Love, Lust & Friendship

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I searched his face for how to fix what I thought was the problem. “You said you were okay with this…”

  The annoyance on his face melted. “I’m…okay with it in theory. Seeing it is something else.”

  “Ander, I can not–”

  “No, Ads.” He shook his head as he leant toward me. “No. Just… It took me off guard. Sister-brother thing, remember? It’ll be fine.”

  I was about to reply, but Topher appeared, coming around the front of the car, so I knew now wasn’t the time to continue. So, I just nodded and said, “Okay.”

  “We good?” Topher asked as he got in.

  “Yeah. Totally fine. He’s fine,” I said, a little too forced-chipper for the time of the morning.

  Topher looked between us. “I meant to…go…”

  I flushed and started the car.

  Of course he had. Never in all the years I’d known Topher had he cared about what went on with Ander and me or between Ander and me. So why would ‘exclusively hooking up’ change that?

  The ride to school was silent and I felt like it was pretty tense – I don’t know what the boys thought. Any time I caught Topher’s eye, he’d smile or wink at me and I’d be unable to stop my return smile, even if it was small, before I went back to concentrating. Any time I looked in the rear-view mirror and caught sight of Ander, he was staring at his phone.

  So, I pulled into the carpark, Topher was out of the car, and I’d barely turned it off before Ander was gone out the passenger door.

  “God, you’d think we were going to have sex in here,” I muttered before I downed the rest of my coffee.

  Topher snorted, leaning on the roof to look at me. “The windows are tinted, but they won’t hide everything.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “No. I meant–”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  He was staring at me really tenderly and suddenly I felt like we had this huge neon sign above us, declaring to the rest of the school that we were dating… Or, almost dating… Or, whatever. And, that made me feel suddenly rather fidgety.

  “You okay?” Because, of course he was now clued-in enough to notice?

  I nodded. “Yeah. All good. Just… I’d best…”

  He smiled. “Sure.”

  “Look… We’ll just… I mean…” Well, that string of rambling wasn’t going anywhere fast.

  “I’ll just follow your lead, Ads. Yeah?”

  And, with that, he gave me a wink and also disappeared. I sat in confused silence until I vaguely heard the first bell go, then I grabbed my bag and hurried to first lesson.

  By the time I’d caught up with Ander, he was in a less grumpy mood as he laughed at Derek.

  “Oi, there she is. Finally.” Derek waved a hand at me to sit down between them so I did. “What? You and Kit making out in the car?” He made a kissy face and it took me a moment to get over my guilty shock to shove his face out of mine with my usual carelessness.

  “No,” I told him honestly. “Ander just couldn’t wait to see your ugly mug.”

  Derek grinned. “I am gorgeous.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, Gomez,” Ander said to him wryly, nudging me companionably and I nudged him back as we shared a smile.

  And, the rest of my day fared much the same. Ander got less…uptight as the day went on, but I got more uptight.

  Topher and I just interacted the same way we always did when we saw each other at school; a vague nod, nothing but a friendly smile, him winking like a dillweed. Topher somehow managed to just behave the same way he always did. Mind you, he hadn’t hooked up with any random girls in random places… That we knew of. So there was one difference for you.

  But, the boys? Bugger.

  I’d never realised how many of our jokes revolved around who was hooking up with who, or at my expense about Topher. And, every time, I panicked they’d see right through me and know I was hooking up with Topher. They sure noticed I was being weird, but I don’t think they even came close to guessing why, thankfully.

  By Lunch, I felt like I was on high alert. So, when Tate put his hands on my hips from behind and kissed my cheek in greeting, I jumped and squeaked in surprise.

  “What is up with you today?” he laughed as I turned to face him.

  “Me?” I asked, pointing at myself. “Me? What’s up with you?” I countered.

  He gave me a confused smile. “Nothing is up with me, Ads. You and Cher over there, though?”

  I looked to Ander, who looked as normal as usual while he played on his phone… Didn’t he? “What about Cher over there?” I asked.

