Alannah

by L. A. Casey

  I heard the hurt in her voice, and I frowned.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” she said. “I can’t force ‘im to want to be with me. He made it very clear that he doesn’t want a girlfriend; it’s why we’ve agreed to raise the baby together platonically.”

  I blinked. “Platonically? But last week Ryder said … well, he assumed.”

  “Oh, I know what he assumed.” Kalin chuckled. “I wasn’t feelin’ well that day, and Gavin pretended to be sick ‘imself to get the day off work. I thought it’d be funny to moan in the background. Dante and Harley showed up, bashed ‘im, then made ‘im go back to work with them.”

  I snorted. “Sounds like them.”

  Kalin glanced around the room. “You’re crazy talented.”

  “Thanks,” I said, then perked up. “I actually have somethin’ for ye’.”

  “For me?”

  I walked over to my canvas rack and plucked out the one on the bottom shelf.

  “I painted this the day after your baby shower,” I said and turned to face Kalin, holding up the canvas for her to see. “We had our fight, and ye’ were on me mind, so I painted ye’.”

  Kalin’s eyes instantly glazed over as she stepped closer.

  “Alannah,” she whispered. “It’s beautiful. How did ye’ do that?”

  “It’s what I do.” I shrugged. “I figured it’d be a nice memento for you to have. I’ve done one for all of me friends during their pregnancies at some point.”

  Kalin looked up at me. “Am I one of your friends?”

  “Yes.” I nodded. “I think this conversation is us puttin’ the rubbish behind us and focusin’ on the future. We’d both be a lot happier, not to mention Gavin will be thrilled.”

  When Kalin laughed, her hands went to her belly and so did my eyes.

  “Is he movin’?”

  “Yeah.” She smiled. “He is very active when he hears people’s voices. It’s like he wants to get his own say in.”

  “Can I … can I feel ‘im?”

  “Of course.”

  I put the canvas down and placed my hands on Kalin’s firm stomach, and instantly, I felt it move beneath me.

  “Oh God,” I said. “That’s horrible.”

  Kalin laughed. “It feels weird, right?”

  “Like an alien is tryin’ to break free.”

  Kalin cracked up with laughter, and seconds later, the door of the room burst open and in fell Gavin and Damien. Damien looked at us, grunted, then shoved Gavin. “I told you she wouldn’t hit a pregnant woman!”

  “You thought it sounded like they were fightin’ too.” Gavin shoved him back.

  They focused on us and what we were doing and relaxed.

  “Does this mean what I think it means?”

  “Yeah,” I answered Gavin. “I’m leavin’ Damien for Kalin. I’m a lesbian now.”

  Damien snorted, Gavin grinned, and Kalin giggled before she reached down and picked up the canvas I painted.

  “Gav, look what Alannah did.”

  “Bear,” he said, softly. “I love it.”

  Kalin’s cheeks warmed, and my smile grew.

  “Thanks. She looks great in it, huh?”

  “Perfect,” Gavin agreed, his eyes on the actual Kalin and not her painting.

  I looked at Kalin, who was looking at the painting as her face burned, but she was obviously pleased with Gavin’s response to it. We went into the kitchen, and while everyone else had tea, I had room temperature water.

  “I feel like a junkie who needs a hit.”

  Gavin snorted. “This is the longest you’ve ever gone without tea.”

  “She’s been a damn nightmare because of it.”

  “I really have been.” I frowned. “I made Alec cry.”

  “I thought you said he made himself cry.”

  I scowled at Damien. “I was mean to ‘im … but he really was stupid bringin’ me chocolates when I can’t eat solid food.”

  Damien chuckled as I sat down on his lap. We talked to Gavin and Kalin for a while, and after they left, I decided to call Alec to apologise to him for how I behaved the last time I saw him. He answered on the fourth ring.

  “Did you kill Damien in a fit of rage and decided to call me to confess it before you run away?”

  “Yes,” I answered. “Ye’ll never find me. Damien is long gone … just like your cup.”

