CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  Marthashutthemup."Can'tyougirlsstopgossipinganddo morecleaning?"

  Clairewasstillstandingtherelisteningtothem,whenBruno appearedoutoftheblue.

  "Ohthereyouare!Iwaslookingalloverforyou."He beamed. "Iwasabouttoheadoutforsomeair."Clairesaid, seeminglystartled."Caretojoin?"Shecasuallyadded.He agreed.Theywalkedthroughthegarden,Claire'smindablaze; theconversationshehadheardstilldisturbedherforsome unknownreasons.Ithadn'tleftherindifferent.

  "Doyoulikeitinhere?"Brunointerruptedherreverie. "Um--wellyeah,Ilovethisplace.Andyou?"Sherepliedas theystrolledaround,movingawayfromthehouse. "OfcourseIdo."herepliedvaguely,andClairestaredat himintently.

  "Thenwhydon'tyoudoasyourgrandfathersay?"Shehit thepointandheletoutalongbreath. Hewasn'trecklessinanswering;hetookhistime."Because itbringsbadmemories!"heturnedbacktolookatthehouse carefully."Isawmymotherdyinghere,slowly,andnoonecould doanything."

  Clairehadlearnedthattheirmotherdiedfromaliver cancer,andthetraumamusthaveaffectedhimbadly.Shetook fewstepsclosertohim;bothstaringatthehouse.Bruno'seyes werenearlywet.

  Thesilencegavethemtimetoponder. "Thataloneshouldn'tbeareasonenoughBruno,"Said Claire,pointedly.Heturnedsidewaystolookather."Despite thosebadmemories,Ibelievetheremustbesomebeautiful ones;no,actuallyI'msureofit!Haveyoutriedtoreconsider otherpeople'spainaswell?Yourgrandfather'sforexample,or Ryan's?"Shetalkedemotionallywithoutfacinghim.Shetoldhim aboutherlifewithherstepmother,howunbearableshewas, butstillshecouldn'timagineherselfstayingoutofthathouse; thehouseshegrewup.

  "Soyouwantmetochangeeverythingjustlikethat?"He queried,absentmindedly. "I'mnotaskingyoutomovebackrightaway,quitethe contrary,justtrytorecollectthebeautifulmemoriesandbury theunpleasantone."Shesmiled."Weallmoveonlikethat,none ofusforgetthingsjustbecausewewantto."

  "True."Hemuttered.

  "Right,Ibelieveit'saprocess,weshouldmaybelearnto burydarkmemoriesinthedeepestpartofourheartsandrely onhopefulones."

  Easysayingthandone,Clairewasawareofthefact. However,she'dfoundherselflecturingBrunowhilehealing herselfatthesametime.Shehuggedhimtightly,inafriendly way,andhefeltatotalconsolation.Theyendeduptalkingand laughingbythepool,totallyobliviousoftheemotionalturmoil they'dexperiencedawhileago.

  ITwassixo'clockintheevening,Clairewantedtogobackto Lisbay.ShesaidgoodbyetoMr.StevensandpromptedifRyan wasfeelingfine.

  "Heisstillinhisroom,youcangothereandseehim."Mr Stevenssaid. Clairewashesitantaboutthat,butdecidedagainstherfears; shestillhadnoideawhyitmattered.Sheknockedthedoor,and Ryanrespondedforhertogoin.Hewasfinishingbuttoninghis shirtasClaireenteredhisroomwhichwaswellarranged,clean andneat.Heonlylethisbackview;atwhichitselfwasaworkof art.Sheinhaledsoftly.

  "I'msorry,Ithoughtyouwerestillsleeping."Shesaidwitha pause."Um--howisyourheadache?"Thenaskedhim, confidently.

  "I'mgreat,ifyou'regoingtothecity,Icangiveyouaride!" hesaidwhiletakinghisbriefcase.

  "Okay!"Sherelented;anddecidedlyagreedthatitwas impossiblepredictingthatman. Theylefttogether,inaterriblesilencethatsheendedtaking anapthroughoutthejourney.Hedroppedheroutsideher houseinLisbayanddroveoffwithoutanyfurtheradieu,leaving Clairefrowningathisinexplicablepersonality.