  “Really?” Tate huffed and I looked at him to find him watching me carefully with those pale green eyes. They slid to Ander, then back to me rather disbelievingly. “You haven’t noticed he’s been glued to his phone all day?”

  “We’re millennials, Tathaniel.” Not the full version of his name – he didn’t have one – but the elongated version he got when business was serious. “We’re supposed to be on our phones all day.”

  He grinned. “Technology will rot your brain, Addison.”

  I stuck my tongue out at him, starting to feel a little more normal than usual. “Then, consider my brain rotten.”

  He just laughed and we plonked down on the grass beside Will and Derek.

  Derek was animatedly talking about what he needed to do to snag that trick on his board on the weekend, while Will talked through the logistics with him, both boys going through the upper body motions where they sat. Tate pulled out his phone to get the last video he shot so Derek could see it, and that set the boys off on a heated, if friendly, discussion about how Derek was supposed to be using his body.

  Will huffed a curl out of his face as he used his fingers and a biscuit to go through the motions.

  “Nah, here. Like this,” Derek said and Will passed him the biscuit.

  But, of course, Derek just popped the biscuit in his mouth with a wry grin as Tate snorted. Will shook his head with a warm a smile.

  “I thought you were showing me the trick?” Will asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

  “Yeah. I was.” Derek nodded. “The trick where I got to eat the biscuit.”

  Will laughed, big and happy. “You could have asked.”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” Derek asked.

  I shrugged at him as just Will shook his head, still smiling.

  “Tate?”

  “Yeah?” he answered, dragging his eyes off Ander.

  “Asking or stealing?”

  “What are we talking about?”

  “Why? What kind of answer do you have for me?”

  Tate scrubbed his hand over his jaw. “Well, innocence? Stealing is better. Sex? Asking’s a necessity–”

  “I was thinking more along the lines of biscuits…” Derek said.

  “Oh. Anyone in particulars?” Tate’s tone was that dry sarcasm.

  “No. I don’t know anyone who eats biscuits. Do you?” Derek’s sarcasm was much more obvious.

  I shared a smile with Will as Tate shrugged and said, “Stealing,” before resuming his Ander-watch.

  “What is he doing?” Will asked, turning to follow Tate’s gaze.

  “Maybe he has a secret girlfriend?” Derek snorted.

  Tate’s eyes flew to mine and I knew I looked guilty, it just probably wasn’t about what Tate would assume.

  Will just managed to get his biscuits out of Derek’s reach before he nabbed another one and I smiled at their antics as my mind wandered to Ander.

  I looked over to where Ander paced back and forth, staring at his phone. Sometimes, his thumbs tapped something out. Others, he seemed to be waiting for a response. A small smile hinted at his lips now and then and I stupidly looked around the rest of the school to see if I could see anyone else as enamoured with their phone.

  But, there was an awful lot of Saint Basils you couldn’t see from our particular few blades of grass, so I don�
�t know why I thought that was a legitimate strategy.

  “See?” Tate elbowed me. “You’ve noticed now, huh?”

  I had noticed now. Question was, who was on the other end of the phone, and why didn’t I know about them?

  ****

  The next day, things were slightly better.

  Ander maybe wasn’t on his phone so often, he was smiling, he was acting more like he had on Tuesday before I’d dropped my bombshell on him. Likewise, Topher and I were keeping things on the down low. When he kissed me, it wasn’t where anyone would see and he didn’t say anything that could suggest to anyone that we were some kind of thing.

  So, I was less uptight at school and getting back into the rhythm of Addy Mac’s life without feeling guilty for hiding a secret from my friends that I thought they were going to find out at any moment.

  It had been bad enough that Tate’s inscrutable eyes had been glued to my reaction. But, had Will not been busy with biscuit protection detail? I was lucky my secret wasn’t leaked already, but I was breathing easier as time went on.

