Dungeons and Noobs

by Ryan Rimmel

  “I should just do this all the time,” I stated, glancing at Shart. That was a mistake. With Mana Control active and Mana everywhere, my demonic companion was extremely visible to me, almost blindingly so. It was like catching the sun out of the corner of your eye, then the sun becoming exponentially brighter.

  “Probably not,” stated Shart. “I’m going to be super bright to you, because I’m keeping my Arcane form hidden from everybody else. Let me hop off your shoulder.”

  As he did so, Shart’s appearance in my vision dwindled to the point that he almost blended into the background. I say almost, because, while he was invisible to everyone else, I knew exactly where he was. I could clearly see a faint outline of him in my vision now.

  “Is that pattern what you were talking about?” I asked, gesturing toward him.

  “Yes,” stated Shart, “You can see me with your eyes, as well as sense me with Mana Control. Since you know where to look, you can spot me. Most low-level Sorcerers wouldn’t have the ability to recognize what they are seeing. Higher-level magic users will certainly notice the strange disruption, if they have focused their perks or cast certain spells. I can mask my form somewhat more, but that requires significantly more Mana than I typically use.”

  “I’m feeding you Mana whenever my own pool is full, which is almost all the time,” I stated defensively.

  “That helps tremendously. However, even if you devoted all your Mana regeneration to me, it would still be a net loss,” replied Shart. “Not to mention, people would wonder where your Mana was going.”

  I nodded. Nothing could be done about that now, so I glanced back toward the door for the dungeon. Now that I could easily see the patterns, it was painfully obvious that something was wrong. All of the nearby Mana seemed to all be flowing into the dungeon.

  “Is all the Mana being drawn into this place?” I asked, looking around. I realized that the walls had crumbled because they had been drained of Mana for an extended period of time. Everything in the nearby area was being slowly drained of Mana to feed something inside the dungeon.

  “Yes,” stated Shart, “And that doesn’t make sense. There are places on this world where magic will flow strangely, but this is a low-level area. There shouldn’t be a drain this strong here.”

  “But it's still a low-level area,” I stated. “We’ll just sneak in, look for monsters, and rush out if there are any problems.”

  “Can we please get to it? Can we please get to anything?” asked Badgelor. He was becoming noticeably fidgety and irritated at the lack of Charles-hunting.

  Shart didn’t respond, so I began to creep forward into the dank, dark dungeon. The entrance was hacked into the wall of the cavern, about twenty feet up the beach I was on. Calling the mostly stone-covered path with no water a beach was a stretch, but I didn't have a better word for it.

  The path ended at the hacked out entrance to the dungeon. I carefully peered inside. Unsurprisingly, it was pitch black. I held up my left hand and used my Flameology skill to generate a small, bright fire, placing the shadows inside in sharp relief.

  I was about to step inside, when my Perception skill showed me a trap. I swallowed, as a chill ran down my spine. I promptly squashed the feeling. I had already encountered a bunch of traps. One more wasn’t going to spook me.

  “Dude, grow a spine and move,” stated Shart. “We’re wide open out here! At least hide somewhere else.”

  I glared at him for a moment. Then, slowly, I began taking carefully placed steps, successfully avoiding the tripwire at the entrance to the dungeon. Briefly, I considered disarming it but ultimately decided against it. If Shart was worried about something being after us, a trap might not be such a bad thing to have. So, after ensuring that it wasn’t attached to anything else, I continued forward. Running into such a basic trap was actually a relief, considering the death machines I’d been encountering.

  That pattern repeated itself several times, as I found a deadfall trap, some spiked hooks that struck from the ceiling, and a series of blow darts, all on the first few stretches. As I bypassed them, I knew my confidence was being restored. My Perception was edging higher, and I was finding it much easier to discover the traps.

  “Check out the floor of the tunnel,” stated Shart, as we continued walking. I glanced down and saw a curve to the floor. It was a minor one, but I still instantly thought of the boulder from Indiana Jones. I also realized that the passage was wide enough that I’d be able to hunker down in the corner if a similar boulder came rushing at me.

