The Light to My Darkness

by Ivy Smoak

She looked up at me with her tear stained face.

  "Tell Porter exactly what happened. Exactly when you saw Snape come, okay?"

  Porter gave me an odd look.

  "Okay, Daddy," she sniffled.

  Twitch.

  I ignored the twitch, just like I had the pain in my arm. "I'm going to the hospital. Make sure the police are there to meet me." I ran back out into the hall and down the staircase.

  Three years ago, I had changed my life. I had started teaching again. I had stopped eating steak. And God, I fucking loved a good steak. I had started appreciating the little things more. My wife's laugh. My daughter's smile. With those changes, I had been able to lower my stress levels. I had been able to lower my blood pressure. I was healthy now. My last checkup verified that.

  But I was tired. I told Daphne I wasn't drunk. But I wasn't exactly sober. The stress of the day had piled up. I felt physically sick with grief. With betrayal. I was angry. And heartbroken. And hopeful. It was too much.

  So I shouldn't have been surprised by the sharp pain in my chest. I shouldn't have been surprised that my legs collapsed from underneath of me.

  My shoulder landed hard on the step beneath me. My body continued to fall, and I couldn't seem to stop it. Finally the back of my head hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs. And it felt like all the life had just been sucked out of me. For a moment, I had the eerie feeling that Penny had just taken her last breath.

  I tried to gasp for mine, sprawled at the bottom of the staircase. I tried to feel anything but the pain in my chest. My heart was failing. I had been so worried about Penny's that I had forgotten about the stress on my own.

  I thought I was suffering from withdrawal, when in reality the twitch on the side of my face had been a sign of my body being attacked. The poison was killing me. And my heart was breaking because I was losing the love of my life.

  Darkness. That was life without my light. Complete and utter darkness.

  * * *

  Penny wakes up to discover she has the perfect husband. The perfect family. The perfect life. There’s just one problem…she doesn’t remember any of it. Penny and James' story continues in A Whirlwind of Color!

  One great love. That’s what every heart craves. I was lucky enough to find mine when I was 19. But I wouldn’t describe myself as lucky now.

  My husband looks at me like I’m the light of his life. We live in a penthouse apartment that overlooks Central Park. My closet it filled with designer clothes and more pairs of shoes than I can count. I have everything I could possibly want at my fingertips.

  And I’ve accomplished my dream of writing a novel. I wrote my love story. Every kiss, every touch, every memory compiled in a manuscript. The pages make my heart ache, my tears flow freely, and my cheeks hurt from laughter. My whole life is written on these pages.

  I have the perfect husband. The perfect family. The perfect life.

  But I don’t remember any of it.

  Get A Whirlwind of Color now!

  Or if you can't even wait, just keep reading for a special sneak peek of A Whirlwind of Color.

  A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 1

  Tuesday

  The incessant beeping of Melissa’s alarm clock was driving me nuts. Why was she getting up so early? I was the one with a 9 a.m. final. I tried to ignore it, but now that I was awake I couldn’t fall back asleep. “Melissa, turn it off,” I groaned.

  “Penny? Penny, thank God.” But it wasn’t Melissa talking. It was definitely a man’s voice.

  My eyes flew open and I stared at the man leaning over my bed. Why was there a man in my dorm room? Why was he so close to me? My heart started pounding in my chest. Jesus, where did I leave my pepper spray? I reached toward my nightstand but my fingers came up empty.

  The room came into focus and I quickly realized that I wasn’t in my dorm room at all. And the beeping was coming from the machines surrounding me, not from Melissa’s alarm clock. Was I in the hospital? I sat up and silently cursed when the IV tugged against my skin.

  “You’re awake,” the man said.

  I turned back toward him. He was my doctor I presumed. But he looked like one of those doctors you’d see on primetime TV instead of in real life. He was almost too perfect looking. He wasn’t wearing a white coat, just a freshly pressed suit. And he was much too close to me. “What happened?” I asked. “Where are my parents?” I felt fine, but panic was setting in. I didn’t remember how I got here. Why didn’t I remember what was wrong with me?

  “They’re in the waiting room.” The doctor reached for my hand that wasn’t attached to the IV.

  I pulled away from him. What was he doing?

  “Penny.” He lowered his eyebrows slightly.

  The way he was staring at me made me uncomfortable. Like he could see right through my soul. I tried to inch away from him, but I was already close to falling off the side of the bed. “Can you get my parents for me?”

  He just stared at me like he couldn’t comprehend my words. Maybe he didn’t speak English well or something. Lots of doctors came to America for work, right? That was a thing.

  “Where is my mom? Can you get her for me?” Comprendo?

  “Penny, I know I fucked up. If you’d just give me a chance to explain…”

  “Please.” Tears started to prick the corners of my eyes. What the hell did he need to explain? I must be dying. God, I’m too young to die!

  He looked so dejected. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then pressed his lips back together.

  “Please.”

  “Okay. I’ll go get them.” But he didn’t move. He just stood there staring at me.

  I didn’t want a stranger to see me cry. I turned my head away from him. I didn’t turn back until I heard the door close. He didn’t seem like a very good doctor. He hadn’t even taken my vitals.

