Alannah

by L. A. Casey

  “Defendin’ me,” she answered. “Babe, they were goin’ to hurt me, and you threw yourself at them so they wouldn’t.”

  I blinked. “You’re me best friend.”

  “I know, and I love ye’.”

  “I love ye’ too.”

  Silence lingered for a moment until I said, “If that situation didn’t scare that baby out of you, then I’m afraid nothin’ will.”

  Bronagh laughed. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block out all the pain that seemed to hit me at once. I focused on Damien.

  “How are you here?”

  “Dominic pulled up at the shop, told me what was going on, and I jumped in Alec’s car.”

  My heart squeezed.

  “This really hurts.”

  “I know, baby.”

  We arrived at the hospital ten minutes later, and as soon as we entered the A&E Department and checked in, I was taken straight to the back and put inside a cubicle. Damien accompanied me while Nico and Bronagh had to wait outside. I was given a cardboard bedpan and told to spit into that whenever I had to. Damien grabbed plenty of tissues and dabbed at my mouth whenever blood dribbled out of my mouth before I could spit.

  “Me eye feels bleedin’ huge.”

  “It’s swelling,” Damien said through gritted teeth.

  I stared up at him. “Are ye’ mad at me?”

  “No,” he answered. “Just mad that this happened to you.”

  He moved closer to me and put his arms around my body. I pressed my face gently against him and waited. We stayed like that for at least twenty minutes. Damien didn’t move away from me; he remained standing and held me to him. He held the bedpan under my mouth so I could spit when I had to. When a doctor came and saw the bedpan, he asked Damien to step aside so he could examine me. He asked me to lie back on the bed and open my mouth, and when I did, tears instantly fell from my eyes with the pain.

  “You’ve got yourself a sore one.”

  He didn’t have to tell me twice.

  “You’ll have to have stitches.”

  I tried to get up, but Damien held me in place, so I began to cry harder.

  “Stop,” he said and placed a kiss on my shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you, freckles. Stop.”

  I couldn’t help it. My fight or flight reaction kicked in, and I wanted to run away.

  “We’ll sedate you,” the doctor assured me. “You won’t feel a thing.”

  “Sedation?” Damien repeated. “It’s a cut on her cheek. Why does she need to be sedated?”

  “The angle of it is difficult to stitch while she is awake,” the doctor explained. “If I tug and move the needle around while she is conscious, it will hurt her greatly, and she would undoubtedly move and most likely injure herself further. This will take me ten minutes to do with her asleep. She’ll be snoozing, then stitched and awake all in half an hour this way.”

  Damien looked down at me. “You understand him?”

  I nodded, but the movement caused me pain, so I stopped. A nurse came in and asked me a million questions then asked me to sign something to allow me to be sedated by an anaesthesiologist. Damien was so mad that I signed the form without reading it, but I didn’t care. My face throbbed, and my head overall felt like a dead weight on my shoulders. I just wanted to go to sleep. Damien held my hand as a nurse stuck a needle in my arm and set up an IV.

  I was moved to the operating theatre where I had to strip out of my clothes and put on a disposable gown. Once the nurses confirmed I had no food or water since early in the morning, they wheeled my bed into the operating room. Damien kissed me and told me he’d ring my parents as soon as he got back to Dominic and Bronagh who were still in the A&E Department. I was brave for him because I could see how worried he was for me, especially when the nurse had to clean up blood that dribbled from my mouth.

  Once inside the operating room, things moved fast and before I knew it, I was asked to count back from ten. I think I made it to six before I was gifted with darkness. Sweet, painless darkness.

  One week later…

  “You have a visitor.”

  I groaned and turned over, putting my back to Damien.

  “I said no visitors,” I grouched. “How stupid are ye’ not to comprehend that?”

  “I must be very stupid for putting up with your nasty attitude this past week.”

  I grunted. “No one asked ye’ to put up with it.”

  “Wrong,” he replied. “Your mom did because she said she was gonna slap you silly if you snapped at another person while you healed.”