  “You are seriously fixated on boulders,” said Shart.

  “It's a valid concern,” I replied, thinking back to the Ironpass Mine. That was the day a boulder had landed on my legs. Also Raiders. Shart groaned.

  “What I don't get are these spikes on the walls,” I stated, as we turned another ninety degree corner. At the end, straight away from the next passage, was a series of spikes. “You’d pretty much have to run, face first, into them to actually take any Damage.”

  “Maybe Noobie adventurers were that stupid,” replied Shart, but he was looking around cautiously. I was creeping carefully along the wall. Life without a party was hard. I was glad Shart and Badgelor were there to watch my back. The thought of being all alone in the depths of the dungeon was scary, and a shiver involuntarily ran down my spine.

  “Scary and boring,” said Shart. “Without me, you are just an uninteresting meat bag.”

  “Hey,” chimed in Badgelor, “I’m the good looking one.”

  “He can read my mind. How can you tell what I’m thinking?” I grumbled at Badgelor. He was wandering through the room, but he had finally scented whatever he was sniffing. Now, he was focused on the door leading to the dungeon.

  “Heh,” he chuckled, “I can smell fear, and you have a particular odor about you. Let me guess, you just realized what it would be like if you were all alone down here. I bet you think you are the only one who’s ever shivered at the thought of that happening to you.

  Well, apparently Charles was afraid of being stuck by himself in a dungeon, too.

  We made slow progress up three passages of staircases, until we reached a small antechamber at the top. Each passage was a straight ramp that hit a ninety degree turn into the next passage, like some sort of giant stairwell. The four previous hallways below us made me realize we were almost directly above the dungeon’s pool entrance at this point. The only odd thing were the vines growing around the room. Thus far, this part of the dungeon had been lacking in vegetation.

  After brushing the vines aside, I struck the outer wall twice, causing cracks to form. I realized that, with as weak as the walls were, I could probably break out of this chamber and have a good look at the empty cavern outside. One shot of BioLightning dissuaded me of that notion. The Mana-starved rock didn’t blast away as quickly as I’d hoped.

  “Badgelor would be faster,” said Shart, looking at the smoking hole.

  “I think I could push through that rock fast enough,” I replied.

  “Focus, you idiots. If there is going to be a problem, it's going to be here. You’ll never know it, though, because you are busy blowing holes into the mountain,” said the badger. He continued, much more softly, “I’m coming, Charles.”

  Rolling my eyes, I focused on my Cartography skill and brought up my map. I usually kept that hidden as much as possible, simply because it was distracting. However, in this case, I was curious. We were nearly forty feet up and directly over the first room. It wasn’t much, but I could see that we had slightly less than 2000 feet to go to get to the chamber we’d originally fallen from, and we were making progress.

  Suddenly, I caught a scent, as my Explorer’s Nose triggered. This was getting better and better. I glanced around, carefully examining the floor, walls, and ceiling. I realized that there was a slight oddity with the space several paces away from the door that lead deeper into the dungeon proper.

  “Secret door,” I hissed, walking carefully toward it, whi
le Badgelor watched the door further inside the dungeon. The hidden doorway was covered in a mass of vines, but they were easy to cut away. After two swipes of my trusty sword, I was looking at a keyhole on the otherwise smooth patch of rock.

  “Think I could pick that?” I asked.

  Shart studied it for a moment. “Well, it’s not busted, if that’s your question.”

  I grumbled and pulled out my handful of lock picks from Shart’s belly. After my previous lock picking attempts, this one was a piece of cake. I heard a click, as the lock disengaged. The door didn’t open, though.

  “Where’s the handle?” I asked, poking around at the solid mass of rock. I didn’t even see a seam anywhere that showed where the doorway was.

  “Let me try, Dum Dum,” said Shart. I felt him start casting a spell. He waved his hands over the rock in an arcane configuration before wisely saying, “Well, that’s stupid.”

  “What?” I asked, drawing a dagger and making some slight cuts into the gritty stone, probing for a doorway.

