Catch Me When I Fall

by Jackson, A. L.

Digging in my heels.

  Freaking out in some small way every time I got on the stage, until it’d all come to a head over a week ago when I’d run from the stage having that anxiety attack.

  Slowly, Rhys set me onto my feet, the man holding me on the outside of the arms as if he were offering to stay right there and be my support, though there was no missing the outright dread he wore on his handsome face.

  I gave him a reassuring smile, glancing around in time to catch Richard walk through the door.

  His green eyes flashed, my brother watching me so carefully, with so much hope, that my heart physically panged.

  I knew right then that I was ready.

  I looked back to Rhys, who waited with eager apprehension.

  “We did it.” The words rushed from my mouth on a wisp. Pride and faith and hope. “I can’t believe it. We did it.”

  Rhys hooted and spun me around again.

  Laughter bubbled up from my spirit. Spilling out as I dropped my head back and let glee rush free.

  The only thing I could feel in that moment was the joy spread out in front of me.

  In front of us.

  It was only amplified when I felt my brother’s relief pour into the room like a flood.

  Leif’s relief.

  Melanie’s relief.

  It all surged and brimmed and overflowed.

  “Yeah, baby!” Rhys shouted. “Carolina George is gonna go down in the record books. Month from now, every person on this planet is gonna know our names.”

  My heart went soaring a little higher when I caught sight of Royce slowly making his way in.

  In an instant, the man had shifted the air.

  Caused my heart to go into overdrive with a glimpse of him.

  His strong brow pinched in confusion as his attention bounced around, obviously trying to catch up to the meaning of the scene he was walking in on.

  Freshly showered, black hair sleek and damp, the man wearing another one of his suits that made my insides go funny.

  I was a puddle at the sight, though he was standing back, tucking his hands into his pants pockets and watching the moment unfold.

  Skepticism riding high.

  I tried not to wonder why he hadn’t told me this was coming last night.

  Warned me.

  Prepped me.

  Or maybe he just wanted to offer me this moment.

  For me to experience it for myself so I could realize how much I truly wanted it.

  Because I did.

  I did.

  Melanie threw her arms around Rhys as he continued to bounce me, my best friend joining in. She hugged us tight as the two of them jumped around, the movement jostling more uncontained laughter out of me.

  Leif joined them right before Richard did, too.

  The whole group of us hugged so hard that I no longer held onto any questions or fears.

  The four of them squeezing so tightly, the reservations and dismay no longer had any space within me.

  Support staunch.

  When someone knocked at the door, Rhys set me onto my feet, all of us sharing small smiles as we stood in the glow.

  Royce opened the door.

  A delivery person stood there with a huge bouquet of flowers.

  All pinks and purples and golds.

  Roses and lilacs and irises.

  Royce signed for it and carried it over to the table, his energy invading the space.

  The card fitted on the little stick had my name scrawled on it in a pretty script.

  “Must be from Fitzgerald,” Rhys said with nothing short of triumph. “Here on out, I bet we are royalty, baby. Let the prezzies come rollin’ in.”

  I couldn’t help but notice the way Royce flinched where he backed away to lean against the wall with one ankle crossed over the other. For a second, I met that fierce gaze, the man too quiet.

  Shifting in barely contained fury.

  Why was he so upset?

  This was what he wanted, wasn’t it?

  What he’d been sent to do?

  Under the weight of it, I inched for the vase he’d left on the table.

  Knowing this was it.

  Fitzgerald was welcoming me into the Mylton Records family. I either had to sign or walk away, but I had no time left.

  With a shaky hand, I pulled the card from the stick and fumbled into the envelope, eager to see what the inscription read.

  My eyes moved over the words, shock stalling my heart before horror crushed down.

  So heavy my knees went weak. My soul screaming out. Or maybe it was the silent one I could feel fisted in my throat.

  Obliterating the joy I’d felt. The spark of hope I’d needed.

  Emmy Love,

  I hear congrats are in order. Smart girl. I’m so glad to hear you came to your senses. I can’t wait to see you at the ACBs. What do you say you and I pick up where we left off? Sounds good, yeah? You and me? Tell your brother I said hi.

  X

  X.

  X.

  X.

  The scar burned like it’d just been branded on me with a hot poker, and I crumpled in two, holding myself over the spot.

  The walls spun. So fast I was sure I was gonna faint.

  Whirling and whirling.

  I gasped and choked, unable to see through the torrent of tears that instantly blurred my eyes and soaked my face.

  “Emily . . . what the fuck is going on? Who is that from?” Richard demanded as he rushed for me.

  Melanie was shouting from the side, “Oh shit, she’s havin’ a panic attack. A bad one. Someone get her some water and a cool washcloth. Hurry.”

  But I knew there wasn’t a single thing any of them could do to make this better.

  Fifteen

  Royce

  Motherfucker.

  I swore, I watched it all play out in slow-motion while violence screamed through my muscles, my hands pulling into fists of rage.

