Loss Recovery (Alaskan Security: Team Rogue Book 1)

by Jemma Westbrook

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I was going upstairs to take a shower and then I’m going to get some sleep too.”

  She let out a breath. “You’re coming back then.”

  “Is that what you want? Me in here with you?” Wade tried to keep his tone indifferent. There was nothing he wanted more than to sleep beside her. Be close in case she and Parker needed him, but the ball was going to have to be in her court for a long time.

  Bess nodded. “I think I’ll sleep better knowing you’re close.”

  It wasn’t as definite of a desire as he carried, but it was close enough. Wade brushed a kiss over her lips. “I’ll take a quick shower and then I’ll be right back.”

  Bess smiled softly. “Okay.”

  Wade backed out of the room, leaving the door cracked as he left. As soon as he was out of her sight, he turned and raced up the stairs. Ten minutes later he was showered and in a pair of jersey joggers and a t-shirt, trying to shake the remaining water from his hair as he hurried back down the stairs.

  The glow of the fridge stopped him halfway down. Bessie’s small form was illuminated against the open door. “Hungry?”

  She shook her head. “Thirsty.” A second later she had a water bottle in hand as she knocked the door shut with one hip. She stood still for a minute in the dark. “Wade?”

  “What’s wrong, Sweetheart?” The tightness of her voice had him moving again.

  “This house is really freaking dark.”

  “I’m coming. Just stand still.” He reached her side just as she started laughing. “Why does it suddenly seem so dark in here?”

  “Your head was just in the fridge.” He rested one hand on the small of her back. “Your eyes will adjust in just a minute.” He added a little pressure to his touch. “You’ll probably be okay in a few days when you’re used to the layout.”

  “This is a really nice cabin.” Bess leaned into his side a little, letting him guide her along. “Is it the only one?”

  “Alaskan Security has ten in Brisbane, and a few more scattered around the state.” Wade maneuvered Bess around the large leather sectional in the great room, and past the set of oversized armchairs toward the door to the master.

  “Why Alaska? Why not someplace like California?” Bess didn’t move away as they stepped into the soft light of the bedroom night light.

  “Because it’s huge and intimidating. Most people don’t like to come here, especially in the winter.” Wade silently closed the door and locked the deadbolt. “Means the chances of our clients being bothered is slim to none.”

  Bessie’s eyes went to the motion. “So I’m in the spot someone is least likely to find me.” Her eyes slowly lifted to his. “And they found me the first day.”

  It was a fact he was working hard not to think about. “No one will touch you, Bess.”

  “How did he find me?” The panic in her eyes cut into the deepest part of him.

  “We don’t know for sure those men were looking for you.” Wade stepped close. “It could have been a fluke.” He decided to leave out the shot they took at him. Luckily he sent her to the safe room, so there was no way Bess could have heard the gunfire.

  She nodded. “I can’t really imagine Chris would ever come someplace like this anyway.”

  “That’s probably true.” He went with her assessment, hoping Bess could talk herself out of the fear still shimmering in her gaze. “It’s not very nice up here.”

  She lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know.” She twisted the cap off her water. “It’s really pretty.”

  “It’s cold as hell though.” Wade rested his hands on the soft flannel covering her hips. “I’m glad you came prepared.”

  Bess glanced down at her pajamas. “I get cold at night.”

  “Then tonight’s your lucky night.” He scooped her up and carried her to the bed, ignoring the pang of guilt her tiny frame twisted inside him. “Because I’m a cuddler.”

  She laughed as he yanked back the covers and settled her between the sheets. “I don’t remember that.”

  Wade hesitated as the truth tried to come out. He wanted her to see him differently, and reminding her of his bad behavior that night wouldn’t help his cause.

  But neither would lying about it.

  “I left as soon as you were asleep.” He took her bottle of water and set it on the nightstand. “I knew if I laid with you I wouldn’t leave.”