  And, by lunchtime, things felt so back to normal that, when Tate had me over his shoulder as usual and Derek was berating me for my lady boner over some guy in his shop class, it took me a moment to realise why Topher was staring at me across the quad with a mixture of confusion and a little bit of hurt on his face.

  “What’s up with Captain Dillweed?” Derek chortled.

  “I don’t know,” I said, shrugging.

  “Tate, put her down, man,” Ander said, totally pretending he was having a laugh and his voice wasn’t at all tight.

  Tate obliged with no questions, but I saw him look at Topher. When he looked back to me, his eyebrow rose in question and I huffed as I rolled my eyes.

  Then, Tate – stoic Tate of the brooding quiet – burst into laughter. Will might have been the one to notice things, but trust Tate to be clued into everything lust-related.

  “Dude, shut up!” I said, but couldn’t help smiling.

  “What?” Will asked.

  Tate’s eyes flew behind me, then looked at Will. “Kit’s all jealous over our little Addy. Why do you think that is, William?”

  Will made a very noncommittal noise that quite clearly said he didn’t know. But, his eyes flashed back and forth behind his glasses and I knew it wouldn’t take him long to work it out.

  “Gomez?” he turned to Derek.

  Derek looked me over. “Dude gets weird about it when anyone touches her. He’s always been like that. He’s a worse big brother than Pacman.”

  “Big brother, Ads?” Tate asked and I glared at him.

  “Is there something I’m missing?” Derek asked.

  Tate pointed at him, smiling at me. “There is. Ander, care to do the honours?”

  “No.”

  “Explain, please?” Derek said.

  Tate’s smile widened, but it was Will who said, “Addy hooked up with Kit.”

  “No?” Derek cried and I heard Ander muttering under his breath before he pulled his phone out and walked off.

  “Dude!” I yelled, shoving his arm uselessly. “Not cool.”

  “Is it true?” Derek asked.

  I rolled my eyes, threw a look after Ander and nodded.

  “And, you didn’t tell us because?”

  “Because,” I shrugged, “you didn’t need to know.”

  “We didn’t need to know? In what universe did we not need to know?”

  “Yeah, I’m with Gomez on this,” Will said.

  Tate opened his mouth and I pointed at him while I trained a heady look on the other boys. “It just happened. A few times. Then…” This was the part I was going to keep to myself. But, I was pretty sure I liked Topher, so they’d have to know eventually. “He asked me out, okay?”

  “Holy shit!” Derek practically squealed.

  “What did you say?” Will asked.

  “How did Ander feel?” Tate crossed his arms.

  “I said no–”

  “WHAT?” Derek and Will exploded.

  “Keep your pants on,” I huffed. “I talked to Ander and now Toph and I are…taking it slow.”

  There was a variety of exclamations from the three boys to varying degrees of suitable to repeat in public.

  “Wait, wait, wait!” Derek said, holding his hands up. “The alt girl is dating the dude voted most popular jerkwad?”

  “By us. He was only voted that by us,” I mumbled.

  Derek scoffed. “Irregardless–”

  “Not a word.”

  “Is now.”

  “It’s not,” I breathed as he continued, “You’re dating Kit Henderson?”

  I shrugged. “No?”

  “No?” Tate asked.

  “Not really. Look, it’s awkward. Okay? And, we’re not talking about it in front of Ander.”

  All three boys looked over to Ander who was far enough away he wasn’t going to be able to hear us.

  “He doesn’t want you dating him,” Will said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

  I grimaced. “He said he’s okay with it…”

  “But, it’s weird for him,” Tate finished.

  I nodded. “Yeah. So, if we can leave it at that, that would be awesome. No one else needs to know, okay?”

  Tate nodded, Will looked like he had more questions but was going to keep his mouth shut, and Derek just looked confused by the whole thing.

  “Addy and Kit…” he mused. “That is weird.”

  “Okay! We done?” I asked, looking at them all pleadingly.

  “Done.” Tate nodded and Will followed suit.

  Derek looked around and shrugged. “Sure. But, it is weird.”