  My mom came running into the room, quickly followed by my dad.

  “Sweetie, thank goodness you’re awake.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  It was so good to see her.

  “You gave us quite the fright, Pen,” my dad said and took the seat next to my bed. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine. I feel fine.”

  “James said you wanted to speak to us right away.”

  James? Was that the doctor’s name? “I don’t even know why I’m in here. And I definitely need a new doctor. He…”

  “We’ve already taken care of that, sweetie,” my mom said and squeezed my hand again. She reached out and pushed some of my hair off my forehead. “It’s all going to be okay.”

  I exhaled slowly. They must have sensed that my doctor had no idea what he was talking about either. I was so glad they were here. What would I do without them?

  “But what happened?” I asked. “Am I dying?”

  “No, no, no,” my mom said. “You’re fine. You’re awake. Everyone was worried that you might not wake up.” She paused. “But the baby…” her voice trailed off and tears started to well in her eyes.

  “Was I babysitting or something?” Why couldn’t I remember?

  My mom glanced at my dad and then back at me. “Sweetie, what’s the last thing you remember?”

  “I was studying for my sociology final. I must have fallen asleep in bed.”

  She stared at me. “Sociology? Didn’t you take that freshman year?”

  “Um…yeah.” I laughed awkwardly. “Just a few more exams and I’ll officially be done my first year. Oh no…do you think I missed any of my finals while I’ve been here? What day is it?”

  My mom looked back at my dad. “Peter, get the doctor.” Her voice sounded so serious.

  My dad practically flew out of his chair. I had never seen him move so fast.

  “Why?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

  She squeezed my hand. “You’re not in college anymore. Don’t you remember?”

  “Of course I’m still in college. It’s not like I dropped out. I’d never do that. I love sch
ool.”

  She stared at me. “Penny, you’re 26 years old.”

  I laughed. “Mom, I’m 19.”

  She dropped my hand and covered her mouth before her sob escaped.

  “I’m 19,” I said again. Right?

  A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 2

  Tuesday

  A different doctor than the first one came into the room. He looked much more professional with a white coat, hair graying at the temples, and a stethoscope dangling from his neck. I instantly trusted him more than the other man. And he didn’t hover unnecessarily close or make me feel uncomfortable in any way. Except for his onslaught of questions.

  “And what’s your name?” he asked. The way he was staring at me made me think this was some sort of trick question. But I had only ever had one name.

  “Penny Taylor.” Maybe I didn’t like him that much after all. He was treating me like a child. I knew my own name. “Do you want me to spell that for you?”

  He chuckled. “No, that won’t be necessary.” He looked down at his notebook. “And the very last thing you remember is studying?” he asked.

  I nodded, my mind stuck on what my mom had said. Penny, you’re 26 years old. I shook my head. I’d think I’d remember if seven years of my life had flown by. “So can I get out of here? I really do feel fine and I have exams to study for.”

  The doctor jotted something down in his notebook. He looked up from his pages and smiled. “We’ll get you out of here as soon as we can, Penny. You have my word.”

  “You can’t release her like this,” my mom said. “What’s wrong with her?”

  Her words stung. There was nothing wrong with me. She was the one that had lost her mind. I glanced at my dad for reassurance, but he was staring at me with just as much worry etched on his face.

  Penny, you’re 26 years old. The words swirled around in my head, refusing to settle. I’m 19.

  “I’m going to go talk to your family in the hall,” the doctor said. “We’ll be back in a minute. Sit tight, alright?” He tapped my blanket covered foot and walked out the door with my parents.

  This was just some sort of bad dream. I hadn’t been sleeping that well. Austin had blown me off the past few nights, claiming he was studying for finals. But he never studied, his GPA was proof of that. I knew what he was doing behind my back. Who he was doing. And he was slowly driving me insane.

  I was fed up with his shit. I was so sick of being his second choice. We needed to have a serious conversation about what we were. Again. How many times had we talked about the same issues over and over again? But I refused to go home for the summer without knowing where we stood. That would definitely drive me mad.

  Wake up. I patted the sides of my face but the hospital room didn’t magically transform into my dorm room. Melissa would know what to do. She could tell everyone what was going on. I looked at the nightstand for my cell phone but it was nowhere in sight. The chairs by the bed were empty too. Damn it.

  I looked down at the IV stuck in my arm. I was just contemplating how much it would hurt to pull it out when the door flew open.

  The first doctor came barging in, his eyes blazing with anger.

  “Penny, we’re leaving. I’m taking you home.”

  I shrunk away from him. Why would he take me home? My parents could do that. I didn’t like this doctor.

  “Everything’s okay. Let’s just get you unhooked from these.” He looked at the machine I was attached to, like he was trying to figure out what to do. How inexperienced was he?

  “Mr. Hunter,” my new doctor said as he came into the room. He was so flustered that his cheeks were red.

  “Penny, you know I’m sorry. You know that. You know I’d never hurt you.”

  I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Who was this guy? “I don’t know you.”

  He ran his hands down his face. “Baby.” He sounded tormented.

