The Perfect First

by Hughes, Maya

  She’d let him make all the choices, let him completely run her life, and she wasn’t happy. How could she be? It was like she thought of being with him as the universe’s way of punishing her. That was no way to live your life.

  Snow crunched under my boots on the walk back to my apartment. How long could I hold out on my own? I’d never flown completely solo, and when I did, it led to things like the sex ad. I’d tasked Reece with helping me navigate normal college life, and my only guide would be gone.

  Kicking the packed white snow off my boots, I opened my apartment door.

  Alexa yelped and fell off the couch, tugging her shirt back down over her breasts.

  I did a double take. That wasn’t Dan zipping up his jeans like I was an angry dad coming home to find his daughter banging away in the living room.

  “You could knock,” she sneered.

  “Isn’t this my apartment too? I’m pretty sure I pay half the rent.” And maybe if you’re cheating on your boyfriend, you might want to be a bit more discreet about it. I shook my head, grabbed a carton of Chinese food from the fridge, and trudged into my room. After shoving a forkful into my mouth, I changed into my pajamas. It had been a while since I’d stayed in my own bed. The default was to sleep over at the Brothel. That wasn’t a sentence I had ever thought I’d say, but that place felt way more like home than this apartment ever had. I glanced around at the bare walls and sterile feeling.

  What was Reece up to out on the road? Probably enjoying adoring fans screaming his name. I flopped onto my bed, my stomach queasy. He loved life in the limelight. He thrived on it. Even if I wanted us to be something more after the school year ended, how could I ever compete?

  * * *

  I doubled over, clutching my midsection. My stomach was in a vise and it wouldn’t stop. The only thing worse than dying right then would be surviving. I supposed that takeout had been a bit older than I’d thought. Lying in my bed, I clutched my stomach and prayed it would be over soon, either my sickness or my life. My stomach cramped up again. I wanted to shout at the sky, I have nothing left to give, but I couldn’t, my head buried too far in the trashcan.

  “Are you okay?” Dan pushed open my door.

  “She’s fine. Let’s go. Her barfing is getting on my nerves.”

  Always the caring maternal type. I’d never wanted to puke on someone more in my entire life. If I could have dragged myself across the floor to her, I would have.

  “She doesn’t look so good.” The worry in his voice made me feel even worse. How had a kind person like him ended up with her? My mental musings over how people end up in relationships with shitty people were cut off by another round of puking. I shoved my head in the trashcan. At this point, I was seriously worried I might not live through the day.

  Feeling around on my nightstand, I grabbed the bottle of water and squirted some into my mouth. The front door closed and I hung my head, resting my cheek against the cool bedspread.

  “Do you only puke when I’m in your apartment?”

  I jumped, nearly falling out of my bed. Reece shot across the room and grabbed hold of me, helping me back into the bed.

  I groaned. “Why are you here?” I pushed him away and rolled across my mattress.

  “The team bus just got back to campus. You didn’t answer your phone, and I was worried.” The bed dipped and he rested his hand against my forehead. “You’re burning up.” The mattress shifted again. His footsteps faded and the sound of running water filled the room.

  He came back and laid a cool washcloth on my forehead.

  “How long have you been like this?” He ran another cloth over my neck and shoulders.

  “A day or so. I don’t know, they’re kind of running together.” I closed my eyes and rolled to my side, resting against him. He brushed his hand along my hair. Slowly, his fingers unraveled what was left of my braids.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “While you were two states away? There was nothing you could do.” I cracked one eye open and gave him the best smile I could muster, somewhere between a grimace and a wince.

  He stared down at me and brushed the sweaty hair off my face, moving the cool washcloth to a different spot. “Don’t worry, Wild Child.” He dropped a kiss onto my forehead. “Sleep now. I’m here.”

  The pain in my stomach eased and my eyes drifted closed. Reece was there, and it would all be okay.