  “You’re an evil bitch,” he quipped. “It hurts me whenever you bring my cup up, and you know it.”

  I laughed, and to Damien, I said, “He doesn’t care that I killed ye’, just that I mentioned his cup.”

  “I expect nothing less.” Damien grinned as he settled onto the settee with his Xbox controller in hand.

  “Do you still look like Quasimodo?”

  I screeched. “No!”

  Alec cracked up with laughter, and Damien looked at me with raised brows.

  “He asked if I still looked like Quasimodo!”

  Damien got that look someone gets on their face when they were trying desperately not to laugh.

  “Laugh,” I snarled to Damien. “I dare ye’.”

  “Leave my little brother alone, you bully.”

  I refocused on Alec. “How am I the bully?”

  “Because you’ve been so mean this week. Damien said he was tempted to smother you in your sleep.”

  I couldn’t help but snort. “He loves me too much to smother me.”

  Damien grinned as he played his game but clearly was listening to my conversation with his brother with one ear.

  “Can we come over and see you?” Alec asked. “Keela is antsy to leave the house.”

  “Yeah, I wanna see the baby.”

  “Just the baby?”

  “Yup,” I answered. “I don’t like you at all.”

  “Lies.”

  “Truths.”

  After we hung up, Damien and I lounged on the settee with Barbara as he played his video game. When the doorbell rang forty minutes later, I stood and left the room to answer it. When I opened the door, I blinked. Alec and Keela had brought the rest of our gang with them. Well, everyone bar Aideen and Ryder who were at work.

  “You realise our apartment isn’t as big as Kane and Aideen’s, right?”

  Everyone snorted as they filed into the apartment. Ever since we all made up six months ago, the gang made more of an effort to come around to my apartment to see me and Damien, just so we didn’t have to be the ones travelling all the time. Jax and Georgie ended up in my arms, and winces were drawn from me when the kids poked at my fading bruises.

  “Ah-ah,” Bronagh chastised them. “Lana has a booboo.”

  “Booboo,” Jax repeated then made a kissy noise.

  When I walked into the sitting room, he leaned in and dramatically kissed my face.

  “I swear he does that on purpose because he knows I can see him do it.”

  The men laughed while I rolled my eyes at Damien.

  “Leave ‘im alone. He is kissin’ me booboo.”

  “I’ll kiss your—”

  “Shut up!”

  “Both of you shut up.” Bronagh grunted. “Nobody on planet Earth is as uncomfortable as me right now so be quiet.”

  I sat down next to Damien, and Jax climbed over onto his lap where he gently petted Barbara who was curled up at Damien’s side. That little traitor loved him way more than she loved me, and I was the feckin’ one who rescued her. Damien handed Jax a console controller that wasn’t switched on, so our nephew could ‘play’ the game on screen with his uncle.

  “That’s so cute,” Branna said with a smile.

  I looked at her and gazed at the twins who were both sleeping on her chest.

  “How do they fall asleep so fast?”

  “Ryder says they’re like Damien,” Branna answered. “Apparently, he can sleep on command.”

  “Tell me about it.” I grunted. “His head touches the pillow, and he is out for the count.”

  Damien grinned but d
idn’t comment.

  “How come you aren’t at work?” I asked Alec.

  “Paternity leave.”

  I nodded, then said, “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

  He scowled. “I didn’t cry. I told you all that dirt got in my eye and that was it.”

  “Sure,” everyone said in unison and laughed.

  “Either way,” I continued, “I’m sorry for bein’ a massive bitch to you all.”

  “You were pretty mean,” Bronagh commented. “But considerin’ ye’ defended me when you were attacked for not wantin’ to become a prostitute, who can blame ye’?”

  “I still can’t believe that happened!” Keela exclaimed. “Like, how does that happen in real life?”

  “I don’t know.” I shivered. “But it was horrible.”

  Bronagh agreed with a bob of her head.

  “How is your mouth?”

  I looked at Kane and said, “Much better. I can still feel the stitches with me tongue, but they’re dissolvin’, slowly but surely.”

