Ever Loving

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Nate rested his hands on the boys’ shoulders. “I’m looking for cowboy boots for the boys,” he said. “And some clothes.”

  “Really? For us?” Josh squealed. He grabbed Nico’s hand. “Cowboy boots!”

  Lacy gave the boys a benevolent smile. “Let’s go to the back of the store where the shoes and boots are, and we’ll start with that.”

  Nate followed along behind the boys, who were dancing with excitement.

  Shoes and leather boots of various shapes and styles decorated the wall and Nate caught the familiar and comforting scent of leather.

  Lacy measured the boys’ feet and then looked over to Nate, gesturing to one section of the wall that held boots and running shoes and sandals in smaller sizes. “Why don’t you and the boys pick some boots out and I’ll see if we have them in stock.”

  Nico was already on the floor, tugging on the ugly running shoes he wore. He dropped them with a thump on the carpeted floor and bounded to his feet to follow his brother.

  “What price range are you looking at?” Lacy asked as they joined the boys who stared, wide-eyed, at the selection.

  Nate waved off her question. “Doesn’t matter. I want to get them good boots.”

  “Okay, let’s see what we can find.”

  “I wish Mommy could be here,” Josh was saying as Nate helped him choose a pair of black boots with bright red stitching.

  “Where is Mia?” Lacy asked. Nate easily heard the curiosity in her voice.

  “She’s settling stuff at the insurance agent. I thought I would give her a break and take the boys.”

  “That must be so hard for her. And with all those kids.” Lacy shook her head, her ponytail bobbing in commiseration. “I always thought it was so awful how Al left her when he found out she was expecting twins. Not that it mattered that much. He was such a louse. Always flirting with someone.”

  Nate took the boot Nico was showing him, his mind trying to wrap itself around this information. Part of him, the part curious about Mia, wanted to ask more, but knew Mia wouldn’t appreciate the chatter.

  Instead, he turned his attention back to the boys. “Are these the ones you want, Nico?” he asked, holding out the brown boots with the green shaft.

  Nico nodded, his eyes shining, his mouth open.

  Nate waited a moment, his heart vibrating in anticipation, but Nico just stood there. Silent.

  “Okay. I guess they’ve made up their minds,” Nate said, handing Lacy the boots.

  She took them, holding his gaze longer than he thought necessary and then, thankfully, she left. She returned a few minutes later with a stack of boxes. “I took a larger size for each of them. Just in case,” she explained as she set the boxes on the floor and opened the top one.

  Nate helped Nico get the boots on, and when the boy stood, Nate didn’t think he could smile any more.

  “Mine fit. Mine fit,” Josh called out, bounding to his feet, holding them out for Nate’s inspection.

  “They look great,” Nate said, grinning at the boy’s enthusiasm. But at the same time his heart ached for Nico, stuck in his silence.

  Nate bent over to take the boots off, but Nico pulled his foot back, shaking his head.

  “They can wear them right away if they want,” Lacy said, taking the boys’ ratty running shoes and setting them in the box the boots came in.

  Nate shot her a thankful look. “Probably just as well. I don’t think we’re getting them off any time soon.”

  Lacy just beamed.

  “Now some clothes,” Nate said. “Some blue jeans and shirts.”

  “Of course. I can show you where they are.”

  Josh grabbed his one hand, Nico, the other, and bracketed by these happy, thrilled boys, Nate felt a thrum of joy. Their hands in his, warm and soft created the same deep sense of rightness that holding Grace had.

  But on the heels of these slightly romantic thoughts came a sudden uncertainty and sense of foreboding.

  What was he doing? He was leaving in the next few weeks. He had to.

  Or did he?

  He pushed the questions down then took the boys out of the store, stopped at his truck to put them inside.

  “Can we go to Miss Evangeline’s store?” Josh asked, pulling on Nate’s hand.

  He glanced over at what remained of the flower shop, right beside the store, not sure he wanted to take the boys so close to their old home. But Mia had said she would meet him there.

