A Selfish Kind of Love

by Bella Jay

He’d gone way beyond what she deemed necessary by staying with her and making sure she was good. It sent a wave of emotion she wasn’t familiar with through her.

  Tessah: Hey back.

  4077862789: You’ve been okay?

  Tessah: Yeah. Took a mini vacay to Tampa. Feeling refreshed.

  4077862789: Good. Has ol’ dude hit you up?

  Tessah: Yeah… but on some apology type ish.

  4077862789: You thought anymore bout gettin a restraining order?

  Tessah: Yeah I’ma go next week.

  4077862789: Cool. Lemme kno if you need a witness or something.

  Tessah: Ok :)

  Tessah’s fingers hovered over the keyboard wondering what else she could say to keep the conversation flowing. Her mind drew a blank as she saved his number instead.

  “Your cheeks hurting?”

  “Huh?” She looked over at Gynah who was bobbing her head to the song on the radio.

  She glanced her way. “You’re smiling so damn hard, they gotta be on fire.”

  Tessah’s hand flew to her left cheek. “Shut up bih.”

  “Hmm, who you over there texting?”

  “Um—”

  “Lie to yourself not me.”

  Tessah kissed her teeth. “A new friend.”

  “Bitch… details.”

  “His name’s Kyree and he’s Landon supplier. Been to prison. Hood as fuck. Not my type.” The words sounded good coming out of her mouth. A week ago they held truth to them but now, she wasn’t sure about the latter two.

  “Is he fine?”

  “Really, G?”

  “So that’s a no.”

  Tessah shrugged. “He’s aiight.” Jesus please don’t strike me.

  His above six-foot frame, honey brown skin, and chiseled body made him fine. However his droopy yet sexy light brown eyes, thick rose mauve lips surrounded by a beard, and tasteful body art made the term fine an insult.

  “Well if he in the street pharmacist game, he got coins.”

  Tessah twisted her mouth to the side. “I can’t tell.” He had to have money because of what he did but from the looks of his run-down house and whip - she didn’t imagine much.

  “Like I’ve told you before Tess, money isn’t everything.” Lies broke people say. “Maybe it’s time you give a regular ol’ dude a chance. He don’t have you cheesing for nothing.”

  “I didn’t even realize I was cheesing. The conversation ain’t even anything special.”

  “If a pointless conversation has you smiling, that means you’re feeling him because you’re just happy he’s in your messages.”

  “Here your ass go reaching.”

  “He’s calling you.” Tessah’s eyes dropped to her phone screen and Gynah burst out laughing. “GOT EM!”

  “Bitch.” Tessah pushed at her friend’s shoulder. “You aggy as fuck.”

  “You love me though but proved my point.” Tessah pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. “He’s calling you fareal.” Gynah’s eyes glanced at her lap before focusing back on the road.

  “Bih, I’m not falling for that in less than a minute.” She flipped her off.

  Gynah giggled. “I’m serious this time.”

  Reluctantly, Tessah looked down and a generous lump formed in her throat. His name flashed across her screen. Shit. “Hey?”

  “Hey, you can talk?” His smooth voice sent tingles through her ears. “I’m not a fan of texting.”

  “Um yeah.”

  It was happening and had been happening since the morning after the incident with Caiden. Kyree made her nervous. The way he looked at her, spoke to her, had been there for her had her completely taken aback.

  When they’d gone out to breakfast, she thought the uneasiness was due to her still being in a daze about the night before. But it returned the moment he text her.

  She didn’t like this Kyree because this Kyree made her lose her sense of intelligence. She couldn’t even formulate words beyond ‘um yeah’. Caiden must have loosened one of her brain functions when he choked her.

  “What’s - what’s up?” she sputtered.

  “Nothing much, heading back from Daytona.”

  “Oh what you were down there for?” she asked as Gynah shot questioning looks her way. She mouthed ‘put it on speaker’ and Tessah shook her head no causing her to pout.

