The Perfect First

by Hughes, Maya

  I cut a piece of cake for Nix, who kept his eye trained on his phone like it might make a break for the door. Walking over to him, I stood in front of him.

  His head popped up and I sat beside him, giving him the plate and the fork.

  He took the plate from my hand and shoveled a chunk of the cake into his mouth with his eyes still trained on his phone screen.

  “Is everything okay?”

  His head snapped up and he stared at me. “It’s fine. I’m waiting for someone to respond, and I don’t want to miss the message.”

  “Is it someone you’re seeing?” I tilted my head and stared at his hands.

  He squeezed his thighs just above his knees and one leg bounced up and down. The phone rocked from side to side.

  “No, but I’m not her type.”

  “Does she have a pulse?”

  He barked out a laugh and looked at me. Some of the tension in him relaxed.

  Nix was crazy handsome in the stereotypical college movie star kind of way. The rest of the guys were more thrown together, Reece included, while Nix was put together. Still, I smelled the hallmarks of the pressure a person is under when they feel they always need to look a certain way. I ran my hand along the herringbone braid draped over my shoulder.

  “Last I checked, yes, she does have a pulse.” He slipped his phone into his pocket. “And she hates my guts.”

  “Get your ass in here—it’s me and LJ against you and Berk for beer pong.” Reece waved him into the dining-room-turned-tournament-zone.

  Nix shoved off the couch and walked over to them. “You know he loses on purpose just to drink more.”

  “I play better when I’m buzzed.” Berk downed his cup.

  “If they weren’t so hot and lovable, they’d be annoyingly obnoxious.” Marisa leaned against the wall beside the couch, shaking the ice in her cup.

  “You think LJ’s hot?” I didn’t even try to beat down my creeping smile.

  Her eyes got wide and she sputtered. “What? N-No, not him. I meant the other guys.” She upended her cup, gulping down the contents.

  The crowd of people watching the game cheered, and the satisfying thunk of the ball hitting the side of the cup made its way into the living room.

  “I mean, I’ve known him since first grade. He tried to steal my scissors from my table, and I may have stabbed him with them to teach him a lesson. He’s still got that scar. We’ve been best friends since.” She shrugged.

  “And you followed him to college.”

  “What? No, I’m only here because of a financial aid situation and this place always finds a way to FU.” She shook imaginary pompoms in her hands. “Do you want another drink? Let me get us another drink.” Without waiting for a response from me, she plucked my cup from my hand and rushed into the kitchen.

  Other people at the party kept wishing me a happy birthday, and I felt the tiniest bit bad for Reece lying to them. But, with the laughter, music, and dancing all around me, the people hanging out and having fun, I didn’t think they minded another reason to have a party.

  Marisa walked back from the kitchen, balancing two cups and two plates piled high with even more cake. My stomach was near to bursting, but I wasn’t going to turn her down.

  “Seph, I’ve got to have you over to my place. You can meet my roommate, Liv. She’s awesome. Maybe I can cook you dinner.”

  “NO!” The shout came from all the guys in the dining room and Marisa jumped, nearly spilling the drinks and the cake. All four rushed to the doorway, shaking their heads and slicing their fingers in front of their throats.

  Marisa turned around and they all stared up at the ceiling, whistling before wandering back to their game. She sat beside me and handed over my drink and a plate. Reece caught my eye and mouthed, Don’t do it.

  I laughed into my cup and winced at the straight vodka with a splash of cranberry juice.

  “How’s the drink? I hope it’s strong enough.”

  “It’s totally fine.” My words came out half wheeze and half cough. Reece made another shot and looked over at me. He winked and my stomach flipped. There were five months left until he left or I left or both. How would I get through the day when I knew a man who lit my soul on fire was out there in the world and I’d left him behind? How would I pick up the pieces of my broken heart when he left me?

