Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  It was easy enough to find something similar – a cheap thing off eBay – and I was all set. Then all I needed was the bird. I told Tatjana I found it dead on the lawn. She didn’t need to know I killed it myself. One throw of a rock and it was done. I thought about asking Tatjana to attach it to the car, but I knew she would mess it up. That wasn’t exactly pleasant, I can tell you, going out in the dead of the night with a dead crow in my hands.

  I’m still punishing Tatjana, you see, like forcing her to continue doing the school run last week, despite her pleas for me to do it. In the end, I’ve had to accompany her this week because, honestly, she looks like she’s going to lose it just like Emma is. I wouldn’t want her blurting anything out, would I?

  These women are so weak! You won’t be like that though, Isla, I’ll make sure of it.

  Don’t worry, it won’t be long until we’re together. Garrett is in Dartmouth right now, and said he just needs a little more time to get all the facts.

  In the meantime, I’m going to continue pushing Emma over the edge. It’s such fun to watch, after all, and what I have planned next is particularly exciting . . .

  Chapter Thirty

  Monday 16th November

  11 a.m.

  The large tower block where Isla once lived with Jade and her grandmother loomed above Emma as she drove towards it. She’d booked the day off work, telling Dele she needed a duvet day after so many sleepless nights. The plan was to get in and out of London in time to pick up Isla from school.

  ‘Wow, that is quite some sight,’ Harriet said as Emma drove them through the estate. She’d appeared that morning raring to go. Emma was grateful. She needed her.

  Emma looked out at the rubbish-strewn public gardens and the skulking characters who looked as if they hadn’t had a good meal in weeks.

  ‘It makes me feel sad that Isla spent her first year here,’ Emma commented. ‘It’s such a contrast to Forest Grove.’

  ‘Yep, weird to think my gorgeous niece started life here.’

  ‘Or maybe we’re being snobs,’ Emma said. ‘Who are we to judge? Maybe these people are perfectly happy.’

  ‘Nope,’ Harriet said, shaking her head resolutely. ‘I read a lot about this estate when I was working at the think tank. Back then, it was crying out to be renovated and it looks like that never happened. So crime rates just grow, the poverty just deepens.’

  Emma peered over at her sister as Harriet gazed outside with a sad look on her face. She was so passionate about the injustices in society. She’d bang on about how hard it was for people to break the chain of poverty and instability passed down from generation to generation. In the end, it had been one of the factors that made Emma and Dele want to adopt: they wanted to give a child the chance to break that chain before it was too late and another generation was forced to endure a difficult life.

  ‘Do you really think Jade got out and transformed herself into an accomplished young fashion designer?’ Emma asked as they passed a teenage girl sitting on a brick wall, sullenly staring at her phone. ‘That would take quite something.’

  ‘The chance of seeing the child you gave birth to again would be quite some motivation,’ Harriet replied.

  ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’

  They passed a car with no wheels and Harriet raised an eyebrow. ‘Feast your eyes on how your car will look later.’

  ‘Bloody better not, I just got these wheels replaced.’

  She turned into a small car park outside the flats and parked next to a white van with rusting panels. She looked up at the tower block again. ‘There must be hundreds of flats in there.’

  ‘And you have no idea which one Jade lived in?’

  Emma shook her head. ‘No. I don’t even know for sure if she lived in this particular block!’

  ‘This is going to be a looooong day.’

  ‘We better hurry up then, I have to pick Isla up later.’

  They got out of the car and walked up to the tower block, the smell of weed swirling its way towards them.

  ‘They’re making it easy for us,’ Harriet said, pointing at the main door into the flats, which had been propped open with a brick.

  Emma shuddered as she thought again of little Isla being here: the lack of security, the cloud of drugs.

  They walked into a small foyer. It actually looked as if it had been renovated lately, the smell of new paint on the walls, even a large canvas on the wall showing a circle of laughing children. But Emma was pretty sure she could see a needle in the corner of the reception area and there was a splurge of what looked like bloody fingerprints beneath the painting.

  ‘So we take it floor by floor then?’ she asked her sister.

  Harriet nodded, silent as she took it all in.

