Unconditional

by Tyler, Q. B.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I am certainly not kidding.” I blink my eyes a few times at her and she puts her hands on her hips. “I don’t want you two shacking up on my couch or sneaking off somewhere to fool around.”

  I wince and groan. “Seriously?”

  “Very much. I’m going to treat Maddie how I treated you and your brother growing up.” She heads back into the kitchen leaving me feeling like I’m seventeen again. I roll my eyes and make my way into the living room.

  Later that afternoon, I’m sitting on the couch next to Grant—who I’m fairly certain is still clueless, watching the pre-show for the Christmas game when I hear the front door open. Aria’s voice floats through the air and I’m immediately on edge when I hear my brother’s a beat behind her.

  Fuck fuck fuck.

  I’M UP BEFORE I CAN stop myself and make my way into the kitchen where I find my brother, sister in law, my mother, and Maddie and all of their emotions encased in the small space.

  Henry’s eyes meet mine first and they’re still filled with rage and anger when my mother speaks first. “There will be none of that today, leave that at the door, boys, I mean it.” Aria’s eyes flick to Henry’s and then mine and I can see how clueless she is as to why we are on the outs.

  “Seriously, it took all the bribery to get him here. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s Christmas, can everyone just chill?” Aria pulls her coat off and sets it on the back of a chair as she slides off her boots.

  Henry pushes past me, banging his shoulder against mine but I let it go, not wanting to add fuel to the fire and exacerbate his anger. Maddie’s eyes find mine and she looks away quickly, remembering that Aria is in the room, but in just that split second, I felt everything she was trying to say.

  I’m sorry. I wish this were easier.

  I want to take her in my arms and tell her that she has nothing to apologize for, but Aria starts to drag Maddie out of the room much to my reluctance. The last time Aria was alone with Maddie it didn’t end well, and I almost want to follow them to make sure that things don’t get out of hand.

  I stare after them long after they’re gone when I feel a warm hand on my arm. “Let her go, Son. She’ll be okay.”

  I let out a breath and rub a hand through my hair. “This is going to be a disaster. Henry is at his boiling point and Aria can sense something’s off.”

  “Would it be the worst thing for Aria to find out at this point?”

  “She wouldn’t understand, Mom. I’m actually pretty shocked you took it as well as you did. I know how this looks to an outsider…”

  “I’m not an outsider, Cal. I’m in there with you. Aria isn’t an outsider either.” She points at me as she goes back to seasoning her stuffing.

  Everyone needs a home team. I can hear Aria’s words as clear as day. I trudge into the living room to see Henry and Grant staring at the television, neither of them speaking. Maddie and Aria are nowhere to be found, thankfully, but I wonder what they’re talking about.

  Maddie can handle Aria, relax.

  I sit next to Grant on the couch and he looks at me in question, wondering why Henry didn’t acknowledge my presence.

  “Well, you two are certainly festive.” Grant raises an eyebrow at us and Henry’s eyes snap to his.

  “Now is really not the time,” he barks.

  I look at Grant and shake my head, trying to tell him that it really isn’t. “Listen, you two, it’s Christmas, it is the time. You know that your mother lives for this holiday. She doesn’t want to see you two like this, so whatever it is, squash it till tomorrow. Actually, not tomorrow, because that’s Maddie’s birthday.”

  Henry snorts and takes a sip of the whiskey I just realized is sitting next to him. “Yeah, can’t have that.”

  “Watch your fucking self, Henry,” I growl, a warning to leave her the fuck out of it.

  He narrows his eyes at me before turning to Grant. “He must not know.”

  Dread floods me and my chest tightens as my palms start to sweat. I’m not sure why my mother hasn’t told Grant yet, but I know she would handle it, and to be honest, the fewer people I have to tell, the better. “Henry, it’s not your business.”

  “Not my business? This shit affects everyone in our family, little bro.”

  “Can you not do this now? On Christmas? Here?”

  He huffs and looks towards the television. “I’m only here for Mom, I don’t give a shit about anyone else.”

