A Selfish Kind of Love

by Bella Jay

  “You’re a morning person,” she said through a yawn.

  “Something like that,” he agreed, seizing his shirt from its resting spot on the floor.

  “You’re leaving?” she asked with another yawn.

  “Yeah, you can’t keep me hostage today. I gotta go handle some business and you have class.”

  “Unfortunately. Tuesday’s are the worst. I have class all day.”

  “So that means you’re gonna turn me down for dinner tonight?”

  The sides of her mouth curved upwards. “Oh you want another date?”

  “Not when you get all cocky about it.” She chuckled as he sat and put on his shoes. “Can’t be nice to y’all bougie chicks.”

  “Shut up.” She pushed at his back. “But how about a raincheck for tomorrow?” Her fingers drummed against his spine.

  He glanced over his shoulder, leaned down and placed a quick peck against her lips. “I’ll think about it.”

  Her smile dropped. “That’s why your breath stank.”

  He chuckled, gave her another kiss, and left.

  Kyree had a faint memory of what most of his day consisted of because his mind stayed on Tessah until his eyes laid on the love of his life. When he stepped into the daycare his daughter attended, her eyes brightened the moment they landed on him. Her little legs sprinted towards him and he to her, scooping her into his arms as soon as she was within reach.

  “Daddy!” She giggled as he tickled her stomach.

  “What’s up princess?” He strolled to where her teacher stood near the play area.

  “Nuthin’.”

  “Nuthin’,” he mocked her. Cherish Kylee Warwick could do no wrong even if she was a mini tyrant when she wanted to be. “Hey Sherita, my bad about being late. Her mom didn’t tell me until an hour ago she couldn’t pick her up.”

  “It’s fine. Cherry is a character so never an issue. Did you tell your dad what we learned today?”

  “What you learned?” He stared at his baby girl.

  She sucked in her cheeks.

  “Come on,” her teacher reached over and poked her stomach, “you remember. What did we do today?”

  “We - we,” she looked around before pointing at something, “did sper’ments!”

  “Ohhhh experiments,” Kyree sang as his eyes followed her arm to the science section of the class.

  “What color does red and blue make?” Sherita asked.

  “PURPLE!”

  “My little Einstein.”

  “Yeah she is, and she runs the class.”

  “She gets that from her mama,” Kyree said, and him and Sherita shared a laugh. They’d grown up together and always had a natural comfort level around one another. “But we’ll leave you to it. Say bye to Mrs. Holmes, Cherry.”

  “Byeeee,” she sang, waving.

  Cherry talked Kyree’s ear off the entire ride. At two, she had a lot to say about nothing. When they arrived at Chandra’s house, one of her clients walked out with a ‘nobody can tell me shit ‘cause I got a new ‘do’ look on her face.

  “Who comin’ in my house?” Chandra yelled, as Kyree pushed opened the door.

  “Me. Why you ain’t lock the door behind your client?”

  “I was about to after I swept up this hair,” she replied as he walked further into the house to find her near her work station.

  “Hi Mommy,” Cherry sang, with her arm wrapped around Kyree’s leg. A daddy’s girl to the core and he loved it.

  “That’s all I get?” Chandra asked, pouting as she swept the hair into the dustpan.

  “Go give yo mama a hug and kiss.” Kyree nudged her, and she trotted off to Chandra.

  “You fake and phony,” she joked, picking up her daughter.

  “You phony,” Cherry clapped back causing Chandra to gawk and Kyree to snicker.

  “I can’t stand your daughter.”

  “She’s her mother.”

  “Whatever.” She placed Cherry back on the floor. “Go put your stuff in your room.” Cherry scurried off as Chandra’s eyes met Kyree’s. “You staying for dinner?” she asked as she headed to the kitchen with him strolling behind her.

  “Nah.” He walked past her to the fridge.

  “What you doing?” She reached for his arm but missed.

  “I’m thirsty.” He swung open the fridge. “You got cold w—” He froze as his right eye glimpsed wine coolers on the bottom shelf. He squatted as Chandra hissed behind him. “What they hell are these doing in here, Chan?” He held the case with two coolers missing.

