Ever Loving

by Carolyne Aarsen

  In spite of her misgivings, Mia’s heart fluttered and anticipation sang through her. Had that casual kiss meant what she thought it had? Could she dare think that he wasn’t toying with her?

  “Nate is a good-looking guy,” Evangeline continued. “And he’s great with your kids.”

  “Too great for a single guy,” Mia put in, her innate common sense quenching the hope Evangeline’s words had created. “It takes nothing and he’s making the girls smile, Josh laugh and Nico’s eyes sparkle the way they used to.” She wrapped her arms around herself in a protective gesture. “Al never even could make the boys laugh the way he does.”

  “Maybe if Al had a cowboy hat and horses,” Evangeline said with a twinkle, her lips pursed as if considering that scenario. Then she grew serious. “I can see what your problem is. But I remember you talking to me when I was so confused about Denny. I had the same issues, only he was the one with the baby. I was afraid and you talked to me about how life isn’t always neat and tidy. That sometimes it’s messy. And you are right. Falling for Nate right now seems like a mistake. I know from what Denny has told me about him, that Nate had a desperately hard life before he came to the ranch. Maybe he doesn’t think he deserves any happiness. But maybe, just maybe, he needs a reason to stay. Maybe he’s never had a reason to settle down. Maybe you could give him that reason.”

  Evangeline’s quietly spoken words wound themselves around Mia’s lonely and confused heart. But even as the part of her that still longed for her own happy ending, even as the part of her that still hoped romance would come into her life, her reality was her four children. Their happiness and comfort and their needs were first in her life.

  She didn’t know if she dared open herself up enough to Nate to take a chance that maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn’t.

  “Glad to see you boys are wearing your boots,” Nate said as he helped Nico into the saddle, and handed him the leather reins. “Now you don’t have to worry about your feet slipping through the stirrups.”

  Nico wiggled his feet as if checking. Then he looked up at Nate and gave him a huge smile.

  Things were progressing, thought Nate, his heart quickening at the sight of Nico’s happiness. Yesterday the boys wore their boots all day and Nico was smiling the whole time. Nate had been concerned that being so close to the burnt-out shop would cause some problems but he and Mia had managed to keep the boys from seeing it.

  He and Mia.

  His heart did a slow roll at the thought of her. At the memory of him holding her close.

  He tried to shake off the feelings she and her kids created in him. Tried to put them down to mere loneliness. Time away from family.

  Yet he couldn’t figure out himself, the hold this woman and her family had on him.

  “I got mine on, too,” Josh called out, his voice breaking into his thoughts. “I look like a real cowboy now.”

  Nate gave him a thumbs-up, wishing for a moment he had given in to his impulse and bought the boys each a cowboy hat to boot. Trouble was, he wasn’t sure how Mia would have reacted. He didn’t know what to think of her not letting the boys wear their new clothes today. Maybe he had insulted her. With someone as proud and independent as she was, you never knew.

  He looked over his shoulder to where she sat outside the corrals, blanket spread out on the grass, Grace and Jennifer playing beside her. The sun shone on her short hair, enhancing her delicate, elfin-like features. Her legs in their beige capris were folded up under her. She wore a plain white tank top that left her arms bare to the sun.

  She looked great.

  She looked up and they exchanged a look that pressed into his heart. His mind skipped easily back to that moment when, once again, he held her in his arms in the burned-out hulk of what was her flower shop. He still wasn’t sure what had come over him when he brushed a kiss over her forehead. He would have liked to blame it on sympathy but in his deepest soul he knew it was a different emotion.

  “Can I ride my horse by myself?” Josh asked, pulling his attention back to the reason he was here.

  “Maybe later,” Nate said, walking over to his horse to fiddle with his stirrups, make sure the cinch was tight. Unnecessary adjustments that gave him a moment to regain his mental equilibrium. “Okay, cowboys, I think we’re all set,” he said, fitting Josh’s foot into the stirrup.