  There were so many little things that could have changed the way that night went. If he’d done any one of them he would have been there. Seen her belly grow. Seen his son born. Watched his first steps.

  Bess touched his face. Her hands were warm and soft. “Then I guess you’ll be disappointed to find out that I am not a cuddler.”

  Christ but she was more perfect than he deserved.

  Wade eased into the bed beside her. “I think I can convert you.”

  ****

  THE SOUND OF Parker rolling in his crib woke him in an instant.

  Wade didn’t move. Just listened to the soft sound of Parker’s little body as he worked himself awake. The room was still dark, and it would be hours before the glow of sunrise began to shift the shadows. Bess was curled tight against him, putting off enough heat to melt all the snow in Alaska.

  He smiled into her hair. Didn’t like to cuddle his ass.

  Wade waited until Parker’s little head popped up, taking in as much of the moment as he could before slipping free of the arm Bess had thrown over his chest, and off the bed. Parker watched him with focused eyes as he moved toward the crib. When he reached the side, Wade bent down and held out his hands. “You wanna get up?”

  Parker nodded and reached for him, letting his head fall on Wade’s shoulder as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. “You hungry, Buddy?” He opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs. “Scrambled or fried?”

  “Scrambled.” Brock padded across the tile floor, his boxer briefs hanging low on his waist. He stopped when he saw Wade glaring at him. “What?”

  “Put some fucking clothes on.”

  Brock pointed to Parker. “Your kid’s first word is going to be fuck.”

  “He says momma.” Wade shifted Parker to his hip as he opened the eggs and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet.

  “Fine.” Brock grabbed the coffee pot off the maker and filled it with water. “His second word then.”

  Wade cracked ten eggs into the bowl one-handed, managing to only end up having to fish out one small chunk of shell. “You checked the weather?”

  “Not since before bed. Supposed to hit around lunchtime last I checked.” Brock loaded up the coffee grounds and pushed the brew button before leaning back against the counter. “You hear anything from Dutch?”

  Wade glanced around the room. “Shit.” He must have left his phone in the office last night. “I hope not.” He retrieved his cell, checking it on his way back to the kitchen. There were ten messages from Dutch.

  “Looks like they found video of the sled on a trailer headed out of town.” Wade skimmed the rest of the messages. “Said it looked like two were in the cab of the truck hauling it, so it could be our guys.” He held the phone out to Brock.

  “Leaving already?” Brock took the phone and thumbed through the text string. “Maybe someone had old information.”

  They didn’t usually run into overlap. When they were done with a client it was because the threat was over, but that didn’t mean their client base didn’t usually find themselves in the middle of a new mess. “Who was here last?”

  Brock’s fingers moved over the screen of Wade’s phone. “I’ll find out.”

  A few minutes later Dutch texted back just as Wade was finishing up the eggs. Brock scanned the screen. “Armondo.”

  “Well shit.” There went the theory that it was someone after the previous client who stayed here. “Armondo’s been dead what, two months now?”

  Brock poured a cup of coffee and slid it across the counter to where Wade
was setting Parker up in his high chair. “He probably shouldn’t have fired us.”

  “He’s not the first.” It happened more often than it should. A client would decide that because no one had tried to off them while Rogue was watching, that they weren’t in danger anymore. Each time Dutch would find proof they were and try to explain, but occasionally a client would think they knew better.

  It’s probably what landed them needing Team Rogue in the first place.

  “So unless they’re dumb as hell, they aren’t here looking for Armondo.” Wade sipped at the screaming hot coffee, making sure to put it well out of Parker’s reach before turning his attention to helping the little boy with his eggs.

  “What are you gonna do, man?”

  Wade shook his head. “Probably call Dutch later. See what else he can find.”

  “I’m not talking about that.” Brock came to sit in the stool on the other side of Parker’s chair. “I’m talking about little man here.”

  Wade watched as Parker fisted in a handful of eggs, his dark eyes squinting as he grinned around the food. “I’m going to take care of them.”

