Crimson Snow

by Ina Carter

  Kevin was silent, but he picked up the letter and read the few sentences again. Then he turned to me, unwrapped his arm from my shoulder, and got on his knees, facing me. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were burning flames, looking like a stormy ocean, building power to unleash a tsunami.

  “Lauren, do you trust me?” he asked, his voice raspy.

  “Of course, I do, Kevin.” I had no idea what he meant by the question, but whatever it was, my answer stood. I trusted him with my life.

  “He is not going to hurt you ever again. Not you, not your friends, or anyone you care about, and I’ll make sure of it.” he declared. There was not just determination in his voice. There was a threat that made shivers run down my arms. Kevin was scaring me.

  “You are not going to…” I was afraid to even say the word, but after what he did to that asshole to send him to the hospital, I wasn’t sure if Kevin was opposed to physical violence. What surprised me was his smile.

  “I am not stupid, Lauren. I don’t need to kill him. When I attacked Mike twelve years ago, it didn’t end so well, so I am not going to risk our future in any way. But if you trust me, you’ll do me a favor. I don’t want to see you cry again. Nothing hurts me more than seeing your tears. You’ll let this go, have a great day with Marina, meet my friends tonight, and laugh. He can’t hurt you if you are happy, remember? Let me carry your burden this time. I’ll figure out something, I promise you.” Then Kevin leaned to me and took my face between his palms. Slowly he leaned to me, and I held my breath, afraid of what he’d do. His eyes were liquid flames, and his fingers trembled. When his face was inches from mine, I closed my eyes, but all I felt was the hot touch of his lips on my cheek, inches away from the corner of my mouth. I was tempted to turn slightly and steal the kiss he was refusing me, but his touch was gone before I could make a move.

  He was watching me when I opened my eyes, and slowly his lips stretched into a big welcoming smile. Once he told me my smiles were contagious, but now I couldn’t help but mirror his expression. He was my happiness - then and now.

  Chapter 18

  Marina and Liam were in the kitchen, and he was sulking because she was telling him how her boyfriend would flip when she told him she met his favorite baseball player. Apparently, Trevor was a big Dodger’s fan. I felt bad for Liam because the poor guy seemed totally taken with my friend.

  Marina looked at Kevin and me and noticed he had his arm around my shoulder and shook her head, smiling. “Friends, my ass,” she murmured under her breath.

  Kevin heard her, but ignored her comment, pulling me even closer to him and kissing the top of my head. “Lauren, you and your friend should go relax outside, so Liam and I can get ready for the party,” he offered.

  “You don’t want women in the kitchen?” Marina teased him.

  “Definitely not.” Liam declared, and he and Kevin exchanged looks and laughed.

  “Remember last Thanksgiving, when Larisa set the turkey on fire?” Kevin smirked.

  “She said Kat was supposed to watch it…” Liam was also laughing.

  “Kat was too busy upstairs with Brian, working on baby number three, bro, nowhere near the kitchen,” Kevin quirked.

  Their family sounded great, and it was no wonder Kevin loved them so much. Marina was just putting in her mouth a bite of something that Liam took from the frying pan and placed in a plate in front of her. It smelled delicious. She chewed on the piece and moaned, “Liam, I hate you,” she looked at him, while she licked her lips like she was still savoring the taste. “I think I just came in my panties from food,” she blurted.

  Liam grinned like Cheshire cat, leaned back on the kitchen counter, looking at Marina, like he was having a moment of his own. “Glad I can please you, Mari,” he almost purred the words. I bet he was envisioning all the other ways he could please my friend. He totally forgot the pan, and it started smoking, whatever he was cooking was on fire.

  Kevin jumped into action, pulled the pan from the stove, and doused the flames in the sink. He was looking at his brother in complete disbelief. “Seriously, bro. I am so telling Mom about this.” He teased him.

  Marina, on the other hand, lost her smile, and stormed out of the room, opened the sliding door to the balcony and went outside. I followed her, leaving Kevin and Liam to deal with the mess in the kitchen.

