Hanging Stars On Big Willow Creek: A Novel

by Sarah Hill

  Jerking the door open she yelled, “Things worked out exactly how they were supposed to! I love my husband and our son! Don’t you dare tell me it’s not what was meant to happen!”

  “I love my girls!” he shouted back. “I wasn’t saying they were mistakes. Can you look me in the eye and tell me our lives wouldn’t be different if you talked to me first?”

  “Does it matter? The fact is, our lives are different than we planned.”

  “It matters to me!” he barked.

  Pressing her lips together, Rylie stepped back and stared at him. “Why? It won’t change anything.”

  “It will for me,” he replied, softly. “I’ve spent the last half my life believing I wasn’t worth fighting for...,”

  “Maysen, I -,”

  “Let me finish,” Maysen said, through gritted teeth. “Twice now, I failed at preserving a relationship. Knowing you loved me and would have stayed had you given me the chance to talk to you makes all the difference to me. I need to know my love is worth having.”

  The agony on Maysen’s face caused her shoulders to sag. Looking at him through tears she said, “Of course your love is worth having. I was young and stupid and never believed my love was good enough. I died that night, Maysen.”

  “You would have stayed. Say it,” Maysen said, opening the screen door.

  Rylie backed away from him. “Yes. I would have stayed. That doesn’t mean it would have turned out any different. We were young and it’s possible we would have still ended up with other people, Maysen. Saying it out loud doesn’t make it better. It just makes you ache for something you’ve lost.”

  “I already knew the ache, Rylie. I just needed to hear I was worth loving.”

  “I had to work so hard at not thinking about you, Maysen. I never forgot you,” she muttered, wiping a tear from her cheek.

  Maysen stood in front of her with his hands on his hips and nodded. “I’d like to show you something.”

  “What?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

  “Get dressed. I’ll wait outside,” he said, going back through the screen door.

  Rylie watched him sit on the steps just outside the door. He looked broken. Without a word, she went to get dressed.

  After throwing on some jeans and a sweatshirt, Rylie met Maysen outside. “Okay, what do you want to show me?” she asked, unable to hide the exhaustion in her voice.

  “Follow me,” he said, standing up and walking towards the garden gate.

  Rylie followed him through the gate, walking a few feet behind him. “Are we going back to the fire pit?” she asked, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

  Maysen looked over his shoulder at her and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t kiss you again. Unless of course, you want me to.”

  She glared at the back of his head and folded her arms over her chest. “Not likely,” she mumbled.

  As they approached the benches around the fire pit, Maysen pointed and said, “Have a seat.”

  Frowning, she sat and watched as he walked behind the benches on the other side of the pit and squatted behind them. There was a light tapping noise followed by some scratching, which reverberated from behind the benches where he was hidden.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I told you,” he grunted, as he pulled a rock the size of his hand from the back of the bench and balanced it on top of its backrest. “I want to show you something.” Standing up he shoved his hands in his pockets and joined her on the bench.

  She looked over at the top of the bench and asked, “You wanted to show me a rock?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” she asked, still looking at the rock sitting across from them.

  “Do you remember the last night we were together before you left?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” she answered slowly. “The night of the graduation party.”

  “I had a surprise for you.”

  She raised an eyebrow and she nodded once.

  “The surprise wasn’t the treehouse going up in smoke or me cheating on you with Maddie.”

  “I get that now,” she said, unimpressed with his need to relive the past.

  He exhaled and said, “I told you why I had the lighter in my backpack the other day.”

  “Yeah, for the candles.”

  “Right. Last night you asked me what my surprise was,” he said, focusing his eyes on her face.

  With a tight-lipped smile, she nodded and said, “I did. You refused to answer.”

  “It was supposed to be a night to remember. A surprise we’d be talking about for years,” he said, lifting his arm in the air and showing her his hand. His fingers were closed in a fist. “If everything had gone as planned,” he said, opening his hand and revealing a black box, “I would have given you this.”

  Gasping, Rylie stood up and backed away with her mouth gaping open. “You…,” she uttered, placing a hand on her stomach.

  “You guessed right. I wanted to show you a rock today. Just not the rock you were thinking,” he said, glancing at the one he’d pulled from the bench. “Before I poured the cement into the mold sealing the rocks in place, I put this behind that big rock. I wanted to create a tomb of sorts to keep it safe. I figured it belonged in the place that took the girl it belonged to away from me.” Maysen opened the box, revealing a beautiful diamond set in silver. “I wanted to ask you to marry me that night, Rylie.”

  Rylie sat down on the other end of the bench and stared at the ring. She felt queasy and started to cry. “Maysen, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.

  Maysen looked down at the ring and let out a short laugh. “Yeah, me too.”

  They sat in silence as Rylie tried to quell her sobs. Once most of the hiccups and sniffles issuing from her had subsided, Maysen looked up at her.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I just wanted you to know everything that happened or was supposed to happen that night. I needed you to know how much you meant to me.”

  Rylie, still unable to speak, only nodded.

  “I hate seeing you cry. May I?” he asked, motioning to the spot next to her.

  She looked up at him, a deep sniff racking her body as she nodded.

