Chasing the Stars

by Malorie Blackman

  I still remembered intense, whispered conversations my mum and dad had had with other grown-ups about the Authority when I was much younger. Conversations that had ended abruptly when I entered the room or when they realized I was close enough to overhear. I now knew enough to realize that the Authority weren’t totally benign, and that I was just lucky enough to be on the right side of them. The trouble was, the Authority were all I knew.

  To me the Authority meant Earth, and home and life as it once was and as I longed for it to be again. To me the Authority meant safety. I guess home was purely a matter of perspective. Earth was where I belonged. I wanted to see my grandparents and to breathe in air that wasn’t constantly recycled.

  Longing . . .

  What were all the Callisto refugees on board longing for? And just what might they do if they didn’t get it?

  22

  ‘Mum, how could you?’

  The moment my shift was over, I headed straight for Mum’s room. I had a few things I needed to get off my chest, things I couldn’t say on the bridge. And from the look on Mum’s face when she opened her door, she had a fair to middling idea of what was coming.

  ‘What choice did I have, Nathan?’

  ‘You had the choice not to try and take Vee’s ship away from her,’ I replied at once. ‘You had the choice to act like a decent human being.’

  ‘Too much was at stake to leave to the whim of that girl,’ Mum retorted.

  ‘That girl?’ I bristled. ‘What does that mean exactly?’

  ‘It means she’s not one of us, Nathan. It means loyalty begins at home.’

  Not one of us? What the hell . . .?

  ‘You were once an elite too, Mum, or have you forgotten that? And charity begins at home, not loyalty,’ I corrected, ice in my voice.

  ‘Well, if loyalty doesn’t, then it should,’ said Mum. ‘I heard about what you did. You had no right to tell her who we really are.’

  ‘And what are we, Mum? Escaped drones who need help – or space pirates with no morals and no conscience, ready to take her ship if she won’t do as we say? You probably confirmed every negative thing Vee was ever taught about us.’

  ‘Oh, stop being so melodramatic,’ Mum dismissed.

  Seriously?

  I mean, seriously?

  If she was trying to wind me up, then she was doing a first-rate job.

  ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ I said. ‘The Authority took away everything we had and tried to take everything we are. They stripped you of your integrity and you don’t even care.’

  ‘Have you quite finished?’ said Mum. ‘I care about the ones who died back on Callisto following my escape plan only to be shot to pieces by the security forces. I care about the ones who died on board the transport ship Galileo and now I care about the ones who died on Barros 5 because I waited too long to activate the distress beacon. When I lie in bed at night – tonight – unable to sleep because I’m going over and over in my mind all the things I could’ve and should’ve done differently, I care very much. I don’t get it right all the time, Nathan. All I can do is try and work for the good of our friends. If I didn’t care I’d have said “to hell with it” a long time ago and only bothered to get you and I off Callisto.’

  ‘So what d’you want? A medal?’

  ‘No, but some damned appreciation would be nice,’ Mum snapped.

  ‘What you tried to do to Vee was wrong, Mum.’ I shook my head. ‘I’m just sorry you can’t see that.’

  Mum and I glared at each other – in the same room together but light years apart.

  ‘During the last few years, I’ve had to do a lot of things that were wrong just to live, Nathan,’ Mum said quietly. ‘We all do what we need to do to survive. Don’t ever forget that.’

  ‘Survival at any cost?’ I asked scathingly. ‘We’ve lived as drones for so long that we’ve become the Authority’s dictionary definition of them? Is that it?’

  ‘Grow up, Nathan, for God’s sake! You still think of life as good or bad. You love or you hate, things are either right or they’re wrong, people are either heroes or villains. When are you going to learn that life isn’t that simple?’

  I didn’t need to hear any more of this. Casting one last disgusted look at her, I left Mum’s room.

  23

  My door hissed open and Aidan walked straight in.

  ‘Vee, are you OK?’ He got straight to the point.

  ‘No. But I will be,’ I replied.

  ‘True?’

  ‘True.’

  ‘Vee, you won’t like this but I think we should limit access to the bridge,’ said Aidan.

