Cowboy Kind of Reckless

by Becca Turner

  “You look like you could use a friend.”

  A sweet voice with a hint of Texas twang made him turn his head. “Sorry?”

  “A friend. To wipe that frown off your face.” The leggy brunette sitting astride a palomino urged the horse toward Nolan. “I watched you rope. You’re good.”

  “We didn’t win.”

  “Win, lose, it’s all in how you play the blah, blah, blah.” She waved a hand dismissively. “You and your brother are number two in the standings. There are a lot of guys out there who wish they were you right now. You should be celebrating.”

  Celebrating. He blew a short breath through his nose. Yeah, right. “Got something on my mind. I’m not in the mood to celebrate.”

  “I could tell. All the more reason to put it on the backburner a while.” She leaned in her saddle to offer her hand. “Michelle Jolly.”

  He accepted her hand. Long, thin fingers that seemed strong and capable. “Calf tying?”

  “Good guess.” Her smile broadened. “Or maybe you’ve heard of me?”

  “The rig, mostly.” He pointed at her saddle and the rope not so subtly slung around the horn. “But you’re in the top ten, right?”

  Her smile faded a touch. “Sixth. So I wouldn’t go complaining about second if I were you.”

  She had a point. Their standing could be a lot worse. “Guess I won’t, then. Nice to meet you, Michelle.”

  “Why’d that sound like it was a cue for me to leave?”

  He ducked his head. “Was I rude?”

  “Not at all. Just… distant. Who’s going to be mad at me for talking to you, the girlfriend or the wife?” She grinned. “Or both?”

  “Neither. I’m a free man.” He shrugged. “My girlfriend ran off to live her dream somewhere else. There was another woman, but she’s carrying some emotional baggage. My rebound needs a rebound.”

  Michelle winced. “Tough luck. Did Emotional Baggage Woman give you that shiner?”

  “No, but she was the cause of it. She tried to set me up with some random chick in a bar. Her boyfriend didn’t appreciate it.” He touched the section of skin where the bruising started. “This is what I get for going along with something so stupid.”

  “Wow, sounds complicated.” She looked around. “Here’s the thing—I’m not complicated. We’re both lonely, so let me buy you a drink.”

  “Shouldn’t that be my line?” He managed a smile. “It’s a great idea, but I’m not sure I’d be good company tonight.”

  “Give me five minutes to change your mind.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “You won’t regret it.”

  “What the hell?” Tiffany didn’t want him, Jody probably hated him. But right here in front of him, like someone had dropped a present, was an opportunity to forget both of them.

  * * * *

  Nolan jabbed the key at the doorknob, missed, and banged his knuckles against the door. Beside him, Michelle giggled, then leaned against the wall.

  “I’ll get it…in a minute.”

  He joined her laughter when he missed again and dropped the key.

  The door flew open before he could bend to retrieve it.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Austin, eyes blazing, wearing only his pajama bottoms, folded his arms. “Where have you been?”

  Nolan gestured to his new friend. “This is Michelle. She bought me a drink.”

  She waggled her fingers at Austin and gave him a faltering smile.

  “Who bought the rest of them?” Austin looked her over, but clearly disapproved.

  “My key don’t work.”

  “Because this is my room. Yours is down there. Not that you ever managed to get the key in the hole. My God, Nolan, what’s going on with you?”

  “I’m good.” He braced his arm against the doorframe. “Havin’ some fun.”

  “Nothing about this is good. I can’t believe you don’t have more than one woman with you.” Austin held up his hands. “It’s time for the party to end. Michelle, should I call you a cab?”

  She latched onto Nolan’s arm. “But I don’t want to go. I like Nolan.”

  “I like you too.” He touched her silky hair. “You don’t have to go, Jody.”

  Her eyes widened before she took a step back. “What?”

  He looked to his brother for help. “What?”

  Austin gave him a stony frown.

  His pretty date’s face turned red and she balled up her fists. “My name is Michelle.”