  Chandra kissed her teeth with a roll of her eyes. “They’re for my clients.”

  Kyree’s body temperature increased. “Chandra I fucking swear if you’re drinking again.”

  “They’re for my clients, damn Ky! I ain’t drinking and for the record I’m not an alcoholic. I can have a wine cooler or some wine every now and again! You don’t need to be clocking me.”

  Kyree placed the wine coolers back in the fridge and grabbed a bottled water. “Chandra I’m not about to argue with you. If I find out you’re drunk or been drinking around Cherish, believe me when I say I will take her from you.”

  “Kyree don’t threaten me.”

  His eyes pierced through her warm honey skin. “I told you when I convinced my mom to give Cherry back to you the deal. You stay sober.”

  “From drugs!”

  “From any fucking thing affecting my daughter’s well-being.”

  “I don’t see you being a damn saint.”

  “Well I also wasn’t getting high off of pain meds and anxiety medication.”

  Red veins seeped through Chandra’s forehead. “Excuse me for going through postpartum depression BY MYSELF!”

  Kyree slammed the water bottle on the counter top. He understood the severity of postpartum depression but Chandra used it as a crutch for her fuck ups. “You can’t keep throwing that around as a goddamn excuse! Postpartum is not an excuse for fucking another nigga or getting high off of prescription drugs!” His voice roared causing Cherry to run into the kitchen, fear etched on her round face. “Shit,” he cursed under his breath. He never wanted her to see them at each other’s throats but it’d happened more than he liked. “Everything is fine baby girl.”

  “Mommy’s crying.” His eyes traveled to her as she swiped away tears.

  “Mommy’s fine,” Chandra said and walked out of the kitchen.

  Kyree sighed and picked up his daughter. Her little face in a frown as he took her in. A real life doll though she only had little hints of him. His honey brown complexion, droopy light brown eyes, and his height. The rest of her was Chandra from her attitude to her bow legs. “You want daddy to stay and watch an episode of Doc McStuffins with you?”

  She nodded with her thumb in her mouth and he pulled it out. “Yup. I want cookies too.”

  “Your mama will not kill me. Let’s get some fruit instead.”

  “Fineee,” she huffed, and he smiled, forcing his argument with Chandra to the back of his brain for now.

  When Kyree made it home later, the clock read 7:52pm. After his day of running around off four hours of sleep, all he wanted to do was take a shower and get in some shut eye. However, as soon as he laid in his bed, his mind wondered to Tessah.

  ❖❖❖

  Forty-nine more minutes.

  Forty-eight more minutes and forty-three seconds.

  Time was moving slower than a snail as it always did in her weekly Tuesday class. The 3.5 hour long class drained her every week. The notification light on her phone caught her attention, and she beamed as soon as she saw who it was from. She’d been doing her best not to text him all day though thinking about him helped her through the first 2.5 hours of class. The taste of his lips and warmth of his body against her skin were etched in her mind.

  She hated herself for not getting what she wanted from him last night. But also glad she didn’t.

  Kyree: You still in class?

  Tessah: Unfortunately. She never lets
us out early. Hoe.

  Tessah: And I’m starving.

  Kyree: LMBO. Damn sucks to be you.

  Tessah: You not shit.

  Kyree: I’m a little bit shit. Call me when you get home.

  Tessah: K. :-)

  Grinning, she placed her phone into her bag and tried to focus on the marketing strategies her professor was teaching.

  An hour later, Tessah pulled off her heels and flung them off to the side as soon as she stepped foot into her home. “Damn I shoulda got food on the way home,” she fussed, scratching her scalp as she dragged her feet into the kitchen.

  Her phone ringing interrupted her executive decision between ramen or a grilled cheese. “I thought I was supposed to call you.”

  “You took too long. You home?”

  “Yeah just got here. Think fast: ramen or grilled cheese?”

  “PB and J.”

  “I’m out of peanut butter. Ramen it is.”

  “What kind?” Kyree asked as her doorbell rang.

  “Hot and spicy shrimp of course.” She grabbed her pepper spray out of a kitchen drawer. “Someone’s at my door.”