  Emily taking the card. Pulling it free. The confusion that quickly morphed to terror.

  I was already fucking pissed, wondering what fucking game Daddy Dearest was playing this time. What shady angle had set off the celebration I’d walked in on two minutes ago.

  Fucker kept me in the dark like he thought I wasn’t capable of doing my job.

  If he only knew.

  Or maybe the greedy bastard had finally realized that I was coming for him.

  Took half a second for me to come to terms that she was really going to sign.

  Before I was ready.

  Before I had everything I needed.

  I stood by the wall with my spirit thrashing, heart clattering at my ribs, anger stoking my blood into molten fire.

  I struggled to hold it back.

  To get myself under control before I said or did something that would ruin it all.

  But she was breaking.

  Richard hovered over her, roughing his hands through his hair and bending around to try to get in her line of sight while still holding back, at a loss for what to do. “Emily, fuck . . . what’s going on? Please . . . you’re scaring us.”

  The rest of them danced around her, hands not quite touching, like she was cracked glass that was going to shatter.

  Wondered how close that was to the truth.

  “Em . . . what happened? What did the card say?” Melanie coaxed.

  Yeah.

  I really wanted to know the damn answer to that, too.

  Protectiveness rose up in the middle of me. A black cloud that obliterated reason. Everything ceasing to matter except for the fact that this sweet girl was crumbling. I tried to remain standing in the corner. To mind my business like I wasn’t the fool who was getting so wrapped up in this girl that he could no longer see straight.

  In a way I shouldn’t. Couldn’t.

  Emily bent over, gripping the table, gasping through a sob.

  The cord holding me back snapped.

  Pushing around Richard, I plucked the card she had crushed in her hand.
/>   I scanned the inscription.

  My sight turned red.

  The edges black and bleak.

  Death stroked in bright, vivid colors.

  X.

  Didn’t know if I wanted to puke or go on a rampage.

  “Get out,” I grated, barely able to bridle the wrath that consumed me.

  To stop from putting my fucking fist through a wall.

  From hopping a plane and finishing what I should have finished years ago.

  Richard’s attention jerked to me, worry and confusion twisting in his eyes.

  “What?” he barely muttered.

  “I said, get out.”

  His entire face pinched. “Excuse me? I don’t know who you think you are, but she is my fuckin’ sister. You don’t get to start tossing around demands just because you are part of the label.”

  “Out.” It was a growl. He was lucky I didn’t spew fire with it. My gaze jumped around the room. “All of you, out. Now. It wasn’t an invitation.”

  It reverberated around the room. Hard. Rough.

  I knew I was a second from completely losing it in front of them. From sweeping her up and holding her and wiping all those fucking tears from that gorgeous face.

  “I’ve got her, Reilly. Back off,” Richard said, anger riding out the confusion.

  “I’m not fighting with you right now, Richard. Get out. We’ll deal with this later.”

  He wanted to throw blows.

  Fucking fine.

  As far as I was concerned, the asshole deserved to get his ass beat.

  But not right then. Not when Emily needed me.

  Suspicion oozed from him as he glared at me. I glared right back, pretty sure my teeth were grinding to powder with the amount of restraint it took me not to physically toss him out.

  Finally, he let his focus drift to Emily. “Em?” he softly asked.

  “Please . . . go,” she whimpered, still holding herself around her middle, and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do but wrap an arm around that same place like I could hold her together.

  Support her.

  Keep her from dropping to her knees.

  Relief.

  It exploded in the middle of me at the barest contact. Hers and mine. Hers and mine.

  I stood at her side, guarding, watching everyone as they slowly backed away. Each of them watched us like they had no clue what was going down.

  All of them except for Melanie, who looked like she didn’t know whether to thank me or go find that machete.

  Finally, they relented, reluctance in their demeanors as they filtered out the door. Richard cast one long glance over his shoulder before he gave in and stepped out, letting the door slam closed behind him.

  In a beat, I had Emily in both my arms, hugging her tight against my chest.

  A sob burst from her throat.

  “Royce.”

  “Shh . . . baby . . . shh.” My hand was in her hair, the other wrapped around her as I carried her over to the couch. I sat her down on the edge of it. She crumpled forward, and I knelt in front of her, pressing my mouth to her forehead. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.”

  He would die before he ever touched her again.

  Emily hiccupped, gasping for breath. “I thought I could do this, Royce. I want to. But I can’t. I can’t.”

  I brushed back her hair, trying to get her to look at me. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  Maybe I was signing it all away. My own efforts. The end game.

  Right then, I didn’t fucking care.

  A frown tugged so hard across her face, her features distorted with pain. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me Mr. Fitzgerald was gonna spring this on us? He said I had a month. A month to decide.”

  “I didn’t know, baby. I didn’t know.”

  “Isn’t it your job to know?”

  “I didn’t. I swear to you.”

  I edged her back, holding her by either side of the face, forcing her to look at me. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I promise you that.”

  She looked over at the flowers, expression grim when she turned her gaze back to me, her entire face soaked with the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down her face. “Do you know Cory Douglas?”