  But I was more focused on what he had said rather than how he had said it. Was he talking to me? I looked at my parents. I didn’t think he was talking to them. When I turned back to him, he was on his knees by the side of my bed.

  “Baby, just let me take you home. We can’t trust any of the doctors here. They don’t know what they’re talking about. We’re going to go home and everything’s going to go back to normal.”

  “To normal?” My heart was racing. What normal was he referring to? And how did it involve me?

  He grabbed my hand. “Yes, baby. Tell him you want to go home.”

  I pulled my hand away from him. “I want to go back to school. I have finals.”

  “Penny.” His voice broke. “You’re not in school anymore. You know that. I know you remember. You have to remember.” He lifted up my hand again, tilting it toward me.

  I stared down at my hand. There was a tan line on my ring finger. A line that would have formed from years of wearing an engagement ring. Or a wedding ring. Or both. I looked back at the man on his knees, with the desperation on his face. There were small crinkles around the corners of his eyes. Lines that came with age. He was…old. Not old like my parents. But certainly older than me. Too old for me.

  “I need you to remember.” His Adam’s apple rose and fell. “I need you.”

  I felt like I was going to throw up. How many times had I wished Austin would look at me the way this stranger did? So why did his gaze just make me feel sick to my stomach? I pulled my hand out of his grasp and shifted away from him on the bed.

  “Mom, Dad. Can’t you just take me home? Please?”

  “Penny, the doctor thinks it’s best if you just go back to your normal routine,” my mom said.

  “Then take me back to school…”

  “Your normal routine with James. And Scarlett. Here in New York.”

  “But not for a few days,” my doctor interjected. “We’d like to monitor your progress. Despite what your husband thinks, not every doctor affiliated with this hospital is out to get you. You’re safe here. And hopefully your memory will come back before you even head back to your apartment.”

  I barely heard him. I was completely focused on one word he said. Husband. I glanced down at the tan line on my finger. I was married? I looked at the man on his knees again. To him?

  “Does that sound good?” the doctor asked. “In the meantime, there are a bunch of people in the waiting room ready to help jog your memory. Familiar faces and stories will be good.” He cleared his throat. “Not angry, harsh moments. Pleasant fun ones.” He was staring at…my husband.

  I swallowed hard. “You’re not a doctor?” I asked him.

  For a moment it looked like he was going to cry. But then he lowered both his eyebrows. He stared at me in a way that no one ever had before. Like he hated me and loved me at the same time. Goosebumps rose on my skin.

  “No. I’m not a doctor,” he said.

  “What’s your name?”

  “James.” He pressed his lips together and stared at me for a moment, like he was willing me to remember. “James Hunter.” He looked at me expectantly, like his name alone would trigger a memory.

  But I didn’t feel like I had anything to remember. I felt like everyone here was wrong. The doctor. My parents. This man kneeling beside my bed. This beautiful, broken man. I didn’t need to know anything more about him to know that he was so broken. And even though I didn’t know him, I hoped to God it wasn’t my fault that he was like this. Because I had no clue how to fix him. I had no idea who he was. And as soon as I was out of this hospital I was going back to school. I had finals to take. School was my number one priority.

  * * *

  For more, get A WHIRLWIND OF COLOR now!

  A Note From Ivy

  The first manuscript I wrote got rejected by 20 agents and even more didn’t bother to respond. And then I stopped writing for 5 years. I gave it up because I felt like I wasn’t good enough. So much of Penny’s life reflects my own. It’s hard for me to even talk about because I almost completely gave up on my dreams.

/>   But I am so glad that I didn’t. I was so lucky to have a fiancé that encouraged me and believed in me. This is my story. Penny and James are my people. I’ve bared my soul in this novel and I so hope that it shows. If it does, I would be so grateful if you could share your thoughts in a review.

  I promise I’m hard at work on the next book in this series. But please be patient with me. I’m still shaken up by that ending.

  Read More

  Penny wakes up to discover she has the perfect husband. The perfect family. The perfect life. There’s just one problem…she doesn’t remember any of it. Penny and James' story continues in A Whirlwind of Color!

  One great love. That’s what every heart craves. I was lucky enough to find mine when I was 19. But I wouldn’t describe myself as lucky now.

  My husband looks at me like I’m the light of his life. We live in a penthouse apartment that overlooks Central Park. My closet it filled with designer clothes and more pairs of shoes than I can count. I have everything I could possibly want at my fingertips.

  And I’ve accomplished my dream of writing a novel. I wrote my love story. Every kiss, every touch, every memory compiled in a manuscript. The pages make my heart ache, my tears flow freely, and my cheeks hurt from laughter. My whole life is written on these pages.

  I have the perfect husband. The perfect family. The perfect life.

  But I don’t remember any of it.

  One-click A WHIRLWIND OF COLOR now!

  Get a Free Book

  Professor Hunter and Penny aren't the only couple heating up campus. Join Ivy Smoak's newsletter to get a FREE copy of Melissa & Josh's love story, BEST YEAR EVER.

  My best friend Penny and I made a pact that this is going to be our best year ever. So naturally it has to come true.