Family Affairs

by Jen Calonita

  “Doesn’t anyone want to hear what I think?” I ask, but no one is listening.

  “Let me say this again: Joey!” Nadine says.

  “STOP!” I yell. Everyone freezes, including our waiter. Mom drops her fork, which makes a loud clink! as it hits her steak salad, which looks pretty yummy, by the way. Everyone stares at me in stunned silence.

  “Kaitlin,” Mom stutters. “What’s wrong with you? You can’t yell in Cut, for God’s sake.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom, but I’m not having another conversation about my career unless I’m part of it,” I say firmly. “This is my career we’re talking about and no one has asked me what I want to do.”

  “What do you want to do?” Mom says in what I consider a mocking tone.

  I pause. “Well, I’m not sure yet,” I admit. Matty groans. “But I want a little time to figure it out without you guys coming up with a game plan first.”

  “How much time do you need? Would a week from Monday be enough time?” Laney asks, punching what I assume is her calendar up on her BlackBerry. Mom and Dad do the same and I see Matty whip out his Sidekick. Nadine shakes her head.

  I pull out my Sidekick so that I look just as efficient. “No, I don’t think that will be enough time,” I say firmly. Laney looks at me in surprise. “I agree with you guys that the next decision I make is a big one, but I’ve been on Family Affair so long I don’t even know what I’d like to do next. I need a few weeks to figure that out on my own. I have a problem with being too impulsive.” I think of my stint at Clark High, my driving class debacle. “I don’t want to rush into anything this time around. I want some time to really think about my options.”

  “But Katie-Kate, you spend every summer hiatus shooting something, whether it’s a TV movie or a film. How can you not know what you like?” Mom asks.

  “Usually you guys pick my summer movie by committee,” I remind her. “I know I pushed for the Adams flick, but most of the time, you show me the roles you think I would like. I want a chance to make my own decision for a change.” I look at Mom. “You can have Seth send me all the scripts you want.” And I look at Dad. “And you can suggest TV shows.” I look at Matt. “Ones that might be right for both of us.” I glance at Laney. “And ones that have the most potential to give my career a grown-up makeover. But in the end, I want to make the decision and it has to be one I’m excited about.” I look at Nadine, who is smiling. “I want to weigh all my options. Not just film or TV. I want to explore the same things other teens do.” I pause. “Like going to college.”

  “Not the speech about college again, Kaitlin,” Mom moans. She begins nervously pulling on her hair extensions. “I thought you were over the school thing! Look what happened when you went to Clark.”

  “That was a disaster,” Matty seconds. “You’re crazy to want to try that again. Why would you want to take time off when your career is hot?”

  “Most stars’ careers tank when they take time off for college,” Laney reminds me for the umpteenth time.

  “That’s not true.” Nadine defends me. “Natalie Portman has done quite well.”

  “Name five girls who have actually gotten their degree. They all seem to drop out. And if they don’t, how many of them actually come back to the same career?” Laney chal-lenges.

  “I’m not saying I’m going,” I interrupt. “I just said I need time to think. Anyway, this is my decision. I’m turning seventeen in a few weeks . . .”

  “That’s right!” Matt is excited. “Can I plan Kaitlin’s party this year, Dad? The press would love me for being such a cool brother. You would foot the bill, of course.”

  “I’m not having a party,” I say. “I’m not having any big parties, because I hate them. I hate a crowd of people I don’t know.”

  “I always liked your parties.” Dad looks disappointed. “They were great for networking.”

  “My point is, I’ll be seventeen soon and eighteen in a year and then you won’t be able to tell me what to do anyway.” Mom and Laney gasp.

  “That’s nonsense,” Mom scoffs. “You always listen to us.”

