The Light to My Darkness

by Ivy Smoak

  "Making tea."

  "Why?"

  I shrugged. "Because tea fixes everything."

  "Is that what's going to happen to me once I get married? Will I automatically turn into an old lady?"

  "Hey." I frowned.

  "Sorry. Hangover." She pointed to her forehead.

  "Penny's right," James said. "Tea really does fix everything."

  I smiled at him. A couple years ago we had both decided to give up coffee in favor of tea. I had read some article about the soothing properties of herbal tea. And James was always really supportive with my weird ideas. I did feel healthier though. Although, when I drank coffee I didn't have a heart murmur. I shook away the thought.

  Bee and Mason just stared at us.

  "Yeah, we're going to become old people when we get married," Mason said. "I knew this was a bad idea. Is there still time to back out?"

  "Approximately 30 hours," Bee said. "But then there's the issue of me really loving you. Decisions, decisions."

  Mason laughed. "Don't you dare get cold feet, babe. I was only kidding. And really we should be mad at Penny. This beach trip was her idea. It's her fault that we have hangovers."

  I placed a cup of tea down in front of each of them. "You're both ridiculous. How was it my fault that you drank too much? I wasn't even there."

  "Exactly," Bee said. "My matron of honor ditched me. I had to drink away my sorrows."

  "You know I would have loved to have been there."

  "I know." Bee reached out and squeezed my hand before taking a sip of the tea. "Damn, it's actually really good."

  I smiled. "See."

  Mason took a sip. "Eh," he said and set it aside. "How are you feeling anyway?"

  James wrapped his arm around my back.

  "I'm good. The doctor said no travel, so we decided to listen to him for once. I really am sorry that we couldn't come."

  "James, the beaches down in Delaware are awesome," he said. "You were holding out on me all these years. We'll have to make a trip some other time after your kid pops out."

  "Sounds like a plan," James said. "A nice family beach trip is definitely in order."

  "Ugh, no. I meant without the kids."

  James laughed.

  "Uncle Mason!" Scarlett squealed as she ran into the kitchen. "Aunt Bee!"

  Mason put his hand on his forehead, wincing from her voice due to his hangover. But he still managed to smile at her.

  Scarlett stopped at the stool he was sitting on and pulled on his pant leg.

  "Hey, kiddo." He lifted Scarlett up onto his lap. "What do you have there?"

  For not liking kids, he really seemed to adore Scarlett.

  "I drew a picture of your wedding." She put the piece of paper she was holding down on the countertop. "This is you," she said to Mason and pointed to a stick figure with brown hair and a black outfit. "And this is Aunt Bee." She pointed to the figure with long blonde hair and a white outfit. I smiled as I recognized myself standing next to Bee. And there was James, depicted holding Scarlett in his arms. Tyler and Hailey were standing with Axel. Rob and Daphne had their arms wrapped around Sophie . Matt looked just like Mason but he was standing next to Jen and Ian. Bee's friends Marie and Kendra were standing to one side with glasses in their hands, which I found particularly funny, because Scarlett only knew them from a few girls' nights I had thrown here. Marie's husband, Carter, was even in the picture. I smiled down at the image. It was the most beautiful stick figure drawing I had ever seen.

  "Can we keep this, Scarlett?" Bee said. "I think it's going to be better than any pictures we get taken tomorrow."

  "Mhm. It's your wedding pres... presen ... pre..." her voice trailed off and she frowned, unable to remember the word.

  "Present?" Bee offered.

  "Yes! Wedding present." She slid it toward Bee. "Mommy, can I put on my dress now?"

  She had been asking me every half hour all morning.

  "Not yet. The wedding isn't until tomorrow."

  "But I don't mind sleeping in it. Pleeeeease?"

  Bee laughed. "If you sleep in it, it will get all wrinkled. And you don't want that, do you?"

  Scarlett scrunched her mouth to one side as she thought it over. "No. A flower girl shouldn't have a wrinkled dress. I'll go put it back."

  "Put it back? Where did you put it?" I asked.

  But Scarlett had already crawled down from Mason's lap and was running back up to her room.

