Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  But Isla’s horror had now turned into fascination. ‘Is it dead?’ she asked in an awe-filled whisper, refusing to look away. ‘Why is its neck like that?’

  ‘It’s definitely dead, darling.’ Emma glanced at her watch. They’d be late if they didn’t leave soon, but how could she drive to school with a dead crow tangled in her bumper?

  And how on earth had it got there in the first place?

  Maybe she’d driven into it in the dark on the way back from work the night before, but surely she’d have felt the impact?

  ‘Wait there, darling,’ Emma said, ‘and please stop staring at it.’

  Emma ran back up the path and let herself in, scrambling around in the under-stairs cupboard for a plastic bag. Finally finding one, she darted outside again, locking the front door behind her.

  ‘Get in the car, Isla, I’ll sort it,’ Emma instructed.

  ‘Can’t I watch?’ Isla protested.

  ‘No, darling! Get in the car.’

  Isla’s shoulders slumped and she jumped into the car, craning her neck so she could watch her mother go about the delicate operation of removing a dead crow from her bumper.

  Emma wrapped the plastic bag around her hand and crouched down in front of the bird. Up close, she could see its wing had got jammed under the grille, its head bent backwards, one beady lifeless eye staring up at her.

  ‘Poor thing, how on earth did you do this to yourself?’ Emma said, flinching as she wrapped her plastic-covered hands around the crow’s wing, turning her head away so she didn’t have to watch. It took several pulls to yank it out and when it finally did, a speck of its blood landed on Emma’s coat.

  She tried not to gag as she wrapped up the bird. As she was about to tie up the bag, something caught her eye.

  She frowned, peering closer.

  Was that a necklace wrapped around its neck?

  Emma shook the bag a little to make the crow turn, and let out a gasp as the necklace came into full view.

  It was made of black tweed, a pale-pink gemstone hanging from it.

  Emma reeled back in horror, dropping the bag, the dead crow spilling out of it.

  She knew that necklace!

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Wednesday 11th November

  8.30 a.m.

  Emma steadied herself with her hand on the hard ground as she continued staring at the necklace.

  Memories came flooding back to her.

  Another time and another necklace just like this one, tainted with blood.

  She shook her head, putting her hand to her mouth.

  What was happening? Why was this happening?

  ‘Mum?’ Isla called out from the car. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Emma quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. ‘Nothing, darling!’

  She gulped in some deep slow breaths to calm herself, then carefully untangled the necklace from around the crow. She scooped the bird back up with the bag, twisting the handles around to secure it before standing up on shaky legs and throwing it in the outdoor bin. She looked at the necklace then tucked it in some tissues, placing it in her bag.

  She took another breath, catching sight of her reflection in the window and the haunted look in her eyes.

  She wiped a trembling hand across her brow then fixed a smile on her face, turning back to Isla. ‘All done!’

  ‘Was it gross?’ Isla asked as Emma got in.

  ‘Yep,’ Emma said, struggling to get out more than one word.

  She started the engine and swerved out of the drive, nearly crashing into a passing car.

  ‘Mum!’ Isla declared.

  Emma grimaced, raising a hand to say sorry to the other driver.

  ‘That was close!’ Isla said.

  ‘Sorry, darling,’ Emma replied, doing all she could to hold on to her sanity as she thought of the necklace.

  It couldn’t be a coincidence. Could it be Tatjana? She’d been behind everything else, after all. And yet was she really capable of going to the trouble of finding a dead crow – or worse, killing one – then attaching an exact replica of the necklace to it, before shoving it into the grille of Emma’s car?

  Even worse, that would mean Tatjana knew what had happened all those years ago. Emma allowed herself to consider if her original instincts were true and Tatjana was Isla’s birth mother.

  What had happened could be used as ammunition against Emma – ammunition that could lead to Isla being taken away from her!

  Emma looked at Isla, tears filling her eyes.

  When they got to school, it took every ounce of Emma’s strength not to burst out crying. She held Isla close as she walked through the school gates and Isla didn’t protest, as if sensing her mother’s torment. Every now and again, she peered up at Emma with worried eyes.