  “I wouldn’t snap at people if they didn’t do stupid stuff.”

  “You made Alec cry when you yelled at him.”

  “He made ‘imself cry,” I scowled. “Who thinks chocolates are a good gift to bring someone who can’t fuckin’ eat anythin’?”

  “He had good intentions,” Damien replied. “Now he won’t come back here unless you give him a formal handwritten apology.”

  “He’ll be waitin’ until hell freezes over if that’s the case.”

  Damien sighed, long and deep.

  “I want a cup of tea, Damien,” I stated. “I wouldn’t be so grouchy if ye’ just gave me what I wanted.”

  “You can’t have hot liquids until your stitches are fully dissolved and your wound is healed so no tea.”

  “You’re a real arsehole. I hope ye’ know that. This is why I haven’t had sex with ye’ in a week.”

  “Jesus,” a voice from the hallway sounded. “I’ll just come back another time. She sounds like … like the old Bronagh.”

  I froze. “Is that Gavin Collins?”

  “No,” Gavin replied from the hallway. “It’s not me.”

  Damien snorted. “It is him, and he came to see you, so get up.”

  “Or what?”

  “Or I’ll make you get up.”

  I didn’t move, and when Damien moved and pulled my blanket away from my body, I sat up in a huff.

  “I’m up,” I snapped.

  He rolled his eyes over me. “You need to shower.”

  “You need to piss off,” I countered. “Me face is killin’ me.”

  “Get up,” he ordered. “I need to change the sheets.”

  I rolled my eyes as I put my face in my hands and groaned. I was an irritable monster, and I knew it, but every little thing Damien did annoyed me. Every little thing everyone did annoyed me. My friends and parents stopped coming to see me three days ago. My own mother refused to see me until I lost my attitude. A cup of tea would make me feel immensely better, but Damien refused me that. Seven long days it had been since I last had a cup of tea, and I was going through severe withdrawals. It was what fuelled my rude behaviour.

  “I can’t stand ye’,” I said to Damien. “Not even a little bit.”

  He swatted my behind as I got up and passed him.

  “I’m five seconds away from throwing you out of the damn window, sweetheart.”

  “Ha! Ye’ aren’t strong enough to pick me up and throw me out the window … Ye’ aren’t Nico.”

  I knew I would hit a nerve with that, and from the glare Damien shot my way, I knew he would get me back for it in some shape or form. I left the room, and when I saw Gavin in the hallway, I scowled.

  “Hello to you too, Alannah.”

  I ignored him as I leaned my shoulder against the wall.

  “Have ye’ thrown water in another pregnant woman’s face lately?”

  “Yeah,” I lied. “That’s me thing. I prey on the weak and vulnerable.”

  Gavin snorted. “I miss ye’.”

  “Don’t let the midget hear ye’ say that,” I grunted. “She’ll skin me alive.”

  “Alannah.” Gavin sighed. “Kalin doesn’t hate—”

  “Yeah,” I cut him off. “She does. Anyone with eyes can see it; she hates that we’re friends. She doesn’t care that you’re Bronagh’s friend, just mine. I don’t care, though. I don’t need ‘er to be me friend. She’s a hobbit-sized demon.”


  I was blatantly ignoring the fact that we were the exact same height and so was Gavin.

  “I need ye’ to be her friend,” he pressed. “I love ye’, Alannah, and I want ye’ to be around me son, but Kalin won’t let that happen if ye’ both keep … whatever feud ye’ both have goin’.”

  “Feud?” I repeated, wide-eyed. “Gavin, she glares at me and gives me foul looks whenever me and you hug or talk to one another. How can ye’ not see she has a problem with me? I would never, never treat a person like she treats me. I’m nice, and she is makin’ me not nice, which goes against everythin’ I am as a person! I’m even nice to Micah Daley when I see ‘er, and she is the devil!”

  Gavin’s shoulders slumped, and I knew that he agreed with me.

