The Boy I Once Loved

by Cara E Holt

  She laughs and we joke about how hot both the actors are. Caleb comes and flops down on the sofa beside me and puts his arm over the back of the sofa behind me. "Tell me then, Ella, what is your type? I'm thinking Blonde, athletic-looking, good at football?" He winks.

  “Oh, really?” I grin. “Funny that description sounds a lot like you.”

  He grins and feigns surprised. “Oh yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” He nudges me. “Did Aria here tell you I am currently single and available?”

  “No, she didn’t,” I chuckle. “Funnily enough, we weren’t talking about you at all.”

  He touches his heart and looks hurt. “Dylan, help me out here.” He shouts over to Dylan, who is leaning on his cue. “I’m trying to convince Ella here that I am her type.”

  Dylan shakes his head. “You’re not good enough for Ella.”

  “Oh yeah, and who is?” Caleb’s brow arches in interest. There is a teasing challenge in his eyes as he watches Dylan.

  Dylan glares at him, and then his eyes fall on me. “No one here is good enough for her.”

  For a second we both stare at each other before Connor breaks the silence by clearing his throat. “I need food. Anyone else?”

  "Hell yes," Caleb shouts. "Bring crisps and cookies."

  Aria tuts. “That won’t be good for your athletic waistline, Caleb.”

  He laughs and he lifts his top, revealing his taut stomach. “There’s no fat on these perfect abs, I promise you.” He smirks over at me. “Want a feel?”

  “Mills!” Dylan warns, which just makes him grin even wider.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, no hitting on Ella.” He gives Dylan a salute and then shouts after Connor following him to the kitchen.

  “See what I mean?” Aria grins. “This lot together are a handful.”

  We spend the rest of the afternoon in the den, and Aria really begins to grow on me. She is genuinely lovely if a little too curious about my friendship with Dylan, but I like her. It is obvious that she dotes on Connor and that just makes me like her even more. She gushes as she tells me how they got together after working on a college project six months ago and they have a little flirty bicker over who made the first move.

  Dylan's mum arrives home, and the boys all leave just leaving Connor, Aria, Dylan and me. She invites them both to stay for an early tea but Aria declines saying she is already going to her grandparents for a roast dinner this evening. Connor looks like he is about to say yes, but then shares a look with Dylan and he suddenly remembers he has homework that he needs to get done tonight. Aria gets me to swap numbers with her before she goes, and she insists we have a girly weekend soon. Stacey takes Charlie for an early bath whilst dinner is in the oven, leaving Dylan and me alone in the den.

  He sits all relaxed beside me on the sofa as we watch the voice on catch- up. He stretches out with his arms behind his head and his feet on the footstool beside mine. His t-shirt rides up, giving me a small peek of his abs. I wonder what it would be like to run my fingers up his chest, and suddenly I feel like the room is thick with tension. Luckily there have been no more embarrassing toilet visits as when Stacey got home, she helped me instead of Dylan.

  “It was good today, hanging out with the guys?” I’m not sure whether he is making an observation or asking me a question.

  I nod. “Yeah, they all seem great. You know Dyl, I don’t want you to feel obliged to include me. I can make my own friends.”

  He frowns, looking really pissed, and turns on his side to face me. “Will you stop that and just accept that I want to hang out with you. You’re the only girl I feel I can relax around Ella. You’re not one of those girls who are trying to get in my pants just so they can say they have been with me to boost their own popularity.”

  I groan inside my own head. Good job he does not know about the dirty thoughts and dreams I have about him. He grabs my hand and rubs his finger around my palm. “You’re the only girl that really knows me, what makes me tick.” He lines his fingers up with mine and observes our hands together before he intertwines them, making my stomach flutter with crazy butterflies. My stomach chooses that very moment to make its hunger heard, which breaks the silence and has us both laughing. Keeping hold of my hand, he stands and helps me up and he gives me my crutches. Is it sad that when he releases my hand that I want to ask for it back?

  We enter the kitchen to find Stacey pulling out a large roasting tray from the oven. The smell of cooked chicken makes my tummy rumble even more.