  Maysen sat next to her and wrapped her in his arms. “Rylie, girl. How have I lived this long without you?” he asked, softly kissing the top of her head.

  They remained at the fire pit, sitting in silence for a while longer and mourning something they could never get back. Maysen walked her back to the house. Rylie appreciated that he didn’t push for conversation as he walked wordlessly beside her until she was back inside. He left his number and told her if she needed to talk, he was a phone call away and then left her to be alone.

  A few hours later, Rylie was back in bed. She called Norm to check on Del and to tell him she wasn’t feeling well. He assured her that Del was in good hands and if she was sick, it was better she didn’t come. He told her that the doctor still thought Del would be able to come home in a few days. She made Norm promise to tell Del she loved her. After she hung up, she went straight to bed.

  In all her life, her heart had never felt such turmoil, not even the night the treehouse burned and she thought Maysen cheated on her. The day she left their small town didn’t even compare to the agony she felt right now. She understood why Maysen needed to tell her what he did, but she wished he hadn’t.

  Rylie didn’t know what she was supposed to think or feel anymore. More than anything, she wanted to go home and be with Spencer and Alex. Del coming home wasn’t happening soon enough.

  When she finally had the energy to crawl out of bed, she made herself comfortable on the couch and turned on the television. After absently flipping through channels, she got frustrated and turned it off.

  Taillights flashed past the living room window. It was dark and she couldn’t make out the vehicle which made her feel uneasy. She got up and went to the kitchen. Looking out the window, her stomach sank. It was a big truck pulling into the driveway. She stoo
d and watched as the door opened and Maysen got out.

  “Why,” she moaned, sinking onto the floor with her back against the cupboards. As expected, there was a knock at the door but she remained where she was. She didn’t have any desire to go through feeling anything right now.

  After the third knock, she heard the door open and footsteps come through the laundry room. Maysen came around the corner and peeked in her room. Finding her bed empty he turned around and his eyes found her sitting on the floor. “What are you doing?”

  “Hiding,” she said, her face expressionless.

  “From me?”

  “You’re the only one here,” she mumbled.

  Maysen worked his mouth from side to side as he nodded. “I just wanted to check on you. You look like hell. Have you eaten?”

  “Such a gentleman,” she answered, sarcastically.

  “I’ve never lied to you, Rylie. There is no reason to start now,” he said, reaching his hand down. “Come on, get off the floor.”

  Rolling her eyes, she grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. She jerked a kitchen chair from the table a little more roughly than planned and sat down. “What are you doing here, Maysen?”

  “I already told you why I’m here. Now, you tell me, have you

  eaten?”

  She shook her head and looked away from him.

  “Neither have I,” he said. He went to the fridge and opened the door. Rylie stared into the living room as he placed a pan on the stove and made his way around the kitchen gathering ingredients she had no interest in. They didn’t speak as he sliced ingredients on a cutting board and tossed them into the pan. Her stomach rumbled as a pleasant aroma began to fill the kitchen. Unable to resist, she peeked over at the pan to see what he was cooking.

  Coming around the table with a box of rice-a-roni, he caught her looking towards the stove. “Are you done ignoring me?”

  Scowling at him, she said, “I wasn’t ignoring you. I just don’t have anything to say.”

  He plopped some butter into a second pan and poured the rice on top and then looked over at her. “Okay. Tell me how you feel.”

  “I don’t know how I feel right now.”

  “You have to feel something. Anger, confusion, sorrow?”

  “Is it possible to feel it all at the same time?” she asked.

  He sighed and nodded as he stirred the rice around the melting butter. “That’s about how I feel too.”

  “I wish you’d never told me about the ring,” she said, leaning her head on her arms, looking up at him.

  “I needed to, Rylie,” he replied, pouring water into the pan and placing a lid on top. He turned towards her; his lips turned downward. “It was destroying me.”

  “I know. I understand why you told me. I just wish you hadn’t,” she said, smiling weakly.

  He pulled a chair over and sat in front of her. “If I could go back in time and change what happened and keep Mackenzie and Renee, I’d do it. I know I can’t, but I wish there were a way. I still want you,

  Rylie.”

  Rylie sat up and looked down at her hands.

  “I know it makes you uncomfortable, but not saying how I felt is what made me lose you the last time. From now on, I’m going to lay it out.”

  “Last night, when I was down at the creek by myself, I imagined moving back home and the thought felt so good.”

  “So, come home to me, Rylie,” he said, putting his hands on hers.

  “I imagined moving back home with Spencer and Alex, not to be with you. The thought of having them here to experience the peace and quiet with me was the best feeling on earth.”

  Raking his teeth against his bottom lip, he laughed and sat back. “I lose again.”

  “Don’t think that way. I believe with all my heart that someone as good and wonderful as you will find your happy.”

  Maysen tapped a beat on the table with his fingers and glanced up at her. “Are you completely happy, Rylie?”

  “Yes.”

  “Last night you said you loved us both,” he said, his eyes boring into hers.

  “Yes, but I realize now it’s two different kinds of love. The love I have for you isn’t the same as the love I feel for Spencer,” she said, pausing to gather the right words to explain. “The love I have in my heart for you is a remembered love. I don’t think the memory of love fades.”