  “Well, the handle is on the inside,” replied Shart, knocking on the wall. I continued probing with my dagger. For it being a doorway, the sound of Shart’s knocking sounded peculiar. It didn’t sound like a knock against a hollow space or against something solid. It sounded strange, kind of muffled, like hitting the glass wall of an aquarium or something. “Oh, wait, problem solved,” Shart said.

  It was then that the door slammed open, spraying me with a thick, oily fluid. I frantically put my hand out, seeking anything with which to balance myself. It didn’t matter. The slippery mixture started to burn. My only saving grace was that the oily substance burned more slowly than proper oil. The continuous flow of the mixture sent me spilling down the hallway and out of the now burning room.

  Far more disturbing was the shape swimming through that oily mixture. I only saw the fin, and only for a moment, but it was enough to fuel nightmares.

  I tried to find my footing and outrun the maelstrom, but, even with Mobility, the fluid was so slippery that I couldn’t get my footing. I grabbed a hold of Badgelor and righted myself, even as he shrank down to travel size and grabbed onto my shoulder. That caused me to slip, and I tumbled along with the black, burning mass for several seconds. I got past the initial tide of gunk and flowed with the tsunami.

  “What did you do, you nimrod?” yelled Badgelor.

  “I found a secret door,” I mumbled.

  “You don’t open secret doors without telling the party leader,” yelled Badgelor.

  “I AM the party leader,” I yelled back, trying to scramble to my feet.

  “No, you are the party idiot who opens doors without telling anyone,” growled the badger.

  “Spikes,” I mentally called out to Shart, as we were propelled down the hallway, directly toward the first row of spikes.

  “Ohhhhhh, that’s what they’re there for.” he responded.

  I was tumbling end over end. I couldn’t see anything, due to the thick fluid and, now, spikes. The day was not going to go down as one of my better ones. Finding my footing, I jammed both of my feet down hard. My Jump skill fully engaged, and I launched myself out of the fluid.

  Unfortunately, I ended up bouncing off the ceiling, which I couldn’t even see. I followed that spectacular move by flopping down into the oily water, with only my Mitigation perk preventing me from being knocked senseless. I grabbed hard at a small protrusion of rock. Unfortunately, the slippery oil had already coated it, and I couldn’t find purchase.

  “Alright, listen to the party leader,” yelled Badgelor, who had somehow gotten torn off my back and to my chest, “Jump to the left.”

  I dug my feet down into the ground and leapt to Badgelor’s left as hard as I could. Left was a subjective thing. I ended up bouncing off a wall, then slamming into the spikes sideways. The flow continued to carry me down the passage beyond them.

  “I meant your left,” called Badgelor.

  “I can’t see, you asshole,” I called back, scrambling for purchase. My efforts had slowed me somewhat which led to the second problem. While the leading edge of the oil slick was noticeably free from flames, that was not something that continued the entire way back. I had gotten far enough into the mixture to find that, when I pulled my head out to catch a breath, I was inhaling smoke. Then, something brushed my leg.

  ● You have received the condition, Burnt Lungs: Your lungs are 50% less effective for the next 6 seconds, cumulative. You will have the effect Shortness of Breath for the duration.

  What cumulative meant in this particular context was that the next three gulping breaths I took added additional time to the clock. I tried to swim forward in the flow, but swimming proved about as effective as jumping. I did manage to get to a point where the fire wasn’t actually burning me anymore, which was what I considered a plus.

  “Get ready to jump again,” shouted Badgelor, as he used his massive tail to paddle over and onto my chest. “Jump toward the sound of my voice, NOW!”

  I leapt again, slamming head first into the ceiling. Said ceiling was apparently a lot lower here than anywhere else in the history of architecture, causing me to impale myself through the shoulder with a large, gritty spike.

  ● Impaling Damage: You took 29 points of Impaling Damage from Crude Spike.

  “This isn’t working,” I screamed, trying to yank my shoulder off the spike, even as the oil pressed me further into it. I swung my hand out and encountered the corner of the wall. “This is going to hurt.”