  Bruno,onotherhand,hadsleptathisgrandfather'sthatnight andeveryonewassosurprised.Mr.Stevensfeltthatithad somethingtodowithClaire,whichmadehimlikeherevenmore. CHAPTER4

  Amonthlater;Clairehadfoundherselfajobattheconstruction company.Itwasn'tapermanentpostyet,butshelikeditasit keptherbusy,andthesalarywasenoughtocoverthebasicsfor anaverageperson.Oneeveningshereturnedhomefromwork, afterquitealongday,andheadstraighttoherroom

  exhaustedly;shethrewherselfonbedwithoutrealizingwhata messherroomwasin.Everythingwasoutofplace,asthougha searchandseizurehadtakenplace.Shegotupabruptlytograsp thesituation.Unabletounderstandhowfarherstepmother waswillingtogo,wentstraighttoherroomandknockedthe doorfuriously.Itopenedaminutelater.

  "Whogaveyoupermissiontotouchmythings?"Clairebarked. Hermotherlookedatherinadespicablewayforamoment, beforereplying,"Ijustdidwhatshouldbedoneyouingrate,I wonderwhereyouhidthosedocuments."Shewasnonchalant.

  "Sothat'sthereasonwhyhuh?"Clairesnapped."Fine,Ihave thedocumentsinmypossessionandyouwon'teverlayyour handsonthem,I'mwarningyoumother!Youdon'tknowwhat I'mcapableof."sheaddedsternly,ignoringtheangryglareon hermother'sface"Oh,anddon'tplaythoseoldtrickswiththe lawasyoudidwiththecompany,becauseifIwantto,Icantake everythingaway.Legally!"Shesaidandwalkedaway.

  "Youwon'tgetawaywiththisyoubrat!Youbetterstart packingandleave,becausethishouseismine!Everythingis mine!"Thewomanshouted,butClairepaidnoattention.

  Clairereturnedbacktoherroomandstartedorganizing things.Whileatthetask,shesuddenlyrememberedhermeeting withtheirfamilylawyerwhenhementionedabouthermother's requestforhimtofindoutifherfatherhadalifeinsurance.She justcouldn'tgetwhywasthewomansogreedytobeginwith. Mr.Levyhadaterminsurancepolicy,inwhichhe'ddepositedall themoneyonClaire'saccountwaybeforedying;notevenClaire herselfknewaboutit.

  AfterfinishingeverythingshedecidedtogiveBrunoacall; theytalkedforawhileandhetoldherthathewouldbein Lisbaytomorrow.

  "Okayhandsome,I'llseeyoutomorrowthen?"Shesaid laughingly,upononeofBruno'sjokes.

  "Rightontimebeautiful!"Brunoanswered. Attheendofthecall,shemadeadecisiontogooutforsome air;sheconstantlywouldfeelstuffedinsidethehouse,andafter alittlewalk,she'dalwaysfeelbetter.ShemetJorgeonherway, whoseemeddejectedasthetaxithathadbroughthimwasjust leaving.

  "HiJorge?Everythingokay?"askedClaire.

  "Yeah--justtiredandmycarhadsomeissues."Heprompted calmlyashispersonalitystronglysuggested."Whereto?" "Around!IneedabreatherIguess."sheansweredshortly. Shedidn'twanthimtofindoutaboutwhathismotherdid.She knewthatJorgehadnothingtodowithwhateverthatmadofa womanployed.

  "Well,I'mgonnagetsomerest."henoddedandwentinside. Sullenly,Clairewalkedaroundtheneighborhood;peoplewere stillpassingbyontheirwayhomefromwork.Shestoppedby theparkandtookaseatatthewoodenbench;hermindwas extremelyoverwhelmedwiththoughts.Shewasthinkingonhow herlifewasgoingtobefromthatpoint.Leaninglazilyagainst thewood,whilefacingupthesky,shetookpleasureon watchingthewonderofbrightstarsthatnourishedthenight.A sigh,coupledwithafaintsmileescapedherlips,whenasound ofherphonebuzzingbroughtherbacktoreality.Shefetchedit outandlookedatthescreen;shewaspuzzledtoseethename RYANTHEJERK.Shestaredatthescreenforafewsecondsand swipedrightward.