  28

  Reece

  Snow came down, blanketing the streets, transforming the city grime into a living Christmas card. The campus was quiet now that classes and most exams were over. The shuttles from campus to the airport had been running non-stop as the quad, dorms, and apartments emptied.

  “Anyone have socks? I have about eight different sizes and colors and no matches.” Berk leaned out of his door, swinging from the doorjamb.

  Tugging open my sock drawer, I smiled, grabbing a handful of the neatly paired socks. The great senior year sock war had ended up with the five of us guys, Marisa, her roommate, Liv, and Seph splitting into teams for a battle that saw many casualties, mainly anything breakable in the house and a dented shin when Marisa tripped LJ up the stairs before beaning him with a sock straight to the eye. We’d left our poor Nerf guns behind because we didn’t have enough for everyone. A shopping trip was in order. I walked past our stash tucked into a laundry basket in the hallway.

  “Next time.” Ducking around the corner, I landed next to LJ.

  “Here.” I threw three pairs at him and he disappeared back into his room. “Next time guard your artillery better.”

  “We can’t all have a tactical expert on our sides,” Berk grumbled under his breath, referring to Seph and her wealth of historical knowledge.

  I flipped through the stack of freshly washed clothes in my drawers and pulled out what I’d need for the next couple of days. Packing for away games was always a pain in the ass, but as much as I’d fought her, Seph’s folding method helped me keep everything organized. She’d even bought me a basket for my laundry so I didn’t leave a trail of dirty clothes when I took them to the washer and dryer.

  Even studying was easier with her around. The rewards for getting through my work were so much better than the satisfaction of a job well done when her arms were wrapped around my neck. I’d weathered the finals storm and come out mostly unscathed, although it wasn’t like anyone cared about my grades as long as I stayed eligible to play. Coach has us doing drills and studying tape, trying to keep us out of trouble now that he owned us 24/7 in the lead-up to the end of the season. When the next semester started, we’d do it as champions or as the team that had fallen short.

  It was time for the bus ride to our last game before the championship. I’d miss the guys. There’d be other teams, but not like them. Two more games to cement my future. Sleeping on the bus usually sucked, but I’d do whatever I could to keep myself from focusing too much on the game. Overthinking things led to mistakes, and mistakes lost playoffs.

  I shoved my headphones into my duffel as a notification popped up on my phone. Diving across the bed, I scooped it up and unlocked the screen to read the alert about a sneaker sale at the mall. I flipped to my texts. My last message to Seph from a couple hours ago still showed as unread.

  Me: I wish the season was over already. I’m going to miss you.

  We hadn’t seen each other much since Coach decided he needed to dictate everything in our lives in the week leading up to the game. He’d be riding our asses after this win too. I couldn’t even let myself think not winning was a possibility. Two more weeks and the pressure cooker would finally be turned off. Two more weeks to become a first-round draft pick.

  “We need to get to the bus in twenty or Coach will skin us alive,” LJ called out from across the hall.

  “Or maybe just you,” Nix shouted. Berk barreled down the steps like a kid chasing after the ice cream truck waving a twenty stolen from his dad’s wallet. The front door banged open, sending a blast of winter air blowing up the stairs. I swore I saw snowflakes swirling in the air.

&n
bsp; “Close the freaking door, jackass. Wait until we’re all down there,” Nix shouted after him.

  “Okay, very funny. Who wrote this?” Berk called out from the bottom of the steps. “This is the second one I’ve gotten.”

  I poked my head out of my bedroom door. “Who wrote what? And second what?”

  Berk climbed the steps with a folded piece of purple paper and a green envelope in his hand. His eyes scanned the paper and he tripped on the last step, nearly face-planting on the landing. I reached out for him and grabbed his arm.

  “Can you not bust your face open before the game tomorrow? What is that?”

  He stared at the piece of paper clutched in his hands like he’d burn a hole through it, laser vision style.

  “What is it and why do you think we wrote it?” I tugged on the corner of the colored paper.