  “There isn’t an ounce of your heart that still wants me?”

  Feeling her cheeks grow warm, she looked at the stove. “You better check that,” she said, nodding at the pan.

  “Don’t change the subject,” he said, getting up to check the food. “We didn’t give ourselves the chance we deserved once. Now’s the time to be honest with ourselves. I want you to be raw and real with me. Is there a part of you that still wants me?”

  “Do you have to be so blunt?” she asked, irritation coating her words.

  “Raw and real, Rylie. I’m being direct,” he said, turning off the heat to the stove and grabbing plates from the cupboard.

  “I don’t know,” she growled, through clenched teeth.

  Placing the pan of rice and another pan filled with chicken, squash and mushrooms on hot pads in front of her, he said, “It’s time to figure it out. Let’s eat.”

  October 15, 2010 ~ Morning

  Rylie woke to her phone blaring Hedwig’s Song by her head. It took a second to shake the fuzziness out of her head. Sitting up, she grabbed the phone from the arm of the couch where she had fallen asleep.

  “Hello? Spence?” she said, worried he may have already hung up.

  “Hello sweetheart, I was just about to hang up. You sound like you were asleep.”

  “I was, I’m sorry. It took me a little bit to get oriented enough to grab my phone,” she said, turning to look at the clock on the wall. Her heart froze when she noticed Maysen kicked back in Norm’s recliner. His arms folded over his chest as he peered at her through sleepy eyes. “Oh, God,” she said, the words slipping from her mouth before she could stop them.

  “What’s wrong?” Spencer asked.

  “Nothing. I’m glad you called. I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said, as she stared at Maysen.

  “I didn’t hear from you yesterday, so I thought I better check on

  you.”

  Inhaling, she closed her eyes and said, “Oh, love, forgive me. Yesterday was a rough day. I didn’t feel well and my brain wasn’t working. I didn’t even go see Del.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I am. I think it’s just a mixture of exhaustion,” she said, as she paused and looked over at Maysen again before adding, “and stress.”

  “Mmmm. That will do it to you. Any word on when Del will be released?” he asked.

  “I called Norm yesterday and he said she’s still on schedule to come home in the next few days. So, hopefully it will be soon.”

  “What do you think about Alex and I joining you there?”

  “I would love it. I think we need to get Del home first and see how she’s feeling. I don’t want Alex seeing her in pain. It’s hard enough that I have to see her like that,” she said, remembering Del’s whimpers.

  “I think that’s a good idea. Are you going to see her today?”

  “Yes, I’ll get ready once I get off the phone with you,” she answered.

  “Did you want me to let you go?

  “No. I want to hear how everything is going. How’s Alex?” she asked, her heart clenching as she thought about her perfect little boy.

  “Alex is currently on a high for beating his dear old dad three times at wizard’s chess,” Spencer replied, with a deep laugh that sent chills through her body.

  “Spencer, I miss you so much,” she spoke, tenderly into the phone. The crack of the recliner being shoved into the sitting position made her look back over at Maysen. He was pulling on his boots and avoiding her gaze.

  “I miss you too, baby,” he said, his voice reflecting his love.

  �
��Please tell Alex how much I love and miss him.”

  “I will. You give Del and Norm our love, okay? Let them know we’re thinking about them.”

  “I will. Del will be tickled,” she said, smiling.

  “Okay, talk soon, sweetheart.”

  “Talk soon. I love you, Spencer,” she said, hanging up and looking over at Maysen.

  “Well, I guess I should be going,” Maysen said, standing up.

  “Okay. I need to get ready to go see Del anyway.”

  “Did you want company?” he asked sullenly, as he ducked his head and looked at the floor.

  “I think I need some time to be alone, if that’s okay,” she said.

  “I figured, but wanted to check,” he said, turning towards the kitchen.

  “Hey Mayse,” Rylie said, quietly.

  He stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, keeping his back to her and answered, “Yeah?”

  “Thank you for dinner. It was the best meal I’ve had since getting here,” she said, a nervous laugh escaping her mouth.

  He turned around and, in a few steps, was standing in front of her. His eyes desperately traveled over her face. “I want to kiss you,” he said, his eyes boring into hers.

  Taking a deep breath, Rylie stepped back and said, “I have to get ready. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Flexing his jaw, he jerked his head into a nod and walked away. The door banged shut and an unnerving silence surrounded her. Her shoulders felt heavy as she forced herself to go to her room and get ready.

  As Rylie drove down the freeway and the rolling hills of New Plymouth turned into the blur of businesses that grew in Boise and the surrounding area, she thought about the events of the previous night. After eating dinner and washing the dishes together, they sat in the living room and tried to define the way they were feeling.

  Maysen was adamant he would never want to break up her marriage, but if there were even the slightest hint that she still loved him, he wanted a chance with her. Rylie knew she would always choose Spencer over Maysen, but she couldn’t tell him she didn’t still have feelings for him either. Maysen vowed that until she could say it, he wouldn’t give up hope. They went round and round, getting nowhere and finally falling asleep in the living room