  “Have you had any tea yet?”

  I shook my head to Branna’s question and nodded towards Damien. “He won’t let me.”

  “Jesus,” Bronagh said. “No wonder ye’ were like a witch. Ye’ve had no tea this entire week!”

  “She can have it once her wound is fully closed.” Damien sighed. “Another few days won’t hurt. It’d be like putting salt on the wound if she drank it now with how much sugar she uses.”

  I piped down because that was the God’s honest truth. I loved sugar in my tea.

  “I have a question.”

  I looked at Alec.

  “If you had to kiss one of the girls”—he grinned—“who would it be?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re a burden upon this world.”

  “Stop ruining my life and answer the damn question.”

  My lips twitched.

  “Well, it’d have to be someone other than Bronagh since I already kissed ‘er—”

  “What?” Alec cut me off.

  Kane leaned in closer. “What?”

  Nico choked on air. “W-what?”

  I laughed. “What?”

  “You kissed Bronagh?”

  I jumped after Damien whispered in my ear.

  “Y-yeah,” I stuttered, then cleared my throat. “Yeah, I did, but only when we were drunk forever ago because I thought me lips felt chapped, and she said they looked fine, and I said they felt chapped, so she kissed me and said it was all in me head because they felt soft to ‘er so … yeah.”

  I was babbling, and I knew it, so I clamped my lips together to prevent myself from further embarrassment.

  “How was it?”

  I blinked. “What?”

  “How was the kiss?”

  I looked from Damien to Bronagh and back. “Fine.”

  “Better than fine,” Bronagh corrected. “It was sexy.”

  It really wasn’t, but I let her tease the lads.

  “I wish I could have seen that.”

  “Me too,” the brothers agreed with Alec

  I focused on Nico.

  “Someone else kissin’ Bee turns you on?”

  “No, no,” Nico said. “The thought of another hot female kissing her turns me on. It’s purely fantasy, though, because if it came down to the wire and Bronagh offered me a threesome with a woman, even a woman as hot as you, Lana, I’d say no. I want no woman other than my lady.”

  Even a woman as hot as me?

  “Shut up, Nico.”

  I hated when he categorised me as hot because I knew he was just being polite because I was Bronagh’s best friend. I was in no way ever fishing for compliments when I told him off for it either. I truly hated when he said it.

  “What?”

  Alec sighed. “She thinks you’re full of it when you call her hot.”

  “You are hot, though,” Nico concluded.

  I scowled at him, and he winked in response.

  “I think you’re hot.”

  “I know you think I’m hot,” I said to my better half. “Ye’ can’t keep your bloody hands off me.”

  Damien grinned. “I plan to keep my hands on you for a very long time, freckles.”

  Oh, I was counting on it.

  Code red.

  That was what I texted my best friend twenty minutes ago as I sat on the lid of my toilet and stared at the unopened box of tampons. They should have been opened and used by now but weren’t. After Damien left for work, I followed my normal morning routine. I took care of Barbara, then got showered and changed into work clothes before I spent a few hours in my studio. When I took a break for lunch, I went into the toilet, and the second my eyes landed on my unopened box of tampons, my heart stopped.

  I checked my personal calendar and determined my period was due exactly fourteen days ago, which was more than I originally thought. Normally, I wouldn’t panic, but there were at least five of my birth control pills left in the package from last month, which told me I didn’t take them on at least five days. Damien didn’t use condoms when he had sex because I was on birth control. Birth control I wasn’t taking correctly.

  “Fuck,” I whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  The front door to my apartment opened and closed.

  “I’m ‘ere!”

  “Bathroom,” I called out.

  Bronagh barrelled into the room with a small pharmacy bag in her hand.

  “I never thought you would text me code red.” She panted. “You think you’re pregnant?”

  I nodded. “I’m two weeks late.”

  “Lana.” She blinked. “Holy shite.”

