Flirting With Forty

by S. L. Romines

  “Wait a minute,” she replies, holding her hand out in front of her and waving it between her and Miles. “I think you’ve got it all wrong. Miles and I are…”

  “A couple of assholes. We are well aware.” Sam turns on her heel and pulls me toward the door, following behind her. “Like I said, stay away from my friend, you prick!”

  Chapter Nine

  “Hey, Oz, does the booster club booth still sell those kick-ass ultimate nachos? Ya know, the ones smothered in greasy nacho cheese, chili, and jalapenos, looking like they’ll clog up your arteries just by sniffing them? Because seriously, I’m ready to eat the booty end of anything right about now.”

  “I think so, Aunt Sam,” Ozella replies, and the blush that immediately covers my daughter’s cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed. “Hey, Kat! Wait a sec!”

  “Where are you going?”

  I watch Ozella’s eyes dart back and forth as the blush covering her cheeks turns a brighter shade of pink. “Um, gonna go hang with the bestie for a minute. See ya!”

  “What the hell got into that one?” Sam asks.

  “Not a clue.”

  “Well, let’s just agree that teenagers are weirdos and that I’m hungry.” Sam raises her brows and purses her lips. “Now, where are those sloppy, orgasmic nachos?”

  With my daughter headed in one direction of the football stadium and me being pulled in the opposite direction, I run smack into both my boys as Vincent sets out to get ready for his first game of the year.

  “Hey, Mom.” Sebastian smiles at me as he places his arm over his girlfriend’s shoulders.

  I like his girlfriend, Bella, she’s good for him. They’ve been together since their senior year of high school.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” I reply, placing a kiss on my son’s cheek before bringing Bella in for a hug. “Hey, pretty girl, how’s your mom doing?”

  “She’s doing okay. Some days are better than others.”

  “She said to tell you hi, Mom.”

  I’ve been a shit friend for the past couple of days. I was supposed to go see Bella’s mom, Evelyn, but life got in the way, obviously, and here we are.

  “Tell her I’ll come by this weekend.”

  “She’ll like that.”

  “Yeah, tell her we’ll bring by some booze and get her fuckered up,” Sam says, trying to pull me away. “Let’s go, hooker. We have a date with some sinful nachos.”

  I smile at my son’s girlfriend just before I nearly get the wind knocked out of me.

  “Dude, you almost mauled mom.”

  I turn on my heel right as a slow, cheeky smile spreads across my youngest child’s face.

  “Sorry, Mom, I was trying to get away from this hairy nutsack,” Vincent apologizes and turns to his friend as they both began to cackle. “Mom, this is Tommy, my best friend.”

  This is the first I’ve heard of Tommy, and he looks oddly familiar.

  “Hello, Tommy, it’s nice to meet you.” I smile at the young man, unable to shake the feeling that I’ve seen this kid before.

  “He’s Coach Jameson’s nephew. His mom says that she met you the other day.”

  “Coach Jameson? As in your football coach, Coach Jameson?” I ask, hoping like hell there is another Coach Jameson at the high school. “That Coach Jameson?”

  Great! Now I sound like a fuckin’ parrot!

  “Uh, yeah. Coach Jameson. You know, Miles from across the street?” Vincent informs me just before serving me a huge, vomit-inducing dose of reality. “That’s his mom and grandma back there.”

  Everything beyond this point begins to unravel in slow motion like fingernails slowly sliding down a chalkboard because just as I turn on my heel, all hell begins to break loose in the form of my crazy best friend.

  “You! What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Uh oh. Aunt Sam’s gone bat shit crazy again.” Vincent points over at my friend. “Um, is that nacho cheese hanging from her chin?”

  “Didn’t I tell you and your fugly man to stay the hell away from my friend?”

  “Sam!” My whisper-yell technique seems to be failing me. By the time I notice the guy off to my side, I nearly obliterate his eardrum. “Sam!”

