Loss Recovery (Alaskan Security: Team Rogue Book 1)

by Jemma Westbrook

  Wade rested both hands on the arms of her chair and leaned down until they were eye-level for the second time today. “I don’t care.” His gaze barely skimmed down her body. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself and I’m not having it.”

  “You’re not having it?” She reached out and poked one finger right in the center of his chest. A chest she’d seen up close and personal.

  Naked.

  She poked it again, the memory of the tiny sprinkling of dark hair hiding beneath her finger sidetracking her brain.

  “Something wrong, Sweetheart?”

  Her eyes jumped up to his, only to find Wade’s smile was back and bigger than ever. “No.”

  Bess pushed him out of the way as she jumped up from her seat, hauling Parker along as she went. Before she could get anywhere, Wade snagged her and spun her around, catching her and Parker gently against his chest. “Don’t pretend what we had isn’t still there.” He reached up to smooth the spot between her eyebrows with the pad of his thumb. Wade’s fingers grazed the side of her face, trailing down her cheek until his warm palm cupped the line of her jaw. “Because you know damn well it is.”

  There was a light rap on the office door a second before it clicked open. “What’d you find—”

  “Get out.” Wade didn’t turn toward Brock as he ordered him from the room.

  “Sorry.”

  Bess barely heard the mumbled apology because Wade was creeping closer, a familiar intensity burning in his eyes. “You didn’t have to yell at him.”

  “I’ll apologize later if you want me to.”

  She eyed him. “You would do it if I told you to?”

  “Still the same as it was two years ago, Sweetheart. I’m in control, but you’re in charge.”

  The night they met had been one of the best, most unique encounters of her life. Not just because it was the only one-night stand she’d ever had.

  From the first word, Wade proved to be very different from most men she knew. Most people she knew.

  And he seemed to feel the same about her.

  Bess straightened under his heated gaze. “It’s not still the same as two years ago, though. I’m different now.”

  The past two years had been the most difficult she’d ever experienced, not that it was a challenge to earn that spot. She’d lived a charmed life, growing up in an affluent, but hard-working family. She went to college and had a job waiting for her in the family business when it was over. Everything was fine until that night.

  Then she realized how not fine it actually was, and it all started with this man.

  “I hated you for leaving me.”

  “So did I.” Wade paused. “I had to talk myself out of finding you every goddamn day.”

  “Why?”

  “Why did I talk myself out of it, or why did I want to come find you?”

  “Both.”

  “This.” One finger moved between them. “What we have is different. I knew it after one night.”

  Her breath barely caught. “Why didn’t you come for me then?”

  His laugh was low and bitter. “Because I thought I would put you in danger.”

  “I did a pretty good job of that all by myself.”

  The sourness in his chuckle lifted, leaving behind only a genuine laugh. “You sure did.” Wade pulled her closer. “I’m impressed.”

  “You should be.” Bess smiled, unable to carry the weight of her current situation while he was grinning down at her. “I’m not sure you could have done a better job.”

  “I might have to agree with you.” Wade ran his thumb over her lower lip. “I guess that means I wasted a hell of a lot of time then.”

  Bess willed herself not to lick the lip he was stroking with maddening softness. When Wade leaned closer her breath caught in her lungs.

  “I think I’m done wasting time, Sweetheart.”

  “Oh?” It was all she could manage to squeak out as Wade’s lips hovered over hers.

  “Parker is mine.” His midnight eyes moved over her face. “And so are you.”

  And then his lips were there, warm and soft. Firm but careful.

  She’d kissed him before and remembered the act in embarrassingly graphic detail.

  Or so she thought.

  This was not at all what she remembered. One of Wade’s hands tangled in her hair, holding her close as he brushed the sweetest kiss over her mouth.

  While Parker held the pointer finger of his free hand in one little fist.

  Wade only kissed her for what felt like the blink of an eye before resting his forehead against hers. “Are you hungry yet?”

