Forever Craving You

by Nia Arthurs

  “And I’ll tell them we had a verbal agreement. The next time you were tempted to drink, I was to tie you up. Remember that?”

  “I—“ Damn. I did say that, didn’t I?

  “Mm-hm.” Griffin gives me his back. “Go ahead, babe.” A pivot. “No, it was just Ollie complaining. Forget him.” A pause. A chuckle. “Did you find a building you liked?”

  I grit my teeth.

  When I get free of this, he’s dead.

  Griffin strolls toward the kitchen. Slants the phone down. Whispers, “I’m getting some water. You want anything?”

  A glare is my only reply.

  He shrugs. Keeps talking to Cobie. “If the price is right, I say buy it. You’ve been waiting a long time to snag a good location for the salon …”

  As he disappears into the next room, I struggle to slip out of my constraints.

  My effort is in vain.

  Funny thing is, Griffin wasn’t the one who locked me in.

  Catherine did.

  That woman might look as dainty as a princess, but she ties knots like a pirate.

  I give the rope around my wrists the stink eye.

  Where the hell did she learn to do this?

  Griffin returns to the room with a bottle of water. Despite telling him I didn’t want any, he tilts a cup toward me. “Take a sip. It’s not beer, but it’ll have to do.”

  “I don’t need a drink anymore,” I snarl.

  The urge left about three hours ago, replaced with the need to strangle Griff.

  “Catherine said to leave you like this for another hour just to be sure.”

  “And you work for Catherine now?”

  Griff sends me a dirty look. “Could you shut up? I’m on the phone.”

  I scowl.

  He scowls right back.

  Turns away.

  Cups the phone lovingly. “Yeah, babe. We can check the place out together.” He strolls. Throws his head back. Smiles. “I love you more.”

  I gag in my mouth.

  Just then, there’s a knock on the door.

  “That must be Teale,” Griff says. “Baby, I’ll have to call you back. Love you too.” Griffin tucks his phone into his pocket.

  “Did you call my brother?” I ask as he walks to the door.

  “Cobie needs me.”

  “Instead of calling my brother, you should just untie me!”

  “Someone else will take the night shift. Just in case you get tempted to drink again while I’m not here.”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I grumble.

  “You’re the one who begged me to intervene.” Griffin hauls the door open.

  Teale’s voice rings through the room. “Where’s the hostage?”

  I glare at the floor.

  Squeeze my eyes shut in embarrassment.

  Teale will never let me live this down.

  Footsteps clamor.

  Someone gasps.

  My eyes pop open.

  I lift my head and my gaze collides with Chandra’s.

  “Teale, I thought you were joking.” Her hair flings behind her. Brown eyes burst to flames. “Griff, why did you tie him up?”

  “He asked for it.”

  I squirm. “Chandra, what are you doing here?”

  “Teale picked me up while he was taking Catherine to the train station.”

  I stop.

  Slide my gaze over to my brother.

  He gives me a two-finger salute. “Catherine’s idea.”

  “That girl…”

  Chandra marches forward. “Did you need to drink so badly you had to be physically tied down?”

  “I can explain.”

  “You better.” She swings on her heels. Pins Teale and Griffin with a sharp look. “I’ll take over now, guys. Thanks.”

  Griffin doesn’t hesitate. The guy disappears so fast it looks like he teleported.

  Teale lingers. “You sure?”

  “I can handle him.”

  “Thanks for your concern, brother,” I grind out.

  He points at the ropes. “Someone should have thought of this a long time ago.” With an easy smile at Chandra, Teale slips his hands into his pockets. “Good luck with that one.”

  She dips her head.

  Teale languidly leaves, closing the door behind him.

  It’s just me and Chandra now.

  Silence settles between us.

  Chandra breaks it first.

  “What happened?”

  I grimace.

  After I grabbed my wallet and rushed out, I got caught. Catherine and Griff were right outside.