  “My mom and fam live there. Moms cooked Sunday dinner.”

  “Nice.” Nice? Say something more interesting girl. “So um thanks for checking up on me. You didn’t have to.”

  “I’m sure you ain’t tell Landon what happened, so somebody did.”

  A warm sensation spread throughout her body. “Don’t act like you know me.”

  A small chuckle came through the phone before he said, “What if I said I was trying to get to know you?” What? Her skin tingled as her heartbeat sped around a race track of shock gunning for first place. “Our track record ain’t the best but I guess we connected in a different way that has me feeling a new vibe with you. Kinda wanna explore it.” Her throat was drier than a nun’s vagina. “Damn, you there?”

  “Yeah,” she choked out. “Um—”

  “You kinda gotta say yes because I saved your life. You owe me.”

  Her cheeks flushed. “I paid you with food.”

  “And now you’re gonna pay me with a date. How’s tomorrow night?”

  She didn’t think he’d let her turn him down and no part of her wanted to. “I’m free.”

  October

  “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  KYREE SAT AT THE bar so he could see when Tessah walked in. They’d decided she’d Uber there since the restaurant was closer to his side of town. After he ordered a glass of water and checked his phone for the fourth time, he also checked his nerves.

  He hadn’t been on a first date since the one he’d taken Chandra on seven years ago. They’d gone to the movies and out to eat at an extra fancy restaurant Chandra wanted to go to. The food was awful, but he’d went all out to impress her. He was twenty-one and a dope boy who flossed his money like an idiot.

  He’d changed. His prison stint had opened his eyes to shit money had blinded.

  His body must have sensed Tessah’s presence because his eyes landed on the lounge entrance as she came sauntering inside. Like a bee drawn to a sunflower, he took her in. A hypnotizing sight with an aura begging for attention as soon as she entered a room. Her rich melanin infused skin glowed against the bright yellow crop top and pant set she wore. The set hugged her slim thick body to precision and sent a rush of lust through Kyree.

  As her seductive protruding nut-brown eyes met his, a ravishing smile brought her face to life.

  “Damn,” he said under his breath before taking a sip of water and standing as she approached.

  “Hey,” she said, still smiling and taking him in. He’d “You look nice.”

  “You thought I was gon’ be out in sweats and a tee?”

  Laughter trickled from her lips. “I wasn’t sure. Maybe.”

  “Trust and believe, I got swag.” She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and his dick jumped. “You look stunning, though.”

  “Thank you.” She pushed her hair out of her face. Her naturally curly hair framed her small face to perfection.

  “What you drinking?”

  “I’ll take a glass of Sauvignon.”

  Kyree gave a small nod as he ordered them drinks - wine for her and whiskey for him.

  With their respective drinks in hand, they found a table and settled in. Small talk ensued before silence overtook them as they stared at their menus.

  For Kyree, the awkward silence was an energy. It had him rethinking everything he’d told himself for the past year in a half. Had he’d judged her too quickly? Did he place her into a box because of his past? It all made his desire for her a layer of confusion he needed to decipher.

  Off the energy alone - he wanted her.

  She could very
well be everything he told himself to avoid, but he hoped Landon was right and she wasn’t the woman he’d pegged her to be.

  The waitress came and took their orders and left them to their silence.

  “Aight,” Kyree pulled her attention to him, “this silence is cool and all but we gotta stop.”

  Tessah nodded. “True but sitting here with you… you gotta admit this is weird. Like you hated me.”

  Kyree grimaced. “Hate is a strong word. I—”

  “Hated me.”

  “I didn’t hate you but I’m not fond of females who use men for their own selfish ways.”

  “That was you making a judgment about me.”

  “How far from the truth is it?”

  She held her glass and swirled it around. “If there’s truth to it… why are we here?”

  The lines in her face held questions he wasn’t sure he had all the answers to. “Because for the past few days I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Her eyes bulged even more at his truth. He shrugged. “But don’t act like I was the only one doing the judging. You judged me from the gate.”