  My friend was leaning on the railing, looking out at the view, but she seemed upset. “You okay, Mari?” I put an arm around her waist.

  “Don’t be mad at me, Laurie, but I think I won’t be staying for the party. Just give the guys some excuse, that my boyfriend called or something…” she murmured.

  “Wanna stay away from temptation, hm?” I teased her because it was obvious there were sparks between her and Liam, and it was not one-sided.

  “It’s not as simple as that, babe. He… He reminds me of someone, and it’s just too painful. I don’t want to start sobbing in front of everyone. We’ll have more time to catch up next month when I move to L.A.” She delivered yet more news.

  “What? You said you were moving in with Trevor; I assumed you were staying in Santa Barbara.” I couldn’t help but smile. I missed Marina and hated the fact that I was not able to see her often.

  “No, I finished my nursing practicum there and got my license last month. I assisted one of the doctors from pediatrics, and she transferred to Children’s Hospital in L.A. She saw how much I loved kids and put in a good word for me. They offered me a job last week, babe. Trevor also graduated a few months ago, so he’ll be looking for a job out here, too.”

  “I am so happy for you, Mari!” I kissed her cheek because I knew this was a dream come true for her. Marina always wanted to be a pediatric nurse and truly loved children. It was obvious by the way she took care of her younger sister Svetlana and all the other kids she nannied as a teenager. She was a caring human being and had a huge heart.

  “I hope you find some time to hang out with your ex-best friend between the marathon sex with your new one. Your Kevin is a total friend thief, and I can’t compete, considering I can’t offer perks.” She teased me.

  “Jeez, Marina. I am not doing friends with benefits with Kevin. That’s so…” I couldn’t even explain it, but it felt wrong. The whole concept of having sex with someone out of convenience seemed impersonal, like using your friend while waiting for real love to show up.

  “There is nothing wrong with falling in love with your best friend, Laurie. Those are the best relationships. And you, my friend, better stop kidding yourself, because you are in love with that man,” she declared.

  I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure she was right. I did love Kevin, but was it in a romantic way? When you are falling in love with someone, there should be butterflies in your stomach, this warm feeling when he looks at you, getting giddy by a smile, by a touch. With Kevin, the comfort of a safe haven was replaced by a gut punch, and I’d been alternating between the two. One moment he was my solace, the person who understood me like no one else in this world, and the next, I was like a cat in heat, wanting to jump his bones and scream his name.

  Marina and I sat on the balcony for another hour and talked about her move to Los Angeles. She asked me about the letter from Max, but for some reason, I didn’t tell her all the things I told Kevin. She never knew about the “deal” or that my father was involved in our friends’ jail sentence. I also didn’t want to admit to her my survivor’s guilt or the fact that the guys might still be affected because of me.

  Marina was not as close with Max and Tyron as I was, but when she got the chance, she went to visit them in prison, sent them letters, or spoke on the phone with them. She was worried when I told her Ty was hurt in a fight and promised to go see them soon. They had six months left of their sentence, and I was waiting for their release, possibly as anxiously as they were. When they were out of his reach, my monster wouldn’t have any ammunition to use against me, and I might finally escape the jail he kept me confined to.

&nbs
p; Kevin and Liam were busy in the kitchen, setting up plates with snacks for the party when Marina and I walked in. I was wondering what bullshit to come up with to give her an excuse for not staying, but she took care of it.

  “Sorry, I’ll have to skip early, my boyfriend called. He found an apartment for us, and we gotta go give it a test run. Better check if the neighbors are complainers before we sign the lease. I am a screamer, and it’s an issue,” she said casually, but she was obviously pushing Liam’s buttons as a last hurrah. Not that he was about to let her have the last word, but his jaw tightened like she managed to deliver a hit.

  “I hope you scream his name because that would be an issue, I bet.” He bit back. Marina’s cheeks colored, and she was lost for words. I had honestly never seen her this rattled or unable to make a comeback.