  "Hello?"sheansweredcautiously.

  "Hello?howareyou?"Ryanreplied.

  Clairewasalittlewary."I'mgood,iseverythingallright?I mean,thisisalltoostrangetome."shesaid.

  "Why?Can'tIcallyou?"Herespondedafterabriefpause. "Um--noit'snotthat,"Shetookasigh."okay,nevermind! Whereareyou?"

  "Stillintheoffice,yousuddenlycametomymind,soIgave youacall." "Really?I'mhonoured!GettingacallfromthebigshotMr. RyanStevens?Ishouldprobablyputareminder."Sheteased himandtheyalllaughed.

  "Areyouathome?"Ryanasked.

  "Atthepark,inourneighborhood,tryingtoclearupmy head."

  "Okay,wouldyoumindhavingdinnerwithme?"Heaskedher, afterpausingforawhile.

  HissuddeninviteleftClairerathersurprised.Itwasalmost impossibletoknowwhattoexpectfromRyan.

  "Um--I'mnotproperlydressedandIdon'twanttogohome rightnow."sheanswered,disappointedly.

  "Whatisproperlydressed?Areyounakedbyanychance?"He joked. "Hellno!"Shesnapped,andcouldhearhisreallaugh."Okay fine,don'tsayIdidn'twarnyouwhenyoufindouttomorrowin thefrontpageofanewspaperthatTheSKCEOwasseenwitha shabbygirlacrossthestreet."Clairesaid.

  "Nothatcan'thappen,I'mnotacelebrity!"

  "Alright,prepareataxifarebecauseI'mpennilessrightnow!" "Anymoreexcuses?"Hequeried.

  "None?"Shefrowned,thensmiled.

  Sherushedtotheroadforataxi.Ittooksomeminutesto

  reachRyan'sofficebuilding,andwhenshegotoff,shewaited forhisarrivalwhichtookonlyaminute.Shesmiledathimas sherememberedtheirconversationearlier.

  Awhilelater,uponherarrivalatSK;Ryanwalkedovertothe driver,andhandedhimasinglebillforthefare."Keepthe change."

  "Thankyousir!"Thedriversmiledinawe,headingbacktohis taxi.

  Claireteasedhim."Thatwassogenerousboss."

  "Youmustbeinagoodmoodtoday,andIthinkyoulook okay!"Hesmiled,ignoringthesarcasm.

  "Ofcourse,onlyifyouwantpeopletothinkwe'reheadi
ngfor abusinessdinner."Shewasreferringtoherofficeattire. ThistimeRyanlaughedheartily,andthesightfluttered Claire'sheart."Let'sgo,mycarisoverthere!"Heurged. THEYwenttothenearestrestaurantthatseemedtooprivate.It hadeccentricambienceandalmostlikeahideout.Theytooka table-for-twowitharomanticcandlelight.Clairedarednot makingacommentonthat.Besides,Ryanhadbeentaking severalbusinesscallswhilebehindthewheelandyetanother onecamewhiletheytookthemenu;butheignoredit.

  "Iwonderhowburdensomeitistobethecentreofattention likeinyourposition."Clairesaidcasually.Helookedather, amused.

  "Hardattimes,"heansweredwithapause."carrying

  responsibilitiesoverathousandemployeesonyourshoulders, fulfillingclient'sdemands,tightdeadlinesandall;it'snotquite simple,butsinceIbelieveintheirhardworkandtrust,it'snot toomuchofaburden.Ican'tcomplain."headdedwithhis smileyface.Itwasobviousthathelovedwhathewasdoing.

  "Icanonlyimagine!"Sheremarked."I'llhavesaladsplease." Shetoldthemaîtred'onceaskedaboutthemenu. "Asteakforme,mediumrare."Ryansaid.Onceinprivacy,he turnedtoClaire."Andyou?How'swork?Youtoldmeyougota job?"

  "It'sgreat!"Sheprompted."I'mlearning,althoughI'mstillnot doingwhatIwant?"