  Nate handed Josh the reins. “Don’t pull on these. I just want you to get used to the idea of holding them. I’ll be leading the horses with the halter ropes.”

  Josh’s drooping lips made him chuckle. “Sad faces won’t make me change my mind,” he said, giving him a quick grin. “We’ll do everything one step at a time.”

  He untied the halter ropes from the corral fence, clucked to the horses and began the slow circling of the corral just as they had done yesterday. Bella and Nola were, once again, on their best behavior, which surprised him, considering how advanced Nola’s pregnancy was. He’d hesitated to use her but also knew that moderate exercise would be good for her.

  “You’re not taking Tango out?” Denny called out.

  Nate glanced back, smiling at his foster brother, who had come out of the house and was now leaning on the fence, his elbows draped over the top rail, ball cap pushed back on his head.

  “I took him out this morning. He’s still a bit lame, but he’s coming along.”

  “We could bring some cows in if you want. He could work them some.”

  “Maybe tomorrow.”

  “Sure. After church would work.”

  Right. Church. He’d forgotten about that. He had missed it last week.

  “Mommy said we can wear our new clothes to church tomorrow,” Josh said. He wiggled in the saddle as if in anticipation. “I’m so excited.”

  So she had liked the clothes, but was saving them for church. The thought gave him a small thrill of pleasure.

  “Okay, boys, today I thought we could ride out in the pasture,” Nate said, “so you have to pay attention now.”

  “Can we gallop?” Josh asked, rocking in his saddle as if getting ready.

  “No galloping for you. You’re still learning the basics,” Nate said.

  “Do you want to go out with the boys?” Nate heard Evangeline ask Mia. “You could lead one of the horses.”

  Nate glanced back as Evangeline joined Mia on the blanket.

  “I could watch the girls,” she offered.

  Even from here Nate sensed Mia’s automatic protest. Her default pushing away of anyone’s help. Even after all she’d been through, she still clung to her independence.

  “You should go,” Denny urged Mia as he tugged her to her feet. “Ella is sleeping and I don’t have a lot to do right now. Nate can take you to the river. It’s a nice little walk. Give you a chance to get away from the house.”

  “But I don’t have the right shoes.” Mia lifted her foot, twisting it to show him the worn sneakers she wore. Probably also from the hand-me-downs she had received for the kids.

  “Those will be fine for a walk across the pasture,” Nate put in, anticipation singing through him at the thought of walking with her. “Besides, it’s a good idea if you come. You can keep an eye on the boys.”

  Mia looked from her girls to her boys as if trying to decide who needed her more. “All right,” she conceded. “But we can’t be gone long.”

  “It’s not far,” Nate said. “We’ll be back soon.”

  Mia climbed over the corral fence and walked slowly over to him, running the palms of her hands over her thighs as she gave Nico a quick smile. “You need to know I’m not the bravest person around horses,” she said to Nate.

  “You don’t need to be brave around Nola. She’s expecting. You can share pregnancy stories with her.”

  Mia’s laughter made him feel humorous. But her laughter faded when Nate handed her the halter rope. “So what do you want me to do?” she asked.

  “Just follow me. I’ll lead with Bella.”

  “Okay.”

 
Nate heard the uncertainty in her voice but knew everything would turn out just fine. He opened the gate of the corral and led Bella out.

  They walked slowly through the pasture, side by side, each muted footfall of the horses’ hooves leaving the farmyard behind.

  “How are you doing?” Nate asked, looking over at Mia.

  She gave him a tight smile. “I’m okay. Just never realized how big these animals are.” She stumbled as Nola came too close then walked past Mia.

  Mia squealed and Nico latched on to the saddle horn, looking suddenly frightened.

  “Let’s go back,” Mia said, fear tingeing her voice.

  Nate knew that he had to let Mia overcome this. For Nico’s sake as well as Mia’s. Also, she needed to put Nola back in her place.

