A Selfish Kind of Love

by Bella Jay

  “I wouldn’t be generic if I planned to kill you.”

  “Oh.”

  Tessah snickered. “Last night when I got here… I ran into Cherry.” She paused and cleared her throat. “And her mother.”

  Kyree set down his fork because he was sure this would not be something he wanted to hear. “What happened?”

  “Your baby’s mother had a lot to say.” He huffed. “I don’t wanna start no problems with y’all because you want to co-parent civilly but it almost brought out the Miami in me.”

  “Tell me what happened,” he said, and she gave him the full rundown of their interaction. Kyree eye twitched as heat filtered throughout his body. Chandra had crossed a line. “I promise you, she won’t pull no shit like that again.”

  After Tessah headed to take a final exam, Kyree worked out for a much needed stress releaser. It didn’t work and afterwards he was on his way to Chandra’s.

  “What you want cousin?” Shayla sang into the phone.

  “You at the studio?”

  “Nah. What’s up?”

  “I need you to scoop Cherry from daycare and take her for ice cream or something. I gotta go knock some sense into her ugly ass mama.”

  Shayla snickered. “Oh shit. What she did?”

  “Stepped to Tee on some ‘you’re temporary because I’m not letting him go’ type bullshit.”

  “Ohhhh no she did not!”

  “Dead ass. I been thinking about how I’ma approach this shit all day and all signs lead to slapping her silly.”

  Shayla cackled. “She lucky Auntie Mina raised you better than that. HOWEVER, my mama ain’t teach me much sense. Please remind Chan I grew up fighting all my boy cousins. It will be nothing to drag her for you.”

  A loud boisterous laugh escaped Kyree’s throat. “Let’s hope it don’t get there.”

  “I kinda hope so. Anyway, I got you. Me and my Cherry-pie will have a grand ol’ time. Call me when all is clear.”

  “Bet. Love you.”

  “You more.”

  The call ended as he pulled up to Chandra’s house. His cousin had calmed him but all went to shit the moment his eyes laid on her.

  He didn’t have to say anything because Chandra’s first words were — “She snitched, huh? I saw that coming.”

  “What the fuck made you think what you said was cool?”

  Chandra snarled and walked away. “I said the truth. I’m not about to let some young bitch break up my family. We’re supposed to be together Kyree!”

  “No the fuck we not!” he boomed. “How many times I’ve said the shit? Are you deaf?”

  Chandra’s eyes pierced through him. “You’re speaking from hurt still. I’ve been giving you time and you get with some random chick. You’ve got me fucked up.”

  Chandra had lost her whole mind, and she confirmed it when she sauntered from the kitchen, twisting open a wine cooler. “I wish the hell you would,” he threatened.

  She placed the bottle at her lips and he snatched it from her hand. The loud crackle of it hitting the wall made her jump.

  “I’m tired of this shit Kyree! You wanna play the damn victim so much but if you ain’t want to be with me… why were you still climbing between my legs? Your new bitch know about that?”

  “Stop calling her out her name.” His jaw stiffened. “And she’s aware we used to smash. I deaded that months ago for a reason.”

  Chandra huffed. “For her? Really?”

  “Chan I came here to tell you not to approach her again.”

  “I can if you gon’ have her around our daughter. You had the audacity to bring her around Cherish!”

  “I did.”

  Chandra’s nostrils widened. “Think and do whatever you want Kyree. Mark my words… we belong together.”

  Kyree ran his fingers across his brows. “Are you drinking?” Nothing else made sense. “You gotta be on something because after all the foul shit you did to me, how can you think I’d ever come back to you?”

  “I was sick!” she screeched, her veins popping.

  “No you were selfish and greedy! I got an eighteen-month bid and six months in you were already fucking someone else because you weren’t able to live the life you wanted anymore.”

  “I told you it didn’t happen until after your mom took Cherry from me and it only happened twice!”