  “I just mean that when I’m eighteen, I’ll be an adult and won’t have to make all my choices by committee,” I add, softening a bit after Mom practically chokes on a hunk of steak. “It’s still my life and my career and I think the end of Family Affair is a great time for me to think about shaking things up. I like the idea of doing some festival flicks or doing a TV show with a character that is the complete opposite of Sam, but I also want to look into taking classes about art and history. I don’t want to look back ten years from now and realize I missed out on something I really wanted to do.”

  Mom looks pale. I think my speech may have been too much for her.

  “Would you consider cutting a CD? Mom and Laney said you sounded great that day they heard you. I could call Clive Davis right now and set up a meeting,” Dad says. Mom looks at me hopefully.

  “I wouldn’t call him just yet,” I say. “We still have months left on FA before I can do anything else.” Thank God. I’m really not ready for the show to be over.

  “Don’t take too much time,” Laney warns. “Pilot season is coming up and if you wait, all the good ones will be gone. If you have an inkling that you’d like to do another TV show, you should decide after the holidays. The town shuts down in December anyway so we can wait till early January.”

  “January sounds fair,” I agree. “I want to look at the end of FA as a beginning and you guys can help me work out my options by giving me some space to figure out what that new beginning should be.”

  “I think that’s a really mature decision, Kates,” Nadine says. “And one that your work will benefit from.”

  My mom looks from my dad to Laney and then to Matty. She avoids Nadine’s penetrating stare. “Okay,” Mom says simply. “We’ll give you till January.”

  “Thanks.” I immediately feel relieved. I wave over our waiter. “Bring us over one of each of your desserts,” I tell him. “We’re celebrating.”

  “Are we still celebrating Alexis’s departure?” Dad looks confused. “Or your slightly bossy independent streak?”

  I grin. “Both. Just as soon as I get back from the loo.”

  “I’ll join you,” Nadine says.

  I walk confidently through the crowded restaurant. Who knew it could feel this good to be assertive? Sure, Mom and Laney will probably forget my speech by the time they reach Mulholland Drive. I’ll probably have to give it to them again and again, but eventually I’ll drive the point home. Especially now that I know for certain what the point is.

  “You were great,” Nadine whispers as I push open the bathroom door. “You should have seen your mom’s face! I thought she was going to need a face-lift on the spot.”

  I laugh, but stop when I see who’s standing at the bathroom mirror reapplying her Lip Venom. It’s Alexis Holden. I should have known that chill wasn’t from an overworked central air unit.

  Even though it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve seen Alexis, she already looks different. She’s got a short bob and is wearing a sleek but conservative black pantsuit. She must be on a lunch meeting. Before I can decide whether to slip back out the door or march right past her, she sees me.

  “Well, if it isn’t America’s sweetheart.” Alexis’s voice is like syrup. “Guess you’re feeling pretty stupid about getting me canned now that your own show is going off the air. Who’s the loser now?”

  “It’s still you,” I counter. “You’re out of our hair, which was the most important thing, and now our show can get back to being the class act it always was.”

  “You’re an idiot,” Alexis declares. A gray-haired older woman, who looks vaguely familiar, skips the hand washing and hurries out the door, leaving us alone.

  “Kaitlin, let’s go,” Nadine says. “You don’t need to listen to her garbage.”

  “No, I’m going to finish this,” I say. “I’m the idiot?” I ask. “I’m not the one who hit on on
e of our writers and distributed a mock script. You screwed up. You cost yourself your job and probably your career. I had nothing to do with it.”

  “My career is hotter than ever,” Alexis counters. “I’m actually here taking a meeting with Fox about a film, Paris Is Burning.”

  “She’s lying,” Nadine tells me. “Paris Is Burning was shot last winter.”

  Alexis snickers. “They hated Ciara Covington’s performance and are reshooting most of the movie, including all of Ciara’s scenes. Fox thinks I have what it takes to make the film a shoo-in for the Oscars.” Her eyes are blazing. “You see, Kaitlin? There are people in this town who love a bit of scandal and I’m going to ride that wave into the sunset while you and Sky watch your careers die this May. You actually did me a favor. You got me off that show before it completely fell apart. I hope you enjoy your fall.” Alexis pushes past Nadine and me and I grab her forearm.

