Before, There Was You

by Kit Harlow

  Watching her Fiat pull away, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness that greeted me in the dark.

  I trudged my way up the stairs, legs heavy with a strange sense of regret. By the time I collapsed on my sofa, I finally thought to check my phone. There were a few text messages from David, but nothing I was emotionally ready to respond to. One last message from Shannon flashed on my screen.

  I opened the message and smiled. “It was great seeing you and Katie,” she said gently. Attached to the message was a picture of the two of us laughing at some point during the evening. Katie was looking at me as my face was buried in my hands. She stared at me with something resembling adoration and I closed my eyes.

  It could never be. I’d made my choice and even if my husband was being an asshole, I still felt like I’d made the right decision.

  Chapter 7

  Finally, Christmas break came and David was set to spend a full month with me in Boston. I was elated and called out of work to get the apartment ready. To be honest, I’d spent so much time at the office, there wasn’t much to do. After a quick vacuuming, I sat and waited anxiously on the couch, ready to see his familiar face peek through the door.

  We’d have a few hours to spend alone before heading to the office Christmas party and I was ecstatic. When I heard the deadbolt slide home, I jumped to my feet, practically tackling him at the door.

  His strong arms caught me and enveloped me in a tight embrace.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” he said genuinely.

  I kissed him, desperate for the feel of his bulk against my skin. David laughed and dropped his bag. We crashed into the sofa as I hungrily ripped the shirt from his back. His fingers clumsily pulled at my belt, struggling to undo the clasp. With a groan, I helped him, pulling the thin leather strip from my waist.

  He took a deep breath and studied my face. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered hoarsely. I pulled him close and undid the buttons of his fly…I paused.

  “When did you start wearing trendy jeans?” I asked, surprised.

  He smiled. “When I realized I needed to start impressing you a bit more. I’ve been a lousy husband and I aim to make it up to you while I’m home.”

  With that, he pulled me close and I lost myself to his touch.

  A few short hours later, we busied ourselves with getting ready for the party. David fussed with his tie in front of the bathroom mirror. I'd never seen him this flustered before. His hands shook as he tightened the Windsor knot over and over again before he gave up and ripped the thing off his neck.

  "Fuck this tie," he muttered, unbuttoning his collar and letting his deep tan peek through his crisp deep-red shirt. He looked Italian rather than Irish in that moment. It was a byproduct of his job—constantly taking students outside on fieldtrips and spending weeks on end studying geological formations outdoors. It made me smile. He made me smile.

  I put my hands around his waist, hugging him from behind. "Don't use the tie," I whispered. "You look better without it." He did. He looked more relaxed, more like the professor I'd married. And truth be told, he could show up in jeans and a T-shirt and he'd still look great. He was one of those incredibly fortunate individuals that always looked put together regardless of how disheveled they were.

  He finally smiled and relaxed, turning around in my arms. "You look amazing!" David pushed me a few feet away from him to take it all in. I was dressed in a flowing black skirt with a sapphire blue blouse--a far cry from my typical jeans and a blazer work attire. It was a special occasion and I wanted to look the part. On my wrist I wore an old gold chain bracelet, one given to me by my grandmother when I was 17. It complemented the color of my blouse and brought out the gold in my eyes. I looked good and I knew it. David swooped in for a kiss and I lost myself to his embrace. It was full of unbridled passion; being gone as often and for as long as he was took its toll and we made up for it as often as we could. By the time he pulled away, we were both breathless. Knees weak, hands shaking, I turned towards the mirror and straightened my hair, eyes never fully leaving David's reflection. Yeah, we looked good.

  I spun around, unable to prevent the smile plastered to my face. "Ready?" I asked David. Excitement at spending the evening with him, introducing him to what essentially had become my life, flooded every part of me.

  "Why am I nervous?" he asked. "Should I be nervous?" He rocked back and forth on his heels. David was rarely ever still, but when he was nervous, he rarely quit moving.

