Catching Her Heart (For the Love of the Game)

by Jody Holford

  Brooks picked up his drink and finished it off, setting it down with too much force on the table. “My brother, the poor little rich man.”

  Others chuckled. Addie did not. She felt the tension emanating off Sawyer’s body. The waitress came to the table to drop off a large selection of appetizers, distracting people from their conversations.

  “You okay?” Addison whispered the words when she leaned into his side under the guise of reaching for their shared platter of spinach dip.

  “Fine. I think I’m back to owing you.”

  “You don’t. I’m having fun,” she said.

  His eyes locked on hers, and she was thrilled to see his irritated expression had morphed into a flash of amusement. “You’re a really bad liar.”

  Despite the bubbles of tension that kept popping into the various conversations, Addie was glad she came. He’d opened up a lot over the last several weeks, but she knew it was still hard for him to believe people would stand by him without getting anything in return. She’d known, in theory, tonight would be hard but experiencing it in all its actuality made her happy he had her on his side.

  The night didn’t get any better from there. It was too loud, too boisterous, and too many people asked Sawyer for stories, details, favors. They actually asked him for tickets, meet-and-greets, did he know this person, that person, any chance they knew if the organization was hiring. Addie got tired just listening to it all. In between that, his mother made remarks about her credit card limit being too low and his brother continued to tell stories that made his need for the spotlight almost embarrassing. Addie loved crowds and people. It had been one of the key differences in her and Sawyer’s personalities. But if these were the kind of “people” he put up with when he was out, she could understand his reluctance.

  Overwhelmed by the combination of meeting his family, seeing how awful they could be, wondering how to help, and just the entire tone of the evening, Addie needed a break. Her nerves were stretching to a breaking point. Pushing back from the table, she grabbed her purse. “I need to use the restroom.”

  Walking away from the table was difficult with the maze of people. It was more like a house party than a dinner and though she loved socializing, she did not like this kind of party.

  In the bathroom, she touched up her makeup and willed herself not to cry. She loved parties, crowds, people. But this was overwhelming. She could only imagine how Sawyer must feel. He’d told her he wasn’t close to them, given her reasons why, but the picture had not been made clear enough. His family was such a stark contrast to her own.

  This is exactly why he avoids his family. Shouldn’t be too hard to convince him to do Thanksgiving and Christmas with my folks. She thought Isla’s family was toxic. This was a whole new brand of the word.

  She made her way back to the party, stopping when she saw Sawyer talking to his brother. If he was up and away from the table, maybe he was ready to leave. She was okay with that. She certainly didn’t have an appetite anymore.

  “So, is it serious? You really dating her or do the Slammers have a babysitter watching you now?” Brooks clapped his brother on the shoulder as others milled around, sort of in a circle. None of them noticed her.

  “She’s hot is who she is,” one of the guys said.

  “That’s one way to stay on the team, man,” another added.

  Addie’s skin crawled.

  “Listen, you can cover tonight, right?” Brooks asked. A couple of the guys pulled out their phones and looked down at them while he leaned into his brother.

  Sawyer stiffened. “Whatever.”

  “That’s my baby brother. I spoke to Ozzie. He said you were flying out to see him again.”

  Who was Ozzie? Sawyer leaned forward. “Did you call him?”

  His brother shrugged. “He’s my friend, too. After your first game of the playoffs, I was worried about you. I called to see what we could do to support you.”

  Sawyer gave a hard laugh. “That’s rich.”

  “Just trying to be a good big brother. You get the MRI he suggested?”

  Addie’s brows scrunched. He needed an MRI? There was no one named Ozzie on the Slammers payroll. That might have been the person he was visiting when she’d picked him up what seemed like forever ago.

  “End of the month. Can you back off with the twenty questions and just let me enjoy the night?”

  People milled around them like they enjoyed even the opportunity to be close to him. Not that she could blame people for that entirely.