  Tearing myself free from the spike caused another 9 points of Damage, but I was able to put my feet onto the side wall. Using the spike coated in my somewhat less slippery blood, I leapt off, skimming the oil and landing just beyond the onrushing tidal wave.

  My Mobility began flashing, as I tried to find my footing. That, combined with my Hiking skill, allowed me to be more surefooted on unstable terrain. I was able to start outrunning the sludge.

  “Thank goodness you have that Hiking skill,” said Shart, reappearing on my shoulder. I growled.

  We tore down the pathway with the slick just behind us. The footing got easier, as whatever was caked on the bottom of my boots was rubbed away against the dusty ground below. I could still barely see with the chemical mixture covering my entire body, but the glowing red pair of eyes in the slurm was enough to keep me moving.

  “Well, this isn’t good,” stated Shart. “The flow has evened out, so the entire thing is on fire now. Wait, you can still see the red-eyed monster in there.”

  As oil was flying off me with every step, I was keenly aware of why he mentioned it. Wheezing, because my lungs refused to work properly, I dipped hard into my Stamina and kept running. This was aided somewhat by the first few passages being at a slightly steeper slope. Easier to run downhill than up.

  Unfortunately, while it only minimally helped my speed, the slick began moving faster.

  “It's getting closer,” said Shart unhelpfully.

  “Can’t you Destructive Gaze it?” I yelled to Badgelor.

  “Shoot into water?” asked the badger. He seemed utterly stupefied. “You understand basic physics, right? The beams will diffuse the moment they touch the water. That thing is at least three logs in. There won’t be enough energy in my blast for him to even notice.”

  I managed to wipe one eye clean, as I further increased my pace. Thankfully, the burning oil slick behind me was providing plenty of light in the dark passageway. My first eye was clean just in time to see several darts firing toward me. Activating my Dodge skill against so many darts was next to impossible, even if I wasn’t dipping into Stamina to fuel my mad dash down the path. Instead, I reacted instinctively and activated my Barrier skill, which worked for both my Sorcerer and Mage classes. The darts struck harmlessly, burnt to ash by the flame barrier.

  If you are thinking that using a flame barrier when covered in oil is particularly stupid, I did too. I had determined that younger Jim was a bit of an idiot, as that’s about when I caught
fire.

  ● Immolated: You are covered in fire, you are taking 6 Damage every 6 seconds. Damage doubled if running.

  I spotted a ledge and threw Badgelor at it. He yelped, but managed to get onto it quickly enough. He began digging upward, as I continued trying to pat out the flames. Fortunately, I was running at a high rate of speed, and, on Ordinal, that meant. . .actually nothing. I expected the fire to burn brighter with more oxygen or something, but Shart had already pointed out that the atmosphere worked differently here.

  “Can you do something about me being on fire?” I mentally screamed to Shart. Not only was I on fire but, as an added bonus, I was still getting more Burnt Lung debuffs by the second.

  “Yes, hold your horses,” stated Shart. I pivoted to see how far behind me the massive burning slick of oil was. The creature’s teeth were now glowing, along with its eyes.

  “Is that thing getting bigger?” I asked.

  Then, there was a faint whacking sound, and my shoulder became noticeably lighter. I had just run past one of those barbed hook traps that struck from the ceiling. They were little more than large metal hooks, and, when you stepped on a pressure plate, they sprung down at approximately head level. Shart was currently getting acquainted with one. At least he was, before the flaming oil completely doused him. The force of the oil hitting him was able to dislodge him from the hook.

  Trying to find spots I’d stepped on while heading into this accursed passage, I managed to dodge past the hooks without getting hit myself. I continued down the passageway, until I saw the next corner. Judging that my feet were clean enough, I made the sharp turn, just ahead of the flaming oil.

  Suddenly, Shart was on my shoulder again. “Well, that was unpleasant.”

  “What happened,” I gasped, as I continued sprinting. My Stamina bar was dropping ever lower.