  Kyree knocked down the first thing his fist came in contact with. “STOP WITH THE FUCKING LIES!” His chest heaved in and out. “Y’all were fucking for months. He ain’t give a fuck about you and told me the truth with proof. Yeah, that sex video y’all did together ain’t as private as you thought but I made it go away for the sake of our daughter!”

  Her face paled. Kyree had never divulged how much he knew about her indiscretions but today he put it all out there. “You played me real well, and I still respected you enough as Cherry’s mother to not let your ass rot. My family helped you get back on your feet and I took care of you for a year after I got out knowing what you did. And your ass still ungrateful and tried to ruin what I got going on.”

  “Fuck you Ky! I did the best I could while you were gone. I was sick and hurt and lost.” Tears ran from her face and he couldn’t care less. The same sob story but the last time he was gon’ listen to her bullshit.

  “Chandra don’t fucking interfere with my relationship with Tessah ever again. This the only time I’ma warn you. Now clean this house before Shay drop off my daughter.”

  When he slammed her door, something crashed against it before loud cries rang in his ears. Her cries didn’t matter any longer, his daughter and Tessah were his priorities.

  ❖❖❖

  “Before we watch the movie, I have another gift for you,” Kyree said as they settled down to watch Home Alone. Their Christmas day had been as eventful as Thanksgiving. They’d celebrated the holiday at his brother’s and Kyree’s family had showered her with love. Being surrounded by his huge family was bittersweet but more sweet than anything. Overall, the day had been beautiful and happiness consumed her.

  She needed nothing else.

  “Ky,” she sang. “You already gave me perfume, a new bag, tickets to Cirque De Soleil and bomb dick… what more do you have to offer?” He smirked and handed her his phone. She stared at the information as her vision blurred. “You’re lying?”

  “I told you she had clout. His adoptive parents changed his last name, might be why you couldn’t find him.”

  The contact information along with a picture of her brother stared back at her. He mirrored her dad which made her heart cave in.

  “Babe it’s okay,” Kyree said, wrapping his arms around her as the waterfall of tears fell. “And I called and hung up to make sure the number worked so you good.”

  Tessah tittered and slapped his chest. “You’re so silly.”

  “Don’t hate me. I’ve had it for a couple of weeks but I wanted to give it to you today.”

  “I don’t have it in me to fight you,” she quipped, and he smiled.

  “You gonna call him? Need me to go in the room?”

  She shook her head. “I will need you.” For years, she’d waited for this moment. She couldn’t do it alone. There were too many ‘what ifs’ flushing through her mind and Kyree’s presence gave her the confidence she needed. Her hand shook as he passed her, her phone and she punched in the numbers. The ringing came through clear as water while sweat spurted from her palms. Her heart stopped when she heard his voice.

  “Hello?” he repeated.

  “It’s okay,” Kyree mouthed.

  “Hello?” he said once more.

  “Dasiah?” her voice cracked.

  “Yeah… who’s this?”

  “Um… my name is Tessah. I’m your…” The word locked itself in her throat. What if he wanted nothing to do with her? Had forgotten about her? “I’m your,” she tried again before he filled in the blank.

  “My sister?” he questioned and more tears fell from Tessah’s eyes. His voice had a mixture of dis
belief, desperation, and elation. It washed away her fears, he’d been waiting for this moment too.

  “Yes. I’m your sister.”

  The call turned into a FaceTime and Tessah thought she was dreaming the entire time. When he invited her to Miami the next month, she almost lost it. It was her brother. After years of searching for him, they’d reconnected and she couldn’t thank Kyree enough.

  But she planned to try.

  After three rounds of blissful love making, Tessah’s body was out of commission. As she laid with her body pressed into his, she couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather be. In less than three months, Kyree had turned her world upside down and she realized what she’d missed by focusing on securing her bag. Money and a lifestyle full of materialistic things made her happy, but that happiness was nothing compared to the emotions caressing her heart.