  He snatched it back. His cheeks were flushed, and it wasn’t from the ten seconds out in the cold. Now I had to see what had actually made Berk blush.

  “It’s—it’s a love note.” He said the words like they were foreign and he was testing them out on his tongue. “Who’s fucking with me?”

  “Sounds like someone wants to fuck you if it’s a love note.”

  “A love note?” Nix came out with his duffel over his shoulder. “Let me see.” He snatched the paper out of Berk’s hand.

  Nix’s eyes widened and his cheeks reddened as he made his way through the words. Berk grabbed for the paper, but Nix planted his hand in the center of his chest, keeping him back.

  “What does it say?” I moved to block Berk and tried to get a look over the top edge of the note.

  “Dude, if you think this is a love note, I feel bad for your grandkids when they find your old ‘love’ letters tucked away in an old hat box in your attic.” Nix held it out to me. Berk’s hand grabbed for the edges of the paper.

  His name was neatly written at the top. Loopy feminine handwriting scrawled across the paper, perfectly straight even though it wasn’t lined, detailing the scene they wanted to play out with Berk.

  You’d sink between my thighs, slamming your cock into me, and I’d be so wet for you. My screams would be the only thing to drown out the sound of our bodies slapping against one another. And your groans as you came harder than you ever thought possible.

  My eyebrows shot up and my mouth hung open. The rest of the note went into even more detail. The back of my neck heated up. Nix blocked Berk at the top of the steps, not letting him pass.

  LJ came out of his room. “You guys ready? I don’t need Coach riding my ass about being late.” I handed the note to him.

  He dropped his duffel and took the paper from my hand with a suspicious look in his eyes. Flattening the paper, he started reading. He made it halfway then sucked in a sharp breath, choking on his own spit.

  “Why in the hell would you think one of us wrote this?” LJ waved it in front of Berk, who broke past the Nix blockade and grabbed the note from LJ, then slipped it back into the envelope.

  “I was caught off guard. That’s all. None of you wrote this, really? Or put someone up to writing it?” He focused on each one of us like he could break us under his scrutiny.

  “I don’t even want to think about you and some of those words in the same sentence, let alone combine them into a note like that, but this is the Brothel, so we know people have some fucked-up ideas of what happens here.”

  “You’re right. Probably some crazy who’s going to try to jump me at the next party.” Berk didn’t trash the note, though, instead slipping it into his back pocket before he jogged downstairs.

  * * *

  I tapped my phone against the side of my leg. Someone behind me snored and probably needed to get a doctor to check that out. There might as well have been a foghorn on the bus, which was filled with the familiar smell of game equipment, convenience store microwaved food, and soda. Most of the guys had headphones on, played on their phones, or tried to sleep. We’d won another one, another step closer to the championship. Just one more game to go, but the win took a back seat.

  I stared up the aisle at the highway off-ramp. We’d be back on campus soon. Seph hadn’t responded to any of my messages. My leg bounced up and down. She never ghosted on messages. It was always a prompt reply as soon as Read appeared below the message, but none of my texts had been read since I’d left on Thursday.

  Two days of agony, trying to figure out why she hadn’t replied. It wasn’t like I could call up her roommate. Had the birthday party been too much? Was she pissed I was traveling so much? The end of the season always got a bit more intense with practices, traveling, and games. I’d make it up to her.

  I was tempted to call Marisa and have her check on Seph, but that seemed a little stalkerish. It wasn’t like her roommate would leave her dying in the middle of the floor…would she?

  “Matthews, don’t forget the scouts are coming to practice tomorrow.” Coach leaned over the seat in front of me on the bus, bracing his hands on the seat backs.

  LJ tensed beside me, his hand tightening around his phone. The glow of the screen lit up his face.

  Coach’s gaze darted to him and his screen. The creases in his forehead deepened. “LJ.” His name might as well have been a rival team’s from the way Coach said it. “They’ll be there by ten. Make sure you’re not late.” He tugged on the brim of his hat and went back to his seat.

