Loss Recovery (Alaskan Security: Team Rogue Book 1)

by Jemma Westbrook

  “It means I wasn’t expecting that.”

  Wade eased her back onto the pile of pillows. “You weren’t expecting me to be constantly hard around you?”

  “Constantly?”

  He hovered over her. “Constantly.”

  “That sounds painful.”

  Wade shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m a big boy.” He eased his long body down onto hers, bracing most of his weight on his forearms and knees. “You never answered me.”

  Bess was having a hard time following the conversation. “What?”

  “I asked if I could kiss you, and you haven’t answered me yet.”

  “You said it wouldn’t be just a kiss.” Bess pressed her hands to the blankets beneath her, trying to keep her brain focused. “What else would be involved?”

  Two years ago things were very different. She was very different.

  Physically as well as mentally.

  Two years ago she was in a place where she wanted to take a chance. Pretend she was different just for a night, and do something without analyzing every bit of it and caving under the potential consequences.

  That wasn’t an option now.

  But it didn’t count as a chance if she’d already slept with him once, right?

  Wade brushed the tip of his nose across the tip of hers. “You’re in charge, Sweetheart. Anything else is up to you.”

  Bess opened her mouth but Wade cut her off.

  “But, none of my clothes are coming off tonight.”

  “That hardly seems fair.”

  “I don’t remember saying I was going to play fair.” He smiled. “And you still haven’t said I can kiss you, so I’m starting to worry your clothes aren’t going to come off either.”

  “I don’t look the same.” The admission jumped right out. Like she didn’t have the desire to hide her insecurity, which she definitely did.

  “I know.” Wade’s voice was lower now, rougher. “I didn’t think you could get anymore perfect, but I believe I was wrong.”

  He obviously wasn’t understanding what she was saying. “I had a baby.”

  “And?” Wade’s lips moved from their spot just over hers to press against the skin of her neck. He growled again, low and deep. “God you taste just like I remembered.” His tongue slid over her flesh. “So fucking sweet.”

  Her desire to prepare him for the difference in her physique was waning, but she had to be strong, otherwise the sight of her marred skin might shock the crap out of him. “I have stretch marks.” Her breath hitched as he found the spot just below her ear. “And my,” Bess tried to motion to her breasts but Wade’s big body covered them, “my chest is different.”

  “Oh, I noticed that already.” Wade sucked the lobe of her ear between his teeth before scraping it free. “Like I said, you somehow managed to improve on perfection.”

  Bess heaved out a loud sigh of frustration. Fine. She was just going to lay it all out for him. “Wade, I’m trying to tell you I don’t look good naked. My stomach is all soft and stretch-marked, and my nipples are—”

  His mouth covered hers, cutting off her explanation of the darkened state of her nipples.

  He was right. This kiss was nothing like the last one.

  This kiss was like the ones she remembered. Sort of.

  Bess whimpered a little as his lips opened and Wade’s tongue stroked against hers. There was something more raw about the raggedness of his breathing, the urgency in his hands as they stroked her face. Her hair.

  Maybe she wasn’t the only one who came to this cabin a little different.

  This wasn’t the same man she remembered. Similar, but still different.

  And different wasn’t always a bad thing.

  She wasn’t quite ready when Wade pulled away. “Where are you going?”

  “Relax, Sweetheart. I’m not leaving you. Not again.” He eased off her body and off the bed. “I’m going to try to make you a little more comfortable.”

  Bess watched as he went to the switch beside the door and flipped it, blanketing the room in darkness.

  “Wade?”

  “God I love it when you say my name.” His voice was already closer. A second later a dim light barely illuminated him. “I hated hearing you say another man’s name that night, you know that?”

  Whitt. It was the name he gave her when they first met. “I knew it wasn’t your name.”

  Wade stood from where he’d switched on the small night light plugged into the wall. “Did you?”

  Bess nodded. “I knew you were leaving. I knew you gave me a fake name. I knew it all.”

  It was why she could never really be mad at him. Wade never once made her think that night would be more than it was.

  And she hadn’t wanted it to be. Hell, she’d even told him directly it would never be more.

  “I don’t want you to feel bad for what happened. I knew going into it I would never see you again.” And she’d tried to be okay with it.

  But then Parker made that impossible.

  Not that it wouldn’t have happened anyway.

  Even if Parker hadn’t come along, she would have tried to find him eventually, for reasons she still didn’t fully understand.

  Wade came back toward the bed, each step raising the pace of her heart. “I will feel bad for what happened. You can’t stop that.”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  “I shouldn’t feel bad that I left you and our son?” Wade’s knee rested on the mattress, followed by the other. “I should have been there to protect you.” He dropped to his hands and prowled closer. “I should have been there to take care of you.”

  Bess swallowed as he moved back over her. “I thought you said you weren’t good for me.”

  Wade’s body settled against hers. “I think I was wrong.”

  “Because of Parker?”

  His head barely moved from side to side. “No, Sweetheart. Because of you.”

  Her eyes fell closed as he leaned in again.

  She waited for the feel of his lips.

  It didn’t come.

  “Why aren’t you kissing me, Wade?”