  They walked to the lift, then sighed as they noticed the ‘out of service’ notice.

  ‘As if life isn’t bad enough already for these people,’ Emma said.

  Harriet pointed to a door to the side with a stairs symbol on it. ‘I hope you’ve been doing your leg lifts?’

  ‘Ha, like I have time for exercise!’

  They opened the door to see a child of about Isla’s age sitting on one of the steps, playing with a Barbie doll. Emma’s heart sank as she took in the girl’s blonde matted hair and the bruise around her eye. She exchanged a look with Harriet and her sister shook her head sadly.

  Emma walked up towards the girl. ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hi,’ the girl said, peering up.

  ‘Do you know anyone by the name of Jade who lives here?’ Emma asked her.

  The girl shook her head.

  ‘Okay, thanks.’

  They went to pass her, but then the girl tugged on the hem of Emma’s jeans. ‘Old Vea talks about some lady called Jade, though. She has a picture of her in her flat.’

  Emma paused. ‘Old Vea? Where does she live?’

  The girl pointed to the door leading to the first floor. ‘Number one-oh-seven.’

  ‘One hundred and seven?’ Emma asked. The girl nodded and Emma and Harriet smiled at each other. At least they wouldn’t need to walk up twenty flights of stairs to find out if ‘Old Vea’ knew Jade.

  They thanked the girl, then went into the corridor, finding the flat they were looking for. The door was painted a different colour to the other doors, a pretty peacock blue. But the paint was faded and cracked in places.

  Emma knocked on the door.

  There was the sound of movement, then the door opened a few centimetres, two brown eyes peering out from the gap. Through the glimpses she caught, Emma could see it was a black woman in her late forties, thin and short with gaps in her teeth and short frizzy black hair. She was wearing a long black-and-red dress and furry puppy slippers at the end of her bare pockmarked legs.

  ‘Hello?’ a croaky voice asked.

  ‘Hello, are you Vea?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Sorry, not doing any readings today.’

  Emma took in a breath. Jade’s mother had made money doing tarot cards.

  Was this woman Jade’s mother . . . Isla’s grandmother? She had been called Evie.

  The woman went to shut the door, but Emma put her hand on it. ‘I’m not here for a reading. I’m looking for Jade.’

  The woman’s eyes narrowed. ‘My Jade?’

  My Jade.

  It was Jade’s mother.

  ‘Yes,’ Emma said, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘Does she still live here?’

  ‘Oh, she’s long gone.’

  ‘How long?’

  The woman’s eyes flooded with tears. ‘Since they took our darling Isla away.’

  Harriet put her hand on her sister’s back to reassure her.

  ‘Do you know where she went?’

  ‘Nope,’ Evie snapped. ‘Just disappeared.’

  Chills ran down Emma’s spine. ‘May I come in to have a chat?’

  ‘Why? What you after?’ The woman stared at Emma suspiciously.

  ‘Nothing! I’m just – I’m friends with Jade
. We’ve lost touch. I’d love to chat to you about her.’

  The woman examined her face, then she peered behind her in Harriet’s direction. ‘You have quite the aura about you,’ she said.

  Emma wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

  Evie opened the door. ‘Fine. Come in.’

  Must be a good thing.

  They both walked in and Emma tried not to put her hand to her nose. The small flat stank of cigarette smoke, alcohol and some kind of meaty stench. She looked down at the filthy carpet, imagining Isla crawling all over it as a baby.

  ‘Scuse the mess,’ Evie said. ‘Takes an effort to tidy now with me old cranky bones. I used to keep it in better shape when I did all my readings, but those have tailed off too now I have my bad back.’

  ‘We don’t mind,’ Harriet said, her expression suggesting the opposite as she peered around her into a dark untidy bedroom.

  The woman led them into a small living room with two battered brown leather sofas. Between them was a coffee table strewn with dirty mugs and women’s magazines. On the walls were posters featuring illustrations of mystical-looking women in various poses holding crystal balls, and a pack of tarot cards lay sprawled on the floor.

  Evie gestured towards a large photo of a pretty girl who looked like an older version of Isla. ‘There she is,’ she said. ‘My girl.’

