To Come First

by J C Rae

  And even as I think that, I realize that I’m just standing in the middle of the kitchen. Jane and Glen are both in the living room so I guess I’m going to have to suck it up and join them. I just want to get this over with so that I can go back to my room. I’ve got class tonight and I hope I can take a nap before I have to go. Slowly and quietly, I make my way towards them. I can hear voices but none that I recognize.

  As I walk into the living room, I’m shocked to see someone I recognize. Seated on the couch, next to a boy that’s probably around my age, is Mrs. Botch, my social worker. I haven’t seen her in over a year! Is she here to take me away? I can only hope but I know that’s not going to happen. She’s as evil and twisted as the people I live with so I know there will be no help from her. Instead of commenting, I take a seat in the only open chair to see what the hell is going on.

  “Well, Ashley, how are you today?” Mrs. Botch asks me like she actually cares. Although, by the sneer on her face, I can tell that she’d been hoping I would run away again so that she could help issue a punishment. I guess I was quiet for too long because Jane reminds me not to be rude. Slowly, I look at her with a calm face, and reply, “I’m doing well Mrs. Botch. How are you today?”

  There, I was civil and I didn’t scream at her. That’s probably the best things are going to get. And from the look on her face, she knows it too. She quickly goes back to ignoring me and speaking to Glen and Jane, though. “So, Jane, here is the paperwork you will need to sign. I have already filled out all the information needed for temporary placement and I still don’t know how long this will be for. I apologize that I don’t have more information but I will contact you as soon as I do.”

  “Oh, it’s no problem Cindy. You know that we love children. We will take really good care of him.” Jane says. “I just wish it was under better circumstances that we were meeting young Matthew.”

  OMG, I think I just threw up in my mouth! This sweet act killed me every time. I tuned the “adults” out and focused on the new boy. Shaggy brown hair hung down to partially cover his dark brown eyes. He looked tall, even while sitting down, but it was really hard to tell. At 5’9” myself, there weren’t many people that I called tall. It seemed like he was studying me as avidly as I was him. I’m not sure if I meet his expectations or not because he quickly turns away.

  I tune back into the conversation just as they are saying their goodbyes. The boy, Matthew, stands and I was right, he is tall. He looks to be around 6’1” and his build goes right along with his height. Jane blinks up at him as she says, “My oh my, I didn’t realize how tall you are. Are you sure that you’re only 18?”

  He smirks and says, “Yes, I just turned 18 in May. I’m big for my age.”

  Jane looks up at him with a contemplative look to her face. He should be worried because I know what that look means. She’s trying to figure out something and it’s probably not good. After a minute, she gets her evil smile back on her face and turns to Mrs. Botch. “Cindy, it was lovely to see you again. We will have to get together soon for tea. I’m sure I’ll be able to figure out everything here and we will get Matthew settled in nicely.”

  I almost choke on her sweetness and it looks like Matthew has picked up on something. He is now looking at her with mistrust and I long to tell him to keep that feeling because he should never let his guard down. However, I keep my mouth shut and continue sitting here. Glen has already left the living room and I’m not even sure when that happened. I’ve really got to work on my perceptiveness if I want to make it out of this house alive.

  Chapter 3

  I look at the clock and realize I need to get ready for my training so I get up from the couch and mumble a goodbye as I head to my room. My senses are on alert because I’m not sure where Glen went to, but I don’t run into him on my trip upstairs. I gather up my workout clothes and rush to the bathroom. After making sure the door is locked tight, I jump in the shower. Quickly washing, I get out and get dressed. My hair is getting so long that I know I’m going to have to get it cut soon but I just don’t want to. It hangs almost to my butt and I pull it up in a high ponytail on top of my head.

  I walk out of the bathroom and almost run into Matthew. I jump back out of his way and mumble an apology as I try to go by him. He reaches out and grabs my arm. It doesn’t hurt but I don’t like to be touched so I instantly react. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I have his arm twisted behind his back and have knocked him to the floor, face first. “Don’t touch me, ever!” My voice sounds hard and I almost flinch at myself. I didn’t mean to be this aggressive with him but if they brought him here to help them try to break me, I will hurt him.

  He’s looking up at me over his shoulder but he doesn’t look scared. Instead, he looks intrigued and I’m scared to ask why. “I’m sorry if I startled you and I should have kept my hands to myself. It won’t happen again, I promise. I’m really hoping that we can get along. I should only be here for a couple of weeks, at the most, until my Uncle is able to be contacted. He travels a lot and we haven’t been able to get ahold of him. My name is Matthew but you can call me Matt.”