  “That’s what I said. Michelle.” Hadn’t he?

  “You called me Jody!” She raised her hand and slapped him across the face.

  “Ow.” He pressed his palm to the stinging area. “What the—I didn’t do it on purpose.”

  She tossed her hair, turned her back, and staggered down the hall to the stairwell.

  Austin rubbed his temples. “You’re an idiot.”

  “I don’t know what happened. I liked her.”

  “So much that you mistook her for someone else. Way to go. Get in here.” Austin yanked on Nolan’s shirtsleeve.

  He only followed because his head was spinning. He knew she wasn’t Jody. It was only a slip of the tongue. Why make it into a big deal?

  “Now you have a red mark to match the shiner. Nice.” Austin dropped onto his bed. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

  Nolan lowered himself into the chair at the tiny table. “Nothing. I was having fun. Like I should’ve been doing since Tiff left.”

  “When are you going to grow up?”

  He mimicked Austin’s words. “Screw you. Just because your life is perfect. I can still go out with as many women as I want. Don’t need to be tied down. I don’t have to be happy like you. With your kids and your wife and everything’s wonderful.”

  Austin stared at him, then shook his head. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. You’re my brother and I love you, but I don’t like who you are right now.”

  Nolan held out his arms. “Well feel free to leave me here. I’ll figure out how to get home on my own.”

  “I doubt you’ll be hitching a ride with Michelle.”

  “You don’t know anything,” Nolan muttered.

  “I know that you look like hell and you’ve been acting like a jackass for days. Something’s up and you’re too stubborn to tell me. We’ve never been big secret keepers.”

  Nolan hung his head. “I said something mean to Jody Caine the last time I saw her.”

  “Which was when?”

  “Tuesday. She’s…I don’t know. I want to be with her.” He waved his hand at the door. “Not short-term like Michelle, but longer than with Tiffany.”

  “And she’s not having any?”

  Nolan let out a shaky laugh. “Guess I’ve lost my charm.”

  “I thought you didn’t sleep with her when she took you home.” Austin rested his chin on his palm as he leaned forward. “Why are you thinking about her?”

  “I’ve seen her…a few times since that. She’s a mystery, Aus. She’s like a piece of chocolate wrapped around a surprise nougat filling.” He gritted his teeth. “I want to find out everything about her. And then make her fall in love with me.”

  “Waxing poetic. How unlike you.” Austin’s brow rose. “I don’t think tonight’s the time to do that, so why don’t you get some sleep and let the drink wear off?”

  “I need a shower.” He smelled like cigarette smoke and Michelle’s perfume seemed to have crept into his skin. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t Jody’s scent. He rubbed his hand over his face. Jody would never forgive him for what he’d said. All the years he’d practiced roping had taught him patience, but he hadn’t used any when it came to her. Now he was bound to suffer for it. “Shit.”

  The key to his room dangled from Austin’s finger. “Call her on the way home. Tell her you’d like to apologize in person.”

  Nolan took the key. “She won’t care.”

  “Then that’s your signal to move on. Don’t waste a bunch of time on a wo
man who isn’t right for you. Trust me, it’s not worth it.” Austin held out his hand.

  Nolan grabbed it and accepted the help up. “Right. Thanks. Sorry about all this.”

  “You ought to be. Get out of here so I can get some sleep.” Austin thumped him on the back.

  “We did good this weekend. I’m sorry about before.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Sure you are. Go. I’m dying to go back to bed.”

  He stepped out into the hallway where fluorescent lights forced him to squint. The only good thing about the long drive back to Swells was that he’d have time to figure out what to say to Jody. Although none of it mattered if she wasn’t willing to listen.

  At least he hadn’t done something stupid like sleep with Michelle. That was his saving grace this weekend.

  Chapter Twelve

  The little white envelope addressed to Jody had been forwarded from Stillwater to her temporary P.O. box in Swells. She typically didn’t receive much mail. With few bills to pay besides her rent, the box was nearly always empty except for grocery fliers. One little envelope shouldn’t seem so ominous, but if she touched it, it would be real. She might even have to open it.

