Before, There Was You

by Kit Harlow

  "Do you need help getting inside?" I asked, dreading the thought of going through that door. I wasn't ready to be that friendly. Neither was she.

  "No. I'll be fine." It was more of a whisper than anything, but the pinched look on her face worried me. "Go home, Lizzie. I'll see you tomorrow," she added as she opened the door, exhausted half smile flirting with her lips. I nodded and told her to call if she needed anything. She waved me off and I headed back down the stairs and out into the late October night. Snow started falling—it was too warm to stick, but it gave me pause. It had snowed heavily the night Katie and I first kissed. I looked up at her window and saw her looking at the sky, half smile plastered on her lips. She was still the most beautiful person I knew. She caught me looking at her, waved, and turned away from the window. With a sigh, I ducked into Nathan's car, closed the door, and groaned.

  "What the hell happened?" he asked, grinning, as he pulled away from the curb.

  "The car broke down. We were forced to call a truce." I rubbed at my nose. "Well, Katie was, anyway. I just went along with it." I looked at him; he smiled in disbelief and shook his head.

  "Looks like a lot more than a truce." He dove onto the empty street and headed towards my place.

  I raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Nathan was seeing things that weren't there. It was a one night thing. A one night truce. I'd lost any and all hope of anything more after New York. And truth be told, anything more was a terrifying prospect.

  "Thanks," I said ready to dash out of the car as soon as he parked alongside my building. I bolted out the door and paused as he coughed.

  "Be gentle with her, Lizzie." He leveled a stare at me. "She's not as strong as she makes herself out to be."

  I laughed. "You don't know Katie then! She's the strongest person I have ever met." I closed the door, walked towards my door and waved goodbye. Nate waited until I was inside to leave. I ignored the concerned look on his face.

  Behind my locked door, I leaned against the wall and checked my phone. There was a missed call from David, but it was too late to do anything about it. I sent him a text to let him know I'd call him in the morning.

  I was still awake and desperately wanted to have someone to talk to. With a sigh, I contented myself to a glass of wine and the TV. James Bond was on--it was my guilty pleasure, and while I would never admit it to David, Jane Seymour was ravishing.

  Just as I was about to give up and go to bed, my phone chirped. It was a text from Katie.

  "Thanks," it read. I stared at the screen for a moment, started to type something out, and instead dialed her number. It was still night—the truce could hold till morning.

  "You're welcome," I said sincerely when she answered. "How's your ankle?"

  Katie groaned. "The size of my calf and a mottled purple-green. You've had worse on the rugby pitch though."

  "Oh God, remember when I broke my nose?" I still had the bump in the cartilage.

  Kate giggled. "I've never seen so much blood! I almost passed out and you were more concerned about me!"

  "Well, yeah! I was used to getting injured, not used to you fainting!" Her laughter filled my ears and made my heart slam against my chest.

  "Seriously, though, thanks for tonight." Her tone became serious and I sobered immediately.

  "Sure. It's really not a big deal, Kat," I added, trying to brush it off. "It's not like I went out of my way to be nice. Hell, you had to force me!"

  "It's a big deal to me. So thank you." With that, she hung up the phone. I was left to puzzle out the sudden implications of her gratitude alone on my sofa.

  Chapter 6

  The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were filled with work and, though David had managed to take a few extra days off, I was practically chained to my keyboard.

  He stared at me from the comfort of the sofa with a smirk clear on his face.

  “I can feel you staring at me,” I said, not even glancing up from my computer screen.

  A gentle laugh echoed throughout the confines of our apartment. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you work this hard in all the years I’ve known you. You used to whip articles out quickly and call it a day.”

  I snorted. “That was before my reputation was on the line. No one read those things anyway. According to our metrics, I’m getting over 700 views a day on most of my stuff.”

  I chanced a look at him and smiled at his confusion.

  “That’s really good for someone who had no reputation six months ago.”

  He stood and headed towards me with a genuine smile. “I’m so proud of you, Liz. Really.”

  His arms wrapped around my shoulders and I leaned into his chest gratefully. “I wish you didn’t have to leave next week.”

  The muscles of his arms tensed. “About that,” he started, “I need to leave on Thursday.”

  I shoved out of his arms. “What? Why?”

  He looked sheepish. “I have a few more preparations to make to get ready for the end of the semester.”

  My heart fell. “So you’re leaving on Thanksgiving?”

  “Flights were $200 cheaper.”

  “But it’s your favorite holiday. You can’t be serious!”

  “I’m sorry, Liz, but I have to.”

  I shook my head. “No, you don’t. This is the third time you’ve decided to leave early or not come in the first place. If you were only going to be here for two days out of your week off, why even bother coming at all?” I snapped.

  He blinked at me. “Because I love you.”

  “Then fucking act like it! You said you’d come home at least once a month. Since you left in August, I’ve seen you twice, David. And you’re cutting the second visit short.”

  He licked his lips nervously. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

  I turned my attention back to my computer. “I have to get this done.”

  “Don’t be like that, Liz,” he begged.

  My lips curled into a snarl. “I still have work. I was planning on taking the next few days off, but it’s pretty clear you don’t want to spend time with me.”

