Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  On the drive home, Emma felt a sense of elation. She knew for certain that Tatjana was Jade now, and she just needed to get evidence of that photo from inside Tatjana – or Jade’s – bedside drawer.

  But her mood soon changed when fifteen minutes away from Forest Grove, there was a huge pile-up, leading to massive delays.

  ‘Shit,’ she said, looking at the time. Nearly three. ‘Shit, shit, shit.’

  She tried calling Dele, but he didn’t answer. She even called Faye – no luck with her either. This was why she needed to make more friends. More mums to be on hand to help out, but instead, she had nobody!

  When she called the school, it went to voicemail, so she left a quick message, then just tried to hold in her frustration as her car moved ahead at a snail’s pace.

  Forty minutes later and twenty minutes late, she screeched into the school car park, for once annoyed it was nearly empty as it made it even more glaringly obvious how late she was. She ran through the gates and headed to Isla’s classroom, but when she got there it was deserted!

  She hammered on the locked door. ‘Hello, it’s Isla’s mum!’ she called out.

  No answer.

  Her throat went dry. Where the hell could Isla be? What did they do when parents ran late? Surely it happened every now and again? Why hadn’t they called her?

  She ran to reception, starting to panic now. Thankfully, the head teacher was still inside. She knocked on the glass window and Mrs Gould walked over, opening the door.

  ‘Everything okay, Mrs Okoro?’

  ‘Isla,’ Emma said, out of breath and anxious. ‘I was stuck in traffic. I left a message. Is she here?’ she asked, craning her neck to peer into the semi-darkness behind the head teacher.

  ‘Mrs Belafonte has her,’ the head teacher replied. ‘She said she’d call you.’

  Emma looked at her in horror. ‘What the hell? She’s not on my pick-up list.’

  ‘She is, Mrs Okoro. You sent a new one in in Isla’s bag last week.’

  ‘I didn’t!’ Emma backed away, shaking her head.

  Tatjana had taken Isla!

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Monday 16th November

  3.55 p.m.

  Emma drove at a breakneck speed towards the Belafontes’ house in the forest, her anger and worry fuelling her. Had Tatjana taken Isla to her house . . . or had she taken her away somewhere? If Tatjana was Jade, her mental state had surely declined over the past week – what lengths would she go to?

  Emma thought of what Lawrence had said again.

  She can get a bit . . . dark.

  ‘Oh God,’ she whispered to herself.

  Her ring tone echoed around the car. It was Dele. She pressed the hands-free button to answer.

  ‘Hi babe, you called?’ he asked.

  ‘Tatjana picked Isla up from school! I was stuck in traffic so I was late and when I got there, Mrs Gould said Tatjana had taken her home and – and that we’d filled in a new pick-up permissions form with her name on it, but we bloody didn’t! And now I know Tatjana is Jade and God knows where she’s taken her!’ Her words came out in a tumble, tripping over each other.

  ‘Whoa, calm down, calm down,’ Dele said. ‘Tatjana is definitely Jade? What proof have you got?’

  ‘I’ll explain later. Just believe me.’ Emma drew up to the grand house in the woods. ‘There’s no car out front! I’ll call you in a minute.’ She hung up and jumped out of her car, jogging to the house.

  It was empty. No lights on, no people, no sound.

  Emma felt tears prick at her eyes. She should have followed her instincts from the start. She should never have let it get this far. Tatjana – Jade! – had taken her daughter.

  She felt bile work up as she hammered on the door.

  ‘Tatjana!’ she shouted. ‘Isla!’

  Suddenly, she saw movement inside. Then Lawrence appeared from a door at the back of the house with Isla behind him.

  ‘Isla!’ Emma shouted through the glass.

  Lawrence walked towards her and opened the door, his phone in his hands. ‘We’ve been trying to call you. It was constantly engaged.’

  Emma ignored him, shoving past him and running to Isla, pulling her into a hug. ‘Oh darling, my baby.’

  ‘Mum, what is wrong with you?’ Isla said, squirming to get away. Tatjana appeared at the end of the room then with her two boys. She looked like she’d lost even more weight, and had a strange pallor to her skin.