  Vincent is right. Sam has a glob of nacho cheese dripping from her chin and a smattering of it in the corner of her mouth. Every time she talks her chin cheese moves and almost reminds me of those silly, homemade videos where kids sneeze and end up with snot rockets hanging from their noses, and let’s not forget the slice of jalapeno that landed right above Sam’s left nipple and the chili dollop right above that.

  “Sam! Get a grip, psycho,” I say in hushed tones because adding to Sam’s loud fuckery just might get us banned from the rest of the games. “You don’t understand. She’s not who we thought she was.”

  “Oh, she’s exactly who we both thought she was. Aren’t you, ya homewrecker! A whorish home-wrecker!” Sam replies through gritted teeth. “A horrible, whorish home-wrecker. I bet she’s had them long ass legs wrapped around enough heads that chlamydia’s the new normal for the Amazonian whore!”

  My eyes go wide as my heart continues to slam forcibly against my chest. I immediately feel lightheaded as I slap a hand across Sam’s mouth as she continues to wave her arms around like a crazy loon while talking crap in a muffled tone.

  “Have a good game, boys!” I call out to Vincent and Tommy. “Slam dunk a home run for me!”

  As my son and Miles’ nephew make their way to the locker room, I hear chatter that I fully agree with.

  “Dude, sorry about that. My family’s nuttier than squirrel turds. It can’t be helped, it can’t be undone, and there isn’t enough holy water to make any of them sane. Ever. Trust me, I already looked into it.”

  I shrug my shoulder and nod my head because we are nuttier than squirrel turds and every one of us will be the first to confirm that little fact.

  “Get your damn hand out of my face!” Sam’s voice raises a few octaves and a few eyebrows as she swats my hand away from her mouth. “What? Never seen a crazy broad with a jalapeno stuck to her titty before?”

  Any minute now I expect to be tossed out on our asses and told never to come back again. It’d serve us right, though. Sam and I can never go anywhere public together without a crazy shit show hot on our heels.

  “You done?” I ask my best friend as I find a couple of empty seats wedged right in the center of the bleachers. “Because ya need to calm your tits. You could’ve gotten us kicked out.”

  “Meh, the night’s still young,” Sam replies with a quick wave of her hand. “Now, mind telling me why you stopped me from throttling the broad with a fist to the beef flaps?”

  “Like I said, she’s not who we thought she was,” I reply. “She’s not Miles’ lady. She’s his sister, and I’m a damn idiot.”

  “No way is that his sister. She was all over him like flies on hot shit. The only thing she wasn’t doing was dry humping his damn leg. No. They’re boinking. Straight up bumpin’ uglies. I’m sure as shit those two have taken several trips to pound town. Ain’t no way they’re related.”

  I close my eyes and start counting to ten. Sometimes there is a certain level of calm I need to surround myself in during times like these because if I don’t, I’m afraid I might strangle my best friend.

  “Please explain to me why I still listen to everything you say like when we were kids?”

  “Because I know what I’m talking about,” Sam replies matter-of-factly. “I’m like a fucking genius.”

  I blow out a hard breath and run my hands through my hair. “Well, not this time. That kid? The one Vincent was just with?”

  “Yeah? What about him?”

  “He’s Miles’ nephew, and he’s Lexi’s son which makes Lexi Miles’ sister. Which, in turn, makes you and me… humongous assholes.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Sam replies. The expression on her face is full of indignation. “She’s shouldn’t have looked at him like he was a piece of meat, and what was wit
h all the touching? Like, ew.”

  “Have you ever thought that it wasn’t anything more than admiration? Maybe they’re just close?”

  “I’ll say. Pound town.”

  “Oh, my goodness. You know what?” My reply is laced with enough irritation to drown a buffalo. “Just forget about it.”

  I’m pulled back in my seat when I attempt to put some distance between Sam and me.

  “Okay.” Sam waves her hand around in front of her and rolls her eyes. “I’ll apologize.”

  “Just like that.” My reply is dry because I simply do not believe her. Never in a million years has my friend ever given in that easily. It takes, at the very least, forty-eight hours to convince her that she might be wrong. “I don’t believe you. You’re never this easy.”

  “Well, we’ll just say that I’ve turned over a new leaf. But only one and only for tonight.”