  “Ever think we ask so many questions because we rarely see you?”

  “Ever think you rarely see me because you ask so many damn questions when you do and then share what I say with media outlets for money? Or did you think I didn’t know who the anonymous source was? I’m here, I’m celebrating you. Can that be enough?”

  Addie’s emotions were a teeter-totter, unsure which side to settle on. Would his own family sell him out like that? If so, she could see why his trust was skewed. But to not tell her he was still having that much trouble with his knee? That hurt. That negated a lot of the intimacy they’d shared.

  Brooks took a long drink of his beer. “Glad to see you found a woman. Sometimes the right one will turn your life around.”

  Sawyer rolled his shoulders. “Let’s hope Lena does that for you, but I’m not into the whole happy ever after gig.”

  Addie’s heart squeezed so tight it was painful.

  “Too bad, but you’ll feel differently when you actually find the one.”

  “I guess we’ll see,” Sawyer said nonchalantly.

  Addie’s mouth dropped open. She wasn’t looking for a diamond ring, but a man didn’t commit to Christmas when he didn’t feel like that person mattered. Like they had the chance of at least being the one. Unless…unless he’d said all the things she’d needed to hear? She couldn’t believe that, though.

  It’d been too hard to get close to him in the first place for it to have been fake. Maybe it isn’t fake. Maybe it’s just not as much, to him, as you’re making it out to be. Maybe he’s not thinking the way you are at all. The realization and knowing they were on opposite ends of the expectations spectrum was a slap in the face. It was a conversation they hadn’t even had. How dare he have it so casually with his brother?

  She let out a shaky and audible breath. Sawyer turned and, seeing her, his face paled.

  Addison straightened her shoulders, stuck her chin out just a tad. “I’ve called an Uber. Congratulations on your engagement, Brooks. Sawyer. I’ll see you at work.”

  She made it outside of the restaurant, and if it hadn’t been for how shaky her hands were as she pulled up the Uber app, she would have made it farther before Sawyer followed her out.

  “Addie, wait.”

  She whirled on him, pointed her finger at his chest. “No. You wait. How could you say those things? It’s okay if I’m not the one, but you made it sound like you don’t care at all. So what are we even doing together? I’m too old to play games, Sawyer.”

  He gripped her shoulders and bent his knees. “I didn’t mean them. You have to know that. You know how much I care about you.”

  “Could have fooled me with that little show in there. And if you care about me so much, why would you keep it from me that you’re getting an MRI? I’m your girlfriend. You’re supposed to trust me. Open up to me. Share with me.”

  “Yeah well, that hasn’t worked out so well for me before.”

  Addie shook her head. “Okay. I get why you wouldn’t tell me everything right away, but we’ve been falling for each other for weeks now, Sawyer. When do I get your trust? When do I get all of you? Why wouldn’t you tell me about the MRI?”

  “Because I don’t know if you’ll run to your best friend and she’ll use it as the ammunition they need to prove I’m not recovered enough to do my damn job, okay?” He ground out the words, but she could see from the way his face fell that he regretted them.

  Unfortunately, regretting som
ething didn’t make it disappear.

  Pushing away from him, she typed in the information to call a car then tucked her phone in her purse. Tears burned her eyes but she would not cry in front of him.

  “I’ve never given you reason to not believe in me. If you can’t see around your past to realize that not everyone is out to betray you, then we can’t make this work. I can’t be with someone who is always holding back. I deserve more than that.” Even if it ripped her apart inside.

  The expression on his face, the pleading in his gaze, nearly undid her, making her want to comfort him. “Addie, I’m crazy about you. But it’s ours. No one else’s. My family will find a way to use this against me. Against us. I was protecting you by making things seem less than what they are. And I was going to tell you about the MRI.”

  A car pulled up, and Addie signaled she’d be a minute.

  “When?”

  “Soon.”

  Her jaw flexed and she forced herself to ask. “When?”

