Hatefully Yours

by Callahan, Kelli

  I don’t think I’m going to put any extra pressure on Brooke by telling her everything that we discussed in this meeting. She has enough to worry about already.

  * * *

  Talking with Mr. Remington was a good reminder that I needed to keep things professional with Brooke. It didn’t matter if my heart was conflicted. I blew my one opportunity with her, and it wasn’t possible to undo the past. Maybe that meant I would die a lonely old man surrounded by material things that didn’t matter, but it would be my penance for the mistakes that I made. At least life would be comfortable, even if I wasn’t truly happy. Karmic justice was a bitch. The stupid shit I did when I was barely more than a dumb kid that didn’t know how to think with anything other than my dick would haunt me for the rest of my life. I was permanently stuck in that moment, but I had to pretend that life could move on—the world kept spinning regardless, and it wasn’t going to stop.

  “How did your meeting go with Mr. Remington?” Brooke walked up to my door as soon as she got to the office.

  “Everything is fine.” I looked up at her and forced a smile. “Did you have a good weekend?”

  “It was a weekend.” She shrugged. “I thought two days away from the office would be good for me, but I spent most of the time thinking about the presentation.”

  “You’ll be ready.” I forced my smile to get wider. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  “I wish that was true.” She sighed. “I’m so scared of freezing up or saying something stupid when I’m in front of people I don’t know. I have no idea how I managed to keep it together when I met with Mr. Remington. There was a good bit of pressure, but it wasn’t the same…”

  “I can understand that.” I nodded. “It didn’t really matter if he liked your ideas at that point.”

  “Right.” She looked down and sighed. “Now it feels like everything I could possibly say or do has a lot more weight…”

  It does. More than you realize.

  “You’re going to do great.” I leaned forward. “We’ll practice as many times as we can between now and then.”

  “Thank you.” I finally smiled. “I really appreciate that.”

  “No problem.” I nodded. “I’ll meet you in the conference room in a few minutes.”

  “I thought about some other stuff this weekend—when I wasn’t stressing over the presentation.” She lifted her head slightly, and our eyes met. “Do you think we could talk later? Maybe after we finish going over the presentation?”

  “If you want…” I felt hesitation grip me, but the words came out before I could think about how I should respond.

  I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about anything other than work. I was—but the meeting with Mr. Remington put things in a different perspective…

  Chapter Twenty

  Brooke

  Stressing over the presentation took up most of my weekend, but it wasn’t the only thing on my mind. Trent asked me out for drinks twice, and both times, I resisted. I felt content with my choice the first time he asked, but I wasn’t completely sure that I made the right decision the second time. He had pierced my barrier—he was in my head—and I didn’t know if I would be able to keep saying never again if he asked a third time. I had every reason in the world to resist, but there was a piece of my heart that didn’t let go of him when I wrote that letter—and it seemed determined to chase what it wanted.

  It was so right when we were younger, but now it’s so wrong. Why can’t I convince myself to see that?

  I wasn’t a teenage girl anymore—far from it. I was no longer crushing on my brother’s best friend with a fantasy in my head that almost came true. I was seeing past it all—past the flaws—past the mistakes—past the emotions I swore I would never revisit. The man he became was filled with regret for that one mistake, and while it was unforgivable, that didn’t mean he was beyond redemption. He didn’t sleep with Keely. I had no way of knowing if he would have pulled away from her if I hadn’t interrupted them. Time hadn’t healed the scar that night left on my heart, but maybe there was a way to hide it. We could make memories that were better than the ones in the past—and not all of those were bad.

  I’ll never forget how I felt that night by the pool, and if I could recapture those feelings—I’ve certainly never had that kind of connection with anyone else.

  “Alright.” Trent opened the door and stepped into the conference room. “Let’s hear that perfect presentation.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to call it perfect quite yet.” I smiled and stood up. “Hopefully it will be before we’re done here today. I’d like to be able to go over it from start to finish without making changes—that’s my goal.”

  “I’m ready when you are.” He leaned back as I turned on the presentation.

  I started the presentation, and Trent started firing questions. They were a lot faster than before, and he even tossed some curveballs that I wasn’t ready for. After I finished my first run-through, I was a little shaken, but we immediately started it over, so that the questions were fresh in my head. The second run-through went a lot better, and by the fifth, I felt almost robotic. We made a couple of changes, did it again, and then it was past time for lunch, so we took a break. We considered ordering, but I think both of us needed a few minutes out of the office. I certainly did. I was mentally torn between the presentation and what I wanted to talk with him about when we were done with work for the day.

  If I say those words, I can’t take them back—I can’t give him hope and take it away.

  “Oh wow…” Trent’s voice echoed behind me as soon as I walked into Famous Sid’s. “We should have just ordered something if we were going to the same place.”

  “I didn’t even realize I was going to come in here until I saw the line at Lina’s Cafe.” I turned to him and smiled—then a perplexed stare settled on my face. “Wait, how did you beat me? I left before you did.”

  “I drove.” He motioned towards the parking lot with a nod of his head.

  “It’s not that far of a walk…” I chuckled under my breath.