  Behind her, a woman cleared her throat. “Excuse me. If I could—” She reached around Jody to unlock a box a couple of rows down.

  Jody’s heart raced. She could ignore the letter, but it would still be there tomorrow. How long before the post office clerk threw it away? If she failed to pay the rent on the box, would they toss it?

  A better question was how had Danica Severn found her? No doubt about it, the elegant scrawl on the front was her handwriting. Jody snatched the envelope from the box. Carried it to the counter where she took up the pen chained to the top.

  Return to sender.

  There. Done.

  Her name seemed to jump off the crisp white paper. The letter inside would contain a plea for help, but she didn’t have anything left to give. She’d done what was best nine years ago. What else could she do?

  Before she’d changed her cell phone number, she’d told Danica she was sorry for the Severns’ troubles, but there was nothing she could help them with now.

  Danica demanded answers through her tears, but Brandon’s disapproving silence bothered Jody more than the sobs.

  Why won’t you help us? Is it money you want? We can give you money.

  I just want to forget, she’d said. She’d ended the call, blocked their number, and sat at her dying father’s bedside until he drew his last breath. But she’d never forget. The guilt was eating her alive. Tearing her apart from the inside, just like the lump she’d found in her left breast. But only one of them would kill her. The other only made her wish she was already dead.

  She lifted the thin envelope, ready to drop it in the out of town slot, but her fingers tore open the flap instead. Slipped out the folded notebook paper. Her other hand went to the horsehead pendant.

  Jody,

  I know you’re more likely to throw this away than read it, but I wish you’d reconsider. Every single day since Joy was born, I’ve thanked God, and you, for giving her to us. I know that was one of the toughest decisions you’ve ever had to make, but I’m eternally grateful, no matter how this ends.

  I know I’m begging. I know you feel you already gave us everything, but Joy deserves another chance at life. She never has to know that you’re her real mother. We’ll tell her the kidney came from the donor list. You don’t even have to see her if that’s what you want.

  Please don’t let this disease take my baby.

  Danica

  Joy was Danica and Brandon’s world. Jody was a comet who’d sailed past that orbit a long time ago.

  Giving her daughter away had been difficult, but necessary. Her dad was furious when he found out she was pregnant at seventeen. She’d been terrified and hadn’t wanted to bring a child into a world like hers. Ending the pregnancy wasn’t something she was comfortable with. But giving the baby to someone who wanted it…a much better choice for all of them.

  There would be other chances for her to have a family in the future. Once she was free of the trailer park and her drunken father. Once she found a man to love. But after she’d given the baby away, she figured out quickly that life wasn’t going to throw her a bone. The Severns had taken care of all her medical expenses and they’d given her ten thousand dollars for food and living costs. Somehow, her dad had gotten into her account and taken the money. He’d never admitted to it, and because she was an idiot, she’d let him get away with it. Continued to live with him and take care of him while he slowly killed himself.

  She felt ill as all of it rushed back to her. In a way, it almost seemed to have happened to someone else. More like a story she’d heard than a memory she kept. The horsehead necklace she wore had been a gift from the Severns. She wore it every day to remind herself of her stupid past mistakes. An albatross rather than a good luck charm.

  Her cell phone rang, loud in the silence of the post office. She jumped, then pulled it from her back pocket. Answered without looking at the screen. If Danica had somehow gotten her number, maybe Jody deserved to listen to more tears.

  “Hey. It’s Nolan…in case you didn’t know.”

  She closed her eyes, partly relieved, partly annoyed. “How did you get my number?”

  “Luke.”

  Great. Her half-brother was passing it around like the flu. “Well, how kind of him.”

  “Don’t make it sound like you want to kill him. He was doing me a favor. I should get to the reason I called.”