  "Interiordesigning?" "Yes,Iwantsomefieldworks."Shelamented."Notsittingin theofficemakingteaandhandlingcopies!"Shecomplained."I mean,I'maninteriordesigner,notasecretary."

  Ryanwaslookingintentlyather,takinginallthecomplaints shehadwithoutfeelingbored.Hewasinfactenjoyinglistening toher.

  "That'showthelargecompanieswork;unless,youcantry smallfirmswithlittlebureaucracy."Hefinallysaid. "Iknow,butIneedtolearnsomethingsfirstIguess."She madeaface."AndIdon'thaveacontractinglicenceyet,but whenIgetit,Iwon'tstandmakingcoffeeforthem."

  Ryansmiledathowdeterminedshesounded,andthey continuedtalkingaboutthisandthatforalongtime;mainly aboutwork.

  "Youcanstartyourowncompanylaterononceyou'veproven tobethebestatyourwork."Hetoldherwhilesippingawarm coffeeafterameal.

  "Youthink?CanIreallydoit?"

  "Thatdependsonyou,andwhatyoucanoffer."Hesmiled, andthetalkkeptflowingflawlessly. Theylefttherestaurant,aboutandhourorsolater,aftera lovelydinnerwithniceconversation.Ryangaveheraridehome. Thesummernightwassoothingtotheeyesandespeciallythe shiningcity.Itwasaroundnine-thirtywhentheyhittheroad.

  "Whydon'tyouhaveadriverorthosemachoguysstalking yourbacklikeatale?Likeotherbigbossesinthemovies."She suddenlyasked,andhelaughedhard.

  "Maybeyoushouldstopwatchingthosemoviesfillingyour headwithfantasies."hesaid."IlovemyprivacyandIonlytrust mydrivingskills,soIdon'tneedadrivernorabodyguard."

  "Suuuure!"Claireshothimastop-bragginglook,andalmost rolledhereyes. Butthenagain,sherealizedJorgewasalsothesame;he'd relocatedtheirfather'sdriverassoonashetookthepresidency. Hewasn'tafanofVIPlifeandalltheflash.Althoughshehadan impressionthatwasn'tthecaseforRyan;hewasevidently someone.wholikedpowerandexercisingauthority.

  "Doyoulivewithyourfamily?"Ryanasked,afteralong silence.

  "Um--kindof,mystepmomandhisson."sheanswered, afterhesitatingforamoment.

  "Yourparents?"Hequeried. "Inheavenmaybe,iftheylivedwellenoughduringtheirtime onEarth."Shesmiled,andlookedaway.Ryandidn'twanttoask moreasmuchasClaireseemedlikeshedidn'twanttosaymore. Sheonlyadded,"Thanksfortoday;Ihadagreattime,andthe dinnerwasawesome."

  "I'mglad,IthoughtIwasatotalboring."Heanswered. "Oh,soyouaremodesttoo?"

  Helaughed."Maybe."Hereplied,andtheysharedasoothing smile. TheyeventuallyreachedClaire'shouse,whereshebidhimgood nightandgotoffthecar.Ryanwatchedheruntilsheopenedthe gatetoherhouse.It'swhenhestartedhiscar,readytomakea reverse.However,hesuddenlyspottedhergettingout,and joggingbacktowardshiscar;hehadtopullover,before scrollingthewindow,alittlefrownonhisface.Shewenttothe driversideandstoodtherewithoutaword,andalittleoutof breath.

  Heopenedthedoorwithconcerns,andgotoffthecar. "Claire?"Hevoicedout."What--"Hewasabouttoaskherifshe hadforgottenanything,butsherushedclosertohim,andkissed himonthelips;takinghimcompletelyoff-guard,forasecond.

  Shedidn'twanttoenditthere;withameretouchofthelips only,butRyanwasstiff,asifunmoved.Thatforcedherto immediatelypullback,feelingawfullyembarrassed.However, shegatheredthecourage,andlookedhimintheeyes.

  "I...IwantedtodothiseversinceIheardyourvoice earlier.I'msorry!"sheutteredinasoftsighingvoice,withhalfremorse,andturnedtowalkaway.