  Bess swallowed, waiting for the nausea that plagued her to rear its ugly head. It didn’t.

  Instead her temperamental belly growled loud enough Wade’s eyes dropped and the corner of the mouth that was just on hers lifted.

  She smiled. “I think I am.”

  ****

  BESS STARTED WITH the cake.

  After two big pieces she switched to the veggie tray. Now Bess was on to the lasagna and finally slowing down.

  Parker was enjoying his dinner almost as much as his momma and had tomato sauce everywhere. It was in his hair, covering his face, behind his ears.

  Probably in his ears.

  Wade wiped down the tray of the high-chair as Parker started to yawn. “I know you’re tired, Buddy, but you’ve gotta have a good wash down before bed.” As Wade pulled him from the chair bits of pasta and cheese fell to the floor around him. Bess started to crouch down, napkin in hand, but Brock cut her off, beating her to it with a rag from the sink.

  “I got it.” He cleaned up the mess before going to rinse the dish rag out. He eyed Wade over one shoulder. “I heard a storm’s on its way through.”

  “Yeah?” Wade was working down the zipper of Parker’s sleeper. Attempting to anyway. Somehow the kid had food inside his jammies and it was falling to the floor Brock just cleaned. “How bad?”

  He hadn’t checked the weather. It was one of the things he planned to do while settling in today.

  That was when he thought this would be just another job. Back before he knew his whole life was about to finish the change it started two years ago.

  “Bad enough they’re warning people about it.”

  Most places that didn’t mean much. Hell, in Texas they warned people when there was going to be two snowflakes.

  In Alaska people were used to extreme weather. Not much fazed anyone here.

  “What’s it bringing in?”

  “Supposed to be twenty inches in two hours.”

  Wade let out a low whistle. “That’s a lotta snow at once.” He glanced down at Parker’s tomato-stained face. “Probably aren’t going to be many people getting out tomorrow then, huh?”

  “I would say that’s a good assumption.” Brock winked at Bess. A move he knew damn well would piss Wade off. “Looks like you’re stuck with me for a while.”

  Bess gave him a dazzling smile that only irritated Wade more.

  She hadn’t given him a smile like that yet, and he was the father of her baby.

  “I don’t mind.” She forked in another bite of lasagna before dropping her napkin over the bits of cheese and sauce remaining. “I don’t think I can eat anymore.”

  Brock grabbed her plate. “You like biscuits and gravy?” His eyes skimmed to Wade, holding for just a second with a gleam of meanness before going back to Bess. “I’ve heard my sausage gravy is the best.”

  He might have to kick his best friend’s ass. “Considering how many women you cook breakfast for I would imagine you hear that quite often.”

  The jab didn’t seem to bother Brock. He shrugged. “One of us has to make sure the female population feels loved, and you weren’t pulling your weight for the past couple of years.”

  Bess went still, her hazel eyes staying low as she worried her lower lip between her teeth.

  Wade glared at Brock over the island separating them. Bess had too much going on right now to a
dd Brock’s fucking meddling to the mix.

  “I think I’m tired.” She pushed her stool away from the granite counter and slid off the seat. She was two steps away before she turned to Brock. “Thank you for dinner.” Her eyes didn’t lift to him as she stopped to take Parker from his arms. “And thank you for the cake.”

  Wade watched as she slipped into the master bedroom and closed the door. It was barely latched before he turned to Brock. “What the fuck was that?”

  Brock lifted his hands, eyes wide. “I was just trying to help you out, man.”

  “Don’t.” Wade grabbed the bag holding his laptop from the floor beside the island. “She had enough to worry about without you making her think I’ve been fucking pining over her for the past two years.”

  “You have.” Brock snorted. “Not that you told me what your goddamned problem was. I could have helped you find her.”

  “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you.” Wade stepped closer. “You think I didn’t want to go find her every damn day? See if it was as real as I thought?”