  His gaze shot to the ground. “After I found out everything was okay.”

  After. Because he didn’t trust her to know before. “I have to go.”

  Sawyer stiffened. “I’ll drive you home.”

  Pulling in a breath, she bit back her tears and worked to keep her voice steady. “No. I can take care of myself. The thing is, Sawyer, if you cared about me, the way you say you do, you would have opened up to me. I’m not hard to read or devious. My feelings are written all over me and you know it. You also probably know that this, what we shared, is unlike anything I’ve ever known. Maybe it wasn’t the same for you, but my whole life, I’ve been all about making others happy. You made me happy. I didn’t ask for more than you were ready to give. All I asked was that you trust me and be honest with me. You couldn’t do that. So, I can’t do this.”

  “Addison. Please.”

  He stepped forward, and she moved back. She didn’t have much longer before the tears came. “Don’t. This won’t work. I’m sorry. I’m in love with you. That means I’m willing to give more than everything I’ve got to make this work. But I can’t do that with someone who doesn’t know how to do the same.”

  “Ma’am? You all right?” The driver of the Uber had rolled down the passenger window and was watching them.

  “Addie, don’t go.”

  She had to. Turning, she got into the car and buckled her seat belt, ignoring the feel of Sawyer’s gaze. “Let’s go, please.” Tears slipped, blurring her vision as she pulled out her phone.

  Isla picked up on the first ring. “Hey. So? Is the family as bad as he claims?”

  Her breath hitched and she covered her mouth, trying to hold back the sob.

  “Ads? What’s wrong?”

  “I need to go home,” she whispered.

  “I’ll meet you there. I’m on my way.”

  “No.” Her body shook. “To Colorado. I want to go home.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Sawyer ignored all incoming calls and texts. There was only one person he wanted to talk to and that person wasn’t picking up. She wasn’t answering or responding and he couldn’t breathe properly. It was like he was trying to get air through a twisted tube that someone kept bending in the worst places. It had been days and he’d sunk low enough to call her parents. Who’d informed him that Addison hadn’t given much in the way of an explanation, but she wasn’t with them. Then where the hell is she?

  Two days into being away from her, he realized how big a part of his life, of him, she was. He’d known, of course, when he was with her that she righted something in his world no one else could. But being unable to speak to her or be near her brought his feelings into focus in a new way.

  Regardless of what happened with his knee, his career, his life, he needed Addison in it. He’d probably been aware of it the whole time but, like his knee, kept pushing the information away. Unwilling to face it. Because doing so meant taking a step forward without a safety net.

  With Thanksgiving right around the corner, he’d become all too clear on what he was grateful for and what he needed to fix if he wanted his life to be…better. Which was why he’d sent a luxury car for his brother and mom. When the doorbell rang, he let out a pent-up breath, happy he finally had something to do.

  “Hey, bro,” Brooks said, a wide smile on his face. Sawyer shook his hand and stepped aside.

  “Hi, sweetheart. This was an unexpected surprise,” his mother said, tipping her head back so he could kiss her cheek.

  “I know. I needed to talk and wanted to do it here.” Home field advantage always ruled. “Come on in. I have all of your favorites.” It bothered him that he’d had to really think about what those were. He’d spent so long building a protective shield—telling himself to shut them out so it didn’t hurt that they always wanted something—he forgot that maybe they weren’t the only ones who’d messed up in their relationship.

  They walked into his living room where he’d set out a bunch of appetizers and snacks they enjoyed.

  “You need to spruce this place up, Sawyer. You’re a professional athlete for goodness sake. Spend the money on a designer. Or let me take care of it for you. I could do wonders with this space,” his mom said, setting her purse down before slipping off her jacket.

  Brooks tossed his jacket beside hers on the end of the couch and settled in. “Careful man, you’ll have leopard print on everything.”