  “We judged each other.”

  “Big facts. I guess we need to start over because I’m trying to get to know you on a no bullshit level. Can you handle that?” Kyree’s tongue kissed his lips. He wanted to be transparent with her.

  Tessah finished her glass of wine before responding with an inviting smile sending fire to his core. “I can.”

  “Great.” He leaned forward with an extended hand. “I’m Kyree Warwick.”

  With a broad grin, she allowed him to take her hand into his and place a delicate kiss on top of her knuckles. “Tessah Jones. Nice to finally meet you.”

  “Same.”

  “Now what?”

  “Now we gotta seal this truce with a shot.” Kyree grabbed their waitress’s attention and ordered them a round of shots. Before long two shots of death set between them.

  “What are we toasting?” Tessah grasped the shot between her pointer and thumb fingers and Kyree followed suit.

  “To a no judgment zone and a fresh start.”

  Tessah brows inched up her forehead as she raised her glass to meet his. “To a no judgment zone and a fresh start.”

  ❖❖❖

  This is a real date. Tessah had repeated those words to herself twenty times in the last two hours. Her date with Kyree had been mind-boggling and after they’d cleared the air and set their fresh start in motion, there had been no silence.

  They’d learned the basics about one another: birthdays, favorite things, pet peeves, and a little about each other’s family. She’d told him she had been a warden of the state since she was six after her parents died in a car crash. His life was a little different. He’d grown up with his younger brother in a two-parent household until his dad died from a heart attack when he was seventeen.

  “You sure you wanna do this?” Kyree questioned, pulling her eyes to him. The mischievous smile on his gorgeous face sent tingles through her yoni. His words and captivating rugged voice had been sending shock waves through her most intimate parts all night.

  “A dare is a dare.” Confidence laced her words while her stomach bounced between her throat and toes every second they stood in line for the Orlando Slingshot ride. She’d made the dare, and he agreed only if they did it together. Something possessed her to say yes and now she was watching people get shot into the air screaming for God to take them. “I’m good.”

  “You want me to hold your hand?”

  A smirk danced on his face as he held in a laugh causing Tessah to roll her eyes. “Shut up. You’re the one going to be screaming like a little bitch. Not me.”

  Kyree let out a throaty laugh. “You talking big shit. We’ll see though.”

  “We will.” The line advanced. There were five couples before it was their turn to be slung into nowhere.

  “Awww shit!” Kyree sang as the operator secured them into the ride, clapping his hands together. His geekiness made her stick her tongue at him while trying to keep her heart in her chest. “It’s gonna be fun.”

  “If we die… I’m hunting you.”

  “Your wig secure?”

  “Boy!” She cackled.

  “Look I ain’t tryna have our video going viral cause you lost your hair.”

  “Shut up,” she said, calming down a smidge from his jokes. “Oh fuck,” Tessah groaned as the ride adjusted into takeoff position.

  “You still got time to get off,” Kyree teased, and she flipped him off.

  “She doesn’t,” the operator said before he engaged them in pointless conversation. Distracting them from their suicide mission.

  “You over there praying?”

  “Shut up KyREEEE—” His name turned into a shriek of death as the ride propelled them into the air faster than sixty miles per hour.

  “Oh fuck!” Kyree exclaimed while Tessah waited to pass out. “You good?” he asked through laughter.

  “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” she howled and Kyree laughed as she continued to beg for mercy.

  When they descended, Tessah opened her eyes long enough to take in the beautiful Orlando skyline. She could check this off her bucket list and never do it again.

  Tessah placed her hands into her head and massaged her scalp as they walked out the exit. “I can’t believe we did it!”

  “Shit was intense.”

  “Your ass loved it.”

  Kyree chortled as they found a bench to gather their bearings. “I did but my life still flashed before my eyes.”