  Probably includes your wife. I think, but I decide that’s probably the quickest way to start a full-fledged fight.

  “Well, that’s not a good attitude to have.” Grant starts. “Just keep your shit together, Henry. It’s the one day of the year where you should appreciate your family and the past year you’ve had with them.”

  He shoots me a look as if to say, I’m still pissed at you, but Grant is still a douche. Aria and Maddie come back into the room, and no one is crying, so I take that as a good sign as Maddie sits on the floor and Aria sits on the arm of Henry’s chair.

  “What’s going on? Why is everyone so quiet?” Aria asks. No one says anything and she pouts before looking at me curiously. “Is this all about what we talked about? We’re fine, right, Mads?”

  She nods but doesn’t meet my gaze. “Yes.”

  “Wait, what?” Henry looks at his wife then Maddie and then me.

  The thing about siblings is the unspoken conversations you can have. The ability to know where their mind is going before they get there. “Henry, can I talk to you for a second?” I ask, hearing his mind begin to race.

  “You knew?” He stares up at Aria before his eyes flash to Maddie and then mine.

  “Henry, knock it off,” Grant growls, and in that moment, I know he knows. I guess he’s the only one who can keep shit to himself.

  “Knew what?” Aria looks at my brother. “What is going on?”

  “That Cal and Maddie are…” His words get caught in his throat but it’s enough for Aria to put it together as she jumps off the chair and stares at me.

  “I KNEW IT!” It all happens so fast, and although I’m prepared because I’m always on guard, I don’t expect Aria to lunge for me.

  I definitely don’t expect to see her being yanked back, hard. “I wouldn’t.” My mother’s voice is so quiet as she has a death grip around her arm.

  “Margie, let me go. Your son is…is…IT’S MADDIE.” Her eyes, filled to the brim with tears, destroy me. The devastation behind them shows me she has nothing but Maddie’s best interest…but also that she’ll never understand.

  How could you? her eyes demand.

  “And if you have something you’d like to say, you can say it like an adult, but no one is attacking anyone. If you need a second to cool off, then go upstairs.” My mother scolds as she points towards her staircase.

  Aria spins in a circle and her eyes land on Maddie. “You lied to me…to me.”

  The tears are already in Maddie’s eyes, but they haven’t started to fall. She stands up and shakes her head. “Look at you. Of course, I lied to you. You don’t understand! That much is obvious.”

  “Oh my God.” She puts her hand over her mouth. “He’s already got you so brainwashed.” She turns towards me. “How could you fucking do this to her?”

  “He’s not doing anything to me!” Maddie interjects and I can already tell she’s ready to snap. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

  She ignores Maddie and keeps her eyes trained on me. “She’s not even eighteen! It’s fucking rape, and you’re a COP,” she stresses. “You know better.” She holds her stomach. “I’m going to be sick. You…you took advantage of a girl that trusted you! She was SEVEN when you met her!”

  “He didn’t take advantage of me, Aria…I love him,” Maddie whispers and her eyes flick to mine just for a second. But in that second, I can read every thought that crosses her mind. You didn’t take advantage of me. I’ve always loved you. “I’ve loved him for a w
hile. Long before anything happened.”

  “You think you love him…but God, Maddie, you’re so young. You don’t know what love is.”

  I do. My mind practically screams.

  “And you do?” She narrows her eyes at Aria, and I can already see this is not going to end well.

  “Mads…” I start, not wanting to see things escalate even further.

  She ignores me and continues. “You know what love really looks like, Aria? You’re such an expert, right?” The implication is clear and everyone falls silent waiting for Henry or Aria to defend their love as fiercely as Maddie and I plan to.

  No one speaks.

  Aria’s chest heaves up and down, seconds from breaking down when she turns to Henry. “And you knew…? You all knew and you’re just okay with this?”

  “I just found out…believe me, I am not okay with it,” Henry growls. “I still think she shouldn’t be living with him.” Despite the fact that I already have a plan in place for her to live with Margie, I want him to know it is not his decision.