  "That looks so good, Stacey," I tell her, licking my lips.

  “Dylan, can you get the plates?”

  I look over at him when I realise he is watching me. He is just standing there leaning on the worktop looking at me. “Dylan. Plates,” I tell him, and he blinks and turns and buries his head in the cupboard.

  His mum chuckles and squeezes my shoulder as she passes behind me. “Can you grab the placemats, honey? In the same draw as always.”

  The doorbell goes and Stacey claps her hands together. “Oh, I forgot to mention I rang your mum and invited her over. I thought it would be nice for us all to eat together.”

  “Great,” I say flatly, and I see my lack of enthusiasm does not go unmissed by either of them. “Are we expecting more people?” I ask as I notice there are places set for seven.

  “Yes, Leila and her boyfriend Christian are coming over. Leila will be made up to see you,” Stacey replies.

  I smile. Leila is Dylan's older sister. She had been in my brother's year at school, so she would be twenty now. As a kid, I had always idolised her and tried to mimic her fashion sense and copied her hairstyles, or at least I tried to.

  My Mum enters the room, and she looks great. She has blow-dried her hair and is wearing a burgundy polka dot blouse and black jeans.

  “Hey everyone. I brought some non-alcoholic wine,” she announces, waving the bottle in her hand.

  "Oh, that is thoughtful, thank you, Kay." She ushers us all to the table. "Come on, sit. I'm sure Leila and Christian will be here any minute now." She places the chicken in the centre of the table. "Charlie, come on down for dinner."

  Thirty seconds later, Charlie tears into the room and races to sit beside me. “I want to sit next to Ella.”

  Stacey grins and ruffles his hair. “Looks like you have another fan.”

  “I’m pretty sure he’s the only one,” I tell her and I give Charlie a wink. I laugh when he tries to wink back at me and looks like he is scrunching his whole face up in the process.

  “We’re here!”

  I hear footsteps in the hallway and then Leila enters the room closely followed by a redheaded guy with a face full of freckles. Leila stops in her tracks and she squeals when she sees me. “I’m so excited you are back!” She rushes over and I stand as she embraces me in a hug. She leans back and playfully tugs on a piece of my hair. “Your hair is lighter, it suits you. Look at you all grown up.” She looks over at her brother and then back at me. “The terrible two back together again.”

  That had always been her nickname for the two of us, as she said we were always up to mischief together. Well, we did once fill her boots with ketchup and there was the time; we put cling film over the toilet seat.

  "Ella, this is my boyfriend, Christian. Christian, this is Ella, she is practically part of the family."

  Christian smiles and offers me his hand and gives mine a firm shake. "Lovely to meet you, Ella, I think I may have seen one or two photos of you around the house."

  “Ooh, we should get the albums out after dinner,” Stacey says delighted, and my mum is swiftly agreeing with enthusiasm. “Do you remember when they used to play house together?”

  My mum chuckles. “Oh, do I. You would play mummy and daddy and have about five dolls as your babies. I remember Dylan used to always say he wanted five babies when they grew up and they were married.”

  I blush red, hating where all this reminiscing was going. “Do you remember, honey?” Stacey asks him. “You made Ella an engageme
nt ring out of tinfoil.”

  Dylan nods his head and smiles shyly. “Yeah, yeah, okay, do you have to remind me?”

  “Oh, but it was so cute,” Leila teases.

  What Dylan didn’t know is I still have that ring. It is tucked away in an old jewellery box in my room under my bed. I remember when he presented me with it all shy and coy and told me I was his wife now I had his ring. That was about two weeks before he had told me as we sat on my grandma’s porch that as I was his wife, he should kiss me, and he had leaned over and kissed me on the lips. My reaction had been to jump back in shock and put my hand to my lips, feeling confused. He had never tried to kiss me again since that day, nor did we ever talk about it after it happened. It was like we pretended it had never happened. For me, at that tender age of eight, I didn’t really think about love. It was only in the year I turned ten that my feelings towards my best friend changed. I started to notice the flecks in his blue eyes and how his right cheek would dimple when he smiled. I remember when a girl had kissed him at the school disco, and I felt angry and hurt but I couldn’t understand why.