  He’s looking at me like he expects a response. Slowly, I realize that I’m still holding him down so I release his arm slowly and back away. I look around to make sure Jane and Glen aren’t close and then I look back at him. He has sat up but stayed on the floor, almost like he knew I was already fighting my need to flee for safety. It felt like he could read my thoughts but I know that’s not possible. I meet his eyes and see a calmness that seems to filter back to me. Slowly I blink and then reply back to him, “I’m Ashley but everyone calls me Ash. I’ve been stuck here for over 5 years and I cannot wait to leave. You would be wise to keep your guard up at all times, including at night. They are not nice people and I have no problem fighting back so if you are here to hurt me then you better think twice!”

  He blinks back at me but doesn’t move to stand up. In a low voice he says, “I will not hurt you and I will not stand by while someone else does.”

  Whether or not that is true, I’m not sure. I just stand there and stare at him and it’s like he can see the distrust in my eyes because he quickly states, “I will earn your trust and you will see that I speak the truth. We all have our secrets and I have a feeling that we will end up being good friends who can share our secrets with each other.”

  I shake my head at him and walk down the hallway to my room. If he’s only going to be here for a couple weeks, then I seriously doubt we will end up being close at all. A small pang in my heart tells me what I don’t want to admit—I would like to have a friend I could count on. However, I also remember that that is a fantasy. No one sticks around and no one cares. I am the only one that I can trust and count on to take care of me. I gather my stuff up for my class and head out of my bedroom door.

  Fully alert, I look around but don’t see or hear anything. I head down the steps towards the front door. They have tried to catch me unaware while I’m walking down the stair, and have been successful a couple of those, but not any longer. My shield is active over my skin and I know that they cannot hurt me right now.

  I’m almost to the door when the hint of a sound reaches my ears. I quickly turn around, only to find Matthew standing at the bottom of the stairs with his head tilted to the side. He’s looking at me like I’m a puzzle he just can’t figure out. I stare back at him with my back to the front door. As if he just realized he was staring, he straightens up and asks where I’m going. “I have a training class tonight.” I don’t continue and I don’t share any more information. He just continues standing there until finally he blurts out, “Can I come?”

  He shakes his head and has a puzzled look on his face, as if he didn’t mean to ask that question. I’m not sure what makes me actually answer him instead of just walking away but I look at him carefully and say, “You can come if you want. But please don’t distract me while we are there. I will try to help you keep up with everyone.” For some reason, I feel l
ike I can trust him and I’m going to go out on a limb and go with my gut.

  I hear an almost silent “Thank you” and then we walk out the door, together.

  Chapter 4

  We start the long walk into town in complete silence. It's not really uncomfortable, but Matt keeps sending looks in my direction like he wants to ask a question. After a couple blocks, he finally sighs and asks "So, what are they really like?"

  I just glance over at him quickly and shake my head. He doesn't know what hell he just walked into. I guess I should be nice and at least give him something but now's not really the time. Instead I say, "We can talk about it later. But keep in mind that you don't EVER want to let your guard down around them. If you do, it won't be pretty."

  He silently shakes his head in agreement as we round the corner of the building. My hands are shaking and I can feel the tension in my body. I've never shared this part of me with anyone and I'm not sure if I want to start now. He's already said that he won't be here for long and I don't want to get attached. I should just tell him to go away. I look at him to do just that and realize that we've stopped walking. He's standing there staring at me like he knows what I'm gonna say. As I look into his eyes, I see the understanding and I just can't go thru with it. He wants to stay but he'll do what I ask.

  Slowly I open my mouth to speak and it's like he snaps to attention. "Matt, I've never shared this with anyone else so I'm kinda nervous right now. This is not just a class that I take; it's a class that I teach to younger kids so that they can protect themselves. Some of them live in rough neighborhoods and others just have a tough home life. These kids mean the world to me but it's taken time for them to trust me. When you walk in there, they are gonna stare. They are gonna push your buttons to see how you react. I don't know you well enough to predict what you'll do but I will tell you, don't back down from them. I'm not saying you should hit anyone but don't be a doormat."

  With that, I turn and head towards the door. I look back over my shoulder and he's still standing there staring at me. The bell over the door rings, which seems to snap him out of it and he walks towards me. As soon as I head thru the door, I'm greeted with a sight that makes me smile.

  Chase and Chastity are wrestling on the floor, seeing who will come out on top. These two brighten my day and I always wonder how anyone could want to harm them. They are both 11 years old, being twins, but look nothing alike. Chase has the angelic face framed by his blond curls while Chastity has thick, straight, black hair. Chase is about 2 inches taller than Chastity, and he never lets her forget that.

  They freeze when they hear the bell ring, landing in a heap with Chastity on top. Once she realizes this, she pumps her hand in the air declaring loudly, "I win!" I can't help but laugh, which gets me a strange look from Matthew. I immediately sober my expression and look back at the two kids who are slowly getting up off the floor.

  "Ash," Chase says with a slight whine, "tell her that doesn't count cause I's distracted!"