  Sawyer chuckled, remembering his mother’s cheetah print phase. Somewhere along the line, he’d blocked out a lot of decent memories along with everything else. That didn’t excuse their behavior, but since he’d made it big, he’d yet to tell them how he felt about things or set boundaries.

  “I’m fine with my place the way it is. Thanks for the offer, though,” he said, taking a seat on the L part of the couch.

  Brooks grabbed one of the plates and loaded it. His mom kept her gaze on him, and Sawyer wished nerves weren’t floating around his stomach.

  “Do you have something big to share? Did you get a major endorsement?” his mom asked, the excitement in her voice a living, breathing thing.

  “What? No. I didn’t invite you here about my career. I wanted to talk to you two about us. About our family.”

  His mom’s lips twisted and turned down before she narrowed her eyes. “Are you okay? Is something wrong with your health?”

  That’s a good step. She’s concerned. She’s your mom. Maybe you shouldn’t be so damn cynical.

  “Hope it’s not the knee. Nothing bags a catcher’s career like bad knees,” Brooks said around a mouthful of food.

  Sawyer clasped his hands together and stopped hesitating. “It’s not about that, either. It’s about expectations. Yours and mine. There are times I feel like you guys only contact me because you want something. Over the years, it’s changed how I respond to you. I don’t like it. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to see my mom and my brother on a more regular basis. I want you to be a part of my life. Not my career or what goes along with it but my life. To do that, I need to stop being so jaded, and you both need to stop asking me for money.”

  His mom’s jaw dropped open. “Excuse me?”

  Sawyer continued. “I’m happy to share my wealth. I love you guys even if I don’t say it or show it enough. But I’m not a meal ticket. Maxing out a credit card every month isn’t healthy, Mom, and I don’t want to pay for it. And Brooks, you should be able to buy your own truck and take care of yourself. I’m saying this not because I don’t want to give you guys part of what I have, but I earn what I make. I’m happy to spoil you guys somewhat, but it’s not my choice anymore. It’s your demand and that has to change or my resentment won’t.”

  Brooks set his plate down. “You have more money than most people in a room, and you’re telling us you can’t throw us some cash now and again?”

  Sawyer ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not every now and again. It’s always. I’m not trying to be cheap or cold. I just can’t keep doling out money ever
y time you call. When was the last time either of you called me for no reason?”

  “We could say the same for you,” his mom said, sitting stiffly.

  He could own that. “You’re right. And I’ve made lousy excuses for it. I know I have things to work on, too. But I need to feel like you both see me as more than a paycheck.”

  Neither of them said anything. The silence made sweat bead along Sawyer’s hairline.

  “Maybe instead of borrowing money, I should have given you a bill for all the years I took care of you. I can’t believe, with all you have, you’d begrudge sharing,” his mom said, her pitch rising.

  “I want you both to hear me. I do not mind sharing what I have. I mind feeling used. So either you both figure out how to have me in your life without always wanting something or the chances of us bridging this gap are slim.”

  “Is this because you paid for dinner?” Brooks asked.

  Could he really be that obtuse? “Dinner. Trucks, cars, boats, a motorcycle, credit cards, trips to Vegas and the Caribbean. You’re getting married, man. You shouldn’t be turning to me for everything. You should be building a life with Lena. Turn one of your ideas into an actuality. Get a goddamn steady job.”

  Brooks stood abruptly, jostling the plate in his hand. “This is because I got the girl.”

  “You can’t expect to keep a woman happy if you’re never around, Sawyer. Especially if you’re not willing to give the people you supposedly care about the things they deserve.” His mother’s voice was so low it was ominous.

  It was getting harder to restrain his temper. They weren’t hearing anything he said. “It’s not about Lena. And I already know what it’ll take to keep the woman I love happy. Me. Just me.” His breath seized.

  That’s all she ever wanted. Just him. All of him.

  “Ha. Good luck with that, man. You’re not exactly fun-time Charlie, little bro. Be interesting to see what the rag mags would pay for the inside scoop on what you’re really like.”