  “I’m convinced that she thinks we secretly like each other, which is so stupid because anyone with eyes can see how much I love that irritable arsehole in the bedroom.”

  “You’re so sweet, baby.”

  “Bite me!”

  “I will later.”

  I scowled as I refocused on a now amused Gavin.

  “Look,” he said, straightening up. “I’m goin’ to ‘er apartment to talk about this once and for all because I want you two to be friends before me kid is born.”

  I didn’t move.

  “I’ll be ‘ere if she wants to talk to me,” I said. “I look like the back end of a dog, so I’m not leavin’ this apartment.”

  Gavin frowned. “Bear, ye’ don’t—”

  “Don’t waste your breath,” Damien called from the bedroom. “She’ll insult you if you compliment her or be nice in any way possible. Trust me, buddy.”

  I glared over my shoulder but said nothing as I turned back to face Gavin, who was silently chuckling.

  “I’ll be back later.”

  I pushed away from the wall. “Don’t be surprised if Kalin gives you hell over this.”

  Gavin left my apartment seeming very determined while I headed into the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. I was just about finished when I felt a cold breeze touch my skin before it was replaced with strong hands. I closed my eyes when Damien’s naked body pressed against me, and his lips found their way to my neck. I felt how hard he was, but he didn’t touch me in a way that showed he was in any hurry to take me, which surprised me. We hadn’t had sex since I got hurt, and I didn’t blame him for not touching me.

  I had been a massive bitch.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, lowering my head. “I’m so sorry for bein’ rude to you.”

  I felt Damien’s nose rub against my neck.

  “Everyone must think I’m a bitch,” I continued before I lifted my hands to my face. “I feel horrible.”

  “Baby,” Damien said, his voice gruff. “Everyone knows you were physically hurting, and that it messed with your mood. We all know you aren’t a mean person, trust me.”

  I leaned my head back against his chest. I was physically hurting, but it was my nightmares that had me sleep deprived. They hadn’t gone away. I closed my eyes, and tears fell before I could stop them. I sniffled, and Damien sighed as he turned me to face him.

  “Don’t cry, freckles,” he said. “No one is mad at you.”

  “It’s not that,” I said, swallowing.

  Damien pushed my wet hair out of my face.

  “Then what is it?”

  I stared up at him. “I don’t want to worry ye’.”

  He tensed. “Tell me. Now.”

  I had to tell him. Keeping my thoughts to myself was eating me up inside.

  “I’m havin’ nightmares,” I whispered. “About Morgan.”

  Damien’s eyes widened ever so slightly. He didn’t say a word as he reached over my shoulder, turned off the shower, and hustled us out of it. He wrapped a towel around his hips and grabbed a large one to wrap around me. He led me out of the room and into our bedroom. We both sat on the end of our bed and stared at each other.

  “How long?”

  I didn’t play dumb. “The last few weeks,” I answered.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, and I heard the hurt in his voice.

  “Because.” I wiped under my nose. “I didn’t want to worry ye’.”

  “Alannah,” Damien scowled. “We’re a couple … partners. We deal with issues together, never apart.”

  I bobbed my head. “I know, and I’m so sorry. I just … I didn’t want ye’ to think about ‘im.”

  “I always think about him, about my past, but that shouldn’t stop you from talking to me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I thought I was doin’ the right thing, but I wasn’t. These nightmares are killin’ me.”

  “Tell me about them.”

  I exhaled a deep breath.

  “He always has you and your brothers tied up, and either hurts you badly or kills ye’, but lately …”

  “Lately what?”

  “Lately, he’s been slittin’ me throat, and that is when I wake up.”

  Damien looked a mixture of furious and terrified.

  “He always tells me that he is in me head, which is what he planned all along. He tells me I don’t really love ye’ or want a marriage and a family with you because ye’ could die and leave me, our kids could die and leave me. He says a lot of horrible things.”

  Damien frowned. “Is … is that why you keep saying no when I propose?”

  My shoulders slumped.