  Emma saw Tatjana and Lawrence right away when they got into the playground. Lawrence had begun accompanying Tatjana on the school run over the past few days. Emma supposed it made sense if he was worried about his wife ‘playing up’. She was tempted to march up to Tatjana right then and ask her if she’d done it – but what then? She would have to explain why the necklace was so significant.

  Could she risk that?

  So instead, she lowered her head and pulled Isla even closer, grateful to her daughter for sticking so close by her instead of running off with her friends.

  When the bell went, Isla gave her mother a big hug. ‘I love you, Mum,’ she said.

  ‘I love you too, darling.’ She hugged Isla tight again, then watched her join her friends in the queue.

  When Emma turned, she noticed Lawrence walking towards her.

  Great.

  She just wanted to get back to her car and try to understand what she’d just seen. But Lawrence Belafonte was her client, so instead she had to fake a smile.

  ‘How are we doing this fine morning?’ he asked in a jolly voice when he got to her.

  ‘Fine!’ she lied. ‘How are you?’

  ‘I’m great. I wanted to chat to you actually. Shall we walk back to your car together?’

  She looked in the direction of Tatjana, who was watching them with a dark look on her face.

  Lawrence followed Emma’s gaze. ‘Tatjana’s heading back home, so don’t worry, it’ll just be me.’

  Emma fell into step with Lawrence as they headed towards the car park.

  ‘I wanted to let you know Tatjana has an appointment with that therapist you recommended,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, that’s good.’ Only then did Emma wonder if she’d made a mistake, putting Tatjana in touch with someone from her past.

  Maybe, somehow, that was how she had found out about the necklace?

  No, no, Emma, she pleaded with herself. Tatjana is not Jade!

  Lawrence examined her face. ‘Is everything okay, Emma? You seem . . .’ he paused. ‘Upset about something.’

  Her cheeks flushed. ‘No, I’m absolutely fine.’ As she said that, her voice wobbled, tears flooding her eyes.

  Lawrence put his hand on her shoulder. ‘Emma, what on earth is wrong?’

  ‘I found a dead bird in the grille of my car this morning.’ She glanced at the front of her car where the crow had been, her voice quivering with emotion as she thought of the necklace in her bag. ‘It was horrible.’

  He grimaced. ‘I can imagine.’

  Emma looked towards where Tatjana had disappeared among the trees.

  Lawrence followed her gaze. ‘Oh God, you don’t think it’s Tatjana, do you? She’s incredibly squeamish about things like that, plus we’ve been away visiting her father – we only just got back an hour ago!’

  Emma frowned. That would make it difficult for Tatjana to stuff a dead crow into her grille. Not impossible, but difficult.

  She took a deep breath. She needed to get a hold of herself. ‘No, no, it’s fine, just a silly bird flew into my poor car. Right, I must start my day. I’m very busy, thanks to you. Not that I’m complaining!’ she quickly added with a nervous laugh.

  He lau
ghed too. ‘Yes, at least all the work I’ve given you will keep your mind off a dead crow.’

  She nodded but inside, she knew nothing would take her mind off that.

  And she was right. She simply couldn’t focus all day long, and all that night too, her sleep was filled with nightmares she thought were long gone.

  It was the same every night that week and by the end of it, she was absolutely exhausted.

  When she got into work on Friday, she had a message waiting for her to call her manager Saul as soon as possible. He was actually supposed to be on holiday, so it was bound to be something urgent.

  ‘Hi Saul, you called?’ she asked when she called him.

  ‘Ah, Emma. Yes, I did. I’ve been having a look at the Belafonte Designs social media streams.’

  ‘Okay,’ Emma said hesitantly.

  ‘There are rather a lot of typos on their feeds and one of the images is blurry,’ he said, clearly hating to have to tell her this.

  Emma put her hand to her face. She was usually so good at double- and triple-checking her content – what was going on?

  ‘Can you have a word with whoever’s been in charge of scheduling content?’ Saul asked. ‘Is it the new girl, Aisha?’

  ‘No, Aisha’s great. It was me,’ she admitted.