  Ryan,similarlyinmanners,grabbedherwaistswiftly,and trappedherbehindthedoor.Hisgazeflewdownonherin flames,andshewascompletelystunnedwithoutknowingwhat toexpect.

  "Nexttime,"hesaidhaltingly,withhiseyestwinklingdown mockingly."don'tstealakisslikethat,"hepressedherharder againsthischest."especiallytoanotherguy."headded haughtily.

  Hiswordswerealmostthreatening,andthenexciting,in hypnoticmanner.Hequicklyinvadedherlips,inawayshe'd neverbeensweetlyassaultedbefore.Itwasn'ttheonetocall passionate,butthekindofkisstoelectrifyallfivesensesofa body,ashecrashedhertongueandmouldedwithhiswithout lettinghersliphisside.AndClaire,instinctivelyclaimedhisneck tosteadyherself,whilehavingafillofsuchararetreat.They hadahotlongkissever,whichlefthercheeksonfireandher breathtakenaway;shehadn'tkissedanyoneinfouryears,and hewasindeedaterrifickisser.

  CHAPTER5

  ThenextmorningClairemetBrunodowntownaspromised. Theyhadlunchtogether,afteraccompanyinghimtobuysome silverwareforhisrestaurant.Hetoldherthathehaddecidedto sleepoverhishousesometimes,anditwasn'tsobadashe thought.

  "See!You'reabigguynow!"Shejoked,andhelaughed. "Yeah,thankstoyou."Hesaid. Clairecouldn'tbringherselftotellhimabouthermeeting withhisbrothertheothernight;shedecidedtokeepittoherself. SinceherlastbreakupwithDenis,duringhighschool,shehad nothingtodowithmenandithadbeencomfortablethatway. BothsheandBrunosatatacoffeeshop,whenhetookapicture ofherwithoutherknowledge;shewassolostintospace.Bruno keptontakingpicturesuntilsherealizedit.

  "Stopit!"Shesnappedwhilehidingherfacewithherpalms. Brunolaughedandputdownhiscamera."Alright!Youare photogenicthough,didyouknowthat?"heaskedherwhile takingasipofhiscaramelmilk,smilingly.

  "Really?Whydon'twestartourmodelingagencythen?"Claire teased."I'vewantedtoaskyouthis,areyouaprophotographer orisitjustahobby?"

  "I'maprofessional,wannaseemyportfolio?"Herepliedwith pride.

  "Sure,I'dlovetoseethat."shegrinned,amused. "Okay,nexttimemaybe."hesmiledboyishly.Heaskedherto accompanyhimtoRyan'soffice,somethingthathadheralittle thrownoff.

  "Ohno,Ican't."Clairerefused,thinkingofthekissandthe embarrassmentuponseeinghimagain.

  "Ohpleasebeautiful!"Brunoinsisted,andlookingathisface, itwasimpossibletodeclinefurther. "Alright."Sherelented,andheimmediatelycalledRyantolet himknowabouthisvisitbeforehand.Theywentstraightahead toSK,fromthere.

  Sometimelatertheyarrivedbythelobby,andwaitedforthe brotherashe'dinstructed.Afterawhile,RyanandDoriswere walkingoutoftheelevatornonchalantly,andBrunowavedat himalittledramatically;despitethesituation,Clairesmiledat thesight.Doriswaslookingfancierthanbefore;herbeautiful tallbodymovedgracefully.Shewaswearingablackofficedress withapalepinkcoatandcreamheels.Aroundhergiraffeneck therewasacreampearlnecklacethatmatchedperfectlywith hershoes.AsforRyan,hewasinablackformalsuitwhich definedhispositionflawlessly.Theywere,withoutadoubt,a perfectmatchineveryone'seyes;wellexceptClaire'swho seemedlikeshewasonvergeofbursting.Foramomentshe foundherselfsopatheticforwhatshehaddonetheothernight.

  "Claire?"Ryanregardedherinsuchstyle."Wheredidyouget her?"HeaskedBruno,abitsurprisedtoseethemtogether. "Shewasmydatetoday."Brunoansweredenthusiastically, placingahandonClaire'sface.Itdidn'tseemtobotherher,she wastooengrossedonherownbattle.