  As if they’d known what was on my mind. Where I was going.

  “I got waylaid.” I glance at her face. “You gonna help me out?”

  “No.” She primly folds her arms over her chest. Walks a line in front of me. “I kinda like this power dynamic.” She stops. Drops her arms. Leans over the chair. Swoops close enough for a kiss. “It’s sexy.”

  Sexy doesn’t begin to describe it.

  In any other situation, I’d be down.

  But I’ve been strapped to this chair all afternoon.

  I’m ready to get out.

  “Very funny. Now untie me.”

  “You know,” she speaks as if she hasn’t heard, “I thought your dark secret was that you’d killed someone in that drunk driving accident.”

  I go still. Choose my words carefully. “You think reality is any better?”

  “Catherine’s still alive. And she adores you.”

  “She can’t walk. Whether she forgave me or not, I stole her future.”

  “That sounds very dramatic.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  There’s no denying cold-hard facts. Catherine might be a saint, but reality won’t change because she decided she wants me at her wedding.

  “Why are you so hard on yourself? It was ten years ago. You were a kid. You made a mistake.”

  My eyes dart left.

  I scoff.

  Catherine said the same thing earlier. Almost word for word.

  Why are these women so eager to forgive a man who can’t forgive himself?

  My gut churns. “I went to a party. I drank while I was underage. I drove my car. Like an idiot. I crashed into Catherine on the way home. I went to jail.”

  Her eyebrows slant into a V. “You did your time, right? You’re sorry.”

  “Sorry?” I scoff. “Will being sorry give Catherine her legs back?”

  “No, but—”

  “You want to know the worst part?”

  Chandra steps back. Studies me intently.

  “I don’t remember any of it. That night… it’s just a blur. I blacked out and woke up in a cell.” My fingers curl into white-knuckled fists. “I was so trashed, the first time I heard the details of what happened was at the hearing.” My nostrils flare. My voice shakes. “When you steal someone’s legs. When you ruin someone’s life. At the very least you should remember. It should haunt and torture you. The sight. The sound. The panic. But I can’t even do that. I can’t even give her that.”

  Chandra kneels in front of me.

  Brown skin shimmers beneath the light.

  Brown eyes hold love and understanding.

  She rests a hand on my knee. A gentle touch.

  “Do you know what Catherine asked me to do before she went home?”

  I shrug.

  To be honest, I don’t have the slightest clue what goes on in that woman’s mind.

  Chandra smiles tenderly. “She asked me to let you go.”

  My heart drops.

  We both know she’s talking about more than the ropes.

  I shake my head.

  I’d rather stay tied up forever.

  “No.”

  “Humans are flawed, Ollie. Sometimes, we make a decision that costs us everything.” Her thick lashes sweep down. Bounce back up. “You went to prison, but you never came out.” She takes my hand. Locks our fingers together. “I know it’s scary to
accept forgiveness, but it’s time to leave, Ollie. It’s time to be free.”

  I look to Chandra. She’s saying things I want to believe but don’t think I deserve to. Can a man like me really find redemption?

  No, of course not.

  What kind of villain gets a happy ending?

  Her fingers walk over to the ropes.

  She loosens the knots.

  “Stop.”

  Her fingers pause. She tilts her head.

  “I-I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  My mind skitters with a million thoughts.

  Guilt sinks its teeth into my neck.

  I’m a monster.

  Chandra’s voice rises above the melee. “‘You deserve to be loved. ‘Properly.’ Isn’t that what you told me? Well, how can you love me when a part of you is still trapped in the darkness? How can you accept my love if you don’t think you’re worthy of it?”

  Her words penetrate the thick wall of guilt built around my heart.

  The walls rupture. A crack splinters the foundation. Works its way up.

  “Ollie, if you want a future—even if it’s not a future with me—you’ve got to let the past go. You’re allowed to grow and apologize and love and be happy. You’re allowed to do that.”