  ‘Limit it to who?’

  ‘Just us two. We managed to run this ship before all the refugees arrived, we can still do so.’

  I frowned at him. ‘We can’t do that. And there were a lot of things on board that got neglected when it was just the two of us. And I like having others on the bridge. You’re good at what you do, Aidan, but even you can’t be everywhere at once and monitoring every system at once.’

  ‘Then apart from us, I recommend we limit access to just those assigned to the bridge by Commander Linedecker,’ said my brother. ‘And even that is against my better judgement.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘What happens if, no when, they decide to try and take the ship away from us again?’ said Aidan.

  I shook my head, thinking of Nathan. ‘I don’t think they will. Besides, if they try they won’t succeed. The commander knows that now.’

  ‘They could try and force you to give them the executive command code to run this ship themselves,’ Aidan pointed out. ‘Then they’d have no further use for either of us.’

  I’d already thought of that. ‘Which is why I won’t be handing it over any time soon.’

  Aidan shook his head. ‘Vee, I don’t trust them. They’re drones.’

  I frowned. ‘So?’

  ‘Don’t give me that. They’re drones. We both know what that means.’

  But that was the trouble, I wasn’t sure I did know, not any more.

  ‘Aidan, I— Hang on. How d’you know that they’re drones?’

  He straightened up, looking at me defiantly. ‘I overheard your conversation with them in the hydroponics bay.’

  I frowned. ‘Overheard? You mean you were listening?’

  ‘You know I monitor your movements throughout this ship. That way I can make sure you’re safe at all times,’ said Aidan.

  I knew he used the computer to track my whereabouts whenever I travelled around the ship and it had never bothered me before. It bothered me now.

  ‘Aidan, if I’m alone, you can still track my whereabouts if you need to, but when I’m with others you’re not to eavesdrop or record what I say or do. D’you understand?’

  ‘Why not?’

  I licked my lips, trying to put my feelings into words that Aidan would understand. ‘Because like it or not, we’re going to be stuck with this new crew for a while. I’d like to try and get to know them better and knowing you’re watching and listening to every word will be inhibiting.’

  ‘You never used to mind my monitoring you when it was just the two of us,’ said Aidan.

  ‘That was then and this is now,’ I replied. ‘If I’m with any of them and I get into difficulties, I’ll call for you. OK?’

  I knew all I’d have to do was call his name out loud and the computer would immediately alert Aidan to my whereabouts.

  ‘What if you can’t call out?’

  ‘It won’t come to that. You worry too much.’

  ‘I’m your brother. It’s my job to keep you safe,’ said Aidan.

  ‘And you can still do that without listening to my every word. So please don’t do it any more.’

  ‘Very well,’ said Aidan.

  He didn’t like it but he recognized a direct order when he heard one.

  ‘Aidan, why don’t you spend some time trying to get to know them,’ I suggested. ‘That’s what I’m going to do.
’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because whatever happens we’re all going to be together for a long time,’ I said. ‘Besides, I think they have a lot to teach us. This is our chance to see the galaxy from another perspective.’

  ‘Why would we want to do that?’

  ‘For the sake of knowledge,’ I replied, giving Aidan an answer he could understand. ‘Isn’t that why we’re here? To learn?’

  ‘These drones have shown they can’t be trusted.’

  ‘Nathan explained why his mum acted the way she did,’ I reminded him. ‘They’re fugitives. Going back to Earth is the last thing they want.’

  Aidan gave me an appraising look. ‘Vee, they’re not our friends. Don’t let any of them fool you into thinking otherwise.’

  ‘Aidan, I’m not going to spend the journey swimming in paranoia about our guests. I won’t live that way.’

  ‘You’re a naive fool, Vee,’ Aidan said disparagingly. ‘The drones can’t be trusted, and what’s more, I’m going to prove it.’

  24

  Chicken eggs and chips! One of my favourite meals, and food I could only have dreamed of during my time on Callisto. Now I had four eggs and a mountain-high plate of chips in front of me and I wasn’t enjoying it. It wasn’t going down as well as it should’ve been. It was my meal break and I only had twenty minutes before I was due back on the bridge.