  "I promise I'm going to follow up on that," I said and sat down in one of the empty stools.

  Bee laughed. "It's fine. The kids are going to be so cute tomorrow even if their outfits are wrinkled."

  "Hopefully they'll be well behaved," James said.

  "They'll be great, I know it."

  I hoped that Bee was right. But I could just imagine Scarlett and Sophie throwing flower petals at each other instead of on the aisle. And after last night, Axel might just run off and try to find his mother instead of safely delivering the rings to the altar. It was good that the kids were coming to the rehearsal tonight. They needed all the practice they could get.

  Bee set her empty mug down. "We really should get going. I'm in desperate need of a nap. Thank you for the tea, it actually made me feel a lot better."

  "Of course. We'll see you tonight." I gave them each a hug goodbye and continued to sip my tea as James showed them out.

  "Do you mind if I grade a few papers before we have to get ready for the rehearsal? I'm a little behind, especially since I'll be jet lagged after my flight tomorrow night."

  "Yeah, that's fine. I need to get some work done anyway. What time is your flight?"

  "I'm taking the red-eye. That way I won't have to cut out from the wedding early."

  "Smart thinking."

  He kissed my cheek. "Let me know when you're going to start hogging the bathroom so I can shower real quick beforehand."

  I laughed. "You could just shower with me."

  "I thought you'd never ask." He winked at me and grabbed a cup of tea before heading toward his study.

  Now I definitely had something to look forward to. Just a few hours of work and I could get my favorite reward. I carried my tea to the library, sat down at my desk, and opened up my computer. Now that I had cleared the air with Hails, typing came easily to me. I poured my heart and soul out on the paper. I wiped away tears. I laughed. I immersed myself to the point where someone watching me probably would have thought I was suffering through emotional distress. I swallowed hard as I read the words that had once appeared in a note from James that I had typed up before I started writing the second book of my series. His notes were one of the reasons why fiction blurred with the truth. Because I couldn't change the words in his notes. They were perfect just the way they were.

  "Only with you am I strong. Only with you am I good. Only with you am I whole."

  I wiped away the tears on my cheeks. That's not true. He was strong. And good. And whole. He was all of those things without me. For some reason I couldn't move past those words. My two hours of productive writing had come to a grinding halt.

  I put my hand on my chest. What if something did happen to me? How could I leave like this? With him thinking that was true. I pulled up a blank Word document and stared at the blinking cursor. James had a will. It was irresponsible for me not to. I'd feel better if I had one too. Not necessarily for leaving monetary things to people. I just needed James to remember my words. I needed to leave him with something. My eyes continued to focus on the blinking cursor. Scarlett's weird snake fears had gotten into my head. James' capturing my laughter had too. I needed to do this.

  But for some reason my mind only got as far as writing "James" before shutting down. I said I didn't want any bad vibes. Making a will was the worst possible vibe. I closed my laptop and slowly stood up. We don't need a will, do we baby boy? I thought to myself as I wandered out of the library. Besides, what was the point of focusing on something terrible happening when my husband was waiting for
me naked in the shower?

  Chapter 20

  Friday

  "I don't remember it being this hot when I was getting married," I said and sat down next to Matt. Apparently the matron of honor and best man had everything perfect and were allowed to take a break. I knew that was code for Bee being scared I was going to die the night before their wedding.

  "June isn't quite as bad as August," Matt said. "And you weren't this high up. Maybe that has something to do with it."

  "That could be." I looked out at the expansive view of New York City. The ceremony was taking place at the top of a high rise. And not just any high rise. Mason and Bee owned the building and their successful Marketing firm, Bee Inspired Media Group, was located on the top floor. The ceremony was going to be beautiful. Just the view made it breathtaking and they hadn't even started decorating yet. The rehearsal dinner was being held in their office, which I totally understood. After all, Mason had named his firm after Bee in a grand gesture to win her back. It was so romantic.

  "I almost made a point of saying you weren't pregnant during your wedding, but technically you were," Matt said, drawing me back to the present.

  I laughed.