  And the blissful idea of my best friend turning over any leaf at all just went out the window when a long, well-manicured, hot pink fingernail taps Sam on the shoulder a little too hard.

  Betty Zelnick, the bane of Sam’s existence since our freshman year in high school. Betty was and still is the one person that has always been able to get under Sam’s skin without fail. They’ve never agreed on anything. The same stands true to this day, and every time the two of them are in the same vicinity, Betty always has to irritate Sam just to instigate shit.

  “So, Samantha, how’s that fine old man of yours?”

  I look over and watch Sam’s nostrils flare, but it’s when that spot right between her eyebrows starts to turn bright red that I start to worry.

  “Well, if it isn’t Blow Job Betty.” A slow grin spreads across Sam’s face as she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “Still keepin’ that slobbery cock-box of yours busy?”

  When Betty moves dangerously close to Sam’s ear and all but whispers, “With your man’s delicious dick shoved down my throat,” I nearly lose my shit.

  Sam narrows her eyes into thin slits and slowly turns her head just enough to look at her nemesis. I swear to the moon, I’m patiently waiting for these two to throw down into a nasty, no holds barred, gouge your eyes out, hair pulling wild bitch fight. I’ve waited long enough. The entire town has waited long enough. These two need to beat the crap out of each other and get it over with already.

  “That was low, Betty,” Sam replies and takes a deep breath. “Even for you.”

  A quick silence fills the space around us and all I can do is wait for the first punch to be thrown and hair to begin flying in fifty different directions. But instead of getting ready to see the bitch fight of the year, my eyes go wide and my mouth falls open.

  “Yeah, okay.” Betty nudges Sam with a nudge to the shoulder. “You’re right. I’d hate it if someone talked like that about my husband.”

  “You’re not married, Betty.”

  “No shit, Samantha,” Betty replies as she smooths her palms down the front of her tight, camel toe inducing jeans. “I said if. But, no matter. One day it’ll happen.”

  No. Absolutely not. There’s no way in hell that this is the end of Sam and Betty’s piss fest.

  I turn sideways and straddle the bleacher. I stare both women down. I want them to see the seriousness in my expression, the intensity in my eyes. I want them to see that I’ve had enough of their bullshit after all these years and it ends tonight. I’ve been through enough the past couple of weeks. Hell, the last couple of years that I deserve this.

  “Fight.”

  “What?” Sam asks with her brows furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I said, fight.”

  “Are you off your meds, Nina?” Betty smiles at me before patting me on the knee. “Need another Xanex?”

  “Fuck you, Zelnick. I wanna see blood,” I reply, pointing at both of them. “Or teeth. I don’t really give two shits. I’m seriously tired of the two of you and your bullshit. Now, fight!”

  “You just banned me from fighting Miles’ sister back there and now you want me to whoop Betty’s butt? Would you make up your mind already? I’m starting to get whiplash.”

  “Yeah, no can do on this end either, babes,” Betty adds, waving her hand around her right butt cheek. “My sciatica’s been acting up like a bitch lately. And who’s Miles? Dish the goods, ladies.”

  “He’s… oh, he’s right there,” Sam replies as she points Miles out.

  As soon as Sam points toward the football field my heart sinks and butterflies begin to run rampant in my belly when I see Miles walk out onto the field. I’ve been avoiding any place and everywhere I think he might turn up because I thought he and Lexi were a thing. Now that I know that I’ve been an epic asshole who should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt and got the facts straight before jumping the gun and running for the hills has me feeling all kinds of sick.

  “He’s Nina’s new neighbor,” Sam adds. “And the school’s new varsity football coach.”

  He’s also beautiful, gorgeous, and will probably never speak to me again.

  “Ooh,” Betty replies as she straightens her back and fluffs out her hair. “Looks like he could use a little redheaded lovin’.”

  “Back off, Betty,” Sam interjects with a cock of her brow. “That’s Nina’s man, or he’s gonna be. I just have to figure out how to iron out the shit-parade I seem to have created.”