  I smirk slightly and start walking towards them. As I get close to Chase, I lean down to whisper, "All's fair in love and war." I continue walking over to the bench along the wall and set down my stuff. As I start to turn, I feel another presence beside me and realize that Matthew followed me over. The twins are staring at him sternly and looking like they are ready to attack. They don't make me wait long.

  "Who're you?" they both ask at the same time. Then they turn to each other and start arguing over who asked first. Once again, I feel the smile spreading across my face.

  "He's staying at my house for a couple weeks until he can go with his Uncle. His name's Matthew and I expect you to both be nice."

  Before I can say any more, he quietly replies, "You can call me Matt."

  Both kids look slowly at me and then right back towards Matt. Unsurprisingly, it's Chase who steps forward. "I'm Chase and that's Chastity. Since Ash brought you in, we'll give you a break. But if you hurt her, in any way, we will break you." Behind him, Chastity nods her head and they both turn to leave, heading to the other kids who are also staring.

  After the twins walk away, Matt comes up beside me and sighs. I don't really know what to say and I'm still fighting a smile so I walk towards everyone so we can get the show on the road.

  "Ok guys, listen up. You know how we do it so get your stretches in and then get to your laps." Before I even finish talking, the groans start. This time, the smile wins. "You guys know you love me so get on with it."

  I start stretching and turn just as Matt is doing the same. Looks like he's planning on joining in on the fun today. He looks to be in shape so I'm sure he can keep up with us. While we're doing that, I look around at the kids. There's 6 total, with the twins being the oldest. There's 2 boys, Brett and Mark, who are 8, and then Tyler is 9. Whitney rounds out the group as the only other girl at 10. They're all sweet kids but I will have to admit, only to myself, that the twins are my favorite.

  I finish stretching and it's time for our run. This is my favorite part of the day. I have always loved to run. It's so freeing to be able to move with the wind. I tried explaining that once to the kids but I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy.

  The rest of the hour flies by. I've asked the kids to show Matt what they've learned and they really seem to be enjoying acting like the "teacher". He plays right along with them and acts like the perfect student. He even messed up some moves just so the kids could show him again. When it was time to go, they were all laughing and smiling. The real world would kick in again soon but inside our little bubble, nothing could bring us down.

  Chapter 5

  I know he's got questions, just by the look on his face. I'm surprised that he holds off, though, and instead helps me clean things up. As soon as we walk out that door, it's on. One look is all I need to see before the question that been burning on his tongue comes out.

  "So, when did you start working with the kids?" His voice doesn't hold any malice, just a question.

  "Well, I've been with the Brown's for over 4 years. I wanted a way to get out of the house, so I started going to the gym. One of the trainers there took pity on me and started showing me some moves. He told me that if I wanted his help, I'd have to take things seriously and train like my life depended on it." I pause there because at that time my life did literally depend on his help, even if he didn't know it. While I'm thinking about what to say next, I look over at Matt and see that he has a weird look on his face. He doesn't say anything, just nods his head to let me know that he's listening.

  "I started off slowly, working on my endurance. He would have me do laps around the gym because I absolutely hated the treadmill. Once I could run 10 laps without walking or falling down, we started on basic self-defense. During all that, he still had me working on sit ups and push-ups because he said I needed to beef up my 'core'. I didn't know what he was talking about back then but I still did everything he asked. I would stay here as long as I could in the evening, training, and then one day, he told me I was ready for more. From that day on, he trained me to defend myself in the best way he could--thru demonstrations. I'll never forget everything he did for me and I am just trying to give that opportunity to someone else."

  I know the questions coming but I still shrink back when Matt says, "So what happened to him?"

  I'm not sure if I want to go there but it feels like I can trust Matt. Looking into his face, I see the honest curiosity. Quietly I clear my throat and continue. "He was walking home from the gym one night and got jumped by 4 guys. He never saw it coming and was shot twice. He didn't make it."

  "I'm sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean to upset you." Matt quickly says.

  I don't blame him for being curious because I would've wanted to know too. I send him a small smile as we continue down the block. I'm dreading what questions he will come up with next but he completely surprises me.

  "So, what's your favorite color? Mine's blue, of course, because it's the best color there is." Matt's goofy grin tells me t
hat he's trying to take my mind off the earlier conversation, so I decide to play along.

  "What is this, twenty questions?" I ask as I try to hide my grin.

  "Ummm, yeah?" he quietly replies.

  With that, I burst out laughing. He quickly looks at me and then smiles. He may not realize it, but I haven't laughed this hard in forever. It feels good to let go so I let him have his answer. "My favorite color is red. What's your favorite food?"

  "Hmm," he replies softly "I'd have to go with anything Mexican. Tacos, burritos, nachos, I just can't pick one! What about you?"

  I can see that he's serious about his food and with his size, I don't blame him! "I love all kinds of foods but my favorite is either Chinese or Pizza. I would eat that every day if I could!"