  “I didn’t feel like walking.” He shrugged. “Let’s order and find a table.”

  “Okay.” I smiled and walked to the counter.

  I guess I won’t have much time to dwell on what I want to say. Maybe that’s for the better.

  Trent seemed like a different person outside of the office. I got glimpses of the guy he used to be when we were alone, but when we weren’t within the confines of Remington Global, it was like I was sitting across the table from the actual guy I remembered—the guy I fell in love when I was a teenager. There was more humor in what he said, a couple of jokes worked their way in, and I could feel myself gradually slipping towards the inevitable. My heart truly hadn’t forgotten, and all of the guys I distracted myself with after I left Cabot Beach had nothing on the one that first made my stomach swarm with butterflies. He was doing it all over again, and I tried to find something to say that could keep me from admitting it in the middle of the restaurant.

  “So, something I’ve been curious about.” I looked up from my sandwich. “Why do you go by Trenton now? You used to hate that name.”

  “Ah yeah.” He laughed. “When I first started at the Remington Global, there was another guy named Trent on my team—our boss started calling me Trenton to make it easier. It just kind of stuck… The only reason I hated it to begin was because it was what my mom always called me. She would tell people that if she wanted to call me Trent, she would have put it on my birth certificate…”

  “Makes sense.” I nodded. “How is she doing now? I remember you telling me that she was in a pretty bad place when we were younger.”

  “She’s better.” He leaned back and sighed. “After I moved to New York, I was able to convince her to go to rehab. As far as I know, she’s been clean since then. She even got remarried about a year ago.”

  “Wow, that’s awesome!” I smiled. “Do you get to see her much?”
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  “I visit when I can, but—getting clean didn’t make her any less crazy.” He shook his head and shrugged. “What about you? Do you see your parents much?”

  “Not as much as I should.” I shook my head back and forth. “My dad is considering early retirement. He was hoping that both of his kids would be back in Cabot Beach and working at Broussard Industries before he left the company. I’m the disappointment…”

  “I doubt he’s disappointed in you.” Trent scoffed. “Especially if Boone is around.”

  “My brother has settled down a lot.” I laughed under my breath. “I think he might marry the girl he’s dating right now—my mother told me that he asked her about my grandmother’s ring.”

  “Wow.” Trent blinked in surprise. “Boone? Married? I never thought that would happen.”

  “You’ve never told me what happened between the two of you.” I narrowed my eyes. “You were so close in high school. Hell, the whole reason he decided to go to the University of Michigan was because you got a scholarship there.”

  “Yeah.” Trent sighed. “I told him not to do that, but in his words—the party didn’t have to stop just because high school was over.”

  “That sounds like Boone.” I looked down and laughed.

  “It would have probably been better if we had gone our separate ways after high school.” Trent looked away, and I saw a hint of remorse in his stare. “We might still be friends. I fucked that up one night when I had a little too much to drink—and told him that I had feelings for you.”

  “Oh shit!” I blinked in surprise. “I’m sure that didn’t go over well. Boone was always very protective of me, even if he was an asshole most of the time.”

  “Yeah.” Trent exhaled sharply. “I should have kept my damn mouth shut, but—fuck, I barely even remember that night. He was a completely different person when we woke up the next morning.”

  “Damn…” I grimaced. “I’m sorry that your feelings for me ruined that friendship.”

  “It’s life.” He started gathering his trash. “Speaking of—we’ve got a long afternoon ahead of us. Ready to go back to the office?”

  “Not really.” I shook my head. “But we don’t really have a choice.”

  I wasn’t totally surprised to find out that Trent’s feelings for me had a hand in undoing his friendship with my brother. Boone said a few things over the years that made me think he knew more than he let on, and Trent had already told me that Boone was the one who stopped him from talking to me after graduation night. There was just more to the story than I realized. Trent’s feelings for me had to run pretty deep if he told Boone the truth before that night—even if he was drunk at the time. I had my fair share of drunken confessions over the years, and all of them were things that wouldn’t have said when I saw sober, but they were true. I did regret a few of them, but the worst ones were the ones I admitted to myself.

  Like how I feel right now…

  Trent offered to give me a ride back to the office. I was perfectly fine with walking, but it clouded over while we were eating, and it looked like it might start raining—I probably should have checked the weather before I took a casual stroll to Famous Sid’s without my umbrella. The traffic wasn’t as kind to us on the way back to the office as it was to Trent on the way to the restaurant. Parking was also an issue. Remington Global had a parking garage, but after we made a couple of trips around it, we realized that we were going to have to go to the overflow lot, which was a couple of blocks from the office.

  “See, you should have just walked.” I looked over at Trent and smiled.

  “I usually don’t have a problem finding a parking spot when I go out for lunch.” He shook his head and sighed. “If we keep hiring people, it’s going to be impossible to find a spot in the mornings too.”

  “Oh no…” I leaned forward and stared at the window as a couple of raindrops hit it.

  “Still wish I had walked instead of drove?” He raised an eyebrow and chuckled.

