Her Perfect Life

by Hinze, Vicki

  He had a point about water. But this wasn’t a pool, it was her life. “Nothing will ever be as it was. The kids… Sam… Everything is different for them and me. Nothing in my life--it will never be the same.”

  “No, it won’t.” C.D. reared back and cupped her face in his hands. “It can’t. So things will be different, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be good.” He touched his forehead to hers. “You’re missing the obvious.”

  “What obvious?”

  “What your life is from here is up to you,” he said. “Don’t you see? You have a second chance here, honey. Many would kill for that kind of fresh start. You can make your life exactly what you want. You just have to accept the changes in your old life and believe that the life you choose to create for yourself will be better.”

  “That requires a lot of faith.” She thought about it a long minute, then grunted. “After everything else, you’re asking me to have a lot of faith.”

  “I guess I am,” he admitted. “But it’s faith in you, Katie.” He stroked her cheek, softened his voice. “I believe in you. You have to believe in you, too.”

  “I don’t know if I can.” How could she trust herself? She didn’t even know what was real and what wasn’t? Only a fool would trust . . .

  “You can try,” he said. “And until you can do it for yourself, I’ll believe enough for us both.”

  She looked up at him, saw a tear trickle down his cheek. “Oh, C.D.” Her chest went tight, her heart squeezed and her voice faded to a bare echo of sound. “I would be so lost without you.”

  He smiled. “Then we’d better stick together, eh?”

  She smiled, her hand on his chest over his heart. “Yeah.”

  “Let’s blow this joint, grab a burger and hit the mall.”

  “Food? Yes, absolutely. But shopping?” She wrinkled her nose. “You hate the mall.”

  “True, it’s not my favorite place.” He backed up a bit. “But the kids will be back tomorrow, and you need some different clothes to wear and some shoes you can stand up in without wobbling.”

  “Great idea, but my pay hasn’t come through yet.”

  “Money is no object, Angel.” He grunted. “Didn’t Sam tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  “I’m load. . . er, financially independent.” C.D. exaggerated a toothy smile.

  “You own a bar, hotshot, not a string of—”

  “Okay. Okay. I own a couple of things,” he interrupted, waggling his eyebrows. “Including a little stock that actually pays dividends.”

  “No way.” She couldn’t believe it. “How in the world did that happen?”

  He laughed.

  “No offense.” She had the grace to sound contrite and repentant. “But a financial whiz you’re not.” Had that changed, too? “Or, at least, you never were.”

  “I’m still not,” he said. “But do you remember that little blond bombshell, Samantha?”

  Her image formed in Katie’s mind. “Your Barbie doll.” Katie lifted a hand. “Yeah, I remember her.” When she was around, every man in a five-mile radius had to pick his tongue up off the floor to keep from stepping on it—every man except C.D., which is why Barbie latched onto him.

  “Remember you telling me to listen to her, that she was smart on money?”

  Katie nodded. C.D. had told her he’d lost his backside twice, trying to invest and this specific Barbie doll, Samantha, was also a gifted financial analyst. “Don’t tell me,” Katie said. “You actually listened to her?”

  “Technically, I listened to you, and paid attention to her. I still am. She’s made me…” He hesitated, then continued. “Comfortable.”

  “Wow.” Katie smiled. “I’m surprised you didn’t marry her.”

  “Not a chance.” He swung over to the bedside table and chugged down half her glass of water. “We were great chemistry-wise, but otherwise, she bored me out of my skull. All she’s interested in are mergers, stock and business news. The woman didn’t know a weed from a fern.”

  Katie was a master gardener, and when she’d been planning her garden, she’d driven him out of his skull regularly with talk of plants. C.D. had indulged her, pretended to be interested and even stated his preferences, which had to be as exciting for him as viewing a thousand green color swatches to choose one. So why hadn’t he indulged Barbie? “She has no knowledge of plants?” Katie feigned shock.

  “None.” He grunted, hamming it up. “Hard to believe, but true.”

  “How sad for her.”