  “I’m here now,” he pleaded.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “And I still have to get this done. Deadlines don’t change just because your plans do,” I finished. The lump in my throat threatened to choke me. I hadn’t felt this alone in years.

  David nodded. “All right. I’ll order us a pizza and we can have a date night at home once you’re done.” He tried to search my face. “Okay?”

  “Sure.” I resigned myself to my fate and accepted that I would be alone for Thanksgiving this year. When he left, I’d allow myself to wallow. But for now, I had to make the best of it.

  ◆◆◆

  David left the following morning and I faced another lonely long weekend in my apartment. Nate was busy working, Steph was out of town, and I was left to order pizza and binge-watch more television than anyone should ever attempt to watch in a single day. Just as I was about to settle into a marathon of American Horror Story, my phone rang.

  “The world’s loneliest wife speaking. How may I help you?” I said in a falsely upbeat voice.

  A weak laugh sounded over the speaker. “It’s Bill. What are you doing for dinner?” my old editor asked happily.

  I snorted. “Nothing. I’m guessing David called you?”

  “He may have told me you were going to spend the holiday alone in Boston. Come home. Have dinner with me and the team.”

  I bit my lip at the thought of driving two hours to Northampton and spending the holiday with my former editor who also happened to be my husband’s best friend.

  “Mel is making the pie,” he said, sensing my hesitance.

  Mel made the best pies. It didn’t matter what flavor they were; they were amazing.

  “You had me at pie. I’ll be there.”

  He laughed and it brought a smile to my face. “Great. Can you pick up a bottle of wine on your way?” he asked gently.

  “Just one problem,”
I started, “I don’t have a car.”

  Bill was quiet for a moment. “I know. Katie’s coming. She said she could pick you up.”

  My heart dropped. “You’re kidding, right?”

  He sighed. “Liz, we want you to come. Katie’s the most convenient way to get you here and she’s friends with all of us, same as you.”

  I wanted to say no. I wanted to back out and avoid any awkwardness with her that I could.

  “Shannon and I have an announcement to make and we want you there.”

  My shoulders sagged. “Fine,” I replied flatly. “But I’m only doing this because of your wife. If it was just you, I’d tell you to stick your Thanksgiving turkey somewhere incredibly vulgar.”

  Bill laughed. “She’ll be by in ten. I knew you’d give in.” With that, the line went dead and I stared at my phone torn between amusement and outright anger.

  Still, I waited on the curb for Katie’s familiar orange Fiat. She pulled up not five minutes later and I gently opened the door, mindful of both the repaired handle and the fact that she was doing her best not to look at me.

  I settled into the seat and did my best to force a smile. “Thanks for the ride.”

  She shrugged, but said nothing.

  “We need to swing by a liquor store,” I said softly.

  She grimaced. “It’s Thanksgiving. Do you really think anything’s going to be open?” she hissed.

  “No, I guess not. Fuck my life.”

  She glanced nervously at me. “I brought a couple of bottles of wine. I figured you wouldn’t have any you were willing to part with and when Bill told me to pick you up, I knew I’d need to come prepared.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “Thanks,” I said, embarrassed.

  She shrugged again and turned her attention back to the road.

  We drove on in silence save for the staticky radio that played through one speaker. I kept my eyes on the trees out the window, doing my best to ignore the feeling of Katie watching me every few minutes.

  As we passed by the exit towards Worcester, Katie cleared her throat and glanced at me nervously.

  “I’m sorry you’re having to spend Thanksgiving without David,” she said gently. She was trying, even if the sentiment was forced.

  I laughed. “Yeah, well, it’s not like he made much of an effort,” I replied. “He changed his flight schedule last minute to go back to Chicago today.” I rubbed at my nose. “I rate higher on your priority list and you hate me,” I added bitterly.

  Katie gulped audibly and we settled into yet another awkward silence—the same type that had filled our working relationship since I started.

  “I don’t,” she whispered.

  “You don’t what?”

  She cleared her throat nervously. “I don’t hate you. I just don’t know what to say to you. And it doesn’t help that work keeps tossing us together every few days.” She took a deep and steadying breath. “I may not know how to act or what to say around you, but I don’t hate you.”

  I nodded, but any words lurking in my mind fell silent on my tongue. We drove the rest of the way into Northampton, both doing our best not to pay attention to the other.

  Bill met us at the door of his apartment with a grin. “Welcome back to the hovel,” he said, pulling us in with his infectious smile. Behind him in the living room, the rest of my old team was gathered around a coffee table, laughing and smiling.

  Shannon glanced up at the commotion and smiled. “Happy Thanksgiving,” she said to both of us, hugging Katie first, then wrapping me in a warm embrace. “This is just like old times,” she said kindly.

  I glanced at Katie quickly, feeling my cheeks blush.

  “Something like that,” she said with false cheer. We went our separate ways, Katie following Shannon into the fray while I headed straight to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine—the larger the better.

  Bill followed me into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, watching me as I perused the selection in front of me.

  I settled on a crisp chardonnay and took a long sip, relishing the slight bite on my tongue. Bill sighed and stared at me.