  “Okay, dig in everyone,” Stacey announces, pulling me from my thoughts. Dylan catches my eye from opposite me and rolls his eyes as if to say ‘parents!’

  We all tuck into our food and I am reminded just how good a cook Dylan’s mum is.

  “So, Ella. How does it feel to be back?”

  I pause my fork mid-way to my mouth and meet Leila’s curious gaze. I bob my head side-to-side in response as I consider my answer. “It feels strange. Kind of comforting but also kind of haunting.”

  Silence greets me as they all look at me, and I realise I may have been a little too truthful in my answer. Stacey coughs and clears her throat. “Are you settling in at college, okay?”

  I nod, feeling relief that the conversation has picked up again. "Yeah, it's just picking up on my subjects as here they are not quite where, I was up to at Deanhill."

  “What is it like reuniting with this idiot after three years apart?” Leila asks, giving her brother a sly wink. “What? You are an idiot little brother.”

  I smile, watching the two of them give each other the glares. “Well, he made me break my ankle, so I guess that sums up how good it’s going.”

  Dylan rolls his eyes and tuts. “I did not break your ankle. You did that all on your own.”

  “Oh, really?” I raise a brow. “Whose idea was it to go to the park in the dark?”

  Leila grins. “Yeah, Dylan. What were you thinking? Taking a pretty girl to the park in the dark?”

  Dylan just gives her a warning look and turns his attention back to his food.

  “I’m dying to know Ella. Did you leave a hot, broken-hearted boyfriend in Deanhill?”

  I scoff and shake my head. “No, definitely no boyfriend.”

  Leila looks at me in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? You heard this Dyls? No boyfriend.” She grins at him and winks, and as I look between them, I feel I am missing out on a silent conversation between them.

  “I was too busy with school and bike lessons.”

  Leila chuckles and looks at her Mum. “Well, I always made time for boys when I was your age. Maybe now you are home, you’ll meet someone worth your time.”

  “Maybe you should drop it?” Dylan tells her as he stabs a potato on his plate somewhat aggressively.

  “What about Connor?” As she says this Dylan’s breaks into a choking cough and my mum has to bang his back for him.

  “Connor?” I reply, looking at her in puzzlement.

  "Yeah. I mean, he is a good-looking boy and you two have been friends for a long time. A perfect recipe for a childhood sweetheart romance." She averts her eyes from mine to her brothers. "What do you reckon brother?"

  Dylan glares at her before responding. “For one, Connor has a girlfriend. Two, El would never look at Connor that way. Right El?”

  His eyes meet mine, awaiting my answer. “Course not, because that would be weird. I mean, we have been friends since primary. I was there when he pee’d his pants in assembly. Friends shouldn’t date.”

  Dylan looks at me with an expression I can’t quite read as he quietly replies. “Yeah, that would be weird.”

  “Well, I think childhood sweetheart romances are adorable,” Leila sighs. “I mean, maybe some people are just meant for each other.”

  Leila and Dylan look at each other from across the table and I feel as if a secret conversation is going on between them that the rest of us are not part of.

  “Well, on that note, who is ready for pudding?” Stacey asks. She stands and gathers the plates.

  “Please tell me you made carrot cake?” I plead as I stand and attempt to help her gather everyone’s plates, which on crutches is difficult.

  She winks as I follow her to the sink. “I may have done.”

  I jump when Dylan's voice is unexpectedly right in my ear. "How come you make her favourite and not mine?" He asks as he leans around me and grabs some spoons out of the dish drainer. His closeness makes me lose my train of thought. I just stand there for a second, composing myself and even out my breathing. Why can’t I be close to him without my senses going into overload?

  Stacey’s carrot cake is delicious, and afterwards we all gather in the lounge with full bellies. Stacey comes into the lounge armed with photo albums and I groan out loud.

  “Oh, hell no,” I protest, but it falls on death ears.

  Dylan looks up at me from where he is sitting opposite me and he grabs for the albums in his mum’s arms. “Mum, no, please.”