  And Nico was already pulling on his hand so he went along.

  As they walked he pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Mia.

  She answered right away, her voice creating, as it always did, that silly little lift.

  “How are things going over there?”

  “I’m done for now. I’m headed over to Evangeline’s. Can you meet me there with the boys?”

  “Sure thing. I’ll see you then.”

  By the time he ended the call, Josh was already at the door to the bookstore, Shelf Awareness, pulling it open. They stepped inside and as he always did, Nate felt a sense of anticipation at the sight of all the books lined up on the shelves and set out in the displays.

  The boys scooted past the books, heading to the back of the store just as Evangeline came from a side door, carrying a box.

  Nate hurried to her side. “Here, let me take that from you,” he said.

  She smiled and handed over the box. “Thanks. Just bring it to the cash counter for now. I want to display them on the shelves behind that.”

  Nate brought the box over and set it down just as the door opened again. He glanced over in time to see Mia wrestling the stroller through the door, but before he could go to help her, she was inside.

  Evangeline hurried over and took the stroller from her. “You headed over to the shop now?” she asked, her voice full of sympathy.

  Mia nodded as she glanced over at Nate. Their eyes held a fraction longer than necessary and once again Nate caught himself surprised at the reaction this vulnerable woman created in him.

  “The boys are in the back of the store,” he said to her unspoken question.

  She nodded and turned to Evangeline. “And you’re okay with the girls?” she asked.

  “Of course. I’ll bring them to the back room, where Ella often plays. They’ll be fine. The store has been quiet all morning and I don’t foresee a huge rush in the next hour or so.”

  “Hopefully it won’t take that long.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?” Nate asked Mia, concerned at the drawn look on her features. Guess the meeting with the insurance agent was harder than expected.

  She shook off his offer. “No. Evangeline will need help with the boys.”

  “I’ll be fine,” Evangeline said. “Denny texted me and said he had to stop by. I’ll get him to help.”

  “It’s fine. I’ll be okay,” Mia insisted.

  “I’m coming,” Nate said, hoping his firm tone showed her he was serious.

  There was no way he was letting her deal with going inside her store on her own.

  She opened her mouth as if to protest again when Nate simply walked past her and opened the door of the store. He shot her a questioning glance and with a sigh of resignation, she walked toward him.

  But as she passed him, she gave him a careful smile, her gratitude shining through.

  Which didn’t help his resolve one bit.

  Chapter 8

  It was beyond disaster. Beyond incomprehensible.

  Mia stood in the back room of her flower shop, her arms clasped over her midsection, clutching the aching grief and loss inside.

  Charred and blackened timbers held up a roof with exposed beams. Fixtures with broken glass hung from bare wires dangling from the ceiling. The floor was a mass of soot and water stains covered with remnants of drywall. The door of the walk-in fridge that had held her flowers hung drunkenly on one hinge, melted containers and buckets scattered over what was left of her worktable and the floor.

&nb
sp; “You don’t have to see this.” Nate spoke quietly beside her, his own expression shuttered. Mia wondered if he was reliving that moment when he ran into this very building when it was ablaze.

  “I had hoped I could salvage something,” she said, her voice small and weak. “Anything.”

  “Don’t think there’s much left here.”

  “And I’m not allowed to go upstairs.” Where all her important stuff was. Clothes, jewelry handed down to her from her grandmother. The fine china her parents had bought her as a wedding present.

  “There’s probably not much left there, either,” Nate said quietly.

  Mia looked around again, thankful she had brought the children to Evangeline. She didn’t want them to see what had become of their home. Her store.

  How was she supposed to carry on? This store had been her salvation. It had taken her through those dark days when she was alone, pregnant with the twins and responsible for two young boys.

  A faint sob crawled up her throat. She fought it down, swallowing again and again.

  The kids need you. You have to stay strong.