  “I couldn’t tell since you were taunting me the whole time.” She mushed him in the face making him grab her by the waist and pull her onto his lap. “It was fun though.” Her eyes stared at every detail of his face before landing on his lips. Thick, smooth, and inviting.

  Their lips melted into one another. Magnetic shock waves flowed between the two as their kisses turned into light moans. Tessah’s right hand caressed his face as his right arm wrapped around her body and hugged her to him. Their tongues toyed with one another as he ran his fingers through her hair and held the back of her head, keeping their mouths interlocked. He kissed her with a slow force as if he didn’t want to rush but instead wanted to explore every detail of her mouth.

  With her hands on his chest, they broke the kiss and Tessah looked away from him, blushing. Butterflies went rampant in her stomach and it was as if she’d never been kissed before.

  “What next?” he asked with his arms still wrapped around her as if she belonged to him.

  “I could go for something sweet.”

  Or you. I could definitely go for you.

  “Cool. There’s this bomb ice cream spot we can walk to. Let’s go.”

  They spent the rest of the night sneaking in kisses, daring each other small dares, and laughing in abundance. Kyree was nothing like the man she conjured in her head. And when they headed to his car, it confirmed she’d also been wrong about his finances.

  “Where’s your truck?” she asked as they approached a pineapple yellow and midnight black mustang. Mustangs weren’t expensive compared to the cars she was used to her suitors having, but they were sexy. He’d customized this one with a stripe kit. Two types of black vinyl separated by two small stripes of red vinyl covered the hood, roof, and trunk. Down the center from the front to the rear was also a small yellow stripe of vinyl tying all the colors in. The car was beautiful and impressive. A huge step above his outdated Nissan.

  “The Murano?” he questioned.

  “Yeah that lil rusty one you be in.”

  Kyree chuckled as he opened the door for her. “She loyal. Don’t come for her.” Tessah rolled her eyes as he closed the door and came around to the driver’s side. “But sometimes I like to bring my other boo out to play.”

  “This isn’t a rental?”

  “Wow, I thought we were done with the judging,” he shot back, smirking.

  Tessah laughed. “I’m messing with you. This is nice though.”


  “Thanks. I got a thing for fast cars.”

  Tessah spent the drive to her side of town replaying the events of the night. Everything had been out of her comfort zone with Kyree. Dates weren’t outside the norm, but never one where they left her feeling like the stars were beneath her.

  Her past dates were for a purpose of a gain or sense of obligation to keep her lifestyle intact. This one was for full pleasure.

  Pleasure.

  She wanted Kyree to pleasure her in the best way.

  When they arrived at her townhome, she leaned in for the kiss she craved. “Wanna come inside? I make the best late night waffles.”

  “You have food this time?” he joked.

  “Yes I do,” she sassed. “Come on.” She didn’t give him a chance to decline as she pushed opened her door and climbed out the car.

  ❖❖❖

  Tessah’s body was warm and inviting as it pressed against Kyree’s the next morning. He didn’t want to put an end to their date, but he had a few things to handle that afternoon and it was touching on ten. Tessah also had to be up soon because during their night cap she mentioned she had a noon class.

  His lips pressed tenderly against the back of her neck and she squirmed beside him making his erect manhood twitch. “Wake up,” he whispered into her ear while running his fingers up the side of her bare leg.

  “No,” she groaned making him snort. “What time is it?”

  “9:56.”

  “We just went to sleep.”

  “Stop whining.” He slapped her thigh, and she yelped while reaching around and trying to hit him. He dodged her hits, laughing and climbing out of her bed. She frowned but her eyes dragged over his bare chest making him smirk. The temptation to climb back in bed with her was real.

  They’d been lusting after each other all night but neither had crossed the line of taking it further than heated kisses. Even as he laid next to her toned body dressed in fitted cheeks peeking pajama shorts and a simple tank, he controlled himself.

  However, if she kept seducing him with her eyes as if she needed him to search for diamonds between her legs, he’d lose it.