  Two days into our voyage and some of those in the mess hall were having a liquid dinner, having discovered the utility dispenser could dole out alcohol as well as food. That hadn’t taken long. I shook my head as I glanced around the room. A few had glasses of Prop before them. It was like being back on Callisto at the end of a mining shift. There, too many had lost themselves at the bottom of bottles of cheap alcohol to numb their pain – physical and mental. Prop was the drink of choice on Callisto – a purple, oily, foul-tasting liquid. The stuff was muck but it did the job, bringing oblivion within a glassful. I’d tried it once and it had set my mouth, not to mention my insides, on fire. Once had been more than enough.

  Aidan sat at the end of our table but he wasn’t saying very much. In fact, he hadn’t said a word since he’d sat down. His hands were cupped around the glass of dark brown liquid before him, his head bent as if he were deep in thought.

  ‘So, Anjuli, when are you going to put Harrison out of his misery?’ asked Corbyn who sat opposite me and next to Anjuli.

  ‘Harrison?’ Anjuli scoffed. ‘Oh please. I’ll never be that desperate.’

  ‘You two were inseparable once,’ Corbyn reminded her.

  Which was true. For a couple of months before we escaped from Callisto, Harrison and Anjuli had been all hot and heavily into each other. Then their relationship had turned sour because Harrison couldn’t help being Harrison.

  ‘Well, those days are over,’ Anjuli dismissed.

  ‘He still follows you around like a Garen puppy though,’ laughed Erica. ‘That man would lick your boots if you asked him to.’

  Anjuli visibly shuddered. ‘I don’t want that man’s tongue near anything of mine, thank you very much. He makes my skin crawl.’

  ‘Harsh!’ said Corbyn.

  ‘The lady doth protest too much!’ said Mike, giving me a wink.

  ‘What does that even mean?’ Anjuli rounded on him.

  Mike immediately held up his hands in a placating manner.

  ‘Mike, don’t be mean,’ I said. ‘You know Anjuli only has eyes and other body parts for you now.’

  Anjuli’s face turned an interesting shade of burgundy. Surprisingly, so did Mike’s.

  ‘She’d better sprout roots and leaves then,’ Erica dismissed. ‘’Cause if it doesn’t grow out of the ground then Mike here isn’t interested. And Harrison is ready, willing and able to comfort you at any time, Anjuli. Just sayin’.’

  ‘Harrison was the biggest whore on Callisto and he’s only interested in me because I was the one to dump him, not the other way around,’ Anjuli said with ferocity. ‘I do have standards, you know.’

  ‘Harrison says you’re different,’ said Corbyn. ‘He says he’d change for you.’

  Anjuli dry-heaved a couple of times, then swallowed hard as she fanned her face with her hand. ‘I just threw up in my mouth! Please, no more talk about him. Not while I’m eating.’

  The back of my neck started to tingle.

  ‘May I join you?’

  I glanced up in surprise. Vee was standing beside me, a meal tray in her hand.

  ‘Go ahead.’ I indicated the empty seat beside mine, pulling it out for her. Of course she could join me – any way she wanted to!

  Vee looked at me and smiled hesitantly. ‘Someone’s hungry!’ She nodded towards my plate.

  ‘Oh, that,’ I said, blushing. ‘God, I must look like a serious hog.’

  ‘No. Just someone who likes their food,’ said Vee, sitting down. ‘Have you had the chance to explore the ship yet?’

  ‘Not fully. I thought I might do that after my shift,’ I replied.

  ‘I . . . I can show you around if you’d like?’ Vee offered. ‘But if you’d rather explore alone or with your friends then—’

  ‘No. I’d like that. I’ll take you up on that offer,’ I said quickly. ‘If you’re sure you don’t mind.’

  ‘I don’t mind at all,’ Vee assured me.

  I glanced at her tray. The only thing on it was a bowl of watery soup with some kind of dumpling floating in it.

