a loud sigh.

  ‘I don’t want us to fall out,’ he said with a smirk as Jonah started to smile. ‘But you’re not thinking straight and will make mistakes when it comes to affairs of the heart. Go hunt Sophie down and find out what Harry said to her.’

  ‘I love her.’ Jonah looked up at Ross whose smiled slipped. ‘That’s what I realised when I was away. I’m in love with Sophie James but I don’t know where she is.’

  ‘What are you thinking?’

  Fadwa was sitting near Sophie, who was on her laptop at the dining table. ‘You seem miles away.’

  ‘Just wondering about someone,’ she replied, looking at the date and knowing Jonah would be back.

  And each time she thought about him, her heart sunk through the desperation of knowing he had tricked her into falling in love; mainly to cover Harry’s arse.

  She was unsure about whether his actions were sincere or not.

  Sophie had no idea of judging because her head and heart were all over the place.

  Then she looked at the petite woman sitting next to her; her nails covered in scratched and faded old nail varnish. There was something dishevelled in her appearance and sad.

  The children had gone to their relevant nurseries and schools, so there was a hushed silence in the home, giving the impression of calm.

  The sound of a vacuum could be heard in the background and Sophie examined Fadwa and knew, even though on maternity leave and unofficially staying at the house, her work was far from over.

  ‘I’m moving out in a few days,’ she announced, looking at Fadwa’s scared eyes widening. ‘I managed to pull a deal and get my old home back. I need to take a look what state it’s in, so I’m renting somewhere short term for Milly and me.’

  ‘You’re not going back to him, your husband?’

  ‘I don’t want him near me. I think the moment he raised his hand, I knew it was over.’ She discreetly glanced at the young woman, who bent her head forward. ‘I know it’s very hard for people to move on, especially when relationships fail. It’s difficult not only for them but the kids. Fadwa, how do you feel now?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she replied, looking up. Her eyes were full of pain and confusion. ‘He keeps calling you see, to speak to the children and then they cry. They miss their dad because he never showed his other side in front of them. I feared the day he would, and how they would be terrified as I was. I don’t want that to happen. No-one should live with that sense of fear.’

  Looking around the room, Sophie could see why home, regardless of an abusive partner, might seem better than where they currently sat.

  Again the thought of Harry and his anger made her shudder.

  That was something she never thought he was capable of.

  This is what scared Sophie the most.

  ‘Don’t go making a rash decision,’ whispered Sophie, seeing Fadwa’s eyes dart right up at her. ‘Please?’

  ‘You’ve got a home to go to, even a job. I’ve got nothing. I can’t do it on my own.’

  ‘That’s why you’re here. To make sure you’ve got the support.’ Sophie gently stroked her arm then looked at her finger nails. ‘And first thing first. You need to paint your nails. They’re in a shocking state.’ Smiling at Fadwa, she knew it was going to be a difficult transition. ‘And I can help you when you get a place with finding a job and childcare. It’s really important to make foundations and be safe. He won’t ever harm you again.’

  ‘How can you be sure?’

  ‘Because I will make sure he doesn’t, okay?’

  ‘And you Sophie? Are you going to be all right?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she honestly replied, looking at the baby monitor for a sound of her sleeping child. ‘But I’m going to try hard.’

  ‘Hello!’

  Jonah was standing on Harry’s doorstep and was met by the dishevelled looking man. ‘Is this a good time?’

  ‘Hi!’ he said, and grabbed Jonah, giving him a big hug. He smelt of stale alcohol. ‘How was the trip? Are you both back?’

  ‘We are and it was good. I’m flying out in a couple of days. Can I come in?’

  His heart was beating fast as he wanted to see Sophie, but soon as he entered he felt it.

  The emptiness of her not being there.

  Looking around, everything seemed the same but the smell wasn’t the warm scented one he would experience when entering.

  This was musty and old.

  Nothing new and sweet as you would expect with a baby in the house.

  ‘How are things?’ Jonah asked, putting a bottle of scotch into Harry’s hands.

  ‘All good. Did you get the confirmation emails? I left it with the new girl to sort.’

  ‘Yep got it all,’ he replied, and pushed some papers off the sofa before sitting down. ‘Are you alone?’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, looking at the bottle and putting it down. ‘Sorry about the mess but I had a late one, and need to tidy up.’

  ‘Where’s Sophie?’

  ‘Don’t you know?’

  ‘Why should I? You told me to keep away, remember?’

  Jonah hadn’t seen him for over two weeks but he didn’t look his dapper self. He had aged and there was no usual hint of a smile.

  ‘She’s gone away for a while. Her dad’s poorly. I don’t know when she’s coming back.’ Harry sat down. ‘Which is good as there’s no crying baby to keep me up.’

  ‘Your misunderstanding is smoothed over?’

  ‘How’s Onya?’