  “You should.” Today was like a terrible nightmare. A letter from her past, a call from the man she’d pushed away. How could it get any worse?

  “I want to apologize. Not over the phone. Face to face. You can come out to my place and we’ll have dinner. As friends, nothing else. I promise.”

  Easy to say, maybe not as easy to follow through with. The way she felt, she might jump him to relieve some of her stress. Better not to risk it. “No thank you. I accept your apology and I’m sorry for my part in it. That’s all that needs to be said.”

  “Your favorite pastime includes being difficult, doesn’t it?”

  No anger in his tone. She could almost picture him smiling. “Can’t deny it. Thanks for the offer, the answer is still no.”

  A moment of silence.

  “Don’t you want to know how we did over the weekend?”

  She’d thought about him during long nights when she couldn’t sleep. While she did her chores at work. While she stood in the shower, wishing she could melt through the drain. “Tell me.”

  “We took second. Hard as Austin was drilling me last week, it’s a little disappointing, but we earned some good points. We might be going to the National Finals.” He sounded pleased.

  “I’m happy for you.”

  More silence.

  “I missed you, Jody.”

  She rubbed her forehead. I missed you too. “You couldn’t find some buckle bunny to take your mind off me?”

  “I’ve progressed beyond buckle bunnies to hardworking cowgirls.”

  “But she couldn’t distract you long enough to forget me?”

  “You’re impossible to forget. I accidentally called her by your name. And got slapped for it. That should give you a laugh.”

  She couldn’t help smiling. “You deserved it.”

  “No kidding. It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to be with her. I’m asking you one more time. Will you come see me?”

  “Why do you make saying no to you so hard?” She clenched her fist. “I can’t, Nolan. There’s a lot going through my head right now. I don’t have the time or the strength to explain it.”

  Silence.

  “Sorry,” she whispered.

  “Me too. You know where I am if you change your mind. I hope you do.” He hung up.

  Hot tears blurred her vision. Tears for Joy and the parents who loved her and for what could never be with Nolan.

  She crumpled the let
ter in her fist, tucked her phone into her pocket, and left the post office.

  * * * *

  Jody had no idea what to buy a four year old for his birthday. She wished she’d come up with an excuse to skip his party, but it seemed rude after he’d begged her to come. Not that he was likely to notice her there with his friends running around and cake and presents to be opened.

  She’d never been to a single party for Joy. The thought was too painful. In the beginning, Danica had been open to the idea of letting Jody stay in Joy’s life. Jody figured the kid was better off without her. Eventually, the invitations stopped coming.

  A few cars sat in Will’s driveway, but nothing that made the party look like it would be swarming with kids. She parked where she was certain no one would block her in. Gift bag in hand, she made her way around the house where a bouncy castle loomed over the backyard.

  Half a dozen kids ran through the sprinklers, shouting that the spray was cold and giggling as they ran through it anyway. No one would know it was late September in this heat wave. Dusty and Shep danced around in their swim suits, already soaked and dripping water.

  Bear sat at the picnic table next to his dad. Her nephew was eating a popsicle, swinging his feet back and forth while he watched his friends. Like the others, his hair was plastered to his head and water glistened on his skin.

  “Hi, Will.” She approached with a forced smile. “Hi, kiddo. Happy birthday. When are you leaving?”

  Bear’s pleased smile turned into a confused frowned. “Leaving for what?”

  “You’re a big guy now. I thought for sure you’d be setting off into the world, conquering the last frontier and all that. You don’t have any plans?”

  Bear shook his head. “Not till after college. I’m only four, Aunt Jody.”

  “But a very wise four, right?” She winked at him. “I’m just kidding. Sorry I’m late. Did you guys eat all the hot dogs yet?”

  “Dad hasn’t started cooking. Mama’s got popsicles inside, though, if you want one. She wouldn’t let me have a cupcake, but she’ll probably let you.” He got up. “C’mon. You can bring my present inside. We don’t open ‘em till after the cake.”