  “She needs to be staying with us,” Aria interjects.

  “That’s not your call to make,” I growl. The idea of Maddie going to stay with two people that would undoubtedly make her feel wrong for having the feelings she does is not going to happen.

  “So, you think it’s right for her to stay with you…? While you’re…” Henry shakes his head and Aria interrupts.

  “She can’t stay with you. This is disgusting and I am so…sick over this, honestly.” At this point, Aria is shaking, her fists flexing and unflexing and her entire body is stiff and rigid. “If you were anyone else, I’d be bringing you in for questioning.” She puts a hand over her eyes. “I still might.”

  “Aria, stop!” Maddie snaps. “Just stop! I am not that broken little kid anymore. I know that’s how you still see me, but I’m not. And in six more hours, I’ll be an adult, capable of making my own decisions. Decisions that you can either support or—”

  “Support?” she exclaims. “I can’t support this, Maddie. It’s wrong. And one day when you’re far away from here and…him, you’ll see my point. One day you’re going to look back on this with so much regret. I know you love Cal, but you can’t have him this way, Maddie. It’s wrong.”

  “It’s not wrong, stop saying that! What’s wrong is staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love. That’s wrong,” Maddie snaps and I know she’s agitated. I can feel the waves of tension flowing off of her and it’s only a matter of time before she says something she regrets.

  “Okay, everyone just take a breath,” Grant speaks up. “Before someone says something they can’t take back.” He shoots Maddie a look and the pink colors her cheeks over being scolded.

  “And it’s Christmas,” my mother adds. “I already told you to check this foolishness at the door.”

  “This isn’t foolishness, Margie, I can’t believe you’re downplaying it.”

  “And how are you even okay with this?” Henry asks as he turns to our mother.

  “I’m always okay with love, Son.”

  “This isn’t love this is—” Henry starts.

  “Careful.” Grant shoots him a glare.

  “I don’t think anyone asked for your opinion,” he growls as he throws his hand up towards him. “This is a family matter.”

  I put a hand over my eyes, preparing for this to blow up even more.

  “And he’s my family,” my mother argues. “And I’m yours. So that makes him yours too, and we are the only family you’ve got, Henry. Now you stop this right now. I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

  He snorts. “You barely raised me at all. Maybe you raised Cal, but you didn’t raise me. By the time you decided to be our mom again, I was already pretty self-sufficient.” I narrow my eyes as I try to remember that time in between my dad leaving and my mother meeting Grant. The time is blurry since I was only six and Henry was ten, but clearly Henry had a much different experience. “But hey, we know at least one thing I got from you,” he raises his glass of whiskey to her before taking a long sip.

  Blood boils in my veins and I flex my hand so I don’t send my fist flying at his face. “Henry, enough. What is wrong with you?” I bark at him. “You’re pissed at me, but don’t take it out on Mom.”

  “And you need to watch your mouth, or you can see yourself out.” Grant isn’t usually confrontational, even when Henry is being a dick, but right now my mother is wringing her hands on her dishcloth, tears pouring from her face, and I know Grant has zero tolerance for that.

  Henry snorts. “Fine. I’m out. Aria are you coming?”

  Aria looks at me and then at Maddie and shakes her head. “I raised you too, Maddie, and for you to think I don’t have your best interest at heart…”

  “I didn’t say you didn’t,” Maddie whispers. “I know you do.”

  “Then why can’t you understand that I know what I’m talking about? That this is going to hurt you in the long run. It has already changed you so much.”

  “Because…” Her bottom lip quivers and I feel the tightness in my chest, just as I always feel when I see Maddie cry. I want to pull her into my arms and absorb all the pain she’s feeling.

  Fuck. I need her. I want her to rub her tiny body against me until it hums with need and want and desire. And then when she’s on the edge waiting to jump, I’ll fuck her so deep, wringing every ounce of pleasure from her until she forgets about this argument. Forgets about our judgmental family who we’ll probably lose in the light of our relationship.