  “We would have made it back before it became a problem.” The rain got heavier before I finished my sentence. “Okay, maybe not…”

  “It looks like we’re going to have to share an umbrella.” Trent pulled his car into a parking spot. “I only have one.”

  “I hope it’s a big umbrella…” I glanced over as he picked up a rather small one from the backseat.

  “We’ll be fine.” He opened his door and pushed the umbrella out so that it could unfold before he stepped out of the car.

  Trent walked around to my side of the car and held the umbrella over my head as I climbed out. A couple of blocks wouldn’t have been an issue, but we had to go a little slower than normal because we were huddled underneath an umbrella that was barely big enough for one of us. I tried to leave a sliver of air between us, but I kept getting my arm wet, so I was practically in his arms by the time we got to the end of the first block. We had to wait for the light to change so we could cross the road, and that meant basically standing on top of each other. I danced on my toes a couple of times when water splashed on my shoes, which caused Trent to start laughing at me.

  “It’s not funny…” I felt a wave of relief when the light finally changed. “These shoes were expensive.”

  “They’ll be fine. We don’t have much further go.” He tried to hurry me along as he spoke.

  The rain was a challenge, but being that close to Trent was a bigger one. It was making those same butterflies flutter in my stomach, just like they did when I was a teenager. The rain wasn’t going to drown me, but practically being in his arms felt suffocating—in the best kind of way—or maybe the worst kind of way. My thoughts were still in turmoil. He was my first love—he was my boss—he was the one guy I always wanted and the one guy I shouldn’t have those kinds of feelings for.

  “Watch out!” Trent grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the sidewalk when a car drove by and splashed water in our direction.

  “Shit!” I lost my balance because I wasn’t prepared and fell against him—then I felt my heel break.

  “I got you.” Trent’s arm wrapped around my waist and kept me from getting a taste of the rainwater that was already on the ground.

  “You’re soaked! I’m sorry!” I looked up at him after I regained my composure and saw that he had sacrificed his spot under the umbrella to keep me from getting drenched—and make sure I didn’t fall on my face.

  “It’s fine.” He pulled me underneath a canopy for one of the other office buildings. “Just give me a second…”

  “Oh, this is bad.” I looked down at my shoe and saw that the heel was pointing sideways.

  “Well shit…” Trent exhaled sharply.

  “Let’s just get to the office. There’s a shoe store a couple of blocks that way.” I sighed and pointed.

  “If you drive there, you’re not going to find a parking spot when you get back…” He raised his eyebrows. “It would be easier to walk from here.”

  “We didn’t even manage to make it to the office trying to share an umbrella. Do you really think we’re going to have more success now that I’m walking on one good heel?” I shook my head quickly.

  “The rain is actually starting to let up…” Trent leaned forward and glanced at the sky. “It won’t be that bad. The storm clouds are passing.”

  “We’re going to be so late…” I sighed and looked down.

  “Then it’s a good thing you’re with your boss right now.” He grinned and reached for my hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

  I didn’t even think about the fact that we were holding hands until we made it halfway down the next block. Truthfully, it could have been innocent—it was a lot of easier to walk with his support than it was to hobble on a broken heel. It just didn’t feel that way. My mind flashed back to the good times we shared—the few times when our hands brushed together, and I wanted him to hold it so damn bad. Who knew that all I had to do was almost take a dive into two inches of water on the sidewalk and break a heel to make
that dream come true?

  “Is this the one?” Trent motioned to a store that was directly in front of us.

  “Yeah, we’re almost there.” I squeezed his hand a little tighter—because I didn’t want to let go.

  The rain had completely let up when we got to the store. Trent waited by the door while I tried on a couple of pairs of shoes and found one that I liked. The guy behind the counter said he could have the ones I was wearing repaired, so I left them with him. They weren’t my most expensive pair of heels, but they still cost a decent amount of money, so I preferred to salvage them if it was possible.

  “Okay, I’m almost as good as new.” I met Trent by the door, and he held it open for me. “These might give me blisters before I get back to the office, but at least I can walk in them.”

  “They didn’t have any better ones?” He raised an eyebrow in concern.

  “These are actually better than the ones I was wearing, but I haven’t broken them in yet.” I shrugged. “Nothing like a quick stroll while you’re already late to hurry that process along.”

  “We can go slow.” He shook his head. “I don’t think Mr. Remington is going to write either of us up—I doubt he would notice if we took the rest of the day off.”

  “It’s not Mr. Remington that I’m worried about.” I glanced over at Trent. “He didn’t write me up the first time.”

  “You know I’m going to throw that away, right?” Trent narrowed his eyes.

  “You better…” I nodded quickly.

  I kind of wished Trent had an excuse to hold my hand again on the way back to the office—I would have even settled for another rainstorm just so we could huddle under his umbrella. He seemed to be keeping his distance, which was the exact opposite of what I wanted—especially after being so close to him. It was crazy for me to have those kinds of thoughts running through my head, but I didn’t know how to make them go away. Maybe I fell for him all over again the instant he walked through the door, and I realized he worked at Remington Global—maybe I had just been fighting a losing battle the whole time.