  ‘How dare you pick my daughter up?’ Emma hissed at her.

  ‘Why’s this lady mad at you, Mummy?’ Zeke asked Tatjana.

  ‘It’s okay darling, it’s just a misunderstanding,’ Tatjana said, her eyes flicking to Lawrence, then away again.

  ‘Hardly a misunderstanding!’ Emma shouted, her words echoing around the hall and making the three children flinch.

  Tatjana stepped away from Emma, putting her hand to her chest in surprise.

  ‘Mum!’ Isla said, looking deeply embarrassed.

  ‘You were twenty minutes late, Emma,’ Lawrence said calmly, his hand on Isla’s shoulder. ‘The poor girl was standing out in the rain!’

  ‘But I never gave you permission to pick her up!’ Emma said, eyes still on Tatjana. ‘I know you bloody put your name on that permission form.’

  Lawrence looked at Tatjana, his face stern. ‘Did you, Tatjana?’

  Tatjana’s brown eyes widened. ‘I – I . . .’ She clapped her mouth shut with her hand, shaking her head as she looked at her husband.

  For a moment, despite everything, Emma felt sorry for Tatjana. She was clearly damaged . . . and clearly very vulnerable.

  But then that only made her more dangerous, surely?

  ‘Jesus Christ, Tat,’ Lawrence hissed. He turned to Emma. ‘I am so sorry about this. I will make it up to you, I promise.’

  Emma looked at them. Should she just tell them about her visit to the tower block now?

  But the kids were there.

  ‘We need to talk,’ she said instead. ‘Without the kids.’

  ‘Of course,’ Lawrence said.

  ‘Let’s catch up in the morning before school and arrange a time,’ Emma said. ‘For now, I want to get my daughter back home.’

  Then she grabbed Isla’s hand and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Monday 16th November

  4 p.m.

  That was interesting. Your fake mother has quite the temper on her, Isla. She’s surprising me in so many ways. Like how quickly she’s figuring things out – such as the permissions slip I slipped into your book bag the other day before school, when you left it on the side to play with friends.

  And now this, a pure rage that boils inside her.

  You looked very shocked, Isla. I understand. It can be horrible to see a parent lose their temper like that. I used to see it a lot at your age, and before, too. Of course, we all have our moments, we’re only human. God knows I do! But never in front of my children! That’s the rule!

  I learnt that first-hand. I still have nightmares about what I witnessed as a child, I’m not ashamed to admit it. Your grandparents – your real ones – had no understanding of the simple rule of discretion. It was all out there in the open. I did my best to protect my brother from it, but it was hard. It still saddens me to think he had to endure the very worst of it, in particular the time my mother threw a pan of boiling water over our dad and then, feeling bad afterwards, rubbed oil into his wounds.

  I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy and my dad really was my worst enemy. His screams still pierce my dreams at night. My brother’s, too, according to his carers.

  I know it’s not the same, the way Emma is. It’s more how open she was with her anger. It worried me, I’ll be honest. If she can’t abide by that one rule – discretion – then what hope is there?

  It makes me even more determined to help you escape from her.

  In the meantime, I wait while Garrett digs, digs, digs. Not that I d
on’t have enough occupying my mind with Tatjana falling apart at the seams. Honestly, I thought she had some grit about her! If she is to be your stepmother, then she really needs to pull herself together. I have ways to make her do that – all behind closed doors, of course. But I’m still concerned I will lose control of her like I did of your birth mother, and then what choice will I have?

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Monday 16th November

  4.15 p.m.

  On the drive home, Isla refused to look at Emma.

  ‘I hope you understand why I’m so angry at Tatjana?’ Emma said.

  ‘No,’ Isla shot back. ‘It was nice of her. It was freezing standing outside with Miss Morgan!’

  Emma sighed. ‘There are strict rules about who schools can allow you to go home with. She faked a permission slip, Isla, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Emma looked at her daughter. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  Isla rolled her eyes. ‘God, Mum, most of the kids in my class walk home on their own anyway, what’s the big deal?’

  ‘Well, we don’t allow that.’