  I feel tears pushing at the back of my eyes.

  Fight the sensation with everything that’s in me.

  I’ve never cared about my own happiness. I thought it would be too selfish to get what I want.

  But I want Chandra.

  More than anything.

  And I want to be free.

  My fingers twitch.

  In stilted, uncertain movements, I maneuver one hand out of the rope that Chandra loosened. It feels like I’m burning through skin and bone. Like I’m breaking a cardinal rule.

  But I keep going.

  I untie the other rope.

  I don’t stop until there’s nothing binding me anymore.

  My legs are wobbly when I stand—from my still-healing ankle and from being seated for so long.

  Chandra sees my struggle. Wraps her slender arm around my waist. Helps me up.

  My heart is pounding.

  I don’t think I’m there yet, at a place where I can forgive myself.

  But this is one step.

  It’s better than where I was yesterday.

  Or even five hours ago.

  Chandra squeezes my hand. “It feels nice.”

  “What?”

  She reaches up. Cups my cheek. “Being loved properly.”

  I smile.

  Lean down.

  Kiss her.

  I wouldn’t have made it this far with any other person.

  It had to be Chandra.

  It had to be her.

  30 Chandra

  The hardest part of moving on is taking that first step.

  Or so I’ve heard.

  Ollie is proving to me that the second, third and fourth steps are all equally excruciating.

  I hug the phone to my ear. “It’s just a friend request. You can be friends with Catherine on social media, Ollie. It’s not a crime.”

  “We’re not friends,” he says.

  I suck in a deep breath. Press a finger to the middle of my forehead.

  Why did I get in the middle of these two?

  “Catherine wants you to read her travel blog. She says it’ll mean a lot to her.”

  “I can’t do it.”

  “So what do you want me to do? Should I go back and tell her I failed? She thinks I have you wrapped around my little finger. I can’t let her know the truth.”

  “And what is the truth?” he grumbles.

  “That as sexy as you look on the outside, you’re a stubborn old mule on the inside and you’d crush my finger if I tried to wrap you around it.”

  Ollie laughs loudly.

  “I’m serious.”

  “I love that.”

  “I love you.”

  He pauses.

  I can imagine his shocked expression and it makes me smile.

  Huskily, he scolds. “Did you say that just to get your way?”

  “Half and half.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “How are things at the gym today?”

  “Chandra,” he growls.

  I lean against the counter. Put the phone to my other ear. “Yes?”

  There’s a commotion on Ollie’s side of the call.

  He curses under his breath. “I have to go. Jenine’s on my back about the elliptical again.”

  “Tell her hi for me.” I grin.

  I’d met Ollie’s right-hand woman when I visited the gym earlier this week. Jenine is smart and spunky. We clicked immediately.

  Even though she held the business down like a boss while Ollie was recuperating, he’s still swamped trying to catch up with everything. It’s been hard to squeeze in dates between his frantic schedule and mine.

  But we get it done.

  In fact, the night the doctor declared his ankle all healed, we had a very special, enthusiastic celebration.

  My face heats from just thinking about it.

  “We’ll finish this discussion later,” Ollie rumbles in that quiet voice that tells me he’s thinking of a creative punishment that I’ll totally enjoy.

  I play innocent. “What discussion?”

  He grunts.

  I chuckle. “Later.”

  We hang up.

  I tuck my phone in the pocket of my cute ruffled blazer and tap the glass counter. Beautiful pastries glimmer beneath the orange lights. Another savory scent unfurls from the back where Zania is hard at work baking a cake for a wedding order tomorrow.

  My smile stretches my cheeks.

  I’m still waiting for these happy endorphins to fade away. I can’t possibly be this in love forever, right?

  Damn. But it feels that way.

  It feels like Ollie will give me these butterflies for the rest of my life.

  The bells above the door chime.

  Spinning, I begin, “Welcome to Brew Drop. How can I… you!”