  “Then why in the hell didn’t you?”

  Wade blew out a huff of frustration. “Because I thought I was bad for her. That she would get hurt because of me.”

  Brock’s eyes locked onto his. “She did.”

  And there it was.

  The real truth of the past two years.

  If he’d stayed Bess would have been safe. Parker would have had a father.

  And fucking Chris Snyder would be rotting in a hole.

  Brock shoveled out a chunk of the chocolate cake Wade made while Bess and Parker napped. “Good thing the universe gave your ass a do-over.”

  “I don’t know that it did.” Wade glanced back at the closed door standing between him and not one, but two people who he let down. When he kissed her earlier she’d seemed surprised.

  Unprepared.

  “Only one way to find out.” Brock shoved in a huge bite of cake and nodded to the door. “Go ask her.”

  Wade set his bag down on the ground, the desire to do the paperwork he should dwindling with each passing second.

  Asking Bess what she wanted was out of the question, considering the only additional information she had about him was his propensity to make people dead. Add on the fact that he abandoned her and their unborn child, and Wade wasn’t willing to gamble on the odds.

  He had to show Bess there was more to him. That he could keep her and Parker safe.

  Take care of them.

  The only issue with that plan was that Wade wasn’t sure two of those things were true. He could sure as hell keep them safe.

  But was there more to him?

  Debatable.

  “Stop being a pussy.” Brock had the first piece of cake down and was cutting a second.

  “Stop putting your nose in my business.” Wade pointed to the remaining cake. “And leave some of that for Bess. She needs to eat.”

  Brock dropped the plastic lid onto the cake pan. “The rest is hers.” He backed from the counter. “I’m taking the nice room upstairs since you won’t be needing one for long.”

  Wade didn’t have the desire to argue with him. Brock was feeling way more optimistic than he was about the situation. Bess might be willing to forgive his desertion, but it didn’t mean she was willing to consider letting him be a part of her life once this was all over.

  Not yet.

  Wade walked to the master door and stopped, uncertain what he should do next.

  Maybe it was best he leave her alone for the rest of the night. Let Bess get her head around all that happened today.

  All it could mean.

  “You can come in.”

  Her voice was soft on the other side of the door. It was barely more than a whisper but Wade felt the quiet words as if her lips were against his ear.

  He slowly opened the door but didn’t step inside. Bess sat on the giant bed. Parker was in a fresh sleeper and tucked into his mother’s arms, nursing.

  It was suddenly hard to breathe.

  Wade pressed one palm to his chest, rubbing away the strange tightness smothering out the air. “I just wanted to see if you needed anything before I went to bed.”

  Bess carefully slid off the mattress and crossed to the portable crib. She gently placed Parker inside, righting her shirt as she turned back to face him, the fingers of one hand worrying the nails of the other. “Can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything.”

  She licked her lips and he fought not to stare at their fullness. Remember the way they felt under his.

  “Was he telling the truth?”

  Wade’s mind stumbled over the memory of the sweet kiss they shared earlier. “Who?”

  “Brock.” Bess took a few steps toward him. “Was he telling the truth?” She took a quick breath. “About you not...”

  Wade waited, watching as she continued to move closer.

  Bess stopped a few feet away. “About you and women.”

  Wade nodded. It was as much of an answer as he wanted to give her. The whole truth of how much that one night affected him was something he didn’t completely understand himself. Most of the time he was sure it wasn’t all he remembered.

  That she wasn’t what he really thought. That time and distance gave his mind room to embellish, perfect what was nothing more than a night of good sex.

  But it was more. He knew it in a way that defied logic.

  “Why?” Her question caught him off-guard.

  Wade stepped into the room, closing the last few feet remaining between them. He didn’t want to explain. Couldn’t really. Not yet.

  He reached for her, slow enough she could stop him if she wanted. She didn’t.