  Isla crossed her arms and glared out of the window. ‘We don’t live in London now, Mum. Kids aren’t getting stabbed on the streets.’ She paused. ‘Is it because I’m adopted?’

  Emma pursed her lips. Isla rarely brought up the fact that she was adopted, even though Emma and Dele had been transparent with her from the start.

  ‘Of course not, darling,’ Emma said. ‘Why would it be?’

  She shrugged. ‘No reason.’

  ‘So what did you do at their house then?’

  ‘Lawrence showed us a model of a house he’s building. He was going to make us hot chocolates until you turned up.’

  When they got home, Isla ran straight upstairs, slamming the door to her room.

  Emma sank on to the sofa, putting her head in her hands. The gloom of the windowless living room seemed to press in around her. Maybe she’d been too hard on Tatjana in front of the kids. Isla shouldn’t have had to witness that. She’d always made that promise to herself, that Isla should never have to endure the anger and turbulence that marked the first year of her life. Even though there had been no violence directed at Isla as far as the social workers knew, she had had to witness it between Jade and her mother, according to police reports. Emma knew from the training they’d received during the adoption process what an impact that could have on a child. In fact, she saw it herself in those early months when Isla moved in with them, the way she flinched when she heard an argument on TV.

  Emma sighed and walked upstairs, gently knocking on Isla’s door. She walked in to find Isla curled up on her bed, watching her iPad. Emma sat beside her, putting her hand on her leg. ‘I’m sorry you had to see me getting angry earlier.’

  Isla scowled and continued staring at her iPad. Emma gently took it away from her. ‘Darling, please look at me.’

  Isla sighed and forced herself to look at her mother. ‘I am!’

  ‘I was so scared when I turned up at the school to find you not there. When people get scared, they get angry.’

  Isla scowled. ‘That doesn’t make sense.’

  ‘You know how next door’s Jack Russell burst your football and I said it was probably because it was scared seeing the ball heading right for it over the fence?’

  Isla nodded.

  ‘Well, it was like that for me. I was scared and I got angry.’ She put her arms out. ‘I really need an Isla hug right now.’

  Isla’s pretty face softened. She leaned over and hugged her mother.

  ‘What’s wrong with Tatjana, Mum?’ Isla said. ‘She’s so different lately. They even stopped Design Divas. Is she, like, ill or something?’

  ‘Yes,’ Emma said, stroking Isla’s hair. ‘Not in an obvious way, like a broken arm, but in her head.’

  ‘Oh yeah, Miss Morgan taught us about mental health at school. It’s not people’s fault, they’re sick.’

  Emma nodded.

  Tatjana was sick. Jade was sick. Her unhealthy mind was telling her all she was doing was right, as long as she got her daughter back.

  ‘I love you so much, you know that, right?’ Emma whispered to Isla.

  ‘I love you too, Mum.’

  Emma smiled. ‘Shall we get into our pyjamas?’

  ‘Yay!’ Isla said.

  A couple of hours later, when Dele got in, Emma and Isla were sat on the sofa in pyjamas, snuggled up while watching a film. He walked straight over to Isla, giving her a kiss.

  ‘Lots of drama today, hey?’ he said, peering over her head at Emma with a serious expression. ‘Shall I make you two snugglies dinner?’

  ‘Yes please!’ Isla said.

  Later, after Dele had helped Isla dry her hair, he sat across from Emma and she knew it was time to talk. To properly talk. He looked exhausted; this was clearly all getting to him just as much as it was getting to her.

  ‘Isla said you got angry with Tatjana,’ he said.

  Emma sighed. ‘Yes, she took our child and she faked a permission slip.’

  ‘We don’t know that for sure.’

  ‘Oh come on, Dele. Mrs Gould said she got a new slip from us last week.’

  Dele wiped his hand over his tired eyes. ‘You said on the phone you definitely know she’s Jade.’ He sounded wary, cynical.

  ‘Yes, I spoke to Jade’s mother today.’

  Dele looked up in surprise. ‘What?’

  ‘I visited the estate she grew up in.’ She leaned forward, grabbing Dele’s hand. ‘I needed to know for sure, Dele, and now I do!’