  Stacey giggles. “Gather round everyone.” She drops down on to the rug and places the albums on the coffee table. My Mum and Leila get up from the sofa and take seats on the rug around the table.

  “Oh god. Look at this one,” Leila says laughing and pointing. “Dyl, Ella, get your asses down here and come look.”

  Dylan and I exchange a defeated look and we drop down on the rug, ending up beside each other. Leila points at a photograph of the two of us. The writing underneath the photo says. 'D & E aged 6.' Dylan is dressed as a knight, complete with a sword and a shield, and I am dressed as a princess in a hideous pink crepe frilly dress.

  “I remember this,” my mum chuckles. “It was for a kid at school’s birthday party. Dylan insisted he was going as a knight and that you had to go as the princess he rescued.”

  Stacey grins. “How young and cute do they look?” She turns the page and she gushes. “Awe, now this one is the cutest.”

  I look down at the photo and groan in embarrassment. It's a photo of Dyls and me in the bath together. We look about five or six.

  “Mum, you let us bathe together!” He shakes his head while his own cheeks flush slightly red.

  “What?” His mum laughs. “You were both only little. Besides, you had both been making mud pies on the back field. You were both covered head-to-toe in mud.”

  They continue flicking through the album and laugh and reminisce over more photos of the two of us. Then Stacey flicks to the last one in the album. It's of Dylan and me and the writing in the album says it is Dylan's eleventh birthday. I am sitting beside him smiling for the camera in a pretty blue dress but Dylan instead of looking at the camera, is looking at me with a strange expression on his face.

  “Look at the way he is looking at her on this one,” my mum gushes. “Like she is his entire world.”

  I study the photo. Is that how he is looking at me?

  Dylan stands up and runs his hand through his hair. “Okay, this is getting boring. Anyone want a drink?”

  Everyone shakes their heads, and they all go back to looking at the albums and chatting. I watch him leave the room and I stare after him. I am pulled from my thoughts when Leila nudges me. “Looks like someone hit a nerve with that photo, huh?”

  My brows furrow in thought. “I should go check on him.”

  I leave the lounge and go off in search of Dylan, but I don't find him in the kitchen. The back door is open, a
nd I peep round the door and see him sitting outside on the patio steps just looking out, deep in thought.

  “Penny for them,” I say as I step outside into the cool night.

  He scoffs. “I doubt you would want to know.”

  I walk over and take a seat beside him on the concrete step. I put my crutches beside me, and I hug my knees to my chest. “It’s cold out here.”

  Without replying, he pulls his hoodie over the back of his head and holds it out for me. Smiling, I take it from him and pull it over me. Straight away I am hit with his dreamy scent, and I lean into the hood and sniff. I pause when I catch him looking at me in question.

  “Did you just sniff my hoodie?”

  I shrug my shoulders; glad it is too dark out here for him to see my reaction. “I was just checking it didn’t smell of B.O.”

  He smirks and nudges me. “I always smell damn good.”

  I roll my eyes in response and look up at the stars. “Remember when we used to camp out here in the summer and we’d name the stars?”

  He nods and looks up. “I do. I remember you naming one after that lead singer out of the wanted.”

  “Yeah, don’t remind me,” I chuckle.

  He laughs, but then his gaze turns serious as he turns and he looks at me. "It's good. Having you home. I forgot how easy it is, being with you. I'm not captain of the footy team or anything. With you, I can just be me."

  I nod and grin. “You mean, you stop pretending to be some popular god who thinks he is all that.”

  “I can’t help it if the girls find me attractive, can I?” He smirks.

  I shake my head smiling and don’t offer him a reply. He stands and offers me his hand and steadies me whilst I right my crutches. “Come on, we should head inside.”

  My mum is putting her coat on as we enter. “Oh, honey. Stacey suggested you stay here tonight. I’m on shift again tonight and well with your ankle you’ll need some help.”

  I groan on the inside. My plan to stay away from Dylan is an epic failure.

  "Sure thing," I tell her as she awkwardly leans in and hugs me. I still somewhat in her embrace. I'm not sure I am ready for physical contact with my mother just yet.