  I sighed as I nodded. “Yeah, I get it.”

  It was weird. It was weird enough that I hadn’t wanted them to know about it. And, now they did. Oh, goody.

  “Get down, Mr President!” Tate yelled over to Ander.

  Ander obviously panicked, jumped as he looked over at us and fell over. When he realised we hadn’t been throwing ourselves at him, he flung his arms up. “Why?” he called back, as Tate jogged over.

  “Why not?” I heard him ask, then haul Ander to his feet.

  I watched as the two boys had a short conversation, then they were heading back over.

  And, we were obviously all on the same page on pretending nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Because, we spent the rest of Lunch the same way we always did and Ander slowly relaxed again.

  And, that meant I started to relax again.

  None of the boys said anything or acted any differently after they’d found out. I knew that had more to do with them not wanting to make Ander uncomfortable than it had anything to do with me; if they knew Ander would have reacted fine, they would have teased me mercilessly; feelings aside or not, it was a whole new ballgame with Topher involved. I was under no delusions who my friends were. And, I put up with them all the same.

  As I passed Topher on the way to class after Lunch, he looked at me a little more intently than I would have liked until whichever other popular jerkward he was with elbowed him to get his attention, and I was likewise distracted by Ander.

  “So, it’s still going to be warm enough, I say we all go swimming at mine.”

  “Sweet,” Derek said. “When do you want us?”

  “Babe, have we got plans?” Ander asked me and I shook my head.

  “Nope.”

  I caught Tate’s eye and I knew he wanted to make a Topher joke, but he kept his mouth thankfully shut.

  “We have Family Fun Day on Sunday,” Will grumbled and we all gave him a sympathetic look.

  His parents were divorced and both remarried, and once every holidays both families – for some God forsaken reason – got together and hung out to do ‘family fun activities’. Will dreaded them because his step-sister was a right shit, but they made his parents happy, so he went along with it.

  “Gomez? Tate?�
� I looked at them.

  “Free as a bird,” Tate replied.

  “Oh, no booty calls to deal with?” I teased and the look sparkling in those pale green eyes told me he could ask the same thing, so I promptly left it at that.

  “Yeah, I think I’m all good,” Derek mused, his eyes glazing over while he thought, so I grabbed him and pulled him out of the way of the on-coming doorframe he’d been about to walk into. “Cheers, Ads. Nah, I can’t think of anything I have on.”

  Ander nodded as we dropped into our seats. “I think Aunt Jelly’s home tomorrow, so we could do Monday? Kick off the first official day of holidays?”

  I tried to think about why Aunt Jelly’s being home meant we couldn’t have the boys around until Monday. But, I just assumed I’d forgotten some plan we’d made with her for something.

  “Monday it is,” Tate said with a nod.

  “Can you pick me up?” Will asked him.

  “Yeah. Gomez?”

  “Uh, I’ll get back to you. I might be able to nick the car.”

  “No worries.” Tate reached down between him and me to shuffle in his bag and I grinned at him as he leant on me.

  “You right there?” I asked with a laugh.

  “Tubular, dude,” he teased and I shook my head.

  As I looked up to see the teacher walking into the room, I saw Topher go past. He smiled and gave me a wink until Tate’s head appeared back over the desk and Topher’s look turned questioning. I shrugged, really not sure what he wanted me to do; he knew the drill with me and Tate, I wasn’t having him go all weird about it just because there was a thing going on.

  Chapter Sixteen

  If Monday was the first official day of the holidays, Saturday was the first unofficial day of the school holidays and Ander and I were taking full advantage of it by lounging around in the pool, floating about lazily and telling ourselves we weren’t getting sunburned, even if it was April.

  “So… I have a…date tonight…” Ander said stiltedly as he floated past on his lounger.

  I looked up from my face-down position on my ride-on unicorn, the fantastic Mr Sparkles, to find Ander looking about as awkward as he ever did as his finger subconsciously played with the pocket flap on his boardies – why did they have pockets anyway?