  “Good luck out there, Alexis,” I say simply.

  Alexis rolls her eyes at me as she pulls open the door. I walk over to the mirror and splash some water on my face.

  “Why did you let her talk to you like that?” Nadine asks.

  “Karma.” I grin.

  I tell Nadine HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER SEVEN-TEEN. Extensive reshoots can mean the kiss of death on a movie. While the studio responsible for the flick will probably say the film just needed a little adjusting, many reshoots stem from bad test screenings. If an audience hates the ending, then something better be done quick or it’s straight to DVD for that release! To be fair, sometimes the studio requests reshoots, or a director decides he needs additional footage to ensure that his masterpiece in no way resembles another director’s masterpiece. But changing the lead in a movie after the movie’s already been shot? Yikes. Alexis is going to be back in Vancouver begging the Canadian Broadcasting Network for a bad movie of the week in no time. Getting a DVD of that to watch with a tub of gooey popcorn and Raisinettes will be my best revenge.

  “Come on,” I say to Nadine. “I think I hear a slice of wal-nut crumb cake calling our names.”

  SAT. 11/30

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Get party dress 4 my birthday date w/ A. U Never Know.

  HOLLYWOOD NATION

  In The Know

  The Affair is Over

  by AnnMarie Pallo

  The show that made careers for Melli Ralton, Kaitlin Burke, and Sky Mackenzie — and taught us the art of brawling in a pool wearing an evening gown — is going off the air this May.

  Can we officially start crying yet?

  After weeks of rumors, brawls among the teen cast, and countless In the Know polls, the network has announced that Family Affair will be a family no more. With ratings still in the top ten, and the top five this season alone, fans everywhere want to know why the show is ending its run. This reporter’s guess? Fighting amongst the teen queens and newcomer Alexis Holden sent queen bee Ralton over the edge.

  Not true, FA executive producer Tom Pullman told me. “Alexis was never a factor in ending the show,” Pullman said. “After weeks of determination, we decided to take the Colby storyline in a new direction. By wrapping up the Colby story-line, it allows FA to concentrate on what it does best — focusing on family matters that involve the original cast. We want time to tie up loose ends before the series finale and releasing Alexis from her contract gives us more airtime to do that.” Holden’s final appearance on the show aired on December 2.

  Hmm, my pretties. Does anyone actually believe this storyline hog-wash? Not this In the Know crony. That’s why we went to our sources to find out the real deal. Turns out her exit was anything but a story wrap. “Alexis has been a problem since day one,” says this intimate connection to the FA cast. “She’s never gotten along with any of them, especially Kaitlin and Sky.” Even with the firing, the show’s big gun, Ralton, couldn’t be per-suaded to stay with the Family. “Melli started thinking about how long she’s been on the show and how many other things she wants to do,” says our source. “She wants more time with her kids. She decided to leave the show and Tom took it as a sign to end FA altogether rather than go on without his biggest star.”

  * * *

  “Alexis has been a problem since day one . . . She’s never gotten along with any of them, especially Kaitlin and Sky.”

  * * *

  So now we’re all In the Know, my pretties. Make sure you tell everyone where you heard it first. And get your tissues ready for the last-ever episodes of Family Affair. Sob.

  Eighteen: Happy Birthdayto Me

  When I open my front door, I’m so busy looking at Austin’s gorgeous smile that I don’t notice what he’s waving in his left hand. It’s a familiar-looking Pucci print scarf with pink and purple diamonds on it.

  “Is that Liz’s scarf ?” I ask.

  “No questions.” Austin walks past me into the foyer and grazes my lips, making my spine tingle. Then he walks behind me and pulls Liz’s scarf over my eyes. He ties it snugly.