  “Hi, Chandra.” Rachel, Rick’s ex and the crazy woman who busted my lip a week ago, looks back at me.

  She’s wearing a simple blouse, booty shorts, and a pair of cheap, plastic flip-flops. Without the wig and that crazed gleam she’d sported that first day we met, Rachel could be any girl from my hometown block.

  “What do you want?” I ask warily.

  I can tell that she’s not in here to kill me today, but I can’t be too sure.

  “I wanted to say…” She sucks in a breath. Exhales. “I’m sorry.”

  My eyebrows shoot all the way up.

  “That day, I’d just found out I was pregnant.” Brown eyes skate to the ground. “My foster mom kicked me out. Said if I was a woman now I should take care of my own self. And Rick, well, you saw. He’s acting like I’m nothing. Like he didn’t hit it raw more than once.” She shakes her head. Finishes off in a weak tone. “Well, yeah. That’s not a good excuse but it’s the only one I got.” Her chin rises and juts toward my lip. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  She shrugs. “Thanks for not going to the cops.”

  “I didn’t do it for you.”

  “Yeah, but… still.”

  My gaze skims Rachel’s face. She’s younger than I thought. Definitely more naïve.

  I could have been her.

  The thought hits me in the gut.

  If not for my mother, I wouldn’t have any idea how to maneuver the world of the rich and the famous without getting hurt. Maybe, in her own way, Mom broke me down so I could build myself up stronger.

  “Rick disappeared,” Rachel says suddenly.

  I blink rapidly, shocked.

  “He’s not answering his cell. The hotel said they booked a flight out of the country. That bastard jumped out on me and his kid.”

  It’s good news for me.

  Not so much for Rachel.

  “You’re probably
happy about that,” she grumbles as if she heard my thoughts.

  “I’m not… mad.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll find him. He’ll pay for this child.”

  “I hope you do.”

  “Well,” Rachel says after a few beats of silence, “that’s all.” She turns. Takes a step toward the door.

  “Uh,” I rub the back of my neck, “do you want a cupcake? For the road?”

  Her eyes light up like I’ve offered her money. She nods eagerly.

  In her expression, I see the innocence of her youth.

  A child—my eyes slide down to her stomach—having a child.

  I box up a couple of cupcakes and send her on her way.

  After Rachel leaves, I have an insistent urge to call my mother. We haven’t spoken in years.

  My choice. There’s only so much verbal abuse a human spirit can take before it shuts down. When I left our hometown, I left her toxic presence far behind too.

  But I’m not that insecure woman anymore.

  To my surprise, she answers on the first ring.

  As if she’d been waiting.

  “Chandra?”

  I’m suddenly nervous. “Hi, Mom.”

  “I was starting to think you were dead.”

  “I’m alive and well. Are you? I mean, are you okay?”

  “I’m good.”

  Awkwardness pulses between us.

  She clears her throat. “You still with that Rick guy?”

  “No. We broke up.” I pause. “I’m dating someone new now. Someone who loves me and cares about me. All of me.” Not just the hole between my thighs. “His name is Ollie.”

  Mom goes silent.

  I wait for her to say something. To ask if he’s rich or influential. To ask if I’m getting out of him what he’s getting out of me.

  But she doesn’t.

  “Well, I’m glad. Really, Chandra.”

  “Thanks.”

  There’s not much else to say.

  “Goodbye, Mom.”

  “I…”

  My fingers tighten on the phone. I put it back to my ear. “What?”

  “I know I wasn’t the best mother to you. Your father… had his fun with me and then left me with a kid I couldn’t afford to raise. It was hard, but I got through it thinking I could keep you from making the same mistakes. I’m sorry, Chandra.”

  A big ball of emotion lodges in my chest. “I appreciate that.”

  “Would you… consider coming home for a visit sometime?”

  “Maybe.”

  She makes a sound in her throat. “Okay.”