  “Deets, bitch. Tell me everything.” Betty waggles her eyebrows and bites her bottom lip. “I mean, I may not like ya’ll much, but you can count me in on this little love quest you got going on here because let’s face it, ya need to get laid, Nina.”

  “You know what, Betty, you can go suck a…”

  “Don’t say it, Nina. Betty here might get offended. You know how she is about suckin’ stuff.” Another grin slowly forms on Sam’s mouth and before I can come up with something clever to respond, Sam jumps up and starts wildly waving a big, red foam finger in the air. “WOOT! Here we go, ladies! Time for some Friday night lights. Let’s go Cardinals! Decimate those Titan rejects!”

  For years, the Titans and the Cardinals have been in a fierce competition for football dominance, even before Sam and I went to school here. So, I guess it’s kind of fitting for either side to jump aboard the crazy train when the schools play against one another.

  Sometime during the game, Ozella and her friend, Kat, end up joining us and are as equally enthusiastic as we are about the fact that Vincent’s team is kicking ass and taking names for their first game of the season.

  When the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the game, our side erupts in cheers, whistles, and foot-stomping against the metal bleachers.

  “That’s right, Cardinals!”

  “Those Titans can kick rocks all the way back home!”

  “WOOT! WOOT!”

  I watch the football teams exit the field as people clear the bleachers, giving me time to think about what I’m going to do about Miles. I can’t see how he’d want anything to do with me after how I cut him off and ignored his attempts of reaching out to me. He’s tried to call me several times since the whole debacle at the restaurant and all I did was let the calls go to voicemail. I was angry thinking he was playing me with Lexi. Hell, maybe things are just better this way.

  I pull in a breath and shake off any more thoughts of Miles. But, before I can make my great escape, my entire world comes to a standstill when I look down at the field and see the man that has invaded every one of my dreams staring right back at me. My heart begins to beat a mile a minute when Miles hops over the railing takes the bleachers two at a time. Everything about the way he’s looking at me sends chills racing across my skin. The chaos, laughter, and cheers simply disappear when he reaches me. All I see is him. The beautiful man that came into my life at a time I didn’t realize that I needed someone to rescue me from the heartbreak I’ve been coddling for so long. The same man that tilts my world on its axis every time his lips touch mine or the way his fingertips dance across my
skin.

  “I…”

  “Don’t.” When Miles cups the sides of my face, my knees begin to buckle, and I instinctively close my eyes and press my cheek against his palm. When I take a chance and look up into his eyes, there is nothing but understanding, adoration, and need. Before I can even think to catch my breath, Miles pulls me into a kiss that I wasn’t expecting. “I’ve missed you.”

  When he pulls back and runs his fingertips through my hair, there is nothing I want more than to start something real with this man.

  “I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks as I try to find the right words. “I was so stupid and shouldn’t have listened to Sam. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have…”

  “Stop.” Miles looks into my eyes. “I don’t care. None of that matters.”

  As he brings his lips down to mine, it nearly takes my breath away.

  “But my best friend almost took out your sister tonight.”

  Another gentle kiss is placed on my lips before Miles looks down at me with that perfect lopsided grin.

  “I know. She told me,” he replies as he kisses me on the nose. “She’s not mad. She said she’d do the same if she were in Sam’s shoes.”

  “But I accused you of, you know…”

  “Yeah. I have to admit. That’s the first time anyone’s ever accused me and my sister of being a couple.” Miles purses his lips and shakes his head. “Not gonna lie. It was kind of weird.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions right off the bat.” I slide my hand up around the back of his neck and lace my fingers through his hair. “I really am sorry, and I’m never listening to Sam again.”

  A light chuckle dances entirely too close to my ear as Miles places a soft, lingering kiss at the crook of my neck causing a shiver to cover my skin.

  “Aw, Sam’s harmless.”

  I pull back and look up at him like he’s just sprouted another eyeball. “You have met my best friend, correct? Ya know, the crazy broad with the murderous tendencies?”

  Both Miles and I chuckle. “She’s just protecting you and that’s a good thing. Can’t fault her for that.”