  “What are you doing?” The world goes semiblack. I say semi, because the Pucci scarf is pretty thin and I can see shadows. Austin must be trying to surprise me. That is so romantic! “Does my family know you’re kidnapping me?” I ask. “I promised them I’d be home before midnight to share a piece of birthday cake.”

  “Shh,” Austin says. “No peeking. Rodney, the birthday girl is ready.” Heavy footsteps clomp down what I assume is our main staircase.

  “Where are we going?” I ask even though I know Austin won’t tell me. With my eyes covered, my other senses are heightened like a superhero’s. I can hear every click of Austin’s shoes as he walks around our marble tile entrance. I can pick up scents, like Rodney’s Eternity cologne. Austin smells like a mix of the peppermint he was sucking on and the lavender hand soap the Meyerses have in their guest bathroom.

  Do I remember what Austin’s wearing? Yep. I really do have superpowers! He has on a blue silk button-down shirt and dark brown cords. I know because when I opened my front door, I purposely checked out his outfit to see if I was overdressed.

  It’s hard to dress for your birthday when you’re not sure where you’re going!

  After much debating, I decided to go cocktail chic in a brown silk halter-style Valentino dress that skims my knees and is gathered at the waist with a matching wide brown belt. On my feet, I’ve got open-toed cheetah-print heels. The look should work anywhere but Carl’s Jr.

  I feel Austin place an arm behind my back and take my right hand. We begin to move. “Follow my lead,” Austin says. We start walking. “Step down. Step down again.” The front door closes behind us.

  “Make sure she doesn’t trip on the potted geraniums,” Rodney says.

  “I know you won’t tell me where we’re going, but can I ask you something else?” I question.

  “Rodney, for someone who didn’t want a birthday celebration of any kind, she’s awfully inquisitive about our plans, isn’t she?” Austin points out.

  Rodney chuckles. “I’m not surprised. We’re seeing a more assertive side of our Kates these days.”

  I take that as a compliment. “Just one question, Meyers,” I beg. “We’re obviously doing something cool if you’re going through the trouble of blindfolding me.”

  Austin laughs. I hear a car alarm beep and a door open. We’re driving somewhere! “Let me just get you into the car and then I’ll answer your question.” He helps me duck my head and I slide across the seat. I feel his breath on my shoulder as he reaches across me for something. I hear a clicking sound and realize that Austin’s just buckled my seat belt. “Fire away,” he says.

  “I really appreciate this cloak-and-dagger thing you’ve got going on,” I tell him, “but promise me, just promise me, you’re not a pawn in my mother’s or Laney’s clutches.” Austin laughs again. “Swear you’re not in on some elaborate bash Mom and Laney cooked up at the eleventh hour to keep their minds off the fact that FA is ending and they want to keep me in the spotlight.”

  “I
won’t lie to you,” Austin says as the car begins to move toward points unknown. “They begged me to help them throw a big party with a monstrous guest list that included everyone from Jennifer Aniston to Fergie, but I told them you were dead set against it.”

  I exhale. “Thank you.”

  “Does she know about the offer from Hollywood Nation?” Rodney chuckles.

  “Your mom said the Nation called and asked to throw you a party,” Austin explains. “They apparently felt bad about all the garbage they printed about you and Sky versus Alexis and wanted to throw you a party at Hyde sponsored by Juicy Fruit gum.”

  I groan.

  “And Tom and Melli told Nadine they wanted to do something major for your birthday on set to make up for the rough time you’ve had, but we told them you banned organized birthday parties this year.”

  “You’re the best,” I say, beginning to relax. “I’ve never had a birthday where I didn’t have to spend the whole evening greeting everyone from Prince William to Chris Brown.” I smile. “It’s nice to know we’re spending the night alone.”

  “Who said alone?” Austin teases. At least I think he’s teasing, but it’s hard to tell when I can’t see his face.“We may not be the only people where we’re going, but I promise you’re not having a Tom and Katie–type affair. No fireworks, no camera crews. Now stop worrying and just wait. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  “The place must be close to the house,” I say. “Hmm . . .”