  “What?”

  He shrugged silently. “I didn’t say anything.”

  “You thought it loud enough for me to hear it. You’re wondering what I did to push David away.”

  His expression softened. “I’m wondering what he did to push you away. He should be the one here with you. Not Katie, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like her.”

  I smiled. “You’ve lied to me hundreds of times then.”

  Bill chuckled. “Yep. And I won’t ever apologize for it.” He threw an arm around my shoulders. “Now, tell me about Boston. What’s it like working for a company with actual money behind their name?”

  “It’s pretty amazing,” I gushed.

  We passed the evening together and I was amazed at how natural and relaxed everything felt. With the exception of David being gone, Thanksgiving felt exactly like it should. I was surrounded by people I cared about and by the time we’d piled the plates into the dishwasher and gathered around the coffee table again, I was feeling more like myself.

  Bill cleared his throat and the room fell silent. “As we told each of you, Shannon and I have an announcement to make,” he said with a sheepish grin directed at his wife. We all stared at him in anxious anticipation. Shannon stood and smiled at all of us.

  She wrapped her arm around Bill’s waist and took a deep breath. “We’re pregnant with twins!”

  I squealed and stomped my feet on the floor along with most of the people in the room. There were shouts of joy, congratulations, and a general excitement at the news. They’d been trying for years and nothing had ever worked…until now.

  It wasn’t long after that people started making their excuses to head home. Unlike me and Katie, most of them had responsibilities to take care of—pets to feed, family to see, jobs to head to the following morning. We were free and clear, so we lingered.

  Kate settled on the couch talking to Bill while I helped Shannon in the kitchen with the remaining dishes. She washed as I dried and stashed items in the cabinets that I was all too familiar with.

  Her expression grew thoughtful as she passed me the roasting pan.

  “It’s nice seeing you two together,” she said.

  I sighed. “We’re not together, Shan. We’re barely even civil.”

  She leaned on the counter and sighed. “Liz, how much time do you spend with Kate versus David?” she asked gently.

  I snorted. “She’s an entertainment photographer and I have to work with her at least four times a week. Besides, David’s never home. Even when he is, he’s not really there.” My face crumpled and I felt the tears before I could draw another breath.

  Shannon’s arms wrapped around my shoulders and she held me as I cried. “I feel like I’ve driven him away,” I whined. “What if I’m destined to fuck things up?”

  She laughed gently. “Then you’d be just like everyone else. The key is finding someone that’s supportive even through your mistakes. If it’s not David, so be it.”

  “You think I made a mistake in marrying him,” I said accusingly.

  Shannon sighed and leaned against the damp countertop. Her arms crossed over her chest as she leveled her gaze. “I know you did. I’m only telling you this because I love you. You’re like a sister to me and Bill thinks the world of you. The woman out there on my sofa is the only person I’ve seen you truly happy with.”

  I shook my head and sighed. I had no response. What could I possibly say when confronted with a truth I didn’t want to hear?

  Her hand squeezed my shoulder gently. “Liz,” she started.

  Katie’s face in the doorway interrupted her thoughts.

  “Sorry,” she said hurriedly. “We need to hit the road if we want to be home before dawn,” she said, meeting my eyes for the first time in weeks.

  I nodded and dried my hands on the towel resting on the counter.
“Thanks for dinner,” I said to Shannon.

  She smiled, but her eyes still held the hint of an accusation in them. “You take care of yourself,” she said sincerely.

  I forced a smile. “You take care of our nieces or nephews. You know we’ll be spoiling them the moment they’re born.”

  Shannon arched her brow. “We?” she glanced at Katie.

  I bit my lip. I hadn’t meant to say it. I closed my eyes and sighed. “You know what I mean.” Shannon laughed as I blushed.

  “I think I do. I love you,” she said softly. I replied in kind and pulled her close.

  With a quick hug, I turned my attention to Bill who stood with Katie close to the door. I studied the way she laughed and smiled at him, marveling at her relaxed poise. They hugged quickly before he took the three steps over to me.

  “If you need anything, and I mean anything,” he said sincerely, “call me.”

  “I will,” I promised. With that, Katie and I headed out the door and down the street to her waiting car.

  The ride back to Boston, like the one to Northampton, passed in near silence. Shannon’s words echoed in my mind as I struggled to find something to say to Katie. There was nothing. My mind was blank and nothing, no matter how trivial, could get me to say a single thing.

  She pulled along the curb by my apartment and licked her lips nervously. When her finger went to adjust the frames of her glasses, I knew just how much tonight had been eating at her.

  “Sorry,” she said gently.

  “For what?” I asked softly.

  “That you had a shit Thanksgiving. That you were stuck spending it with me.”

  A smile caught me off guard. “It was nice,” I said honestly. Kate tilted her head with surprise. “Despite what you might think, you’re not the worst person to hang out with. Especially when we’re with a bunch of our old friends.” I opened the door and closed my eyes against the wave of cold air on my face. “Thanks for the ride.”

  She nodded slowly and watched as I closed the door and walked into my apartment building. Only when the door latched behind me did she pull the car away from the side of the road.