  Putting my hands on his shoulders, I squeezed them lightly. "I work for an online magazine...not a bank. And besides, you're an academic. You've traveled overseas. You play in the woods looking for cool rocks. You'll have plenty of amazing stories to wow them with."

  He still looked unsure as I spun him around and pushed him out the bathroom. "You'll be fine. Really," I stated, feeling certain of the sentiment even without picturing my husband in a room full of my coworkers. He got along with everyone he met. His mother described him as a popular nerd in school--he was on the soccer team and the debate team. He geeked out at comics, led D&D campaigns, and was prom king. He experienced the best of both worlds, and though he was long past high school, that skill of being a social chameleon never left him.

  We tromped down the stairs and out the front door of our building to our waiting taxi. David held the door for me like the perfect gentleman he was and gave the cabbie very precise directions, something ultimately unnecessary in Boston.

  The party was at the taproom of a local microbrewery. James had called in a favor and rented the tasting room out for us. We were a small operation, so a small venue seemed appropriate. We pulled up out front and I waited for David to open my door. He always insisted on fancy occasions and I had come to expect it. As I stepped out of the taxi and into the cold air, smells of the city dissipated, replaced by malt, hops, and the distinct tang of oak. Clouds of moisture billowed from the vents of the building, broadcasting to the world the warmth and mirth waiting inside those old wooden walls.

  The sidewalk turned from average cement to well-laid flagstones, sanded and worn smooth. The ambling walk led to a converted Victorian house attached by a steel and glass tunnel to the warehouse. It was the perfect blend of antique and modern--the commonality of it being what I loved about this part of Massachusetts. Everywhere you went, the city melded old with new in such a way that made the transition seamless.

  David led the way, gripping my hand like it was his lifeline. It was odd seeing him so nervous. He usually thrived in social situations, but something about tonight was getting to him. I paused on the porch and squeezed his hand.

  "You okay?" I asked, concern filling my voice. He looked pale.

  He took a deep breath. "What if they don't find me interesting?"

  "What?" I said, laughing at the same time.

  "No, I mean it."

  I looked at him, studying his eyes as deeply as I could. "I find you interesting," I replied, smiling gently. "If they don't, fuck 'em," I stated firmly. A smile returned to his face and he opened the door, ushering me in. The room was full of my coworkers, all of us dressed up beyond what we normally wore. Nathan rushed over to greet us, dressed in an emerald green shirt that, on anyone else, would be garish. He kissed me on the cheek and turned to my husband.

  He extended his hand immediately to David. "You must be David. I'm Nate," he said cheerfully. David relaxed instantly.

  "Nice to meet you," he said, grinning and taking Nate's hand in a firm grip. "You're one of the photographers, right?"

  I let the two of them talk for a bit and grabbed a drink, raising my glass silently to Katie who sat at the far end of the room chatting with James and his wife. She smiled and raised her hand slightly. We'd reached some sort of peace, at least for the moment. I turned back and nearly walked into a tall, gorgeous blonde.

  "Excuse you," she snapped and shoved past me. If she hadn't been so eye-catching, my acerbic tongue would have uttered a witty comeback, but instead, I stared, jaw
dropped, watching her saunter over to Katie. I bit my tongue hard against the rising feeling of jealousy. I had no right and I wouldn't jeopardize our new found congeniality with petty reactions. I couldn't afford it. Instead, I walked back over to my husband, conscious of Katie's eyes on me, wrapped my hand around his and leaned against his warm bulk. He and Nate had hit it off and were now talking about the merits of the new Magic the Gathering deck. I groaned inwardly. If there was one thing I never understood, it was card games. Except for poker. Poker I was great at.

  Nathan noticed my bored expression and changed the subject to one I could participate in: how David and I met. David was my editor’s new roommate in Amherst when I was still trying to put my life back together after Katie. One night, I dropped a piece off at Billy’s apartment since I was cutting it close to the deadline. Billy invited me in and David and I started talking. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we'd arranged for a coffee date the following afternoon. Billy never told him I'd been in a serious relationship with a woman and I never saw a reason to elaborate beyond the fact that I'd been with women before. Still, one coffee date led to a dinner and before I knew it, we were dating. It was easy. It was like coming home to a place I'd only imagined could exist.