  Kyree ran a hand along the side of her body before drawing her into him even more. “Tessah?” The way her name fell from his lips sent a shiver from the tip of her neck to the bottom of her spine. What had he done to her?

  “Mmh?” she hummed.

  “I love you.”

  The air to her lungs halted.

  She’d been told those words plenty of times before but hearing them never made her feel the way she did when they came from him. As if they’d ignited every molecule in her body with happy gas. The kind the dentist gives you to make you believe you have no worries ever, and everything - every single thing - is good. She turned to him.

  “I — I — I,” she faltered over her words. They wouldn’t come out. “I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry. I can’t tell if what I’m experiencing is love or something else. It’s scary, and I’ve said those words to people before and didn’t mean it. Didn’t feel a damn thing and I want to be sure when I say it to you… I mean it. But I love that you love me if that helps.”

  She didn’t want to run him away, but saying that four letter word finally meant something.

  “It’s okay.” He ran his hand through her hair and gave her a warm smile. He didn’t seem hurt or upset. “I get it and I’m going to love you regardless baby. Besides whether you want to admit it, we both know you love me. What’s not to love?”

  Tessah’s mouth dropped open. “I’m going to sleep. Cocky ass.” She rolled back over, her cheeks and heart on fire.

  He tugged her smooth chocolate body to his and kissed the back of her neck making her squirm at his touch before he reiterated, “I love you.”

  ❖❖❖

  “Let’s change the subject.,” Landon said. They were having dinner and drinks at Blue Martini after spending the afternoon taking advantage of the after Christmas sales. He’d been complaining to her about his girlfriend - well ex girlfriend - problems since she broke up with him after he gave her two STIs. Infections he’d gotten from Gynah who had gotten them from her ex, Briyon. It was all a complete mess of shit Tessah was glad she didn’t have to deal with, with Kyree. “You said you had something to tell me.”

  Tessah’s smile shined through her whole face. “I do! Remember how I told you I might’ve had a true lead on my brother.”

  “Yeah,” he said, focusing on her.

  “I found him.”

  “You’re lying!”

  “No,” she said, twinkles in her eyes. “We talked last night. Talk about the best Christmas gift ever. He invited me to Miami next month. It’s still surreal.”

  “Wow Tee,” Landon stood, “I’m so happy for you sis.” He pulled her into a hug.

  “Thanks friend. Now let’s pray I find me a new sponsor in Miami.”

  “Here your ass go,” Landon said, pushing her away. “Let Kyree hear your ass talking like that.”

  “Sheeesh I’m only joking; especially after he helped me find Dasiah. I’ve renounced my hoe card.” She sat in her seat.

  “How serious are y’all these days?”

  Tessah scrunched her nose. “He asked me to move in with him when my lease is up.”

  “Oh damn.” Landon placed his fist to his mouth. “Are you?”

  “I’m thinking about it. At least until the end of the next semester. All my classes are online anyway, so I won’t need to go on campus. His condo nice as fuck.”

  “So you’ve said.” Their waitress returned with their food and drinks. “I’m genuinely happy for you sis. Can’t say I saw this coming.”

  “Ditto,” She stole a slice of his Margherita flat bread.

  “You love him?”

  The piece of food going down Tessah’s throat got stuck, and she started coughing. “Um what?” She sipped her drink. Landon smirked. “What?”

  “Nothing. I’ma drop it.”

  The grin on his face made her frown. “I’m not sure but,” she pulled her mouth to the side, “he told me he loved me.”

  Landon’s eyes popped out of his head. “Real shit?”

  She nodded. “Last night. But I didn’t say it back. I couldn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Tessah shrugged. “I never gave love much thought Lan. It’s not I didn’t want to one day fall in love and find my Prince Charming… but that’s been the furthest thing from my mind. The word love for me held no weight because I used it to get what I wanted from men not because I felt it. Now I’m in a whole new game and still trying to figure this shit out.”