  Terror ridged her question, and I knew she was opening up to me in a way that she hadn’t opened up to anyone.

  She was offering a piece of herself.

  Asking me to hold it.

  Not to crush it.

  My soul raged, my chest close to caving, hatred carved into my response. “Yes. His band is signed with Mylton Records.”

  I left out the rest.

  A shudder ripped through her body. “We . . . we toured with them at the end of last year. Opened for them in a few cities.”

  She stumbled over the words. Sheer terror blazed in her green eyes.

  I wanted to commit murder.

  Wished that I had.

  My nod was cutting. “I was aware of that.”

  Blinking through her tears, she averted her gaze, and I couldn’t do anything but take her by the chin, my voice so soft when I whispered, “Emily.”

  For a moment, we stared, tied in this intrinsic way that I didn’t come close to understanding.

  “He’s not a good man, Royce,” she rasped, the words barely there but so loud I heard them bang in my soul.

  “I know, sweet girl, I know.”

  He was a sick, twisted bastard.

  “I . . .” she started.

  “You can tell me,” I told her.

  Terror ridged through her features, and she gave a small shake of her head. “I’m not sure that I can.”

  It burned on my tongue. The confession. But where would that leave any of us?

  Still, I was asking. Pushing. “He hurt you.”

  Wasn’t so much a question as a hate-filled assertion.

  “He . . .” She trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

  I searched for something that wasn’t a lie. Something that wasn’t my own manipulation. “Don’t ever let someone back you into a corner, sweet girl. Don’t ever let them force you into something you don’t want. Manipulate or coerce you. But also, don’t ever let them hold you back. You are the one who’s in control. You are the one who has the power to end this.”

  “I . . . I want to. I just don’t know if I can.”

  “You can, Emily. But when you’re ready. On your terms.”

  Fuck.

  What was I doing?

  “But the band,” she whimpered.

  I stroked my thumb across the hollow of her eye, gathering the moisture. “Your band is good. More than good. Incredible. There will always be opportunities for you. You will succeed, no matter what. Don’t let one person make that decision for you.”

  Chaos pulled her features into a thousand knots. “I thought our band signing is what you wanted? I don’t understand what you want from me.”

  “For you to be happy. For you to feel safe. And he will be there at the awards show.”

  Wasn’t like either of us didn’t know who those flowers were from. She just didn’t have the first clue how I knew.

  Her nod was full of grief. “And if I say no, that I can’t do it? Then I’m letting my band down. My family. The people who mean the most to me. They would be devastated.”

  I got as close to her as I could, my hands spreading out around her head like I could get inside, embed my hope and fear and fucking regrets into her. Let her know it would be okay. That I would do anything I had to in order to make this right. “But what about you, Emily? Will it devastate you to be in the same building with him?”

  Would I be able to stand there and allow it?

  Allow him to breathe her air?

  Allow him to breathe any air at all?

  A fresh round of tears streaked down her face. “Not if you’re there with me. You . . . you are wha
t makes me feel safe.” She locked her hands around my wrists as I held her face in both hands “How is that possible? I’ve only known you for a short time, and when you step into the room, all the darkness falls away.”

  I pulled her closer, our noses brushing, my voice shards. “I’m terrified the only thing I’m going to do is bring more darkness into your life. There’s so much ugliness inside of me, Emily. Things you can’t see. Things I don’t want you to.”

  My heart belonged to violence.

  To hatred.

  To the commitment I’d made to take back what had been stolen from me.

  To set things right.

  Problem was, I no longer knew what that meant.

  Girl clouding my judgement.

  Rearranging all the brittle, broken pieces of my heart.

  She tightened her hold. “And the only thing I want is to see you better, and for you to see me for who I really am.”

  My baby sister’s face flashed through my mind. Nadia’s came skidding in right behind it.

  Clutching my heart and lighting a fire in my spirit.

  “You told me not to lie to you, Emily, and the truth I’m giving you right now is I’m terrified of falling for you. Terrified of the way you make me feel. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “What if it’s unstoppable?” she asked, those green eyes racing over my face like she could see right through me, hooks sinking in, staking claim.

  A pained breath heaved out of my lungs, and I dropped my forehead to hers. “Then we’re fucked. I’m already wrecked, baby. And when this ends, I’m pretty sure I’m going down in flames.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re sayin’. What’s ending?”

  “I’m going to fix this.” It was the only explanation I could give her.

  “What I need to fix is me, Royce. The lies I’ve been telling myself.” She pressed her hands over her heart. “I have to. I can’t keep goin’ on like this. Cory . . .”

  My teeth gritted.

  Cory was going down.

  Hard.

  “Won’t touch you again,” I interjected

  Shock marred her face as she stared at me. Like maybe she was worried she’d given me too much, the girl trying to cover, not quite ready, but wanting to offer it at the exact same time.

  Energy spiraled. A vortex sucking me in. I wanted to fully give in. Just fucking stop fighting it.