  “Think there’s any chance he’ll get hit by a bus in the next year? If not, I’m screwed when it comes to getting scouted. I ride the bench more than I ride this bus.”

  “Have you told Marisa about him taking whatever’s going on between them out on you?”

  He stared at me like I’d lost my mind. “She’s got enough to deal with. What am I supposed to say? Yeah, Risa, I know he abandoned you and your mom when you were little, but how about you get along with him for the sake of my career?”

  “Sounds reasonable.”

  He looked over at me like I’d suggested he set himself on fire and race around the field to get the scouts’ attention.

  “You don’t know what it’s like for her.”

  “Does she know what it’s like for you?” I lifted my chin toward our coach, who was crouched down a few rows up, talking to another one of the seniors. “You have a year left. This is make or break time. If you’re not on the field and you’re not being seen by scouts, none of this matters, unless you don’t want to go pro.”

  “Of course I do, but she’s my best friend.”

  “And wouldn’t a best friend want what’s best for you?”

  He leaned back in his seat and stared down at his phone. Without another word, he dragged his headphones up onto his head and stared out the window.

  This was what happened when you put people ahead of your career. These were the types of hard choices I’d done my best to avoid—until Seph. I dragged my fingers through my hair. I’d never expected her. Why hasn’t she answered? Did something happen to her? We’d never gone this long without talking.

  Ten minutes until we got to campus. I wasn’t even stopping at home first. I’d get in my car and go straight to her apartment. What if she needed me and I hadn’t been there for her? Shit, I was already a goner and I hadn’t even noticed it. I loved her, and that scared the shit out of me, more than I’d even thought possible.

  29

  Seph

  “We know you can go anywhere you choose, but we’d like you to know the offer for the PhD program still stands. There’s a lot of exciting work we’re doing here, and we think you’d make a great addition to the team.”

  The wood-paneled office in the math department didn’t make me feel like I was walking into an early grave like some did up in Boston. This room felt full of the history of those who’d come before me, brimming with the possibilities of what I could do in the future. Maybe it was because it was a few hundred miles away from the weight of the expectations and rigid requirements I lived under up there.

  “I thank you for your kind
words, and I’ll have a decision by the beginning of the new semester. Would that be too late?” Once I went home for Christmas break, I’d tell my dad in no uncertain terms: he either did things my way in Boston, or I’d stay in Philadelphia.

  Reece was gone for another away game. The last before the championship. It sucked that he was away, but I’d kept track of the score online.

  Turning the corner, I slammed into someone. Earth to Seph, pay attention. The two of us were sprawled out on the floor. Lifting my head, I cringed. Graham.

  He picked himself up off the floor and offered his hand.

  I hesitated.

  “Don’t worry. I won’t bite. You’re not the first girl to blow me off and you won’t be the last.”

  Cringing intensifies. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your texts.” God, I was an asshole.

  “You were…busy.” His voice is light and not the least bit biting, like I’d braced myself for.

  Nodding, I cross my arms over my chest before switching to setting them on my hips, then drop them at my sides. What even are hands, anyway, and why’s it so hard to figure out what to do with them in awkward situations.

  “I can’t say I’m surprised. I’m sure you’re not bored out of your mind wandering around museums with him.”

  My jaw fell open and I snapped it shut. “I wasn’t bored.”

  “You were practically sleepwalking.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “I’ve got class, but I’m glad you found whatever it was you were looking for. You look happy.”

  I smiled wide like a dopey idiot. “I am.”

  He squeezed my shoulder as he passed and a little twinge that I hadn’t even realized had been there in my chest released. Asshole-ishness avoided.

  My fingers itched to check the score of the game. I’d buried my phone in my bag to make sure I didn’t accidentally answer a call from my dad. I needed to get my head on straight about how I’d break this to him and Mom. She was looking forward to me coming back home, but I couldn’t live under the same roof with him again. No one should have to.