  She quickly removed the contents of the bag, opened the pregnancy test box, and even though she had taken the tests before, she read the leaflet from top to bottom. She told me what to do and handed me a test. I wasn’t shy as I lifted the lid of the toilet, pulled down my leggings and underwear, and peed on the stick. When I was finished, I capped the test, flushed the toilet, and washed my hands as I put it on the counter.

  “You’re shakin’,” Bronagh commented.

  I was. My entire body was.

  “I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be,” Bronagh replied. “Ye’ want this and so does Damien.”

  “But what if it ruins everythin’?” I asked, my heart pounding. “What if it’s too much for Damien after everythin’ we’ve gone through to become a couple? We’re together five minutes, Bronagh.”

  She smiled warmly.

  “Ye’ both want this.”

  I inhaled and exhaled.

  “I do … We do. Jesus, I’m still terrified.”

  My friend laughed. “That never goes away, trust me.”

  I bobbed my knee up and down.

  “How long do we have to wait?”

  “A few more minutes.”

  I put my head in my hands. “Where’s Georgie?”

  “With Dominic,” she answered. “He saw your text first, and he knows what code red means … He said I told ‘im ages ago.”

  I jerked my head up. “Bronagh.”

  “Relax,” she said. “He isn’t gonna phone Damien. He just said to phone ‘im after Alannah talks to Damien so he knows if you’re pregnant or not.”

  I nodded and put my head back in my hands.

  “Ye’ can check it now.” Bronagh cleared her throat.

  I couldn’t move.

  “Do it for me. Please.”

  I looked down as Bronagh lifted the test from the counter and peered down at it.

  “What does it say, Bee?”

  When she didn’t respond, I looked up and found her smiling at me.

  “Your eggo is preggo, mama.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re jokin’!”

  Bronagh moved to my side and showed me the digital test.

  Pregnant

  2-3 weeks

  “I’m pregnant,” I whispered, then looked at Bronagh. “Bronagh, I’m gonna have a baby!”

  She hugged me and prompt
ly burst into tears. I didn’t cry. I only hugged her and stared at myself through the mirror over her shoulder. I looked at the test again, just to make sure it wasn’t faulty, then with Bronagh’s encouragement, I took the other test that came in the box. It wasn’t a digital test like the first one, but the two pink lines it revealed meant I was definitely pregnant.

  “Fuck a duck,” I said in amazement. “I think I’m in shock.”

  “You’re in shock?” Bronagh repeated on a laugh. “Damien will die!”

  My hands were shaking. “He wants this so bad.”

  “Then let’s not make him wait,” Bronagh squealed. “I’ll have Dominic get ‘im over to our house by the time we get there.”

  I nodded. “Do it.”

  When Bronagh and I entered her house, I could hear Nico and Damien laughing while Georgie squealed over something. I froze by the sitting room and couldn’t make my feet move forward. Bronagh paused and looked at me.

  “Tell ‘im I want ‘im,” I said to my friend. “I have to tell ‘im when it’s just us.”

  Bronagh nodded and went into the kitchen while I entered the sitting room and stood there, looking down at my stomach.

  “Alannah?”

  I turned to face Damien and swallowed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  My eyes welled up with tears.

  Damien’s eyes widened in alarm. “Is it your mom?”

  I shook my head.

  “Then what is it?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Alannah. Tell me.”

  I exhaled a breath. “I’m pregnant.”

  Damien stared down at me and said, “Shut up.”

  My heart stopped. “W-what?”

  “You’re lying,” he said, his face the picture of disbelief. “You have to be.”

  “I’m not.” I sniffled. “I took two tests. I have it here with me.”

  I rooted the tests out of my bag and handed them to him. He took them from me, brought them close to his face, and squinted his eyes before he rubbed them and stared at the tests once more.

  “Alannah.”

  I know.

  “You’re having my baby?”

  I couldn’t speak, only nod.

  He looked up at the ceiling and said, “Thank you, God.”

  When he looked back down at me, he kissed me without warning, then broke apart and pressed his forehead against mine.

  “I can’t believe this.”

  “Me either,” I said. “I think I’m still in shock.”