  Landon tittered and savored his drink. “One thing I can say is with relationships… you’ll always be figuring shit out. They’re difficult but being in love with someone makes it worth it.”

  “How do you know when you’re in love with someone? Or better yet, how did you know with Addie?”

  Landon leaned over and stared into her eyes with a smile the size of his face. “There wasn’t an exact moment I can pinpoint. It happened over time. I might sound like a little bitch, but there became a time that when I wasn’t by her side, I felt part of me was missing. Til this day that still stands. I love Adalyn.” He tapped the table with his fingers before glancing at his phone. “It’s different for everybody sis, but I think when you know, you know.”

  January

  “To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” — Albus Camus

  DAY FIVE. FIVE WHOLE days of reconnecting with her brother in person. Each day was surreal even after they’d spent every day since reuniting FaceTiming or talking on the phone. In a short time, she’d learned so much about him but Tessah couldn’t wait to learn more. Dasiah was every bit of the big brother she remembered and as attentive and caring as ever.

  Their love for one another shined through as if they’d never lost touch. The day she arrived for her week-long visit, bricks were plunging out of her ass. However, the moment they laid eyes on one another - all her nerves fled. Dasiah was home.

  The first two days they spent majority of their time together talking about how they’d grown up. Tessah spared him most of the details of her sucky childhood. She had no desire to talk about the bullying she had endured because of her thrift store clothes and nappy hair, or how all her group homes seemed to be in competition to be the worst. Instead she basked in his stories about his adoptive parents.

  Dasiah had been shy at first talking about his parents but she encouraged it. She loved he had gotten parents who had prayed for him. When she met them via FaceTime, they both were quick to let her know she was now a member of their family too. His mom even joked she’d always wanted a girl.

  The thoughts made her heart swell as she gathered the ingredients for the double fudge chocolate cake they were making.

  “It’s official. Kyree’s cool. I approve.” Dasiah re-joined her in the kitchen.

  “Damn he ain’t wanna say bye to me?”

  “He said he’ll call you back after his workout.”

  “Wow. Y’all besties now or something?”

  “Brosties.”

  “Wack!” Tessah chuckled. Kyree and Dasiah talked almost every time Kyree called. It was cute. He’d also talked to Landon. All the men in her life connect
ing - she was whole.

  She wanted him to meet Emery as well but the next time she talked to Emery, she planned to cut ties with him. He’d canceled his plans to come to Orlando last month, and she used it as an excuse of why she hadn’t put an end to things.

  She convinced herself that because she wasn’t flirting back with him, and they hadn’t seen each other since September, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. But the more logical part knew the guilt consuming her every time Emery hit her up meant something had to be done.

  She had to tell Emery to fall back.

  And she would.

  “I need to form this same bond with Avelyn.” Tessah referred to his ex girlfriend who he’d revealed he still was in love with. However, she’d hurt him to his core, and he had a lot of animosity towards her.

  “Hell no,” he sang, “maybe if she was Avelyn circa beginning of last year. The woman I fell in love with, but she’s changed.”

  “Sometimes women be going through shit. I told Ky off rip to be patient with me because this whole relationship life… it’s new for me. I’m gonna make mistakes and do shit wrong.”

  “Yeah but Ave…” A deep frown sunk into his face. “Let’s not even discuss it.”

  “I still wanna see a pic.”

  Dasiah chortled. “Let that go.”

  “Nope!” she said as she blended the goodness that would make a banging ass cake.

  “Tell me something though.”

  “What?” he asked, his handsome face smiled at her. It still stunned her his resemblance to their father.

  “When did you realize you were in love with Avelyn?”

  “Damn,” Dasiah said, scratching the back of his head. His tall frame leaned against the kitchen entrance. “Damn.”

  “That deep?”

  “Just looking at her made me smile. I wanted to be with her all the time. She quickly became my best friend and one day it hit me — I was in love with her.” He paused. “I regret telling her though.” He walked out of the kitchen.

  “Ouch,” Tessah mumbled to his back.