  ‘Jade,’ Emma said. She walked to the photo and picked it up. It was an old photo, probably from around the same time she’d met Jade all those years ago. She explored her face. Yes, carrying less weight, with short hair and a better lifestyle to make her skin and eyes glow, she could easily be Tatjana.

  ‘So you haven’t heard from Jade in nine years?’ she asked as she put the photo back down.

  ‘Nope.’ Evie lit up a cigarette. ‘How do you know her?’

  ‘We went to school together.’

  Emma felt bad about lying, but what would Jade’s mother think if Emma told the truth? And what if it got back to social services? Dele had been right, Emma needed to be careful: she didn’t want them to start looking into her.

  Evie gave her a cynical look. ‘You don’t look like a Rowgham Comprehensive type of girl.’

  ‘I’m so sorry you’ve lost contact with Jade,’ Emma said, ignoring that statement. ‘Have you reported her missing? Nine years is a long time.’

  ‘Why?’ Evie said. ‘That girl always used to go missing, don’t you remember? In the end, the police wouldn’t even come out to see me when I reported her gone.’

  Yes, Emma did remember from the reports she’d read about her before adopting Isla.

  ‘Has anyone else seen her?’ she asked.

  ‘I hear rumours,’ Evie said, taking in a long puff of smoke.

  Harriet leaned forward. ‘What kind of rumours?’

  ‘Some people tell me she worked on a cruise ship, others that she moved to Australia.’ Evie laughed, smoke spilling from her mouth. ‘Some even told me she married a rich man!’

  Emma and her sister looked at each other.

  ‘As long as she isn’t with that scum boyfriend any more, I don’t mind who she married.’ Evie drew her breath in through what remained of her teeth and shook her head. ‘Bad news, that boy. Knew it from the moment I met him. I have a sense about these things.’ Her eyes slid over to Harriet again, then away. ‘The bruises Jade would come home with! He even hit me once.’

  Harriet’s mouth dropped open as Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  ‘I’m so sorry to hear that,’ Emma said.

  ‘He had a spell on my girl,’ Evie continued, leaning forward. ‘She was addicted to him, like she was addicted to the drugs he sold.’

  Emma swallowed. ‘Was he Isla’s father?’

  ‘Of course! Don’t you believe those rumours about Jade putting herself about. She told social services that, so they didn’t question who the father was.’ Evie smiled. ‘Clever girl, meant they wouldn’t contact him. No, my Jade wasn’t a slut like some of the other girls were. Once she met someone she loved, she was loyal, like her good ol’ mum.’

  Emma closed her eyes for a moment. So Isla’s father was a violent drug dealer. She shouldn’t be surprised; they’d been warned it might be the case. But still, to hear it confirmed . . .

  ‘What’s his name?’ Emma asked as casually as she could.

  ‘Nathan . . .’ She paused, thinking about it. ‘Bellford, that’s it!’ she eventually said. ‘Long time since that family moved away. Bloody psychopath, he was!’ she spat.

  ‘Why do you call him a psychopath?’ Harriet asked.

  ‘You know he killed a man?’ Evie said, eyes narrowing. ‘Of course, the police could never prove it. That boy was clever, that’s why he was so dangerous. Was a surprise how clever he was really, considering the family he came from, two junkies and a backward boy for a little brother. But Nathan, he had something,’ Evie said, tapping her head. ‘Even with all the beatings he took off his father, who was a huge man, he somehow kept some brains about him.’ Her face clouded over. ‘Used it in the wrong way, mind, building himself up to be some drug lord here, then killing a boy who tried to get Jade away from him. They say the boy fell while they fought, that it was an accident, but we all know the truth. That was what he was like, Nathan. Jade once told me: once you was his, there was no stopping that, even if it meant killing someone else.’

  Emma shivered as Harriet looked at Evie, alarmed.

  Isla’s father was a murderer!

  ‘Does he still live here?’ Emma dared to ask.

  ‘No, thank the Lord. His family moved out before Isla was born.’ She put her hand to her thin chest. ‘Oh that precious little baby, why did they take her away?’