  “It was pitiful,” he said. “She still manages my finances, but we haven’t dated for a couple years.”

  “How really sad for her.” Katie grinned.

  Her teasing made him smile. “Come on, you heartless minx. Let’s see how many clerks we can drive crazy by buying you more than they can ring up.”

  Katie grimaced. “I don’t feel right about spending your money.”

  “Consider it a welcome home gift,” he said. “Or consider it a partial payment toward buying you off so you don’t hate me anymore. Bribery works. I’ll sleep fine with it.” He grinned. “Or your could consider it restitution, or even a commission, for all the advice on women and finances you’ve given me over the years. Actually, since you’re the reason I’m financially stable, it’s only fair you get a cut.”

  “That I can accept until they get my pay straightened out.” She frowned. “Will the powers that be let me leave here?”

  “I’m sneaking you out,” he confessed in a conspiratorial whisper. “With the help of my trusty accomplice.”

  “Ashley?”

  He nodded.

  Katie smiled. “Let’s go.”

  * * *

  The mall was large, loud, and freezing cold.

  “First stop, we get you a sweater before your chattering cracks your teeth or your jaw.” C.D. led her into a boutique and spotted them on a round rack. “Here you go.”

  Katie pulled a white one in her usual size from its hanger and put it on. It hung everywhere, reminding her yet again that things were not now as they had been.

  C.D. smoothly dropped down two sizes. “Try this one, Angel.”

  And so it went. From store to store, with C.D. snagging clothes left and right, then resting his knee by sitting on a chair outside the dressing room, while she tried them on. Funny, but she couldn’t remember Sam once going shopping with her like this. Had he? Or was that just one more thing where her mind was playing tricks on her, leaving her to guess whether what she thought was real actually was real or just imagined.

  In the dressing room, she eased a pink sundress on over her head. Surely at some time he had been shopping with her and she’d just forgotten it. In her old life, that wouldn’t have been significant to her. Now, everything was significant to her. The little things should have been important then, too.

  In her mind, she heard her father’s voice. Live and learn, Katie girl.

  “Hard lessons, Dad, but I’ve learned them now.” She connected the top around her neck, searching her memory, but no images of her and Sam ever shopping together came to her. She met her eyes in the mirror. Sam had never gone shopping with her—or with her and the kids; she was certain of it. He’d always begged off, needing to go to the hospital or to the office or something.

  How odd. Such a simple thing. She counted in her head. Thirteen years of marriage, and they had loved each other, but facts were facts, and they hadn’t had much in common except love and their home and children.

  He’d hated her job. Resented her having to go TDY for temporary duty on short notice, though he’d loved being able to tell people his wife was a pilot.

  She’d hated his job. Resented him having to interrupt plans with her or the kids to go to the hospital to deliver a baby or do this or that surgery or whatever else he actually did with his time. He was rarely with them. That’s how she’d gotten interested in gardening to start with; it was something to do while waiting for Sam.

  She’d spent a lot
of time waiting for Sam.

  Funny. None of that ever had bothered her before.

  You have a second chance… Remembering C.D.’s words, she looked into her own eyes in the mirror. You can make your life exactly what you want.

  “Okay, great,” she told herself. “But what in the world do I want?”

  That, too, was going to take some time to figure out.

  She stepped back into her shoes, then went out to where C.D. sat waiting, surrounded by stuffed shopping bags. “What do you think?”

  He took his time, his eyes warm and appreciative. “It needs sandals.”

  Because it did and he knew it, she laughed hard and deep. “You’ve got way too much experience shopping with women, C.D. Quade.”

  “I’ve put in a lot of hours on these chairs.” He stood up. “Wear it, Angel,” he suggested. “It looks great.”

  “Thanks. I will.” She smiled and grabbed the clothes she’d worn in: jeans and a T-shirt borrowed from Ashley, C.D.’s co-conspirator.

  He pecked a kiss to her nose and then gathered the packages. “On to shoes!”