  “At this time of night?”

  “Mmhmm.” The rapid beating of her heart annoyed her. Caiden hadn’t reached out to her since he’d apologized but it wouldn’t be the first time he popped up unannounced. She’d changed the locks already so at least he couldn’t barge in and kill her in her sleep.

  “Don’t just open the door.”

  “Well duh. I have my pepper spray, dad.” She pushed her body against the door and peered out the peephole. A girl around her age stood there holding a bag. “Hold on Ky.” Tessah unlocked the door and cracked it open. “Can I help you?”

  “Yeah, I have an UberEats delivery for a,” she looked at her phone, “Tessah.”

  “I didn’t order anything.”

  “It’s from a,” she looked at her phone again, “Ky W.”

  Tessah sighed and opened the door wider to take the delivery. “Why you ain’t tell me you ordered me food?” She locked the door with a broad smile.

  “Not how surprises work.”

  “Boy,” she scoffed, opening the familiar bag from her favorite Thai place. “You almost got that girl pepper sprayed.”

  Kyree laughed. “Damn you’re welcome.”

  “Thank you! But damn you ain’t have to order me the menu.”

  “All you said was you liked the Thai spot up the street. I ain’t even know if it was the right one. Your ass can eat though so you good.”

  “No judgment zone.”

  “No judgment. I like it.”

  “I’ll be fat one day but until then, I will eat in peace.” Tessah salivated at the pineapple fried rice, veggie pad thai, massaman curry, papaya salad, and spring rolls. He hadn’t made one bad choice.

  “You’ll still have the juice though.”

  “You are right.” She took a bite of a spring roll and moaned in delight.

  “You ain’t gon’ be making come hither voices in my ear.”

  Tessah chuckled as she ate the other half. “My bad. What you doing though?”

  “About to call it a night.”

  “Damn.”

  “What?”

  “Well it’s too much food for me to eat by my lonesome. Care to join me?”

  Sixty-five percent of her expected him to turn her down, but he said, “Give me about forty minutes.”

  ❖❖❖

  “This place is good,” Tessah said as her and a new acquaintance, Charmaine, walked into Designer Greens. Char and her had met in their class and hit it off so well they decided to do lunch together.

  “Everything sounds good,” Char said, reading the menu. “I think I’ma get the summer salad.”

  “My favorite!” They ordered their food and found a table to sit at. “How are you liking Orlando?” Char had transferred from a school on the West Coast.

  “It’s cool but these niggas ain’t shit.”

  Tessah smirked. “You already found out, huh?”

  “Girl,” Char said with a roll of her eyes. “I met this dude my first week here. We kicked it and everything seemed good.” Tessah nodded ready for the tea. “Until one night after we had sex… his girl showed up.”

  Tessah choked on her salad. “I know you fucking lying,” she said, mocking Instagram comedian IAmZoie.

  “I wish. The shit caught me off guard and embarrassed the hell outta me. But to be honest, I felt sorry for his girl. Sis was about to rip MY head off over his flaw ass.”

  Tessah shook her head. “These chicks be wack.”

  “Sad part is though… he’s fine as fuck. My dumb ass was willing to be a side piece.”

  “GIRL!”

  Char shrugged. “Some peen is worth it. Don’t tell me you’ve never been dickmatized.”

  “Not like that,” she affirmed. Though she slept with other people’s men, it had nothing to do with their penis skills. However, Emery was top notch. “Girl you gotta show me him.”

  Char sighed as she pulled the guy up on her phone and before she even turned it Tessah’s way, Tessah face palmed herself. “What?” Char asked, her eyes bouncing around.

  Tessah twisted her mouth to the side. “I just wanna say, I’m not a representation of my best friend and he is—”

  “Your best friend?” Char asked, dumbfounded.

  “Yeah girl. He ain’t shit.” Tessah couldn’t believe how small the world was. Nor the fact Char and Gynah were about to be in the same room. Two poor victims of Landon Matthews. Like clockwork, Gynah came prancing through the doors of the cafe.

  “So, I should be happy he played me early on?”