  “Maybe. When I think about our future, I am absolutely terrified of you not bein’ in it, so maybe Morgan is affectin’ me. The bastard really did get into me head, just like he said he would.”

  Damien reached out and pulled me onto his lap.

  “We’ve talked about this,” he said. “You can’t fear the future. None of us know what will happen.”

  “I know.” I nodded. “I just love ye’ so much that—”

  “Baby, I know you love me,” Damien cut me off. “And now I know why you’ve been so resistant and scared whenever we talk about our future. You want our future. You’re just scared of it being anything less than perfect.”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He kissed the side of my head. “Morgan … Carter is gone. I know I’ve struggled with him for a long time since he was here, but I’m not going to worry about him anymore, okay? I’m leaving him in my past just like he is leaving me in his.”

  My heart swelled. “Damien, I want that too.”

  “Look at me.”

  I did.

  “We’re both leaving him in our past,” he said, firmly. “He has no power over us. He is nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing.”

  “Nothin’,” I repeated. “Morgan is nothin’.”

  When I spoke the words and felt Damien wrap me in his embrace, I felt lighter than I had in a long time. I realised what was happening. I was letting Morgan go and leaving everything to do with him in my past. In our past. I was free of him, and he would never mess with my head ever again. I wrapped my arms around Damien and squeezed him tightly. When I pressed my face into his shoulder, I forgot about my bruises and winced. When I pulled back, Damien leaned in and placed a kiss under my eye.

  “Does it still look ugly?”

  “So ugly.” He nodded with a grin on his face. “It’s such a chore to date you, the ugliest woman in the whole world.”

  When I laughed, I saw Damien’s eyes light up.

  “I love your laugh,” he said. “It’s such a happy sound, baby.”

  I rested my forehead against his. “You make me so happy.”

  “I know,” he mused. “I’m perfect.”

  When I laughed again, he leaned us back onto the bed, rolled me under him, and spent the next hour loving my body until I thought my soul might leave it. When we finally left our bed, we both got dressed, and I dried the remaining damp sections of my hair before tying it up into a bun on top of my head. I put on my work clothes, kissed Damien long and hard—or as hard as my healing mouth would allow—then went into my studio. Damien started callin
g it a studio instead of an office as of late, and I’ve adapted it. Saying office reminded me of when he worked with me, and since I was leaving him in my past, I left my office there too.

  “When the doorbell rang an hour later, I shouted, “Dame, can ye’ get that?”

  “Sure.”

  If it was Dante stopping by to annoy Damien, I was going to kill him.

  “Baby, it’s Gavin and Kalin.”

  I paused. I had completely forgotten about Gavin. I turned when Kalin entered my studio, and I wanted to snort when Damien and Gavin hovered by the door as if we were just going to attack each other.

  “The pair of you go play the Xbox or somethin’,” I said. “Me and Kalin need to speak alone.”

  They didn’t need to be told twice, so Damien closed the door and left us in peace. It was eerily silent for at least thirty seconds. Kalin stared at me, and I stared right back at her.

  “What is your problem?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “You’re tapped in the head if you think Gavin is gonna cut me from his life just because you don’t like me. We’re best friends, do ye’ understand that? I love ‘im, and he loves me. We’re like brother and sister, and not you or the fact that you’re the mother of his child can change that. Ever.”

  Kalin folded her arms across the top of her bump, but still, she said nothing.

  “Well?” I demanded. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t give a … what?”

  “Ye’ heard me,” Kalin said, her head held high. “I said I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  “Treatin’ you the way I have been,” she answered. “I’ve been jealous, very jealous of the relationship that ye’ have with Gavin.”

  I knew it.

  “I don’t understand why, Kalin,” I said with a sigh. “It’s not romantic. It’s never been like that with me and Gav. We really are just best friends.”

  “I know that now,” she said. “Gavin spoke to me about the pair of ye’ when he stopped by a while ago. He really spoke to me.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “D’ye like Gavin?”

  “A lot.” She nodded. “But he isn’t interested in a relationship with me. Not when we first got together and not now.”