  Chapter Six

  The second visit with Molly and Jake didn’t go much better than the first. Molly still hid behind Blair, Jake acted as if he’d had to be roped into being there and, while Blair continued to encourage the kids to open up to Katie, she looked even more nervous than she had yesterday, when they had first met.

  After thirty very tense minutes, everyone’s nerves were wired tight. The time came for them to go, and Blair told Jake, “Honey, take your sister out in the hallway and wait there. I’ll be out in just a second.”

  He and Molly left.

  Neither of them told Katie good-bye.

  Blair walked closer, midway between the bedside chair in which Katie sat and the door. Tension lined her face and she frowned. “I’m sorry, Katie.”

  “For what?” She kept her hands in her lap and her expression neutral, though she sensed that whatever Blair was about to say would be critically important.

  “That this is… hard.” She took in a breath that lifted her shoulders. “The kids are confused and scared right now, but given a little time, they’ll come around.”

  “You’ve been a good mother to them.”

  “I’ve tried to be.” Blair looked terrified; she was shaking.

  “They love you.” Katie couldn’t deny it; it was evident in the kids. They looked to her for protection and direction.

  “They’ll love you again, too, once they get used to… whatever comes after this.”

  Blair was terrified. As terrified as Katie of what would come next. “I talked with my father,” Katie said. “He thinks the world of you. Your bringing the children to see them has meant everything to him and my mother.”

  She looked down and then forced herself to meet Katie’s eyes. “When I came into the picture, your things were still where you’d left them in the house. It was like you’d left for work that morning and not yet returned home. You’d been buried for over a year then.” A wistful smile tugged at the corner of Blair’s mouth. “And of course you were everywhere in the garden. It was so beautiful, and I thought, how can I compete with all this? There’s no room for me here.”

  Surprised, Katie didn’t know what to say.

  “So I decided I wouldn’t,” Blair went on. “Compete with you or your memory, I mean. I decided to create my own space.” She shrugged. “I never knew my grandparents, and well, who wants to know Sam’s parents?” She made a goofy face.

  Katie understood perfectly. They were hyper-critical, anal-retentive and drove everyone nuts within two minutes of contact. “Believe me, I understand.”

  “I was grateful for what you’d done for America, Katie. What you’d done for me. I know that sounds corny, but it’s true.” She fought to verbalize her feelings and the struggle showed clearly in her face. “I wanted the kids to know that you were fighting for them over there, for their freedom, and that they should be proud of you. I wanted them to know your parents, and I knew your parents needed to know your children because they were all they had left of you. As a woman who lacked one, I know that last connection is a sacred thing, you know?” Blair tilted her head. “Anyway, all of that was very important to me.”

  Blair had put a lot of thought and heart into her actions. “Thank you,” Katie said, acknowledging that and her own value placed on it. She strongly suspected that the reason Sam had been missing-in-action around her was because he was manipulating things behind the scenes. And she hoped Blair was honest enough to admit it. At the moment, based on how she’d handled everything else, Katie bet on Blair. “Does the sorting out you mentioned include Sam?”

  Blair nodded.

  “He isn’t delivering another baby, is he?” He’d left the difficult work of dealing with Katie to Blair. Again.

  “No.” She couldn’t meet Katie’s eyes. “He’s not.”

  “From his absence here, I’d say that he’s decided to stay with you—even though your marriage has been set aside, or soon will be,” Katie said. “Am I right about that?”

  “Before he left to meet with the attorney to find out what we should all do, that was what he said,” Blair admitted. “But who knows? Things are changing far too quickly and too often for me to predict what Sam will actually do on anything.” Her eyes held the tiniest bit of hurt. “That’s as honest as I can be at the moment, Katie. You know what I know.”

  Well, one husband, gone. Katie tried not to feel cheated, but she did. Still, she couldn’t be devastated. But oddly it wasn’t because of Sam. It was because of Blair. Katie respected her. Enormously. And this return-of-the-dead wife had to be sheer agony for her. After all, it was undeniably agony for Katie, and Blair had an equal amount to lose.