  ‘That’s all you’re having?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m not terribly hungry,’ said Vee, adding quietly after a pause. ‘Nathan, may I ask you for a favour?’

  ‘Of course. Name it.’ I turned my chair so I was facing Vee, the others at the table all but forgotten.

  ‘Could you tell me more about your life on Callisto?’

  God! No. Not that. I’d just as soon put Callisto far behind me and try to forget about it.

  ‘If you’d rather not, I understand,’ said Vee softly, her hand on my arm, her touch gentle.

  ‘No, I . . .’ I sighed. ‘What d’you want to know?’

  ‘Tell me about when you first arrived there.’

  Vee and I regarded each other. Not taking my eyes off her, I began to speak.

  25

  Since my initial conversation with Nathan about Callisto, I had thought of nothing but the refugees and what they’d had to endure on that moon. Every chance I got, I met up with Nathan to learn more. Every meal was spent in his company in the mess hall, usually sitting with him and some of his friends. My brother joined us on a couple of occasions but had barely said a word. Whenever Nathan spoke to me, however, I caught Aidan watching the two of us, his gaze intense. I know others at our table noticed it too. I intercepted more than one nudge or nod in my brother’s direction.

  Nathan and his mates had an easy camaraderie that I envied. Nathan tried to bring me into the conversation but more often than not, they spoke of their lives on Callisto.

  I listened.

  That much I could do. I may have been the outsider on my own ship but I was willing to learn. And I used every opportunity that came my way to ask Nathan questions about his life on Callisto and his life before that. He never snapped at me or was impatient but instead answered every single one of my questions with quiet conviction.

  And the more I found out, the less I knew.

  Another night and our shift over, Nathan and I sat opposite each other eating dinner. Though others were dining as well, we were left alone at the end of one of the long tables in the mess hall. We spoke of many things but inevitably our conversation made its way back to Nathan’s life as a drone.

  ‘Nathan, d’you have any good memories of Callisto?’ I asked.

  He thought for a moment. ‘The friends I met and made, even if some of them are lost to me now.’

  ‘That’s the only good thing?’

  Nathan nodded.

  ‘Why has nothing been done about that place?’

  ‘The only ones who speak out against it a
re the ones within in. No one else gives a damn,’ Nathan replied.

  I desperately wanted to deny his words, but how could I when he had first-hand experience of the indifference of non-drones? I picked at my meal of beef teriyaki, deep in thought. Nathan’s hand beneath my chin made me jump. He raised my head to directly face him.

  ‘You give a damn though, don’t you?’ he said.

  The smile I tried for slid right off my face. I wished to God I didn’t care, but he was right, I did. Very much. My mind was still spinning and I knew it would continue to do so until I made a decision. The way I saw it, I had a choice. I could abandon them to their fate, telling myself that whatever happened to them was not my problem, or I could put myself out and try to help, but the price of that would be high. Too high? My head told me to choose the former. Aidan would want me to choose the former. I was no saint and all I wanted was to go home.

  ‘Vee, what d’you think of me . . . and all the other settlers?’ asked Nathan.

  I shrugged. ‘I’m still getting to know all of you.

  ‘By now you probably know almost as much about my life as I do,’ said Nathan drily.

  I doubted that very much.

  ‘I didn’t have to live through it,’ I replied.

  ‘No. Instead you had to watch your parents and everyone else on board the Aidan die before your eyes. Something else we have in common,’ said Nathan.

  ‘What?’

  ‘We’ve both seen far more than our fair share of death.’

  I couldn’t argue with that. We shared a sombre look.

  ‘Now it’s your turn,’ said Nathan.

  ‘My turn to what?’

  ‘Tell me about your life on board this ship before the crew died.’

  I lowered my gaze. I really didn’t want to dredge up old memories. The joy they brought was laced with sharp pain, but Nathan had opened up to me so how could I not do the same? With a sigh, I lifted my head and began to talk about Dad and our joint love of playing film charades.

  I went to bed that night, still trying to come up with a plan that would work for everyone. By morning, I’d made a decision – one of the hardest of my life – but my gut told me it was the right one. It was a decision that was going to hurt.