  Nathan finally left us to check on Stephanie, who had yet to arrive. David and I made small talk with a couple of the staff, gradually making our rounds to where James and Karen had settled. I directed David over to James and his wife. The two were the type of couple I aspired to be with David. They were completely comfortable with each other and the love between them was visible to anyone who looked. James kept it relatively casual, though I had never seen him in anything other than a button down and pressed jeans. He just rolled that way. His wife was stunning, though not in looks. She had gentle eyes, a warm smile, and an inviting laugh that rang out like a bell. She was the kind of person that held everyone's attention just by her kindness.

  James extended his hand to David and introduced himself, clapping David hard on the back like he was my father approving of my date. It was cute. David looked startled, but quickly went back into classroom persona, striking up a conversation about absolutely nothing. He was always good at that. I talked to Karen while he and James discovered their mutual love of soccer. It was low pressure, but eventually, I found my eyes wandering, naturally looking for Katie.

  I felt her eyes on my before I spotted her lingering by the bar absently chatting with the gorgeous blonde. She looked bored, eyes moving around the room much as mine were. Slowly, her gaze traveled towards me. Her face relaxed, a sad grin came to her lips, and she sighed. I quickly averted my eyes, ignoring the feeling of being watched. Kicking myself inwardly, I turned my attention back to the conversation. James had noticed and while David talked to Karen, he shot me a concerned look—one that read 'be careful there.'

  I pulled at David's shirt lightly to get his attention as subtly as possible. I wanted to introduce him to Katie. Well, the vindictive part of me wanted to. I wanted her to meet my husband, to see that we were happy, to be jealous. It was horribly immature of me, but I wanted it all the same. We bade James and Karen a "see you later," and walked towards the bar where Katie sat, leaning against the gleaming wood counter.

  "Katie, I want you to meet my husband, David," I said overly cheerful. "David, this is Katie Masterson, the Smithie I told you about."

  David extended his hand, warmly. "Nice to finally meet you." He was serious, genuine. Then again, he didn't know who she was. "Liz has told me so much about you."

  Katie spared a glance at me and raised an eyebrow. It was subtle. I doubted anyone else would notice, but to me it was as though she shouted, "Did you tell him about us?" I shook my head slightly.

  Still, Katie smiled politely and took his hand. "Nice to meet you, too. I've been wondering when Lizzie would introduce us to her husband. It certainly took her long enough!"

  David chuckled. "Actually, it was my fault. I've been so busy with work, I haven't had time to be social."

  Katie polished off the last of her beer in one large gulp. "And what do you do, David?" she asked, voice flat and eyes hard.

  I could tell from Katie's tone she was measuring him against herself. Though she smiled, it was half-hearted, the kind of grin that makes me want to curl up and hide in a dark hole—feral, plotting. Her eyes never left David's face as she studied him, struggling to find what made him more appealing to me, trying to determine why I said yes to him and why I had let her walk away. The questions were written clearly in the creases of her forehead and the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes.

  "He's a geology professor," I volunteered. If she was going to play this game, I would do it on my terms, my rules, and I would stop it when it was too much. I smiled proudly at David.

  "Sedimentology," he added for clarification.

  Katie kept her face in a carefully schooled mask of near indifference. "Really? You don't look like a corporate schmuck. You get funding from big oil companies, right?" David nodded, shamefaced. "So you help destroy our natural resources, further the influx of CO2 emissions, and encourage the destruction of our planet."

  He sighed and ran his hands through his thick mop of hair. "That's the long and the short of it, yeah. But I try to make the impact we have as minimal as possible and many of my students go on to work for environmentalist organizations." He chuckled nervously.