  “Have a fun life, Liam. It was good to know you for a second…” She just waved at him and headed for the door. She then turned to Kevin and smiled over her shoulder. “And you, best friend thief, better defend your new title because I have your number. Capeesh” She gave him the mafia talk, including the two fingers to her eyes and back at him, meaning “I am watching you.” Kevin grinned like he got her warning.

  “Challenge accepted, second-best friend. I have some tricks up my sleeve that can earn me bonus points with Lauren, you know,” he teased Marina.

  “I bet you do.” She smirked, not even hiding where her mind went. I looked at Kevin, but he was looking down, sprinkling some cheese over the nachos with a total poker face, not looking at me at all.

  Marina leaned to me to give me a peck on the cheek as a good-bye and whispered in my ear, “Like I told you, that guy has it bad for you.”

  When she left, the mood was still awkward in the room. Liam was quiet, lost in thought. Kevin gave him a slap on the back like he was trying to console his brother.

  “I’ll go take a shower before the gang shows up.” Liam dropped his apron on the counter and headed upstairs without another word.

  “Is he okay?” I asked Kevin when we were alone.

  “I hope so. Honestly, I have no idea why he is acting like this. Marina is hot and all, but it’s not like Liam to fall for someone at first sight. He usually takes a long time to get into relationships, and considering the women he is around, he has his guard up.” Kevin explained.

  “Well, sometimes thunder strikes, and you can’t help it, Kev,” I murmured, but I was not sure if I was talking about Liam or my own feelings. Kevin was looking at me like I had hit him with something, his mouth partly opened like he wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat.

  “I should go change for the party, too.” I almost ran out of the room, afraid I must have said the wrong thing, and fucked up. My emotions were running on overdrive, storming in my head like an erupting volcano. Something was bubbling like lava inside me ready to unleash its power and burn to ash everything on its path, destroying the peaceful existence Kevin and I created inside our bubble in the last month.

  Life had a strange way of putting things into perspective, and fate had it for me.

  Kevin’s friends arrived, and they were all a great bunch, so it wasn’t hard to like them. Gavin and Monica were the sweetest couple ever, and I’d heard from Kevin that they were high-school sweethearts who got married right after graduation. It was strange that they were our age but had already started a family and had a one-year-old at home. Besides them, it was Daniel, who played baseball in high school with Liam and Kevin, but he also brought his girlfriend Briana. She was a wholesome, cute, and bubbly girl. Soon we were chatting like old friends, and they accepted me like I was part of the gang. I had no idea what Kevin had told them about me, but they knew he and I were old friends, and no one asked any questions.

  Liam seemed in a better mood after his friends showed up, and he was telling them about the house he and his dad were renovating in Florida. Their parents planned to use it as a vacation home and maybe later retire there. I was getting a glimpse of what life might have been for Kevin once he was adopted and went to a new school. It must have been like another world for him being surrounded only by good people. I could see how much he cared for all those guys, like they were part of the unit he talked about.

  We were having drinks, snacking on the food Liam and Kev prepared, and listening to the music coming through the speaker system Liam had on the balcony. Kevin was firmly glued to my side, his arm resting behind me on the back of the outdoor sectional. He was more subdued, not obvious with the PDA between us in front of his friends. I started to wonder if he wasn’t touching me because of what I said to him earlier. Was our friendship already on the rocks? I tried to push away the worry and focus on getting to know these people and not overthink everything. He was still smiling and acting normal, so maybe it was all good.

  It would have been a great evening, until the last two guests arrived. Liam went to get the door and came back to the balcony followed by a guy and a girl. The guy looked like a rock star – with messy blond hair, ink all over his arms, and a guitar across his back. The girl was African American, tall, slim, and so stunning, even I stared at her like I was lost for words because she was like some godly creature.

  “Kev, see who I found?” The blond guy addressed Kevin. The striking beauty smiled at him, and he also grinned back at her. Kevin got off his seat and went to give her a hug.

  “Hey, Ayana, so good to see you. I had no idea you were back.” Kevin seemed pleasantly surprised.

  “Yup, I am back. I’m starting med-school at UCLA in the spring. You know they offered me to stay at Harvard, but I guess I was missing Cali and my family too much. I missed all of you, I guess.”