  “So he is yours?”

  Wade grabbed the toast he made to go with the eggs and started tearing it into bite-sized pieces. “I’m not sure I care.”

  Brock’s head bobbed back. “Wow.”

  Wade dropped a few pieces of the buttered toast onto the tray. “I think I might leave the team.”

  “You want to leave?” Brock frowned at him across Parker’s head. “I knew you weren’t happy, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

  “What if Bessie’s situation was reversed?”

  Brock’s brows came together in confusion. “You mean if she was trying to get at him?”

  “No. I mean what if maybe her dad was trying to kill him for hurting her and Parker, and Chris was the one who hired us.” He met Brock’s eyes. “What then? We just protect a batterer?”

  Brock held his gaze. “We have before.”

  Wade shifted in his seat as Parker watched him with eyes that seemed to see so much more than they should be able to. “I don’t think I can do that anymore.”

  It was something he was struggling with even before Bess. At least back then he could push it away. Shove the reality of what he did for a living out of his mind.

  But it got harder. Knowing the men he protected didn’t always deserve it. Frequently didn’t appreciate it.

  Now that he’d seen the other side it would be impossible.

  Brock nodded. “I know what you mean.” His eyes dipped to Parker for a second before coming back to Wade’s. “You saying you wouldn’t be able to kill anyone again?”

  Wade reached out to smooth down Parker’s dark hair. “Definitely not saying that.”

  He would happily put another man in the ground. And any after that who might try to take away what he just found.

  What he just realized he wanted.

  “You didn’t wake me up.”

  Both men stood in unison as Bess came into the kitchen. She lifted a brow at Brock’s bare chest before turning to Wade and Parker. “You could have woken me up.”

  “You need to get more sleep.” He glanced down as Parker caught the pocket of his pants and pulled. “We’re fine. He’s eating breakfast.”

  “I see that.” Bess settled into the seat Wade vacated. “Has he had a fresh diaper?”

  “He has not.” Wade pressed his lips into a line. “I should have probably done that first.”

  “Have you ever changed a diaper?” Bess dusted toast crumbs off Parker’s nose.

  “It can’t be that difficult.” Wade held out his hands for Parker. “Come on, Buddy. Let’s go get you situated.”

  Parker immediately reached for him. Wade tucked the little boy into one arm and nodded to the pan of eggs. “Brock will get you all set up with something to eat.”

  Brock rounded the island, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I’d be happy to service our guest.”

  “Don’t make me kill a man in front of a baby.” Wade pointed at his friend. “And put a damn shirt on. She doesn’t want to look at your nipples while she eats.”

  Brock rubbed one palm over a nipple. “What’s wrong with my nipples?”

  “Your nipples are just fine.” Bess narrowed her eyes at Wade. “Ignore him.”

  “He’s just jealous because his are hairy as shit.” Brock dropped two pieces of bread in the toaster as Bess tilted her head to one side.

  “I thought you were making me biscuits and gravy for breakfast.”

  Wade started laughing as he made his way toward the bedroom where all Parker’s stuff was. “Better make her some gravy.” He stopped and turned to face his friend. “And put a freaking shirt on.”

  CHAPTER 8

  BESS PEEKED AROUND the door frame into the bedroom where Wade was attempting to change Parker’s diaper.

  “Come on, Buddy. Help me out here.” Wade struggled to wrangle Parker’s flailing arms and kicking legs. “We gotta show her I’m more than a pretty face.” He finally managed to get the breakfast-covered sleeper off her son’s wiggly body, dropping it to the floor at his feet as he continued to grapple with Parker.

  Wade started to open the diaper.

  “Wait.”

  He and Parker both jumped a little, each craning to look her way.

  She stepped in beside Wade at the edge of the tall bed that worked perfectly as a make-shift changing table. “The second the cold air hits his stuff he will pee.” She shook open a fresh diaper, using it as a guard as she slipped the other one off.