  “Make her stop,” Nate said, tugging on Nola’s halter rope to stop her, embarrassed that Nola had chosen this moment, with this person, to push boundaries.

  Mia jumped as Nola crowded her again. “How?”

  “She’s ahead of you now so pull back on her halter rope.” Thankfully, Nola immediately responded to the pressure. “Now turn and face her straight on. She knows that means she’s not going anywhere until you let her.”

  Mia did and Nola dropped her head, a sign of submission.

  “Good. Now you need to make her go backward by putting your hand on her chest and maintaining a steady pressure against it.”

  “She’s way bigger than me. I doubt I can budge her.”

  “You’re not pushing her, just giving her a signal. Just try, but make sure you put full pressure on her chest so she can feel what you’re doing.”

  Mia released a sigh full of doubt, but lifted her hand and did exactly what Nate had told her to. Immediately, Nola took a few steps back.

  “Look, Mom, you did it,” Josh said, voicing his encouragement of his mother.

  “She certainly did,” Nate said, winking at Josh. “Your mom is really smart.”

  “She even knows how to tame monsters,” Josh said.

  Nate sensed another story behind that comment, judging by Mia’s quick glance toward Nico.

  “Now release your pressure and pet her on the nose,” he said. “Let her know she’s done good.”

  “So that’s all it took?” Mia asked as she hesitantly patted Nola. “Just that little push?”

  “You weren’t pushing her,” Nate said. “It’s more about pressure and release mixed in with some body language,” Nate said, warming to his favorite topic. “Horses are like kids. You need to make it easy for them to do what you want them to and hard for them to do what you don’t want them to do.”

  “I should have taken a course on horse training before I had kids,” Mia said, glancing back at Nola as if to make sure she had learned her lesson. Thankfully, Nola stayed where she should. Behind Mia.

  “You learn quick,” Nate said, giving her a gentle smile.

  Her own lips curved in a smile and her brown eyes seemed to turn into amber, her expression stealing his breath.

  She was so beautiful.

  He wanted to kiss her again. Properly this time.

  He swallowed down that thought, pulling his head around and facing the path they walked down. This was crazy. She wasn’t a woman he could be casual with. He couldn’t just date her and then walk away. Her four children were her first priority and he couldn’t mess up their expectations.

  But in spite of his self-talk, he found his eyes drawn to the boys silhouetted against the brilliant blue of the sky, and he felt a quieting in his chest. They were good boys and he enjoyed being with them.

  A small question raised itself like a delicate plant.

  Could he stay? Could he take this on?

  Do you really think you could be a father? You haven’t had the best example.

  He tried to brush away the insidious thought, his mind unwillingly going back to the letter from his father’s lawyer. A letter which brought up other memories he preferred to walk away from.

  “Can we go now?” Josh asked in a plaintive tone. “Nico and I want to see the creek.”

  “How far away is that?” Mia asked.

  He looked at her again, but she was watching Nola, as if making sure she kept her distance.

  “It will take a few minutes. I’m sure Evangeline and Denny can manage the girls until then.”

  “It’s not the girls I’m worried about,” she said so quietly Nate wondered if he had heard her properly. Then Mia cocked her head to one side as if listening. “Do you hear that, boys?” she asked.

  “The train,” Josh called out.

  As soon as he spoke, Nate heard the slightly dissonant sound of the train’s horn bouncing off the mountains, echoing through the valley.

  “How did you hear that so quick?” Nate asked.

  “I mark time by that train,” Mia said. “It passes through town only a few blocks from the flower shop.”

  The melancholy tone of the train was reflected in her voice and Nate, once again, was hit with how much she had lost. Seeing the burned-down shop yesterday had been difficult for him; he couldn’t imagine what it did for her. Her livelihood, her home, so damaged it would take months to fix up.

  “Look, Mommy, your favorite flowers,” Josh said, pointing to a clump of pink-and-red plants. “Can I pick some?”

  “You’ll have to get off the horse,” Nate said.

  “My mommy loves flowers. I want to get her some.”