  Emma watched as Evie shook her head. It must have been difficult for her to lose her granddaughter. From what Emma had read, Evie had done most of the caring. But she had her own demons. It just wouldn’t have been the right place to bring up a child.

  Emma thanked the stars Isla was able to escape this place and the awful violent man who was her father.

  ‘I’m sure Isla has a wonderful life now,’ Emma said, suddenly desperate for Evie to know that in some small way her granddaughter was fine. ‘I’m sure she’s a very happy girl.’

  ‘She is,’ Evie said with a sure nod. She reached for her tarot cards. ‘I seen it in these, how happy she is. Bright as a button, too. I dream about her a lot, you know.’

  Emma smiled, tears filling her eyes. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, I dream of her on a red swing in a big beautiful forest.’

  Emma blinked in surprise.

  ‘People say I’m a fake,’ Evie said, leaning forward, ‘but those who come to be read by me know. Like you. You’re hiding something deep, I can sense it. There’s a guilt in you, a dark twisted rope connecting to the past that you need to cut. You want me to do a reading?’

  Emma quickly stood up. ‘No, but thanks for your time.’

  ‘Here’s one for free then,’ Evie said, pointing a finger at her. ‘You carry a burden around with you. Until you let that burden free, you’ll never feel right in your skin.’

  ‘Shall we let ourselves out?’ Emma asked, backing away.

  ‘Whatever,’ the old lady said, waving her hand about.

  ‘She’s good,’ Harriet said as they stepped into Evie’s hallway.

  ‘Hmmm,’ Emma whispered, not wanting to dwell on just how good she was. ‘It’s interesting how she said that Jade just “disappeared”.’ She used her fingers to make speech marks. ‘Disappeared and started a new life as a fashion designer?’

  ‘Or she’s . . .’ Harriet paused.

  ‘She’s what?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Dead?’

  Emma stopped walking. ‘Jesus, Harriet.’

  ‘It’s been years, Emma! And she had a violent ex, right? Isla’s birth dad?’

  ‘No,’ Emma said, shaking her head. ‘You told me yourself a million times how people slip between the holes in society. Let’s just get out o
f here, okay?’ she said, peering behind her into the living room at Evie, who was watching her intently. ‘It’s giving me the creeps.’

  As they walked past a bedroom door that was ajar, Emma froze.

  On the bedroom wall was a portrait of an old black man . . . the same man that Tatjana had had a photo of in her bedside drawer!

  ‘What’s up?’ Harriet asked, looking between her sister and the portrait.

  ‘Tatjana has a photo of that man! I’m sure of it!’ She quickly took a photo of it with her phone, then looked back towards Evie. ‘Sorry, one last question,’ she called down the small hallway.

  The woman looked up from the tarot cards she was gathering up from the floor. ‘Yes?’

  ‘That picture of the man in your room. Who is that?’

  Evie’s face softened. ‘That’s Devon, Jade’s father.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Emma said. ‘And thanks for the chat. Take care.’

  Then she let herself out, adrenalin coursing through her.

  ‘That’s it!’ she said as they walked down the exterior corridor. ‘A solid connection! How else can Tatjana explain having a portrait of Jade’s father unless she is Jade?’

  ‘You hit the jackpot, sis,’ Harriet said, smiling at her. ‘You did it!’

  ‘We did it,’ Emma said. They smiled at each other. Then Emma sighed. ‘I now just need to prove Tatjana has that photo. That’s going to be tough, considering we’re not talking.’

  Harriet shrugged. ‘Just arrange to meet up at her place. Make out you want to clear the air, then pop to the loo and take a picture.’

  ‘Good idea. I’ll talk to her tomorrow morning.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Right, shall we get some lunch, then I can head back to pick Isla up?’

  ‘Why don’t we go see Dad?’ Harriet suggested, peering into the distance towards his flat, which was a twenty-minute walk away.

  ‘You go if you want,’ Emma said, not in the mood to spring a surprise visit on her unwelcoming father.

  ‘Yeah,’ Harriet replied, blowing her sister a kiss as she backed away. ‘I will. Let me know how you get on.’ Then she walked off.