  He cradled her face with one hand. “I thought you couldn’t be as beautiful as I remembered.” Wade eased closer. “But you are. Maybe even more.” He let his thumb slide over her lower lip. The same one she chewed earlier when Brock gave her more information than he should have.

  Bessie’s eyes settled on his. “You thought of me?”

  He shouldn’t tell her, but keeping his mouth shut around this woman wasn’t any easier now than it was two years ago.

  “Every damn day.”

  CHAPTER 6

  “I THOUGHT OF you every fucking second, Bess.” Wade’s arm wrapped around her waist, pulling Bess close as his eyes shut and his forehead dropped to hers. “I tried to stop but I couldn’t no matter what I did.”

  “I tried to find you.” The admission was out before she could even consider stopping it.

  Wade’s eyes flew open and his head lifted. “Shit.”

  She let her hands smooth over the front of his shirt, doing her best not to be distracted by the tight ripple of muscle hiding beneath the thermal fabric. He was holding her, so it was only fair that she could touch him too, right? “When I found out I was pregnant.” She lifted one shoulder. “But I didn’t know your real name so—”

  “Bess, I’m so fucking sorry. If I’d known I would have...”

  “You would have what?” Her breath caught as she waited for his answer.

  She’d imagined it thousands of times. Wondered what might have happened if he hadn’t left town that night.

  How her life might have been different if he’d stayed.

  Wade was quiet for too long, leaving her hanging on every breath he took. Finally he cleared his throat.

  “I would have made sure you didn’t have to worry about Chris.”

  “Oh.” The answer deflated her a little which was ridiculous. They’d only spent one night together. How she could continue think it would ever be more than that was beyond explanation.

  “Bess.” Wade’s deep voice halted the spiral of doubts starting to pull her under.

  She lifted her eyes to meet his. He still held her close, one hand warm on her back, the other curled around her head.

  No man had ever held her the way he did.

  But he was a killer. A man who used ultimate force to do wha
t had to be done.

  And yet he held her so carefully.

  “What?”

  “Did you only try to find me because of Parker?” The uncertainty in his tone surprised her.

  It made her give him the truth, even though she probably shouldn’t. “No.”

  Wade instantly rewarded her bit of honesty, pulling her body flush against his. “Would you have tried to find me if you weren’t pregnant?”

  The smell of him surrounded her, the earthy scent of wood and man pulling out more tidbits of truth. “Yes.”

  The growl that rumbled through his chest made her breath catch. “Good.” His nose ran alongside hers. “Can I kiss you, Bess?”

  “Why are you asking me?”

  “Because I don’t want to make assumptions just yet.”

  “But you kissed me earlier.”

  “That was different.” His lips hovered over hers. So close but still out of reach.

  “How?”

  “That was just a kiss.”

  She struggled to keep breathing as his fingers worked into her hair. “And this won’t be just a kiss?”

  Wade shook his head, the lips he was keeping from her barely lifting at the edges. “Definitely not.”

  “What will it be?” She couldn’t make the words much more than a whisper as anticipation tightened her whole body.

  Wade’s mouth curved into a smile. “Not what you’re thinking. Not yet.”

  Yet.

  Bess stood a little straighter. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

  It didn’t seem fair that he saw right through her but she wasn’t getting the same access.

  One finger skimmed down the front of her throat, moving slow and deliberate as it trailed between her breasts. “You’re not doing a very good job of hiding it.”

  She scoffed. “That’s not true.”

  “It is.” Wade shifted and a second later her feet were off the floor. “But I’m happy to even the playing field if it makes you feel better.”

  Bess locked her legs at his waist as her hands gripped his shoulders, scrambling for purchase. Wade’s arm at her waist pulled her snug against him. Close enough there was no ignoring his obvious erection.

  “Oh.” She looked down between their bodies as Wade walked toward the bed.

  “Oh?” His grip tightened as he crawled onto the mattress, dragging her body to the center of the giant bed. “What does, oh mean?”