  “You’re kidding.” Wade leaned down to look at Parker. “You do that to your momma?”

  “Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.” Parker grabbed at the new diaper as Bess tried to strap on the sticky strips.

  “I’d rather that than the other.” She reached for an outfit from the pile of Parker’s clothes stacked on the dresser then pulled a long-sleeved shirt over his head.

  “The other?” Wade took the socks she chose and worked them onto Parker’s feet.

  “Poop. He’s pooped on me more times than I can count.” Bess waited while Wade fought the second sock into place.

  His lips pressed into a thin line as he watched her tug Parker’s jeans over his legs and snap them.

  Bess hefted Parker off the bed, pressing a kiss to his head. “There. Better?” When she glanced up, Wade was watching her.

  “You shouldn’t have been doing it alone.”

  She heaved out a sigh. “I made the same choices you did.”

  Wade shook his head. “I could have found you and I didn’t. There was no way for you to find me.”

  Bess faced him completely. “If you knew about Parker, would it have changed anything?”

  “Of course it would have.” His answer was immediate.

  Her eyes dropped his. “That’s good then.”

  He would have come for Parker.

  Just not her.

  The realization stung, especially since she’d admitted her reasons for wanting to find him weren’t only because of Parker.

  He’d said he didn’t plan to ever try to find her, and apparently he meant it.

  Bess backed toward the door, needing a little space. “The gravy’s probably done.” She turned and rushed from the room before Wade could see what she hoped to hide.

  “Bess.” His tone was soft and filled with regret.

  She kept going.

  Passing through the kitchen, she handed Parker off to Brock. “Can you take him for a minute?” Without giving him an option she continued on, needing to find a spot where she could be alone.

  Could process everything piling up around her.

  Bess moved through the house, not really knowing where she was going, just trying to get away from all of it.

  The stress. The fear. The burdens she’d been carrying for so damn long.

  “Where’s Bess?” Wade’s voice was far behind her, muffled by the turns she’d taken to end up where she was.


  Which appeared to be a mudroom of sorts. White coats and coveralls hung from hooks lined down the wall. Matching white boots sat on the tile under the outerwear.

  That was a lot of white, which didn’t seem practical.

  “Bess?” Wade’s voice was closer now.

  She needed to think. Needed to cry probably. And neither of those were things she could or would do with him there.

  Bess grabbed one of the coats and pulled it on over her flannel pajamas as she shoved her feet into a pair of boots. Even the smallest-looking of the bunch was huge on her, but she didn’t have time to find appropriate footwear.

  She just needed a few minutes to herself. Then it would all be fine again.

  The door beeped three times as she yanked it open.

  “Shit.” She should have known there would be an alarm system. Too late to worry about it now.

  The first step outside stole her breath.

  “Holy fuck, it’s cold.” Tucking her nose and mouth into the high collar of the coat, Bess trudged through the fresh layer of snow falling across the deck.

  Was there nowhere warm to hide her? Maybe a beach somewhere? At least then she would be sandy and sad.

  Tears pricked her already burning eyes. She knew damn well Wade’s guilt all rested on her son’s little head.

  Parker was the reason he wished he’d looked for her. It had nothing to do with her. Not really. Because at the end of the day she wasn’t worth whatever sacrifice finding her would bring him.

  Parker was. And she should be grateful Wade felt that way.

  Which was why she was stomping through snow that reached her knees.

  She was a terrible mother. Jealous of her own child. Butt hurt that he could accomplish what she couldn’t.

  The tears fell fast, chilling her already half-frozen face. The guilt and embarrassment of her horrible feelings made her stomach burn.

  Bess rounded the corner of the cabin, hoping to find some sort of place she could hunker down and have a good cry. It always made her feel better. Getting it all out. Then she could put on her big-girl panties and march on.

  Unfortunately, the only thing on the side of the cabin was a bank of huge fir trees, branches hanging low with the weight of the falling snow. “Damn it.”