  This time Other Mother was right. Mia pulled in a shaky breath, but then felt Nate’s hand on her shoulder. Why was this man always around at these difficult times? She was about to turn away when a breeze sifted through the building and a piece of paper floated down from a room above.

  One corner of it crumbled to ash as Mia, curious to see what it was, picked it up. She turned it over and her heart stuttered over its next beat.

  Nico and Josh grinned at her, each of them awkwardly holding a baby. The girls were crying, their faces scrunched up under the frilly brims of bonnets that had been a gift from Mia’s mother.

  Mia’s hand trembled as her fingers traced the children’s features. She had hoped to make a scrapbook of her children’s photos one day. Her friend, Renee, who owned a graphic design and scrapbook supply store, was going to help her.

  And now...

  Mia clutched the picture as tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her children’s features.

  “It’s all gone,” she said. “Everything I have.”

  The true devastation of the fire hit her right then. Her world had sharply tilted and she was doing everything she could to keep her feet underneath her. She faltered, reaching back to steady herself and then, once again, she felt Nate’s arms around her. She knew she should pull away. Stand on her own two feet. But she allowed herself to stay a moment longer in the strength of his embrace. Allowed herself the feeling of having someone hold her, support her. Be strong for her.

  But even as she leaned against him, a more practical and insistent voice took over.

  He’s just being kind. He would do this for anyone.

  She tried to ignore the pervasive thought. Tried to let herself enjoy this time of support for a few seconds longer.

  It had been years since anyone other than her friends hugged her. Supported her. Even her husband had always been distant.

  To have this attractive and caring man hold her created a thrum of awareness she hadn’t felt in years. A sense of connectedness. Despite it happening in her burnt-out-flower shop, it was so sweet and loving and she didn’t want it to end.

  He’s leaving. He’s not the man for you.

  It was that last comment that made Mia straighten. Made her look away as she drew in a wavering breath.

  When Al had left, Mia had sat on the floor of her bedroom, her Bible in her lap. She had prayed, read and prayed some more. It was in that moment that she came to the realization that the only one who could supply all her needs was her Savior, Jesus. No man could do that for her.

  Nate couldn’t do that for her either.

  Then, just as she had centered herself spiritually and emotionally, she felt the gentle brush of Nate’s lips on her forehead.

  He was just consoling her, she told herself.

  Then why did that light touch make her heart race? Made her breath catch in her throat?

  She slowly pulled back from him, avoiding his eyes. Knowing if she looked at him she would falter.

  Instead she forced herself to look at the devastation surrounding her, imprinting it into her mind. She had to rebuild her business, rebuilt her home for the sake of her children.

  She had no time or space to indulge in fantasies that would go nowhere.

  “We should go,” she said, injecting a note of firmness in her voice.

  And without a second glance at him, she turned and walked out of what was left of her flower shop. Back to her children, waiting for her. Back to her real life.

  “You’re looking pensive,” Evangeline said as she dropped the last dish in the dishwasher. Supper was over. The children were all in bed and the house on the ranch was quiet. “Are you upset that Nate didn’t join us for supper again?”

  “No. Of course not.” Even as Mia dismissed Evangeline’s prodding question, her hand crept up and touched her forehead where Nate had kissed her this afternoon. She still wasn’t sure if she had imagined it or if it had actually happened.

  At the same time she was thankful he had stayed away.

  “But something is bugging you,” Evangeline pressed, folding her arms over her chest in her “I mean business” gesture. “You’re all squirrely.”

  Mia realized Evangeline wasn’t going to quit and as she glanced at the carrier bag from Family Fashions, hanging from the stairs’ banister, she chose to home in on that. Distract her friend with the other thing that did concern Mia.

  “I don’t know what to think about the stuff Nate bought the kids,” she said. The bag not only held blue jeans, a couple of plaid shirts and a few T-shirts for the boys, it also held a couple of ruffly dresses. One in pink and one in green and half a dozen sparkling white Onesies and some sleepers.