  “You never told me I could.”

  “You were kissing me just a second ago.”

  He chuckled low. “I was, wasn’t I?”

  Bess waited a second longer before opening her eyes. “Please kiss me.”

  “Just kissing?” His lips barely brushed hers. “Or can I see this supposedly less-than-perfect body you’ve been telling me about?”

  She’d been brave that night with him. Let him keep the lights on and everything. It felt empowering in the moment, but now it meant he had expectations.

  One’s she could no longer fulfill.

  “Relax.” Wade’s lips moved over her face, along the line of her jaw. “We’ve got plenty of time.” His mouth paused against her ear. “But make no mistake, I intend to see and worship every fucking inch of this body soon, Sweetheart.”

  Bess shivered as his lips coasted down her neck. “There’s a little more territory to cover than last time.”

  “Perfect.” His hands were moving over her body, running along the fuller line of her hips, the wider curve of her thighs. Pregnancy had filled out areas that no amount of stress dieting could reduce back to their starting size. “I love this spot right here.” His thumb skimmed under the hem of her shirt, stroking the lined skin of her belly. “You’re skin is so damn soft.”

  “I moisturize.” What in the hell was she saying? Why was this so much more difficult than last time?

  “Bess.” Wade’s tone was a little sharp as he leaned up to look her in the eye. “I spent the last two years kicking myself for letting you get away. If you think I am anything less than fucking thrilled to have to under me again, then you are very wrong.” His lips dropped to meet hers in a short, but heated kiss. “I tried to be with other women, you know that?”

  She couldn’t stop the frown his revelation twisted onto her lips.

  Wade laughed softly. “I like
that look on your face, Sweetheart, but it’s unwarranted.” He kissed her again, this time a little longer. “I couldn’t get it up. Not one damn time.”

  Bess looked between their bodies again to the spot where his definitely erect dick pressed against her belly, hard and thick through the fabric of his jeans. “But—”

  “I couldn’t even make myself do it if I wanted to, and I hate to admit it, but there were times where I really fucking wanted to.” He kissed what was left of the spot between her brows. The gap was nearly gone by the depth of the frown she couldn’t seem to stop.

  “But I only fucking wanted you.” His lips moved over one brow to her temple. “Can you imagine what that was like? Wanting something you knew you should never fucking have again?”

  “Maybe that’s why you wanted me.” The possibility settled in her belly, cold and heavy. “Maybe it was because you couldn’t have me.”

  And now that he could—

  “That’s not it. You know damn well it’s not.” The sharpness was back in his tone. “It doesn’t make sense. I know that.” Wade’s eyes were on hers, impossibly black in the dimly-lit room. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

  Bess swallowed hard around the ball of fear clogging her throat. She’d built this man up in her mind for two years. Made him into anything she wanted him to be.

  What if he was nothing like she imagined? What if the real Wade fell short?

  Worse yet, what if she did?

  “What if it’s not what we think it is?”

  Wade’s hands came to the sides of her face, smoothing back the strands of her hair as they stroked across her skin. “Then we’ll work through it.” His lips lifted into a barely-there smile that stole her breath with its honesty. “But I meant what I said earlier, Bess.” His expression turned serious. “You and Parker are mine.”

  “What if he’s not?” It was the single most terrifying thought she owned. One that kept her awake at night and sick to her stomach all day.

  What if the way Parker looked was due to some sort of recessive gene? What if Chris was his father?

  The seriousness in Wade’s eyes intensified, shifting into the version of him she saw earlier today when the two men appeared. “I don’t give a shit who gave you Parker. I will protect him, Bess. No one will fucking hurt him again.”

  Bess stared up at him in disbelief.

  The night they’d met she was looking for a distraction. Something to show her that there were better men out there than the one she was trying to leave behind.

  Than Chris.

  By some twist of fate she found Wade, and he showed her a man could be more. Attentive. Sweet. Protective. Complimentary. Even that first night, he gave her things she’d never had before.

  But this was above and beyond.

  “Why?”

  “I fucked up once with you, Bess. I’m not doing it again.” His smile was back, only this time it held a completely different sort of emotion. “And you’re locked in a cabin with me for the foreseeable future, so I have plenty of time to show you how good it could be if you decided to let me take care of you.”

  “To let you?”

  “You’re in charge, Bess. Always.” His already devilish smile took on a wicked slant. “I’m at your mercy.”

  “I thought you were the one in control?” There was something about the idea that held a certain amount of appeal, she wasn’t going to pretend differently.

  “Definitely.” Wade’s lips brushed hers as one hand skimmed down her body. “As long as I’m good at what I do you won’t even think of telling me to stop.” His fingers worked the button on her pants. “And I plan on being very good.” The fastener came loose and the sound of the zipper teeth separating almost echoed in the room.

  “Who’s made you come since I did, Bess?” His hand eased into the opening he made.

  “No one.” She could barely get the words out as his fingers teased the top of her pubic bone through the cotton of her panties.

  “I’m sure that’s not true.” His voice was low in her ear as his hand pushed into her pants a little more. “I’m positive at the very least you’ve touched yourself. Isn’t that right?” He stroked along the seam of her pussy, the barrier of her panties keeping the touch from being more than a tickling tease.