  “Mmhmm,” Tessah said, hoping she dropped the conversation as Gynah approached. “Hey boo!”

  “Heyyyy!” Gynah sang back. Tessah introduced the two girls before Gynah ordered her food and joined them. “How’s party planning coming along?”

  “Party?” Char asked.

  “Yeah. My birthday is on the 30th. I’m having an anti Halloween party on the 27th,” Tessah explained.

  “Oh nice. I wanna come.”

  “Of course.”

  “Cool. Give me the details later, I have to get going. Nice meeting you Gynah.” They said their goodbyes and Tessah turned back to her friend. “Okay before we get to party planning. I found out she smashed Lan.”

  With a pinched expression Gynah said, “Who hasn’t fucked Landon? I don’t care.”

  “Okay. I didn’t want that to come up some other time and I look shady.”

  Tessah expected Gynah’s response because according to Gynah she had no deep feelings for Landon but Tessah didn’t buy it. “Thanks but your friend ain’t stunting me and I’m unbothered. More luck to her.”

  “Cool. On to my party… planning is okay. However,” Tessah opened her box of pita bread and tzatziki, “I’m not liking how I’m digging into my savings. This is when I miss Caiden’s coins.”

  Gynah shook her head. “Well you still got Em and new boo who’s been taking all your time from me.”

  Tessah blushed. It had been a week and a half since their first official date and they’d seen each other every day. He’d spent the night all but two nights. “Emery will throw a couple stacks my way because it’s my birthday but I’m not asking Kyree.”

  “What? Who are you?” Her hand gripped her chest.

  “Shut up. It’s not like that with him. I told you he—”

  “You actually like him.” Gynah lowered her chin at her friend. The smile on her face made Tessah frown.

  “He’s cool,” she said, smoothly. Not ready to give in to whatever emotions had infected her body. “But I can’t even tell you what I’m feeling. It’s different though and I don’t want to give him any reason to think I’m trying to play him. Besides, it might be lust because we haven’t had sex yet.”

  “Because you like him!” Gynah whisper-yelled.

  “Shut up!” Tessah pressed her palms against her warm cheeks. The giddy feel
ings rushing through sent a wave of panic through her.

  “You’re so used to not falling for these men the way they fall for you, that you don’t know how to deal with one you’re actually interested in.”

  “Okay, Iyanla.”

  “Those are the facts but I say casually bring up your birthday party and how it’s going way above budget. See how he reacts.”

  Tessah’s top teeth pierced her bottom lip. Things would be different if Kyree had no clue about her money manipulating ways but he did. And for the first time, she cared about someone’s opinions of her gold digging ways.

  “That might work because I have big dreams for this party.”

  ❖❖❖

  Closed mouths don’t get fed. Tessah’s birthday party had come together as if she’d given birth to it and she hadn’t spent but a couple hundreds of her money.

  Emery and Kyree had come through for her. Kyree, who she expected to side eye her the moment she brought up exceeding her non-existent budget, offered to pay half the expenses since he couldn’t make it.

  Her anti Halloween party was lit and everyone loved the surprise ‘Day of the Dead’ theme. She’d hired a skilled party planner to bring her Coco fantasy to life. Her guests had the option, once she revealed the theme, to dress up in traditional Day of the Dead ghostly attire and even get their face and body painted. Outside of the clubhouse, there was a whole spread of Mexican food and inspired cocktails along with a full on altar to honor the dead. The bright orange petals of marigolds placed all around the party to guide the spirits towards the celebration were her favorite part. It was an experience like she wanted.

  “Yo Tee!” Landon came through the crowd with a drink in his hand. His eyes were low, and he had a vast smile on his skull painted face.

  “You’ve taken part in the festivities,” she said, snatching his cup.

  “Yeah. This is dope.” His eyes wandered around the room. “I lost Addie.”

  “I saw her with her friends going out to the back after giving me a nasty look.” Tessah found it hilarious Landon’s girlfriend suspected her and Landon had exchanged bodily fluids in the past. They weren’t friends in the least but it would surprise Addie at the amount of times Tessah tried to talk sense into Landon for her.