  "But not nearly as pregnant. You couldn't tell or anything. Not that you can really tell now. I didn't mean..."

  "It's fine," I said. "I know I'm huge." I put my hand on my stomach. "And uncomfortable. God, I swear I was this big at nine months for Scarlett."

  "No, you were definitely bigger."

  I laughed again. "Bigger? It's not possible."

  "You still look good, though. You're always beautiful. And you make adorable babies." He nodded at Scarlett who had just decided to sit down in the middle of the aisle.

  "Thanks, Matt." I watched as everyone else practiced standing there, waiting for Bee. "When do you think you'll settle down?"

  "Me?" He whistled and put his arm on the back of the empty chair beside him. "I'm too young to get married. My big brother is only just tying the knot now. Give me some time, woman."

  I shook my head. "I just think you're going to make a really good father."

  "Just because I'm good at hanging out with your kid on occasion doesn't mean I'll be a good dad. But I do have the uncle thing down pretty well, don't I?" He flashed me a smile.

  "Absolutely."

  "Did you want me to go tell her to finish walking down the aisle?"

  "You can certainly try."

  He laughed and got up to join Scarlett. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear. Whatever he said to her seemed to work. She put her hand in his and let him walk her down the aisle. I looked at James standing on the right side of the altar. He was staring at our daughter with a smile on his face. That small action calmed me. See, he's whole because of Scarlett too. I looked down at my stomach. I wasn't really saying it to the baby. Maybe I was insane. Talking to oneself counted as insanity, right? Damn it, stop talking to yourself!

  I took a deep breath and looked back up at James. All that mattered was that I wasn't going anywhere. I refused to. But I loved seeing him smile because of someone besides just me. He had so much love to give. So much more than he even realized.

  Justin clapped his hands. Bee and Mason had opted to use the same wedding planner that we had. I'm pretty sure Justin was happy to be working with James again. I swear if Justin had his way, he would try to steal my husband.

  "The sexy couple needs to get their rehearsal dinner on! And I'm starving! Chop chop!" Justin unceremoniously slapped Mason on the ass.

  I tried to stifle my laugh at Mason's reaction. It looked like he wanted to punch Justin in the face. Maybe I didn't have to worry about Justin hitting on James after all. He seemed to be ogling Mason more now. Justin would probably try to steal Mason away before tomorrow. I smiled as I got to my feet. All preposterous thoughts. Mason and James were both certainly straight. No, I couldn't verify it for Mason first hand. But I had heard so many stories. I shook away the thought. His promiscuous past had nothing to do with the current events. I watched him and Bee exit the pavilion hand in hand, any trace of their hangovers completely gone. They were all smiles.

  "How'd we look?" James asked as he put his hand out for me. Scarlett was balanced on his hip with a huge smile on her face.

  "Did I do it right, Mommy?"

  "You were both perfect. Just make sure to keep walking tomorrow, Scar." Please don't ruin their wedding. I grabbed James' hand and the three of us walked toward the elevators to head down to Mason and Bee's offices. My jaw probably dropped when I stepped off the elevator. I had visited them at work countless times. But they had completely transformed the floor. There were royal blue decorations everywhere. Even the wait staff and bartenders were wearing blue vests. It was worthy of the reception itself. Although, I was excited to see what they had planned for that if this was the rehearsal dinner. The reception tomorrow was being held at The Plaza. The ballroom was otherworldly. I had been there a few times for different functions with James. I smiled to myself. Actually, I was pretty sure the first time Bee and I had met was a gala at The Plaza. I still remembered how surprised I was to find out that Mason was dating someone. Times really did change.

  Scarlett squirmed out of James' grip and ran off toward Axel.

  "We really do make adorable babies," I said and smiled up at James.

  "It must be the curly red hair."

  I laughed. "Or the intense brown eyes. Or the perfect skin. Or that genius brain of yours." I tilted my face up toward his and he responded with the kiss I desired.

  He pressed his forehead against mine. "I can't believe Mason is making me hang out with him all night. I hate spending the nights away from you. And with the trip tomorrow night..."