  * * *

  I eased my eyes open slowly. My muscles ached like I’d been out running all night. I lifted the blankets and glanced down at my body. New clean pajamas had replaced the sweat-soaked ones. Reece shifted under me, his arms tightening around me. He rubbed his hand over his nose and turned his head on the pillow. He was still there. Sitting up, I braced myself for the dizziness and clenching pain in my stomach. None came.

  An empty bowl with a spoon sticking out of it sat on the nightstand. Flashes of Reece feeding me chicken noodle soup and hot tea came back to me. At one point, I’d told him to go, but he’d said, “I’m staying until you’re better. Get over it.” And that had been the end of that conversation. I placed my hands over my face. So much puking.

  Looking over my shoulder, I got a flutter in my stomach, but this time it wasn’t the relentless assault of food poisoning. His jaw was covered in scruff, and I resisted the urge to run my fingers through his disheveled hair. He had to be wiped after taking care of me for…how long had it been?

  A phone buzzed. I searched around the room. I had no idea where my phone was. The glowing light of the screen was a beacon, but it was Reece’s phone. The light shut off before I could see who’d called. I nibbled on my lip. Wake him and let him know or let him sleep?

  Spotting my own phone, I scooted over and grabbed it from the edge of the bed, plugged in and fully charged. Nearly forty-eight hours since I’d first been stricken down with the plague.

  There were missed messages and calls from my dad, my mom, and Aunt Sophie, along with an invite from Marisa to go out dancing with her and her roommate. I replied to Mom, Aunt Sophie, and Marisa.

  My first girls’ night out invite.

  Me: I’m back from the dead and I’m in.

  Marisa: Awesome!

  I sent off a message to my aunt and mom, responding to my dad’s question last. The more time I put between our little talks the better. Reece’s phone buzzed again.

  Strong arms wrapped around me from behind and he buried his head in my shoulder. “You’re awake.”

  Leaning back against him, I soaked up his warmth. “How are you?”

  “Relieved. You scared the shit out of me.” He turned me in his arms. His eyes searched my face as his fingers brushed hair back from my face.

  “Sorry.”

  “If you hadn’t gotten better by this morning, I was taking you to the hospital. You sure you’re feeling okay?”

  “Better than okay. I feel like I slept for a month. My muscles are achy, but other than that, I feel back to normal.”

  Reece’s phone vibrated across the table beside my bed.

  “That’s the third call you’ve gotten since I woke up. You might want to check it.”

  He groaned and let go of me, leaning back to snag his phone off the table. Unlocking it, he flicked his finger across the screen. His eyes widened and he shot straight up out of bed. “Shit! What the fuck is wrong with me?” Grabbing his folded jeans off my dresser, he shoved his legs into them. “I’m sorry, Seph. I totally forgot about the scout practice this morning.”

  My stomach dropped. “What time does it start?” I checked the time. It was nine forty-seven.

  “Ten.” He jammed his feet into his sneakers.

  “S—” The apology died in my throat when his eyes narrowed.

  “Don’t say it.” He slipped his hand around the back of my neck and held me still. “You needed me. That was all that mattered, but I’ve got to go now.” His lips landed on mine, hungry and sweet at the same time. My chest heaved and my head swam. “I’ll come back a
s soon as I’m finished. I l—” His eyes widened and he froze. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  “How about I meet you at the Brothel? I need to get out of this place after being trapped inside for a few days.”

  “Okay, message me when you get there.” He pulled open my bedroom door. “The key’s inside the light beside the front door.” His gaze raked over me and he rushed back in, kissing me on the forehead before disappearing like if he didn’t do it quickly, he wouldn’t be able to go.

  Stretching my sore muscles, I headed out of my room and into the hallway. Alexa’s door opened and she stared at me. “Oh, you’re alive. I had to stay at Dan’s because your retching nearly made me puke.”

  “Sorry for the inconvenience,” I grumbled under my breath. She followed behind me as I walked to the bathroom, still squawking about something.