  ‘You’re changing the subject.’

  ‘What’s the appeal of my wife?’

  Jonah looked around and realised there were no photos in the room, just empty frames. Their argument had been much bigger than Harry was saying.

  ‘We get on.’ Seeing Sophie wasn’t around, Jonah realised it was best to leave. ‘Anyway, I wanted to give you a bottle as a late Christmas present and I’ll see you in a week or so.’

  ‘Sure will, and then we can have some fun. Is Onya going to visit you?’

  ‘I hope not,’ he mumbled under his breath, seeing Harry raise his eyebrows.

  ‘Problem in paradise?’

  ‘I’m thinking things through.’ He got up. ‘Can I use your toilet before I go?’

  ‘Sure. You know where it is.’

  Running up the stairs, he got to the bathroom and immediately noticed the baby things weren’t there. Then he looked into the cabinet and quite a few things had gone. Flushing the toilet and washing h
is hands, he quietly opened the door before heading to the bedroom.

  Just as he passed the nursery, he looked in and his eyes were drawn to a stain by the door. It looked quite dark then he realised it was blood. He examined the door frame and the same dark colour was on the paint.

  ‘Do you want to join me for a quick one?’ Harry shouted up the stairs, making Jonah jump so he ran down the stairs forcing a bright smile.

  ‘I’ll give it a miss. I have to go,’ he replied brightly, putting out his hand. ‘I’ll see you soon. Give my love to Sophie.’

  It was Harry’s expression that caught him by surprise as if he had said something horrific.

  ‘I’ll try,’ Harry mumbled.

  Walking out into the fresh air, Jonah knew Sophie had left, but Harry would be the last person to ask.

  ‘I’ll get the paperwork signed.’

  Sophie had no choice. Selling her old home and going somewhere else was the way forward. She didn’t want Harry to know where she was living.

  To her, she needed a new start, before they could thrash out a deal on the divorce.

  That bit she dreaded.

  And he had been good at his ability to avoid all meetings, due to work commitments. The solicitors were making a mint out of the letters and calls.

  But the offer for her place had come in within half a day of it being on the market, and she had found somewhere that would be perfect for her and Amelia.

  It was a small two bedroom flat with a tiny garden. Sophie was going to have to do a lot of work but it had potential, and that’s what mattered.

  Coming to the end of February, the weather was milder and her child was getting bigger by the day.

  The baby was a beauty. Even though she found it hard at first looking after her alone, especially when the baby caught a cold, Sophie was beginning to cope.

  And both Madison and Kay were on hand to give her the support when she thought she couldn’t deal with it.

  Sophie’s only downfall was thinking about Jonah every night and knowing he had probably forgotten about her. Occasionally, she wondered if he laughed about it with Harry, the stupidity of the fat, lonely, pregnant wife.

  Even knowing it was all one-sided on her part, Sophie couldn’t shake off her feelings for Jonah.

  That was proving to be her biggest challenge.

  When her head touched the pillow, all she could recall was the kissing and touching. Excitement and exhilaration in her body at the time; it was unexplainable.

  She hadn’t felt like that with anyone, not even Harry.

  This made the humiliation more succinct, feeling her face flush with embarrassment.

  Since she last saw Harry, when she was sat on the floor with a bloodied and bruised faced and head, holding onto her baby, he had made no wish to see their child.

  That was the reality of him not loving Milly and it hurt Sophie.

  Deep down she had hoped Harry would care.

  Everything now made perfect sense.

  And there was sadness that he didn’t love Sophie as much as she had believed, once upon a time.

  In the meantime, he had demonstrated that fully by dumping all her things she didn’t have time to take onto the street, and changing the locks to his house. It was humiliating picking up the items, left in black bin liners, to get soaked in the rain.

  He even tried to stop Sophie getting any money by closing an account that was nearly all hers. Her solicitor managed to get the money released, but it wasn’t that much, and costs were now mounting up with the house and the impending divorce.

  It all looked so bleak, other than she had a beautiful baby, even though she would be a single parent.

  Sitting down at her laptop, she looked at the new home they would occupy in six weeks if everything went to plan.

  Then she did what she said she wouldn’t do.

  Sophie typed ‘Jonah Bauer’ into the search engine, watching the pages appear.

  Her heart leapt into her mouth on seeing a recent picture of him taken at a show in New York.

  He looked handsome and happy.

  Then she scowled seeing Onya standing next to him, and did a double take when noticing Harry in the background.

  The whole entourage made her feel sick.

  Then she zoomed into Jonah and touched his face before blinking back her tears.

  That was the closest she was going to get to him ever again.

  Six months later

  ‘Say what you have to say.’

  Sophie was in the solicitor’s meeting room. Harry sat opposite with his representative. Not once had he made eye contact. ‘I need to get back to Milly.’