  "It's okay. We made our bridal parties hang out with us all night, remember? The wedding is going to be so much fun. And when you get back from London I'll catch you up on whatever boring things you missed in between."

  He smiled. "Not a day with you is boring."

  "Trust me, sitting around all day is going to get terribly boring. I'm officially going on bed rest after the wedding."

  "Finally. I'm going to go grab a drink. Do you want me to find you some fruit?"

  "Do you even have to ask?"

  He kissed my temple and wandered off toward the bar set up in the corner.

  "Okay, that's enough standing," Daphne said and looped her arm through mine. "I've scoped out two seats over there with our names on them."

  I laughed. It was like she had materialized behind me. "Not you too? Bee's already worried enough about me. And I'm fine. I don't know how many times I need to keep saying that. Besides, you're pregnant too."

  "Just a normal boring pregnancy for me." Daphne pointed to the chair she had escorted me to. "Now sit. And yes, since I am pregnant, I'm sitting too." She plopped down in the chair beside me. "God, these shoes are killing me."

  I looked down at the high heels she was wearing. "No one forced you to wear heels." I held up my leg to show off my flat sandals.

  "But Rob loves when I wear heels."

  I laughed.

  "Don't you even start with me, Penny. You cater to James just as much as I cater to Rob. And they're both spoiled rotten."

  "You know, I never really thought about it before, but you're right. They are spoiled, aren't they?"

  "Extremely." Daphne took a sip of her water. "But they're also loving, caring, kind, thoughtful, romantic..." her voice trailed off. "We're so lucky."

  I smiled as I spotted James in the crowd. He was holding a bowl of fruit in one hand and his drink in the other. Scarlett was pulling on his pant leg and he was in the middle of a conversation with Mason's father. James didn't look at all perturbed. He was still in his element despite the balancing act.

  "We're the luckiest," I said.

  Mr. Caldwell picked up Scarlett and all three of them started walking toward us. "How are the Hunter women doing tonight?" he asked.

  "Good," Scarlett said.

  He laugh
ed and set her down beside me. "Beautiful as always, my dear," he said as he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "As lovely as ever," he said to Daphne and kissed her cheek too.

  "Your fruit, madam," James said with a smile and a bow as he handed me the bowl he was carrying. "Can I get you something, Daphne?" He ran his hand through his hair.

  "I'm okay, Rob is in search of pickles."

  Mr. Caldwell laughed. "Oh, I remember the pickle phase. My wife couldn't get enough of them when she was seven months along either. I saw some back there. Let me go get you a plate."

  "Oh, I'm sure Rob will find them," Daphne said.

  "It's no problem at all. I'll be back." He smiled at us and then turned to James. He patted him on the back and gave him a much more tight-lipped smile and a nod.

  That was odd. I was about to say something but James broke the awkward silence by kneeling down to talk to Scarlett.

  "Say goodnight to Mommy. And we'll go meet Ellen, okay?"

  Scarlett made the grabbing motion for me to pick her up. I lifted her into my arms. "Goodnight, Mommy!" Scarlett said.

  "Goodnight, Scar." I placed a kiss on her forehead. "Be good for Ellen, okay?" I gave her a tight hug.

  "I will, Mommy," she said as she hugged me back. And then in my ear she whispered, "Be careful of the snake."

  The now familiar chills ran down my spine. Why did she keep talking about snakes? "Scar, we talked about this. There is no snake. It was just a movie."

  "Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there, Mommy." She squeezed me once more and then jumped off my lap. "I'm ready to go!"

  "Okay, pumpkin." James lifted her up. "I'll be right back."

  "I should probably go find Sophie so I can say goodnight," Daphne said. "And I need to thank Ellen again for watching her tonight. That was so sweet of her to offer. Save my seat?"

  "Mhm." But I wasn't focused on her words at all. Scarlett's warning was going round and round in my head. She was starting to scare me. I needed to search our house for snakes. Or at least tell Ellen to be on the lookout when she cleaned. I ran my hand across my stomach. When you can talk, don't say creepy things like that to me, baby boy.