  But we’ll be okay.

  I want to show her with my mouth and my hands and my dick that I’m all she needs. That I can be everything for her. Always.

  That my love for her is unconditional.

  “Because,” she continues, “you don’t feel what I feel. If you did, you’d understand. Instead, you’re looking at me with judgment and disgust. You think it’s wrong because you don’t understand it. You’re looking at me like…you don’t love me anymore, and that’s never been the deal. Not with us. I’m still me, Aria.”

  “Ma…ddie.” Aria chokes out and takes a step towards her just as Maddie takes a step back, shaking her head as if she doesn’t want her to touch her. The pain is written all over Aria’s face, watching her choose me and us over her.

  “You said hurtful things. To me and to…” she bites her bottom lip and looks at me, “the man that’s always loved me and put me first. Cal would never hurt me. You can’t be so angry you can’t see that. That you can’t see that learning to navigate this relationship is difficult enough for both of us without you being on our side.”

  “Because it’s unnatural!” Henry jumps in and Aria puts her hand up to silence him.

  “Maddie…” Aria starts when Maddie puts both hands up in surrender.

  “I’m not having this conversation with you anymore. I get that you don’t support it, or maybe you will one day. Maybe all you need is time. That’s also fine. But in the meantime, I want space.”

  “What?” Aria’s eyes find mine before shifting back to Maddie.

  “If you can’t respect my choices as an adult, if you can’t respect my relationship with the man I love, then…” She shrugs and I can see the pure sadness over potentially losing Aria, but I know it’s easier than the tradeoff.

  Losing us.

  A part of me breaks for her. Breaks for the girl that loves Aria so much, the woman that has been her mother and friend and sister all rolled into one, and it will hurt her beyond measure to not have her in her life.

  But Aria is right, not having me would destroy her. Hell, it would destroy me too.

  “I think everyone just needs to take some time to cool off.” I look at Maddie who looks like she’s seconds from losing it, and I finally do what I should have done the second Aria flew off the handle. I cross the room and pull Maddie into my arms completely ignoring everyone else in the room. I needed a second of peace amongst the chaos.

  “You ok
ay?” And it’s as if those two words coupled with my arms around her causes her to lose it because she wraps her arms around my neck and pushes her face into my chest.

  “I want to go. Please.” Her voice is so quiet, I’m sure I’m the only one that heard her.

  I rub her back and press my lips to the top of her head ignoring the prying eyes of my entire immediate family. “You don’t want to stay?” I cup her face and she shakes her head, as black streaks fall down her cheeks.

  “I just want to be with you,” she whispers. “I can’t…do this.”

  “Go upstairs, I need to set a few things straight here.” She nods and when I squeeze her hand, she looks up at me. “All the way upstairs. No eavesdropping.” I don’t kiss her because I’m not ready to share that part of us with my family, and I’m grateful that she doesn’t push for it.

  I turn my eyes back to them, and particularly Aria and Henry when I hear Maddie moving up the stairs. “You’re either with us or you’re not, but I’m not doing this shit with you every time we’re in the same room. So, either you check your issues at the door or…don’t come around.”

  “Fine with me, I don’t want to be witness to your perversions.” Henry walks by me and I shake my head.

  “This holier than thou bullshit is actually getting old, Henry. Maddie isn’t my daughter and she’ll be eighteen tomorrow. Stop turning this into something it’s not. Stop making this into an ugly thing. You should know by now that I would never put Maddie in harm’s way intentionally. But I do love her and I’m not giving her up just because you two can’t be adults. You need to grow the fuck up.” I don’t wait for them to respond before I’m out of the room and up the stairs to find my girl.

  IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE Christmas, and more importantly, a week since I’ve seen or spoken to Aria or Henry. I was half expecting Aria to have reached out by now to talk, but it’s been radio silence. With each day that passes, I feel even more guilty for not trying to mend the rift between us. She couldn’t ignore me forever, right? The only communication has been a text on my birthday telling me she loves me.