  ‘Wait, rewind,’ he said, moving away from her. She could see he was trying very hard to contain his anger. ‘Why did you visit her mother? Do you understand what you’ve done, Emma?’ he said. ‘Going to the estate where our adopted daughter’s birth mother once lived, grilling her mother. Do you realise how bad that looks?’

  She thought of the dead bird. She wished she could tell him about the necklace. But memories of her father came back to her.

  Never ever tell anyone. No matter what. This stays between us or you could lose everything.

  ‘You know that dead crow that was in the grille of my car?’ she said carefully. ‘I think Tatjana did it.’

  Dele put his head in his hands, stifling a cry. ‘This is madness, Emma.’

  ‘You have to trust me. Look,’ she said, getting her phone out and showing him the portrait in Evie’s bedroom. ‘This is Jade’s father.’

  He took the photo and examined it. ‘And?’

  ‘And I found the very same photo in Tatjana’s bedside drawer.’

  ‘Did you take a photo of that?’

  Emma shook her head. ‘I plan to, though.’

  He closed his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them, they were sad. ‘I think it’s time you saw your therapist again.’

  ‘No,’ Emma said, shaking her head. ‘No, I am fine.’

  ‘You’re not, Emma. You’re really not.’

  He went to hold her hand, but she pushed him away. ‘Jesus, Dele, don’t you get it?’ she shouted as she shoved the phone into his hands. ‘Tatjana has a photo of Jade’s father in her drawer.’

  He properly looked at the photo and sighed.

  ‘A black man.’ He handed her phone back to her. ‘It’s easy to get us confused,’ he said with a sarcastic lift of the eyebrow.

  ‘Dele! It’s him, I swear to you.’

  ‘Fine, we go talk to them right now. Vanessa next door can look after Isla.’ He stood up and went to the front door, but Emma went after him, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

  ‘Can we get Isla’s birthday out of the way first?’ she pleaded.

  ‘Why wait?’

  She didn’t want to tell him she was worried that Tatjana knew what had happened to Emma all those years ago, and that confronting her might bring it all to the surface. She didn’t want that ruining Isla’s birthday.

  ‘Please,’ Emm
a said. ‘Let’s just get the birthday out of the way on Saturday.’

  ‘Fine. But after that, we need to sort this out,’ Dele said in a firm voice.

  Emma nodded. She just needed to hope nothing awful happened before then.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Welcome to the Mums of Forest Grove Facebook Group

  Saturday 21st November

  7 a.m.

  Kitty Fletcher

  Just to let everyone know, there appears to have been a crash on Birch Road by the roundabout. There’s lots of debris in the road. Doesn’t look like anyone was hurt, thank God.

  Pauline Sharpe

  Oh no! What kind of car? My Roger left for work ten minutes ago.

  Malorie Cane

  It’s a red Fiat, looks like an older make. It’s in a right state, wrapped around a lamp post. I heard the bang in the middle of the night, presumed it was one of those RAF sonic jet booms like we had the other month.

  Belinda Bell

  I heard it too and presumed the same, Malorie. That’s why I didn’t call the police. Didn’t want to get told off for wasting time again! I can hear sirens, so presume the police are on their way now?

  Vanessa Shillingford

  Surely someone was driving the car? Maybe they went into the forest, confused after being injured? Are the police checking?

  Rebecca Feine

  Good point, Vanessa. I’m sure the police are on top of it but I’ll be keeping an eye out when walking the dogs in a minute.

  Myra Young

  Me too. I’ll get Justin ready early and we’ll have a proper look.

  Lucy Cronin

  I’ll join you with the kids, Myra.

  Kitty Fletcher

  Be safe everyone!

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Saturday 21st November

  7.05 a.m.

  Emma stared at her face in the bathroom mirror. She looked awful! No surprise, considering she’d hardly slept the last few days. Dele was giving her the silent treatment, casting her worried glances. Luckily, they were so busy sorting Isla’s birthday party and gifts out, the days had gone quickly.

  And now the big day was here: Isla’s eleventh birthday and her long-awaited pamper party. Emma’s mum was coming up with Ray, and Emma was hoping to see her sister, too. Dele’s parents were arriving the next weekend for what Isla was calling her second birthday.