  Turning once I was inside, I closed the door in her wide-eyed face with a smile on mine. Adrenaline surged through my veins. Damn that felt good. Hopping into the shower, I rested my head against the cool tiles. I wouldn’t have thought Reece would be the kind of guy to hold back a girl’s hair, but I’d underestimated him from the beginning. He was so much more than most people thought he was. He was a protector, loyal to his friends, accepting of me with all my flaws and ability to get myself and him into trouble, and he spoke to my body, igniting a fire I hadn’t even discovered yet. Was it any wonder I’d fallen hopelessly in love with him?

  30

  Reece

  Her legs bounced on the bed, her toes dancing with joy as she scooped up the last of the chocolate ice cream in the bottom of the bowl.

  I grabbed hold of her and lifted her shirt, blowing raspberries on her stomach. She yelped and shoved at me, spilling some of her ice cream on my shoulder.

  “Stop it, you’re making a mess.” I flexed my fingers along her stomach.

  She twitched and tried to push my hands away. “You’re going to make me pee—stop tickling me!”

  I blew on her stomach again and she let out a breathless laugh. Her eyes glittered with a love I’d never experienced before, the kind I’d run headlong away from even the hint of, but with her, I wanted it all. I wanted even more, and that scared the ever-loving shit out of me.

  Resting my chin on her stomach, I stared up at her. She balanced her bowl of melted ice cream in her hand. Chocolate covered her fingers and was splattered all over her shirt.

  “We should probably get you out of this so it doesn’t stain.” I bunched her shirt in my hand, lifting it higher and exposing more of her skin.

  “Was that your plan all along? To get me out of my clothes again?” She set the bowl down on the nightstand and slid one of her fingers into her mouth, licking off the ice cream.

  Lifting my head, I nodded. Why lie? “I’d keep you out of your clothes until the end of time if I could.”

  “You keep feeding me like this and it’s only a matter of time before I have no clothes left that fit and people start asking when the baby’s due.” She laughed and rolled over.

  A bucket of icy water ran down my spine. My mouth went dry and my heart tried to brute-force its way out of my chest. Flashes of the end of last year bombarded me:: the accusations, the smug looks from so many people like they’d just been waiting for me to fuck up, the inevitable whispers even after I’d been vindicated.

  Not a single word when my name was cleared. Not a single apology when they found out Celeste was a gold-digging bitch. I couldn’t go through that again. My hands went numb and it was hard to focus. The lights dimmed, winking in and out as the blood rushed to my head.

  “What?”

  I shot up, my back banging against the window blinds. They shook and rattled with a shrill clatter. Everything around me was too loud, like it had been the first time the accusation was leveled at me, microphones shoved into my face with people questioning what I planned to do and if I was going to take care of my responsibilities.

  “It was a joke.” Her eyes widened and she sat up, wiping her hands on her pajama pants. “I’m sure my clothes will still fit. I’ll stick to these—they’ve got some room.” She tugged at the waistband of her bottoms, smiling at me.

  “I need to go.” I shoved my legs into my jeans, trying not to look at her. I couldn’t stay. All I could see was Celeste. I needed to get out of there. Where the hell are my shoes? I spun in a circle in her room, scanning the floor. The whole place was a blur.

  “Go where? We were going to watch a movie.”

  “I’ve got to go. I forgot I need to be somewhere.” A streak of red caught my eye. I crouched down and freed my sneakers from under her bed, my numb fingers dropping them twice before finally successfully retrieving them.

  “I can come with you.” She swung her legs off the side of the bed.

  “No.” The word came out too forcefully.

  She jumped and froze, half on, half off the bed. I wasn’t trying to scare her.

  I shook my head and sat on the edge of her desk, shoving my feet into my sneakers.

  “Reece, talk to me.” Her hand landed on my arm. I dropped my shoulder so her hand fell free, and snatched up my shirt from the desk chair. It was getting harder to breathe.