  The boys were wearing the boots when they joined her, and Mia had to pry them off their feet before bedtime.

  Evangeline gave her a sly smile. “Cut the tags off?”

  “Be serious. It’s too much. I don’t know what to do with it all. It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “How?”

  “It’s like I can’t take care of my own kids.” Which was only part of her discomfort. The other was the shift in her and Nate’s relationship.

  “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do with those clothes.” Evangeline grabbed Mia’s hands, giving them a light shake. “Take them out tomorrow and let the boys wear them. Save the little dresses for the girls to wear to church on Sunday. You’re going to let this kind and generous man give your kids a gift.”

  Mia pressed her lips together, reining in her protests, realizing how ungrateful she sounded.

  “You are allowed to let people do things for you,” Evangeline continued, laying one hand on Mia’s shoulder and giving her a light squeeze. “You would do the same for anyone else if they needed your help.”

  “But that’s different—”

  “It’s not different.” Evangeline cut her off. “Just because he’s a guy doesn’t change anything. He wanted to get your kids something. I know you have a hard time taking things. You’re so independent. But sometimes you have to let people give things. For their sake.”

  Mia realized the truth of what Evangeline said. She did have a hard time accepting help, let alone gifts. But still...

  This was Nate, not a member of her church or community.

  This was a man who made her heart beat faster. A man who seemed genuinely interested in her children.

  A man who could tell the twins apart.

  Yes, it was generous of him to give her children these clothes, but tangled in his gift was what happened at her store when she leaned on him. When she felt his gentle caress.

  When he kissed her.

  “You still don’t think you should accept this, do you?” Evangeline said with a teasing smile.

  Mia’s innate sense of self-preservation kicked in. But weariness and exhaustion also clawed at her with a relentless hunger. She had few reserves left to c
arry the load she’d been lugging around since Al left her.

  “I’m scared,” she said quietly, the admission, spoken aloud, increasing the emotion. “I’m scared of what’s happened the past few weeks.”

  Evangeline, still holding Mia’s hand, pulled her down to the kitchen chair behind them and sat down across from her. “Of course you are. It’s been huge.”

  “It’s not only the store,” Mia said, blowing out a sigh. “It’s Nate. I don’t know if I’m overreacting to him or if I’m reading too much into simple actions.”

  “What actions?”

  Mia pulled her hands away from Evangeline’s, twisted her fingers around each other and let her hands rest in her lap. Her broken nails and rough hands mocked her. The hands of a florist.

  Not anymore.

  “Right now, Nico needs me a lot. Trouble is, according to Dr. Schuler, he also needs Nate. And it’s scary how quick Nico has attached himself to Nate and how easy Nate is with the boys.” And even more scary how she felt this heightened sense of awareness. “I feel like he’s winding himself into our lives.” Her foolish thoughts slid back to that moment in the flower shop—the brush of his lips on her forehead and the faint thrill it gave her.

  “Our lives? As in you and the kids?”

  “I can’t let this happen. I don’t have the reserves—the strength.” Mia looked up at her friend, catching the sympathy in her eyes. “He doesn’t own a home. He hasn’t settled down since he left Denny’s parents’ ranch. I can’t afford to let him take up even the tiniest space in my heart. I have four kids. I have a divorce behind me. My life is a tangle of obligations and trouble and mess and there’s no way I can fall for him.”

  “And yet you have.”

  “Not all the way,” Mia said. “But I’m teetering. And I’m carrying so much baggage that if I tip even a bit more, I will fall. And I don’t know where I’ll land. And I don’t know if I can trust that he’ll be around to pick me up. I mean, what man would want to be saddled with four of another man’s kids? I feel like I’m making the biggest presumption in the world by even thinking he might be attracted to me.”

  Evangeline gave her a gentle smile. “I’m not blind. I see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking at him. No man looks like that at a woman he’s not interested in. I also think Nate is enough of a realist to know what he’s getting into by being attracted to you. And I think he genuinely likes your kids.”