  “Katie.” Blair blinked hard. “This is delicate, and I don’t want to offend you in any way. Understand that, okay?” She waited for Katie’s nod and then went on. “I hope you won’t demand custody of the kids—not that I don’t think you’re a good mother, but because…” Blair paused and swallowed hard, shuffled and blew out a shaky breath. “The change would be so traumatic for them.”

  Oh God. Katie had thought about this a lot, too, and she’d thought she was safe—that it would be a discussion between her and Sam—but clearly it wouldn’t. Clearly the time had come now, between her and Blair, to openly discuss it. “I’ve considered this, of course. Deeply,” she added, wanting Blair to know that it wasn’t an off-the-cuff response she was getting from Katie, but one given the thought and care and concern warranted. “I don’t want to cause anyone trauma, Blair, especially the kids. But I do love them and I want to be a part of their lives.”

  “Of course.” Blair looked genuinely stunned. “Of course, Katie. I didn’t—I would never suggest that you not be.” A tear leaked from her eye and she shook herself. “Oh, no. I swore I wouldn’t do this.”

  Katie understood, had made the same vow to herself. “I understand.”

  “If anyone does, it’d be you.” Blair sniffed and snagged a tissue from Katie’s box. “God, Katie. Beyond what’s happening with both of us, I can only imagine what you’re feeling. After all you’ve already been through, I—I hate it that you’re having to deal with even more. I swear, I do. I wish—” Her voice broke, she paused to collect herself, then added, “I wish it could be easier for you.”

  All the anger and disappointment and resentment inside Katie whipped around, but it had no place to go. Losing her husband and kids would be so much easier if Blair were a shrew Katie could hate with passion and conviction.

  But Blair wasn’t a shrew.

  She was a good woman, who’d been good to Katie’s kids and her parents and under difficult circumstances had treated Katie with respect—both in her absence, and in her presence. Blair had acted with dignity and grace—and with more compassion for Katie and the kids than Sam. Katie couldn’t hate Blair at all, blast it.

  Resigned to it, Katie opened up to acceptance and let it settle in
. “Thank you for telling me the truth,” she said. “About Sam and, well, about everything.”

  “Regarding custody…”

  “I don’t know what to do, Blair. I really don’t.” Katie swiped her hair back from her face. “But I promise you this: You and I will talk about what is to be done, and we’ll work it out together.”

  Her mouth rounded. “But Sam is their father, Katie. He—”

  “Isn’t here,” Katie said, letting the raw edges of her anger seep through. “He hasn’t been here. He hasn’t expressed his concerns about the children. You have.”

  “But, Katie, he’s—”

  She held up a fingertip. “Let me ask you one question that will resolve this.”

  Blair nodded.

  “You’ve brought the children to see my parents every three months for five years.”

  Again she nodded.

  “Did Sam go with you on any of those trips? Even once?”

  Blair didn’t move.

  “Exactly my point.” Katie stood up. “We’ll work together, Blair. We have the children’s best interests at heart.”

  “Yes, we do.” Blair offered Katie a trembling smile, clearly relieved she didn’t intend to shut her out of the kids’ lives. “Don’t be discouraged, okay? Last night at dinner, Molly told her Dad all about you two planting iris bulbs. And Jake is fascinated by a mom who can fly planes.”

  Katie looked at Blair, long and deep. “And you’re okay with that?”

  She nodded. “I told you, Katie. I decided a long time ago not to try to compete with you. Their hearts are plenty big enough to love us both.”

  Jake stuck his head in the room. “Mom, I’m going to be late for swim practice.”

  Blair nodded. “I’m coming.” She turned to Katie. “We’ll be back tomorrow.”

  Katie nodded and watched her go. “And she’s worried about competing with me?” she asked herself, then harrumphed. Katie didn’t stand a chance against the woman. Blair was in a different league.

  * * *

  C.D. spent as much time as possible with Katie, trying to help her ease back into a life outside a prison camp. But the one thing she needed and wanted most was her family, and that he couldn’t give her.