  The whole group was greeting Ayana like she was on an old friend, but I knew exactly who she was to Kevin. His ex-girlfriend who he said went to study on the East Coast. He just never mentioned she was that beautiful or that she went to Harvard. I couldn’t even be jealous of her because I was not even in the same league if this was a competition between us.

  Kevin turned to me, and his eyes probed me like he was gauging my reaction.

  “Ayana, this is my oldest friend, Lauren.” He introduced us. It was how he had introduced me before to his other friends, but now it was a punch, like I was firmly in the friend zone and that hurt more than I was willing to admit. I managed to put on a smile and shake her extended hand. Ayana smiled back, and it was one of those genuine, wholesome reactions that made me hate her because I liked her.

  The blond guy stepped in and introduced himself, not waiting for an invitation. “And I am Carson.” He looked at me, squinting like he was trying to place me, some recognition sparking in his eyes.

  “Jesus, you are that hot chick from the video.” He exclaimed and then looked at Kevin in shock.

  “Kev, man. It was you with her, I watched that clip like fifty times, but I was too smitten with the girl to recognize you.”

  He was not making sense, and both Kevin and I stared at him dumbfounded.

  “What clip, Carson?” Kev found the wits to ask.

  “Are you freaking kidding me? Do you live under a rock or something? Your friend is like the buzz of the internet. Her song went viral on YouTube and has like over six million views…” He was already pulling out his phone and searching for the video. “Yup, as of now, seven and a half million.”

  He shoved his phone in my hand, and it was already playing “You can’t hurt me when I’m happy,” the song I sang in the library. I guess someone must have recorded me and posted the video on YouTube.

  This was all so surreal that I had to sit down and stare at the screen. I could barely recognize my own voice because it sounded extrinsic, like I was someone else. In the clip my eyes were closed, and I was leaning on Kevin’s shoulder, strumming on his hand, like it was my beloved guitar. But it wasn’t the song or the way I was singing it that caught my attention. It was him and the way he looked at me as I sang. My eyes filled with tears because it was too much. Kevin was holdi
ng me like I was the most fragile thing in the world; his eyes were glazed with tears, with so much love radiating in them that it broke me. It was not the kind of love you feel for a woman who you want sexually. There was no desire in his touch or in his eyes. He was that little boy who held me the day in the hospital and told me I was his everything.

  I was going to lose this precious connection we had, and the man who I loved so deeply if I didn’t put a stop to it. I handed the phone back to Carson, and when I looked at him, I felt like I had a déjà vu.

  Fate had strange timing. It offered me a window into the past and put someone in front of me who was so similar to Jaxon, it was unreal. The messy blond hair, the somewhat arrogant smirk on his lips, the whole bad boy attitude, all of which I had found so compelling when I was seventeen. Even the guitar meant he was a musician himself. It felt like I was supposed to compare and choose and make up my mind about Kevin.

  Not to mention the presence of Ayana, who was an actual blast from Kevin’s past, and the universe had to offer me a glimpse of what he found attractive in a woman, so I could see the difference.

  Everyone was staring at me and passing the phone around watching the video. They were all smiles, telling me how amazing my voice was, but I was suspended in some state of confusion, not exhilaration from the fact millions of people liked my song. Carson sat next to me, taking the spot Kevin occupied earlier, and he was all charm.

  “Please, please, pretty please, sing me that song. I’ll play with you since I think I got the melody down. It’s so catchy that I was about to record a cover. People are posting covers of your song all over YouTube already.” He was totally pulling out all the stops that I was sure worked on most girls – the fuck me eyes, the way he bit his bottom lip, the small touch to my shoulder, rubbing the back of his hand softly. It was so familiar that I wanted to slap myself that I had ever fallen for that allure. Men like Carson and Jaxon used their looks and charisma to get what they wanted, and sadly most of the time, it probably worked. But looking at the guy next to me, I was also evaluating my own feelings and realizing I had outgrown his type altogether. It was never going to be enough to drool over a guy, no matter how handsome he might be.