  ‘You?’ he asked in surprise.

  ‘Yes, Lawrence Belafonte insisted nobody else should have control of his accounts via our scheduling tool.’

  ‘I see. You really should have told me that, Emma. It’s been a while since you’ve had to do that kind of work. You’re out of practice. No wonder you’re making mistakes! Do you think you can fix this?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Fine, I’ll send you a list of the mistakes I noticed.’

  After he’d said goodbye, Emma slammed the phone down, putting her head in her hands. How could she have made mistakes? Maybe it was because she was so exhausted. She needed to sort out her sleep, otherwise she’d only make more mistakes. She didn’t even have Tatjana as an excuse now. She quickly set about editing all the posts Saul had emailed her about. Unfortunately, only LinkedIn and Instagram posts could be edited; Twitter didn’t have an edit function yet.

  As she checked them, she frowned. They were odd mistakes, strange grammatical errors that she would never make.

  When she was done correcting everything, she was even more exhausted. At least it was an early finish for her that day. She’d pick up Isla and they could go straight home, get in their PJs and watch a film in bed with popcorn. Then she’d have the whole weekend to think about that necklace she’d found on the dead crow, maybe tell Dele. Isla had already mentioned the crow to him, but they didn’t know about the necklace. Until then, she’d just need to somehow get through the afternoon.

  After lunch, she got a call from Myra. ‘Emma, we’ve just had a disgruntled former employee post a derogatory comment on Instagram about Belafonte Designs,’ she said in her clipped tones.

  ‘Oh really?’ Emma said, scrambling to find their account in her social media management tool. A reminder for something popped up on her screen and she quickly closed it, focusing on finding the comment which had been posted just a couple of minutes ago.

  AVOID THIS COMPANY LIKE THE PLAGUE! Pay terrible, plus the MD Lawrence expects you to work all the hours under the sun and is a bloody tyrant despite the way he acts to the outside world. WORST COMPANY EVER!

  ‘You have to delete it,’ Myra said.

  ‘I wouldn’t recommend deleting it,’ Emma replied. ‘It’s bad form, really. The employee will probably notice it and it’ll wind them up even more. It looks far better to compose a response.’

  Myra paused. ‘Fine,’ she snapped. ‘Just get it sorted.’ Then she put the phone down in her customary rude way.

  Emma started to compose a response, managing to do it within five minutes. She pressed ‘post’, then smiled.

  Later, as she drove out of the building, she was greeted by an epic traffic jam. She sat in it for ages, but luckily, she was still just in time to pick Isla up from school.

  But when Isla came out from her class, she looked miserable.

  ‘We missed you this afternoon,’ her teacher Miss Morgan said when Emma walked over.

  ‘This afternoon?’ Emma asked. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Our weekly parents’ talk. You were coming in to chat about your job, remember?’

  Emma closed her eyes. How could she have forgotten? She thought of the reminder that she’d dismissed in a hurry to sort out that disgruntled employee. It must have been about the talk. ‘I am so sorry, it completely slipped my mind.’

  ‘It’s fine, it happens,’ Miss Morgan said with a smile. ‘We can reschedule you?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely. Thank you.’

  Emma took Isla’s hand, feeling the other parents’ eyes on her. In the distance, she noticed Tatjana watching her too, her brow creased.

  Well, this was something she couldn’t blame Tatjana for. It was all her own fault!

  As for that dead crow and the necklace, she didn’t know what the hell to think about it all.

  Over the weekend, she deliberated whether or not to tell Dele about the necklace. But she just couldn’t bring herself to. They’d had so much drama lately; she didn’t want to lay this on him. So instead she called her sister during a walk in the forest, while Dele took Isla to her guitar lesson.

  ‘That’s messed up,’ Harriet admitted after Emma told her about the dead crow.

  ‘Yep, someone must know. The necklace is just too much of a coincidence.’

  ‘But how?’ Harriet asked. ‘Dad sorted it, right?’

  Emma nodded. ‘But the truth always gets out, doesn’t it? I always bloody knew it would.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. You’re jumping to conclusions!’