  Nate clucked to the horses to stop and eased Josh off, but Nico just shook his head.

  “Don’t go too far,” Mia warned as Josh ran ahead. He just waved, then bent over and picked some of the flowers he had pointed out.

  “Those don’t look like flowers to me,” Nate said as Josh brought the plants back.

  “Technically, they’re not flowers. It’s called Indian paintbrush,” Mia said. “It’s the tops of the leaves that turn color. They come in pink and red and shades of orange. But they sure look pretty.”

  Nate couldn’t look away at the gentle smile on Mia’s face as she took the flowers from Josh.

  “Thanks, buddy.”

  “I’m going to get more,” he said, then ran off toward the trees.

  He would return with yet another flower and Mia would identify them to Nate. Coneflowers, lupins, daisies and shooting stars.

  “You know a lot about flowers,” he said, full of admiration.

  “Occupational hazard,” she said, then called out to her son. “Josh, can you get me some of those long grasses and a few more of the purple shooting stars?” she asked.

  Josh gladly complied and as he returned, she took the plants he had gathered and with a few deft movements, rearranged them and suddenly, the plants that he would have simply bypassed or ignored, had become a beautiful bouquet.

  “Wow. You’re really good at that. Did you always like working with flowers?” he asked.

  Mia shrugged but Nate could see that his compliment pleased her. “I had a huge flower garden at...at the house we used to live in. I loved growing flowers, trying different combinations of colors, textures and shapes.” Her voice grew wistful as she turned the bouquet around in her hand, making small adjustments, her smile growing as if working with the flowers brought back good memories.

  “Is that why you bought the flower shop?”

  Mia’s smile faded away. “Partly, but more out of necessity. I had to find a way to support my family after my—” Mia stopped there and glanced back at Nico, but he was looking around, seemingly off in a world of his own. “Anyway, the flower shop was a perfect fit for me,” Mia continued. “Living above it meant I could keep my kids close by and still run a business and support my family.”

  “Do you get support from your ex?” he asked, switching the halter rope to his other hand. Moving closer to hear her better.

  As he did, he caught a faint whiff of lilacs from her perfume and his hand brushed against hers. He had to stop himself from catching it in his. He knew he should keep his distance but something
about her called to him.

  Mia’s lips pressed together as she twisted a piece of grass around the bouquet. “No. He never calls, never sends the boys anything. I have to fight for every penny of child support.” She looked back at Nico again, then lowered her voice, her eyes holding his. “You’d think they would matter. Even just a bit.” He easily heard the pain in her voice, understood that these children, who meant so much to her, seemed to mean so little to the man who fathered them. “But the upside of his leaving is that I was pushed to think for myself. And out of that came owning the flower shop. I did it on my own with no help from him.”

  “So how do you keep yourself busy? Rockyview isn’t such a big town.”

  “There’s always a birthday or anniversary or wedding that people need flowers for. Larissa at the Hidden Creek Inn is a steady customer, as are a few other hotel owners. And I sell plants, as well, knickknacks for the house, decorations. It’s a steady business. I get a girl to come in and help me when I have an especially busy few days. I’m doing Naomi Deacon’s wedding in a couple of weeks and Evangeline’s...” Mia’s voice faded as if she realized that neither might happen. Then she released a tight laugh. “Anyway, there was lots of business.”

  And in that moment it seemed the most natural thing in the world to lay his hand on her shoulder in sympathy. To let his rough fingers lightly slip over her soft skin.

  Their steps slowed and it was as if the horses and Josh and Nico’s presence retreated, leaving only him and Mia.

  She swallowed and then pulled back, looking behind her again at Nico, then over at Josh. As if to remind herself of her own priorities.

  Nate swallowed his own confusion, wondering what he was doing. She wasn’t some single girl following the rodeo circuit, looking for fun and maybe an evening out. She was more complicated than any girl he had ever dated.

  And yet, at the same time, he never felt this settled, this content around any other woman.