  ‘My client thinks you're unreasonable. The amount of money you want for the child is rather high,’ Harry’s solicitor said in her posh, haughty voice. She was tall, dark blonde, with a large nose and strong features, who probably went fox hunting on the sly. ‘We need to be fair.’

  ‘I’m not asking for any of his assets while we were together,’ Sophie replied and looked at Harry.

  He seemed older and less soft; hardened would be the correct description.

  Or just angry at being forced to meet with her.

  She was none too pleased but they had been going around in circles for months, and Sophie wanted to draw this to a close, once and for all.

  In a way, she was at fault because all the time she thought about meeting Harry, the memory of being petrified of him that night never left her. Even sitting in the same room as him, she felt scared and didn’t want him to see it.

  This was the last thing she expected to feel about the father of her baby.

  And the man she once loved.

  ‘He hasn’t contributed anything towards his child and he should,’ she continued, taking a gulp of air, stemming the nerves in her voice. ‘Even if he does hate her, she’s still his child.’

  And that’s when he looked at her, shocked by the comment.

  ‘I found you screwing someone on our baby’s changing table before you hit me, Harry. I have a witness who picked me up and took me to the hospital. Luckily Amelia wasn’t hurt and I walked out on you that same night. I reported you to the police but decided not to press charges. You owe me for keeping you out of shit.’ Sophie knew her hands were shaking so placed them under the table as her solicitor, Dana, looked at her sympathetically. ‘Let’s do all the finance now then we can finalise the divorce.’

  ‘Didn’t your father die and leave you some money?’ his solicitor asked, with a sly grin. ‘Surely, you don’t need Mr James to contribute more than he should.’

  ‘My father died, and my brother and I had to settle all the bills from his nursing home,’ she said, trying not to get upset.

  She had been through a terrible nine months and that was the final straw.

  ‘I don’t think the loss of my client’s father should come into it. He is not the biological parent,’ Dana calmly replied. ‘Mr James now needs to contribute fairly to the upbringing of Amelia James.’

  ‘Give her what she wants,’ Harry mumbled, turning his head away. ‘Anything to keep her and that child out of my life.’

  ‘Don’t you want to see her? Don’t you care about her at all?’ Sophie asked, getting upset. ‘She’s a beautiful girl, Harry. You’d be so proud. I wish my dad had been well enough to see her.’

  ‘I don’t want access.’ That shocked her as he turned to make eye contact. ‘Ever.’

  ‘She needs a father.’

  ‘Find someone else to take it on, but not me.’

  ‘Harry?’ Words failed her as she looked at him. ‘This isn’t like you.’

  ‘What do you know what I’m like?’ he replied gently. ‘You never had a clue.’

  ‘Does Jonah have a clue?’ she asked, seeing his eyes widen. ‘Or are you keeping that close to your chest, considering how much publicity there is about him at the moment?’

  Sophie knew the book was published and the exhibition planned. Oddly he had called both ‘Bitter Sweet Kiss
es’, and she wondered if that was a reflection of him kissing her.

  There had been interviews in the press and social media, as well as television.

  It made her realise he had moved on and had forgotten about the silly interlude.

  All in all, she knew Harry was making a lot of money out of Jonah, and she deliberated if her anger could vent into something positive.

  ‘Can you leave us alone for a moment?’ Sophie asked, seeing Harry stare. Deep down, she never wanted to be left alone with him in a room again, but today she had no choice. ‘I want to have a word in private if you don’t mind?’

  ‘Why?’ he asked.

  ‘I want this between you and me.’

  After a short conversation, both the women left them alone.

  ‘Sophie, I’m sorry about what happened,’ he said, guiltily looking down at the table, his face immediately softening. ‘I tried to call to apologise, but you changed the number and disappeared. Kay wouldn’t tell me where you were, and then I heard about your dad passing away. I feel ashamed of what I did. I wasn’t thinking straight and it all got on top of me, with one thing or another. I was off my face.’ Harry then looked at her. ‘Where did you go?’

  ‘I sought refuge,’ was all she said and tried to push away the feelings of anger she had towards him. Right now, he wanted her to feel sorry for him and that was adding salt to her very large wound. ‘And I was scared of you.’

  ‘I never meant to hurt you. I don’t know what came over me,’ Harry whispered, and looked at her pleadingly. ‘I’d ask you to forgive me but I know you won’t. Doing what you do for a living, has probably made you pretty hardened to it.’

  ‘Hardened to abusive men? That’s a bloody stupid thing to say.’

  ‘I didn’t-.’

  ‘You might have hit me but your verbal blows about how I looked and what you felt were far more painful. You knew I was struggling with the baby, but you had to chip away until I really couldn’t understand what you wanted. Then I did. Every other woman you could fuck other than me.’

  ‘I might have got it wrong,’ he said, letting out a half-hearted laugh. ‘I think you’re the one was who has turned hard.’