  Katie had hit the nail on the head and picked out the one part of his job David struggled with. As a fieldworker, he'd been more of an environmentalist. He'd taken the teaching job out of desperation when his firm closed. That he was truly good at helping further the oil and gas industry bothered him almost as much as being away from home did.

  "Sorry, did I offend you?" she asked. I heard the bitterness in her voice and saw the coldness in her eyes. Was it jealousy?

  If I'd been closer to her, I would have kicked her shins under the bar, but she was too far away. She kept her eyes fixed on David's face, looking for some kind of reaction, some indication that he viewed her as the threat she wanted to be.

  David wrapped his arm around my shoulders, oblivious to her tone. "No, you just laid out all the things I hate about my job. Conservation methods were kind of my thing," he said sincerely. "The economy forced me to do something I never imagined myself doing, but hey, beggars can't be choosers, right?" I looked at him gratefully. Katie's smile was forced, her eyes tight.

  "Money has a way of forcing us to make difficult choices," she said pointedly, glaring at me as she did so. I felt the red hot flare of anger welling up in my gut. Only David's arm around my shoulders kept me in check. That and my bitten tongue.

  The woman she'd been talking with came back and Katie's face relaxed slightly. She wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Lizzie," she said, using her pet name for me. I glared and she ignored David who looked moderately confused. As far as he knew, I hated the nickname more than anything.

  "I want you to meet Melissa," she said. I looked at Melissa and studied her. She looked vaguely uncomfortable with the sudden turn of affection, but she was beautiful. Not in an unconventional way, but in a Hollywood way. Her platinum blonde hair looked natural and her eyes were the piercing blue that made me pray they were contacts. Someone with that many good attributes simply shouldn't exist. It just wasn't fair. How could any of us with average-at-best looks hope to compete with that? It might also have been the reason Stephanie was pouting off in the corner.

  Still, she looked out of place with Katie. There was a clear disconnect between the two of them and I began to wonder if Melissa was just doing Katie a favor. Then again, maybe not. Katie leaned her head up and Melissa kissed her full on the lips. I looked away, embarrassed.

  "Nice to meet you, Melissa," David said for both of us. "How long have you been together?" he asked without so much as a second's hesitation. I grimaced when my heart seized. I may be married, but I still didn't like seeing my ex with another woman. And I didn't want to hear the an
swer.

  Katie responded without missing a beat. "Oh, we've known each other for years." She looked at Melissa adoringly, but the muscles in her face twitched, betraying her adoration as a mask for the annoyance she really felt. "I met her when I lived in New York."

  David cocked his head. "Wait," he said thinking hard. "Did you have an art show at Yossi Milo?"

  Katie looked taken aback for a minute, then she smiled genuinely. "Yeah," she said with disbelief. "In 2009."

  "I thought you looked familiar! Your work is amazing." He was gushing like he'd just met a celebrity.

  "Thank you," she replied softly. She darted a nervous glance my way and I shrugged, equally confused. I hated that we could communicate without words.

  "I fell in love with one of your pictures—" He looked away, trying to remember the details. "That one with the woman by the bridge. It's a black and white..." He scratched his head. "Gah, I can't remember the name to save my life!"

  Katie looked at me quickly again. It was nothing more than a second, but our eyes met and a flicker of the old pain darted across my soul. Her eyes showed a depth of emotion no one else had ever matched and for a second, I thought she could see into my very heart. What she saw must have hurt. There was more sadness in her face than I could comprehend, but it was entirely shared. The contact was brief and when she looked away, I felt more exposed than I had in ages, breath caught in my chest.

  "Long Goodbyes," she responded softly.

  David grinned. "I desperately wanted to buy it, but I didn't have the money. I was still in school at the time." He licked his lips. "Any chance I could buy the print off of you now? I'd double your original asking price." He looked so hopeful. I cringed inwardly.

  Katie shook her head. "Of course! But I won't take double. It's not that good," she chuckled, again glancing nervously at me. She kept doing that and I wasn't sure why.