  We’d always used protection, but what if Seph did get pregnant? What then? It wasn’t that it scared me; that wasn’t what was making me run. It was that it didn’t scare me. I was twenty-two and way too young to have kids. I’d be drafted and away from her and our child. My lips thinned to a grim line.

  Stop talking about your hypothetical children.

  Stop thinking about how much it would suck to be away from her and them when you’re on the road.

  Stop thinking this is more than we both agreed it would be. My dad was fucked up, and her dad was beyond fucked up—how would I even know how to be a dad? The same room-dimming, hard-to-breathe panic slammed into my chest. Before, with Celeste, I’d known it was bullshit, but with Seph, it was different. What if she did get pregnant? I nearly dropped to my knees. We had no idea what it took to be parents. Seph’s psycho dad had her afraid to make a single mistake. My dad made me feel invisible. I needed to get out of there.

  “This is all too much. We set ground rules in the beginning. You’re leaving at the end of the semester. I’m headed into the draft.” My head pounded as blood rushed through my veins and made it hard to focus. I buttoned my jeans and grabbed my coat off the back of her door. “Now is not the time for me to get distracted.”

  A gasp shot through her parted lips and she jerked back. “Are—are you breaking up with me?” Her voice cracked.

  “I just think we both got so wrapped up in everything, in your list and having fun that we’re not thinking clearly and rationally.”

  “You sound like me.” Her small laugh held no humor and couldn’t cover the tightness in her voice.

  “I’ve got the Championship game and then it’s the draft. I’ve been dreaming of this my whole life—starting on a professional team, winning a championship—and getting sidetracked will only screw things up. I’m not letting anything get in the way of my plans.”

  “Including me.” She stood in the center of the room with her arms wrapped around her waist.

  I wanted to claw back everything I’d said at the stinging pain in her eyes. Every fiber of my being shouted that I should wrap her up in my arms and tell her I was sorry, the same voice telling me this was a mistake and I was an idiot. What did any of that matter? The cheering stadiums, the fans, the draft. This was what had stopped my dad dead in his tracks. I wasn’t going to live a life of regret. I couldn’t do that to myself, and I couldn’t do that to her. This was for the best. This was what we’d both decided in the beginning.

  Her lips tightened into a thin white line, all the color draining out of them. Those pink, soft lips I’d trailed my thumb across so many times, the same ones I’d tasted like they were my last meal on earth.

  She blinked, staring at me like she was seeing me with new eyes, maybe for the first tim
e.

  I clenched my hands into fists at my sides to keep from reaching for her.

  “Of course.” She shook her head like she could knock the thoughts from her mind, the silly thoughts of me and her. Reaching behind her neck, she tugged on the silver chain draped down over her collarbones, the same ones I’d had my lips on minutes ago. “You should have this back.”

  “Seph, no. I gave that to you.” I stepped forward, reaching for her hand.

  She stepped back, evading my grasp. I swallowed the lump in my throat. She undid the clasp and let the chain and pendant fall into her hand.

  “Keep it,” I said softly.

  Staring up into my eyes, her tears caught on her lashes like rain. “Why would I want to keep it when it’s not true?” Her voice cracked.

  “Of course it’s true.” Fuck. This wasn’t about her. If it were, I’d have never left her bed, but I didn’t want to wake up in ten years resenting her because I’d held myself back to be with her. Did Dad ever feel that way? No, but how could he not feel it? How could you give up something you’d worked for your entire life just to be with someone?

  Her nostrils flared and she shoved the still warm metal into my hand. “You can go now.” Her throat worked up and down, tightening like she was holding in a scream.

  Everything I’d thought this was and everything I’d convinced myself it wasn’t evaporated. “Seph…” I reached for her. She brushed past me, storming to the door and wrenching it open.

  “Please leave.” Her voice quivered and I squeezed my eyes shut, dropping my head.

  Turning to her, I closed the gap between us. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

  “And I was just looking for a first fuck, remember?” She pushed on the door, banging it into my shoulder until I was completely locked out. The latch clicked as she shoved it closed all the way.