  Doris'seyeswincedatthementionofthenameClaire,as thoughshewastyingtorecollectamemory."Claire...Claire... oh...it'sthatgirlright?"ShefacedRyan."Theoneyousaved thatnight?"Addedshe.

  Clairewasjustsilent,forcingasmileuntilshefinallyuttered, "Hi?"toDoris. "HiClaire?IheardalotaboutyoufromRyan."Dorisreplied. "I'mDoris,theonlygirlfriendRyanhas.Oh,andonlybigsister Brunohas!"shesaidwhilecrossingherhandwithRyan's.The twomenbothrolledtheireyes,butinanamusedmanner.

  "Oh--Isee."Claireansweredbriefly,feelingapiercingonher chest.

  Quitecasually,Ryanasked."Haveyouhadlunch?wewereon ourwayout,maybeyoucanjoinus?"

  Brunoanswered,"Wejusthadabiteearlier,butmaybeareal mealwilldo.RightClaire?" Clairewasskeptical."I'msorrybutI'mafraidIha
vetogo," Shereturned."Iforgotsomethingimportant."Sheadded,and apologeticallystaredatBruno."We'llkeepintouch."shesaid pointedly,andturnedaroundquickly,asifshe'dencountereda ghost.

  Brunofollowedhertotryconvincingintostay,butfailed.She wasunusuallyperplexed,andsimplyruntowardsthetaxi, leavinghimtotallyinshock.

  "Justcallmethen,okay?"Hescreamedbutitwastoolate.She wasgone,andhejustwatchedthedoorshutting.

  Onceseatedattheback,Claireletoutahystericalsmirk.She wastotallypissedoff;especiallyfromDoris'sremark. "What?Ryantoldmealotaboutyou?AmIsomekindofa showtobediscussedafteranepisode?"Shemutteredfuriously whichmadethedrivertolookbackather."Justdoyourjob mister,stoplookingatme!"Shesnappedathim;Theencounter hadtotallyruinedherday.

  Shearrivedhomeandwentstraighttoherroomlikealways. WhatfollowedwastophoneGenastraightaway,andtoldher abouttheKissbeforethehorrorafter.

  "Girl,aftersomeyearsofpayingsaintyouhavefinally unleashedyourfeminineinstincts?Butwhydoyousoundso mad?"Genaasked.

  "Imetthatbastardtodayandhewaslikeadifferentperson, youmightaswellsayhehassplitpersonality,andguesswho wasaccompanyinghim?Theprettybitchstickingalloverhim! YeahIknowsheishisgirlfriendbutIjust--"shegrittedher teeth."Ijustfeltlikesmashingherface!"Clairesaid,asifshe wasrecitinganangrypoemwithoutpausing.

  Genalaughedloudlylikecrazy."Takeiteasygirlfriend,ifyou canthaveit,justforgetit!"Shetoldher."Justchangetheprey; switchtotheotherone,Bruno!Ithinkheisanicecatchhimself, it'snotlikeRyanistheonlyflowerinthefield."Genarapped, herinanaughtyway.

  "OhpleaseGena!wearenottalkingaboutsomestupid hangupsthatyoudumpeveryday.No!I'mnotlettingitslidethat easily,I'llmakehimpay."Shewhined."Idon'tcareifsheishis girlfriend,aslongastheyarenotmarriedheisstillaneligible bachelorwhoisridiculouslyhandsomeandabastard!"Claire saidslyly.

  "Gosh!Idon'tbelievethis."Genalaughed."Isthatreallyyou Claire?Youareofficiallyahomewreckeryouknow?"She screamedgirlishly."I'mcomingbacksoontoseeformyself; maybeIcanbelievealittle."

  CHAPTER6

  AstrangerainamidtheSummer,accompaniedbysmall lightningwaspouringonthatFridaynight;itwassuchacold lonelynightforthoseinsolitude,likeClaireLevyherself.Itwas eleveno'clock,andshewasstillrollingundertheblanket, unabletosleep.Decidedly,shewalkedoutofbedandopened thewindowcurtains,towitnessthesightthat'sprobablyabit scarytoothers;butnottoher.Ifitweren'tforthatincidenta monthago,she'dprobablysaidthatshelovedrain.