  “Yes.” She whimpered as his hand pulled free.

  “I promised to take care of you, Sweetheart. I meant it. Just trust me.” His hand was back, sliding under the elastic band of the blue flowered granny-panties she’d taken to wearing since Parker’s birth. “Who did you think of when you played with your pussy?” His touch immediately went right where she wanted it, finding her clit and stroking a few times before stopping.

  Bess gasped in frustration. “Don’t stop.”

  Wade leaned in, lips brushing her ear. “Then tell me who you thought of when you touched yourself.”

  “You.” She’d have confessed all her dirty little fantasies if it meant he would finish what he started.

  “Who else?” He continued to withhold his touch.

  And it sort of pissed her off. Two fucking years of supposedly thinking of her and he was going to tease her like this? Fine. “Henry Cavill.”

  Wade’s eyes narrowed on hers. “The fuck is Henry Cavill?”

  She smirked up at him, feeling a little proud of her ability to irritate him as well as he was irritating her. “He’s Superman.”

  Wade’s head tipped to one side in obvious confusion. “Who?”

  “Do you live in a hole? He’s the actor who plays Superman and he’s beautiful.”

  Wade’s nostrils barely flared. “Beautiful, huh?”

  She nodded. “Very.”

  Wade’s fingers started to move again, this time with purpose.

  “I bet he can’t make you scream his fucking name.”

  CHAPTER 7

  IF THERE WAS ever anything in the world that could make him lose his cool it was this woman.

  Bess pushed him in ways no one ever had.

  The idea of her even thinking of another man while she came made him want to drop bodies.

  That wasn’t normal. Not even for him.

  “I only want to hear my name come out of your mouth when you come, understand me?”

  Wade wanted to strip her naked, lick and suck every inch of her until he was the only man she knew.

  But right now Bess doubted his desire for her. Doubted he would find her as perfect today as he did two years ago.

  So he would be as patient as he had the ability to be. “Who am I, Bess?”

  “Wade.”

  The way she said it was enough to make him hate the insecurity he created. The wall it put between them. A wall that hadn’t been there two years ago.

  He’d left her once. For nothing more than his own convoluted belief that he wouldn’t be able to keep her safe.

  And he was right. He hadn’t.

  “Say it again.” He needed to burn away the memory of another man’s name on her lips. He’d carried it with him since that night.

  It was time for it to die. All of it.

  The lies he told. The lies she gave him back.

  “Wade.” It barely made it out before she gasped as his finger slid inside her body. “Please don’t stop.”

  He had no intention to stop anything else that would happen between them. Maybe move slow. Maybe be careful. But he would never stop when it came to Bess.

  Not again.

  “You were meant to be mine, Bess. I knew it that first fucking night and I should have listened. I would have been there.” He couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Couldn’t stop the confessions falling from his lips. “I would have kept you from him. I swear I would have.”

  “Shut up.” Her back barely arched as he found her clit with his thumb, pulling a soft sound from her throat.

  He pressed his lips together in an attempt to stop the words from flowing.

  It didn’t help. He couldn’t make himself quit talking to her. “You
feel so good.” Wade curled his fingers, finding the spot he knew would give him what he wanted, and stroked it relentlessly.

  “Wade!” His name jumped free as her thighs jerked.

  “That’s it, Sweetheart. I want my name on your lips when you come for me. Give it to me.” He leaned up to look at her, taking in the tousled mass of her blonde hair. The fullness of her kiss-swollen mouth. The glazed look in Bessie’s hooded gaze as her eyes found his.

  And there it was.

  The connection neither could deny.

  He didn’t look away as her body started to tremble.

  Her eyes stayed on his as her pussy started to clench around his fingers, tight with impending release.

  She came, eyes locked onto his, her sweet voice filling the room with his name.

  Only when her lids fell closed did he look away, running his lips over any bit of skin bared to him. “You are still just as perfect, Bess.” Wade eased free of her body, sliding his hand from her pants. “So damn beautiful.”

  He kissed over her cheeks, her neck, her temple, trying to get enough of her to tide him over until morning. “I should let you go to sleep.” He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Jesus, it’s after two.”

  He’d been up almost twenty-four hours which was nothing unusual, but he was nowhere near as tired as he should be. It was more than he could say for the woman beside him.

  Bess yawned, one hand coming up to cover her mouth. “I’m so tired all of a sudden.” She rolled to her side and curled around him.

  “It’s late.” He should go upstairs, leave her to sleep. Instead Wade shifted closer, wrapping an arm around her and pulling Bess against him.

  “I don’t usually sleep well, though. I’m always up past two.” She yawned again. “Without a nap.”

  “Then you should go to sleep while you can.” He pressed a kiss to her hair, working up the motivation to leave her bed and her room. “I’ll go.” He started to ease away.

  “What?” Bess shot up into a sit. “You’re leaving?”

  Wade froze.

  It didn’t occur to him she might feel like history was repeating itself. “Not leaving, Sweetheart. Just thought you’d want to get some sleep.”