  ‘Then how do you explain the necklace?’ Emma shouted, kicking at a pile of leaves in frustration.

  ‘Okay, calm down,’ Harriet said. ‘Who do you think is doing this? Tatjana?’

  Emma looked towards the Belafontes’ house. ‘I don’t know, she’s supposed to be getting help and she seems so – so vulnerable lately.’

  ‘Who else can it be though, Em? Surely this is ringing alarm bells about her again?’

  ‘But why is she doing this?’

  ‘You know why.’

  Emma shook her head. ‘No, Lawrence said she grew up in Hastings and her mum died. Tatjana’s dad told him.’

  ‘So what? Her dad is Jade’s birth grandfather, maybe he’s in on it too?’

  ‘Either way,’ Emma said as she stepped over a log, ‘that still doesn’t answer the question about how she knows about the necklace.’

  ‘There were photos from us earlier in the night – they were in the local paper, remember? It’s easy if someone does enough digging.’

  ‘Jesus,’ Emma said, her scalp tightening in fear. ‘This is just awful.’

  There was a sound from nearby. Emma froze, peering around her, but there was no one there.

  ‘Don’t panic! This doesn’t mean she knows everything.’ Harriet’s voice softened. ‘She’s messing with your mind. Just – just rise above it.’

  ‘You don’t get it, do you?’ Emma said. ‘If it is Jade, then she’s trying to find a way to discredit me as a mother – and oh boy, is this the ultimate way.’

  ‘But what happened has nothing to do with your parenting skills!’

  ‘You sure about that?’

  Harriet was quiet.

  ‘Anyway,’ Emma continued, ‘I lied to the authorities. I didn’t disclose pertinent information during the adoption process.’

  ‘That’s not enough for them to take Isla away.’

  ‘True, but the nature of it . . .’ Emma came to a stop and leaned her hand against a tree, gulping in deep breaths as she thought about that night.

  ‘Emma, calm yourself. Follow my breaths. In, out.’

  Emma did as her sister said and found herself growing calmer. ‘Maybe I should just come clea
n,’ she said.

  ‘No!’ Harriet shouted. ‘They’ll take Isla away from you.’

  ‘Maybe that’s what I deserve.’

  ‘Don’t think like that. It was a mistake. Look, we just need to figure this out together.’ She paused. ‘I know! Why don’t we try to track Jade down ourselves, just so we know for sure?’

  ‘Like how?’

  ‘Do you know where she used to live?’

  ‘I wasn’t supposed to, but we pretty much guessed when the social worker said it was the roughest estate in North London.’

  ‘You mean Rowgham Estate?’

  ‘That’s it.’

  ‘Yeah, I read some reports about it. Why don’t we visit it? Even if she’s not there, we can ask questions. Talk to her mum. Any skank of a boyfriend of hers. Friends. Be a regular Nancy Drew.’

  Emma thought about it. Maybe Harriet was right. She just needed this little niggling voice in the back of her mind telling her that Tatjana was Jade to go away, then she could try to pull herself together.

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Let’s do it. Let’s visit Jade’s estate.’

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Sunday 15th November

  2 p.m.

  Well, it’s official, your fake mother is losing it. I just saw her in the woods and she was on the verge of having a full-on breakdown!

  She’s making this too easy for me! A little shove in the right direction and she’s falling apart at the seams without any real help from me. But then she has got a lot to contend with. A past heavy with secrets which I’m doing everything I can to remind her of.

  Tatjana doesn’t approve, of course. She said the dead bird was too much. But it was a nice touch, don’t you think?

  I saw you looking at it with interest, Isla. Good, I’m pleased you’re not squeamish. I was worried you’d get upset, but you seemed fine with it. Your fake mother, however . . . well, it worked a treat. I’d parked around the side of your street and waited for Emma to come out of the house so I could drive past on the way to school just in time to see the look on her face when she saw the necklace! It was worth it, even with Zeke asking over and over from the back why we were driving to school instead of walking.

  That was a particularly clever touch. In one of the articles I found online about what happened all those years ago, there was a photo ‘taken on the very night of the tragedy’ as the caption said and in it, that necklace.